FRIHOST FORUMS SEARCH FAQ TOS BLOGS COMPETITIONS
You are invited to Log in or Register a free Frihost Account!


Pregnancy and relationships





ehecatl
I just found out a couple weeks ago that I was pregnant and at first my significant other seemed motivated to change for the better but now it has already seemed to fade away: the motivation to finally get a job, the helpfullness, all of it. My question is how did pregnancy affect your relationship and what did you do to fix it if it was bad?
Nae_splash
i don't know, i'm sorry I wish i could be of more assistance.

~Nae
ehecatl
I guess there aren't very many people on Frihost who have become pregnant...
budiman
I felt greater pressure and heavier burden after I found my wife was pregnant. We have good relationship so far. She becomes fussy at a time and I am more tolerate to worths her behavior.
ehecatl
budiman wrote:
I felt greater pressure and heavier burden after I found my wife was pregnant. We have good relationship so far. She becomes fussy at a time and I am more tolerate to worths her behavior.


It's good to hear a male's side of the relationship so at least I kind of know what My boyfriend feels then. Thank you!
urbanbuddha
Congratulations! I hope things work out for the better and that you have a healthy pregnancy.

I haven't been pregnant before, so I don't think I can contribute anything useful... Though it does seem that the spousal unit needs to get a dose of reality! If he doesn't work, who is going to when you take maternity leave? Maybe it's time you sat down and had a little talk with him for the sake of your baby.
twisthigh
CONGRATULATIONS, I sure do hope thing turn out for you, but yeah I've never been sperminated w/ someone who was so over life, then again I've never been sperminated, lol.
bluefossil
you probably want to consult a relationship consulor
dray101
bluefossil wrote:
you probably want to consult a relationship consulor


That's probably a good idea, I mean what have you got to lose? (except some money)

and I'm sure there is plenty to gain, no relationship is perfect (or so they say).

because I may not know much, but I know that a baby is A LOT of work and therefore can stress a relationship. (but that's not to say there isn't A LOT of rewards) Wink
jay84h
Was this meant to happen? Did you plan on becoming pregnant?
ehecatl
Well I did plan on eventually becoming pregnant, just not so soon. We can't afford a relationship counselor, lol. And as much as I think I'd be better off breaking up with him and finding someone who can help support me and the baby, I love him too much and I don't want to do that to him or myself. Or the baby. It just seems like he needs a dose of reality to get him motivated. He says he's looking for a job, but he's not filling out any applications and it really doesn't seem like he's looking at all. He just seems to be living off of me... And part of the problem is that he's so picky about what kind of job he wants. He won't go out and get just any job to work until something better comes along, if he can't have the kind of job he wants he won't have any job at all. I do I shock him back into reality to get him to get a job?
ankur.vatsa
--------------------------------------------
ehecatl
ankur.vatsa wrote:
Congratulations!!

Try to get some maid-help around you, for you'll not be able to help yourself till long and some of the things that you think you'll need help with will irritate your boyfriend.

I assume that you two have been together as you are in love. And, now you'll be more protective towards the baby you are carrying all your thoughts and actions and feelings will be initiating from that, revolving around that and ending at that. But, this will not be the case with your boy friend, unfortunately. This is because he has yet not felt the connection with the soul inside you, it will be your job to help him connect to the soul without passing the pressure of the extra responsibility.

Ask him for help and favors and anything to everything but pay him back immediately with a peck or a kiss. And at times tell him that the peck is from the baby inside you. This will make him realize that the baby is his connected to him and he is needed to be present for the baby's delivery.

I am a man and trust me, your only job is to establish the connect between the father and the yet-to-be-born-baby - without passing on the emotional, physical, social, economical pressures - these pressures the man will automatically take, once he feels connected to the baby.

Fathers can be so possessive that they can make mothers feel neglected, but do not be afraid of this.

All the best. Very Happy


Thank you. I don't know that I can afford to hire extra help but it is a good idea. and thank you for your input on how to have him help me and such and get him connected I really appreciate it ^_^
apple
Hi,
Congrats on the baby, I do hope he/she brings joy, balance, and happiness to your life.
I did not notice anyone asking your age? How long have your and your boyfriend been a couple? Do you work?

When I got pregnant, I almost flipped in delight. No I did not plan the baby. I did not do much different that before my pregnancy, as my doctor said I was fit and healthy. So my daily chores and stuff were always done.
At times I did get the mood swings and wanted to chew peoples heads off!

I would say more but I don't want to get into trouble at FriHost.

apple
ehecatl
apple wrote:
Hi,
Congrats on the baby, I do hope he/she brings joy, balance, and happiness to your life.
I did not notice anyone asking your age? How long have your and your boyfriend been a couple? Do you work?

When I got pregnant, I almost flipped in delight. No I did not plan the baby. I did not do much different that before my pregnancy, as my doctor said I was fit and healthy. So my daily chores and stuff were always done.
At times I did get the mood swings and wanted to chew peoples heads off!

I would say more but I don't want to get into trouble at FriHost.

apple


I am 19, 20 by the time the baby is due, my boyfriend and I have only been together for 9 months now and I do work 2 jobs. However, my boyfriend doesn't work which is part of where this thread came from... How to get him motivated enough to get out there and get a job and work?
greenwoodmonkey
Quote:
I am 19, 20 by the time the baby is due, my boyfriend and I have only been together for 9 months now and I do work 2 jobs. However, my boyfriend doesn't work which is part of where this thread came from... How to get him motivated enough to get out there and get a job and work?


As far as I am concerned this is exactly what is wrong with society.. your 19 for goodness sake - still a child in some countries. Y

You should BOTH be out there and working and setting the foundations for a future together not planning on having babies...

You really should, BOTH of you, have been taking precautions until such time you could both afford, both financially and mentally, to have a baby.

That said, you have made your bed and now you have to lie in it and you have to make the best from the crappy situation you have put yourselves in. He needs a kick up the ass and needs to find work - have you spoken to his parents - do they know he is going to be a dad??

How do they feel about him being a lazy S.O.A.B?

The fact you are asking others for advice means, I am guessing you have tried all avenues with him directly... thats a shame.. but then again after only 9 months of dating and you both being so young I think it is inevitable that this would cause such a problem... I think you hardly know each other..

I also think this will be the make or break for your "relationship".... I would suggest you offer him to ultimatum... get a job or don't come back..... see how that lands...

I personally think he will run a mile given the opportunity; but is that such a bad thing? If you have the support of your friends and family you don't need a 2nd Child in the form of a 20 something male who won't work to take care of when the baby is born.....
ehecatl
greenwoodmonkey wrote:
Quote:
I am 19, 20 by the time the baby is due, my boyfriend and I have only been together for 9 months now and I do work 2 jobs. However, my boyfriend doesn't work which is part of where this thread came from... How to get him motivated enough to get out there and get a job and work?


As far as I am concerned this is exactly what is wrong with society.. your 19 for goodness sake - still a child in some countries. Y

You should BOTH be out there and working and setting the foundations for a future together not planning on having babies...

You really should, BOTH of you, have been taking precautions until such time you could both afford, both financially and mentally, to have a baby.

That said, you have made your bed and now you have to lie in it and you have to make the best from the crappy situation you have put yourselves in. He needs a kick up the ass and needs to find work - have you spoken to his parents - do they know he is going to be a dad??

How do they feel about him being a lazy S.O.A.B?

The fact you are asking others for advice means, I am guessing you have tried all avenues with him directly... thats a shame.. but then again after only 9 months of dating and you both being so young I think it is inevitable that this would cause such a problem... I think you hardly know each other..

I also think this will be the make or break for your "relationship".... I would suggest you offer him to ultimatum... get a job or don't come back..... see how that lands...

I personally think he will run a mile given the opportunity; but is that such a bad thing? If you have the support of your friends and family you don't need a 2nd Child in the form of a 20 something male who won't work to take care of when the baby is born.....


Maybe I didn't sy this before, but I don't look at being pregnant as a "crappy situation". Perhaps you didn't read in great detail as I am happy for the fact that I am pregnant. I am excited to have this baby whether I am financially prepared or not and if being excited about a pregnancy is what's wrong with society these days, then yes. Society has problems because last time I checked being excited for a pregnancy was a good thing. I am not having problems coping with two jobs or being pregnant and yes of course his parents know. This will be his 2nd child. And that's where the problem lies, in the fact that I am pregnant with his second child and he STILL doesn't seem motivated to get a job, not in the fact that I am pregnant or the fact that we've been together for such a short time. Or in the fact that I am so young. Being this young only means that I will have a life after the child is raised and out of the house, it does NOT make me any less of a mother. If my mom was able to do as she did with me just fine and have me turn out as I di then I can very well do the same. Though you seem to have missed the point of my posts, thank you for your input anyway.
djcaution
I'm 22. When I was around 20 my girlfriend became pregnant and we had an abortion. Seeing my sisters baby now I believe it was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. Dont do the same
greenwoodmonkey
ehecatl wrote:

Maybe I didn't sy this before, but I don't look at being pregnant as a "crappy situation". Perhaps you didn't read in great detail as I am happy for the fact that I am pregnant. I am excited to have this baby whether I am financially prepared or not and if being excited about a pregnancy is what's wrong with society these days, then yes. Society has problems because last time I checked being excited for a pregnancy was a good thing. I am not having problems coping with two jobs or being pregnant and yes of course his parents know. This will be his 2nd child. And that's where the problem lies, in the fact that I am pregnant with his second child and he STILL doesn't seem motivated to get a job, not in the fact that I am pregnant or the fact that we've been together for such a short time. Or in the fact that I am so young. Being this young only means that I will have a life after the child is raised and out of the house, it does NOT make me any less of a mother. If my mom was able to do as she did with me just fine and have me turn out as I di then I can very well do the same. Though you seem to have missed the point of my posts, thank you for your input anyway.


OK, yes I think I did miss the point somewhat - I will put my hands up to that... but I think as well there is a serious point about your guy that you omitted to tell us all at first which is : this is his 2nd!

What is the situation with the first child? Where is he / she and how is the father supporting them?

I didn't mean to offend and I don't think I was in anyway trying to say you were not fit to be a mother... I was however suggesting that until he gets off his ass he is not fit to be a father...

My guess is, if he can leave his firstborn with no effort to support he may well do the same to you, so make sure you prepare for that eventuallity
ehecatl
djcaution wrote:
I'm 22. When I was around 20 my girlfriend became pregnant and we had an abortion. Seeing my sisters baby now I believe it was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. Dont do the same

Oh don't worry, the thought never even crossed my mind, and if it had it would be too late now because I'm 4 1/2 months pregnant.

greenwoodmonkey wrote:
OK, yes I think I did miss the point somewhat - I will put my hands up to that... but I think as well there is a serious point about your guy that you omitted to tell us all at first which is : this is his 2nd!

What is the situation with the first child? Where is he / she and how is the father supporting them?

I didn't mean to offend and I don't think I was in anyway trying to say you were not fit to be a mother... I was however suggesting that until he gets off his ass he is not fit to be a father...

My guess is, if he can leave his firstborn with no effort to support he may well do the same to you, so make sure you prepare for that eventuallity


His ex wife doesn't let him see his first kid. He's tried but since the divorce hasn't gone through yet and neither one has custody there's nothing saying that the ex HAS to let him see his son, so she doesn't let him.
foxysc
First of all congratulations!

Please don't expect your partener to change for the fact that you are having a child together, yes it would be nice if he became a really good father and role-model for your child and support you emotionally, physically, and financially...but trust me that doesn't always happen, my ex and i were planning to have a child and when i finally became pregnant he promised the world but not 1 little thing changed about him, he didnt get a job, he wasn't staying home a little more often to help...he was out drinking when i went into labour and said that he would meet me at the hospital when his friends head off for the club in 3 hrs time!
But despite all that i loved him and thats what really counted for me, we were together in total 4 1/2 yrs, i split with him a yr and a half ago because he was spending more money on himself and his friends when my 2 yr old son was in need of new clothes, there was hardly any food in the cupboards and bills were never paid they were all in my name so i am now paying off huge debts everywhere.
Although he wasn't a very good father or long term partener i have never stopped them from having contact!

On the other hand your other half might need that extra time to warm to the idea, and maybe when things start getting a little tough financially etc he might go and get a job...best thing to do is let him know how you feel about everthing (but try not to make him feel pressured) and just see how things go, if he does adapt to this situation it wont happen overnight...it could take up to a couple of months after the baby is born! And if he does do anything even something like helping a little with the housework make sure you let him know that you appreciate the help!!

Good Luck xx
cvkien
first of all you have to ask yourself what you want the most. what you really want. in this world, no one can make decision for you. you have to make your own decision. i think pregnancy won't effect relation so much but may make the relationship closer but have to see what relationship.

my suggesstion is get enough sleep to make your mind clear. then think what you want to do that day. you cannot make decision for the other day. you have to focus on here and now. because here and now will effect what you are going to do next and other's day. thinking of ways to make relationship better sometimes can't makes you big deal but you may feel disapointed with it.

try to focus to here and now. be reality.
apple
ehecatl wrote:
apple wrote:
Hi,
Congrats on the baby, I do hope he/she brings joy, balance, and happiness to your life.
I did not notice anyone asking your age? How long have your and your boyfriend been a couple? Do you work?

When I got pregnant, I almost flipped in delight. No I did not plan the baby. I did not do much different that before my pregnancy, as my doctor said I was fit and healthy. So my daily chores and stuff were always done.
At times I did get the mood swings and wanted to chew peoples heads off!

I would say more but I don't want to get into trouble at FriHost.

apple


I am 19, 20 by the time the baby is due, my boyfriend and I have only been together for 9 months now and I do work 2 jobs. However, my boyfriend doesn't work which is part of where this thread came from... How to get him motivated enough to get out there and get a job and work?


hi, I am sooo sorry for not being here before now.

This is how I see it. You're pregnant and come what may this baby is coming, so it's a good thing you're happy about it.
There is nothing you can do to motivate your bf at this point. If he does not seem to want to work or provide or whatever, then you do what you have to.
Hopefully when the baby comes your bf will see him/her and responsibility will suddenly dawn on him (which is not likely).
As the responsible parent in this thing, it's left to you to do what you have to.

When I was 13 I was in a relationship and everything was alright. Then I got pregnant at 15 and things changed, everything he said before was suddenly null.
He left the country when I was 7 months pregnant and has never looked back. My son turned 11 in April.
I said that to say this...
No matter what the child's father does or does not do, you have a responsibility to do your best to ensure that he/she is provided for, nurtured, loved etc...

I just got one bit of advice for you...no matter what happens, if it be next week, next month or 6 years from now. Don't spread hate or hurt to your child about the other parent.
I myself have never spoken an ill word against my son's father. I have allowed him to form his own opinions, instead of him living his life carrying my hurts and pains!

apple
tingkagol
1) don't get married

2) if he doesn't work now, wait until the baby is born. let him hold him/her. if that isn't motivation enough for him to find a job, i do not know what is.
Insanity
I know that a lot of people that are 19-20 are in college, so a having a baby would be a tremendous burden to them. In the case of a pregnancy, they would probably opt to have an abortion rather than having a baby and going t hrough all the financial and emotional troubles that would follow. Of course, this brings up the whole abortion debate and all that jazz.
tingkagol
it all boils down to what the mother thinks about abortion. but i still highly discourage it. let little billy breathe and play bike- it's the best gift any mother could do.
urbanbuddha
Although you may love him and want to be with him, do you really think you can support TWO children (child number two being the jobless him)? How much resources that could be going into your child would be diverted to him? Now is not the time to think about love for this man, but rather love for your child and what's best for the baby. If he cannot shape up and get a job to help support the baby, do you think it's worthwhile for you or the child to keep him around? His ex-wife may have made a good decision in leaving him and barring him from seeing his child because it's likely that he doesn't pay a cent of child support...
ankur.vatsa
Quote:
This will be his 2nd child.


Is it your second child too? And are you the mother of the first child?
If the answer to both these questions is the same, I suspect a bigger problem somewhere with the father of the children.
Related topics
Have you ever dumped someone and realized it was a mistake?
Sex and Relationships?
What powers your relationships?
Girl Friend and Sex?
Self esteem in relation to relationships
The Mommy Hideout
Never thought I'd do this.
Relationships with my dad
I can't have meaningful relationships anymore
Can a distance relationship work?
A rant on God, religion and morality
Male Pregnancy!!!
Relationships
Relationships
Reply to topic    Frihost Forum Index -> Lifestyle and News -> Relationships

FRIHOST HOME | FAQ | TOS | ABOUT US | CONTACT US | SITE MAP
© 2005-2011 Frihost, forums powered by phpBB.