I say no. Because sex is something to be done inside of a marriage and if it is done outside of marriage then it will only lead to pain and suffering in the future wheter it is physical or emotional or both.
I said no. I don't personally see a big issue at all. Emotional maturity would be a nice thing to achive first, but I don't think that is established by getting married.
What "pain and suffering" do you see as being a direct result of premarital sex that is not common in post-marital sex? Except for the scorn of people who feel as you do?
Nothing wrong with it at all.
IMO an integral part of a relationship is sex, and what if, the sex in a marriage is bad, due to lack of practice?
Basically it's just warming up or getting into shape.
Well. I say it's okay.. But, that could just be me.. I'm a playa.. LOL! So I'll go with a bunch..
It's an interesting question, but one which a lot of atheists cannot understand at all. What is wrong with sex outside marriage?
Sex with more than one partner can lead to:
1) sexually transmitted infections
2) unwanted pregnancies / miscarriages / ectopic pregnancies / terminations
3) cancer (yes, HPV is a virus which causes cancer)
4) emotional hurt
5) relationships which can be too focussed on the physical (eg 'we have nothing in common, but they're amazing in bed!)
One camp will decry the above for being over the top, but the other camp will agree.
I personally started thinking there wasn't anything wrong at all with sex before marriage, and that it's a natural way to start a relationship! I am so glad I have turned around. (thanks to God!)
I'm exactly like you in our thinking and the way we turned around to see its not right doesshereallyloveme.
When you have sex with someone you are attached to them you can't untach unless through god. So when you have sex with someone and your not married you'll feel guilty after the relationship is over. You'll be in emotionl confusion and hurt. And like doeshereallyloveme said it can lead to terrible physical things afterward.
Relationships are more than kissing,hugging,and sex.
You just made my blood boil
1) Yes all forms of sex do this, let’s say I agree except the way you are suggesting it is as though that the fact that I had premarital sex causes STD
2) How does marriage stop from those accruing, what is marriage a cure against miscarriages?
3) So does smoking and mobile phones. Also why would a married couple be immune?
4) Or emotional pleasure and satisfaction, also I could say the same thing about DIVORCE.
5) Hey what’s wrong with that….. I can’t argue because I see nothing wrong with this, please elaborate more.
All you have proven to me is what religion does to the mind. Look how foolish your post is and you say thanks to god?
@Bannik - I agree with you and understand the "boiling", but your calling doeshereallyloveme's post foolish isn't not going to help and might be construed as breaking our posting rules. Besides, that post doesn't seem foolish to those who feel that way.
Nae, you state that as a fact, but I can guarantee you that not everyone feels that way after a break-up. Sure I felt bad after a break-up, but the bad feelings are more related to the intensity of the feelings I felt for the lady, irrespective of whether sex was involved.
I say its Ok
Me and my Partner have 2 beautiful children together (with #3 on the way) and we arent married
A marriage is just a piece of paper anyway, we are married in every sense of the word apart from that piece of paper so i say its ok!
That said i've never slept with a girl i didnt have strong feelings for, so im not a "playa" or anything
Yeah it's OK as long as you are responsible enough with you actions.
I feel that I can't answer this poll because I don't believe it's "perfectly" right but I don't think it wrong either. I think that if you find someone who you believe that you are truly in love with and who is in love with you it's okay to have premarital sex, but if you don't love the person or that person doesn't love you, I think it would be wrong to have sex with that person.
Its wrong because God says its wrong. Basically when you read/watch shows or books about sex and relationships then it feeds your drive for sex. If you starve the monster then it doesn't grow which is good.
I'm really and honestly astonished at all these comments saying its right. I do not want to offend anyone here but maybe you should try and find the Lord?
Well i am an athiest and have no interest in "finding the lord", you have your opinion and thats good, but why did you start a poll if you wanted everyone to agree with you?
mattyj i didn't want everyone to agree with me I said that i was astonished by all the people who say its right. I didn't expect everyone to agree either.
I've read through a lot of the posts in this thread and have thought about both types of sexual intercourse between having sex before and after marriage. There really is no difference between engaging in this activity before you get married with someone and after you marry them, as long as you know what you are doing and both you and your partner understand the risks of engaging in such a manner. I myself have found myself in a situation but both myself and the partner had agreed that neither of us were ready and she did not have any tests taken for any of the sexually transmitted diseases.
Nae_splash has a very optimistic view about faith and religion which is something I can respect and mattyj has a different view about religion which is something I can respect as well. My views will coincide with both of you in a way, but I don't see where mattyj could see this as a bit offensive if that is where they are coming from. Nae_splash isn't really pushing religion on any of us and saying that religion could be a different way of viewing things isn't offensive in the least. According to the Bible, sex is something that should happen only between two people that really love each other and is a sacred bond. I'm sure a lot of people can say a decent relationship is a sacred bond as well and would engage in such acts before getting a piece of paper considering them man and wife.
I'm going to have to say that premarital sex is something that is common place in this society and there really isn't anything wrong with it as long as you love the person you are engaging in such activities with. Make sure you actually care about that person before you do so, you don't want to make the sacrifice of a disease just to get a divorce or break up with that individual and scar yourself for the rest of your life. If I really loved someone that I knew I would want to be with them forever and they carried an STD, I would use protection but I would not mind having to share the burden of that disease which could end my life as long as I can be with that special person.
I guess I'm just that kind of guy though, i'm not expecting everyone or anyone in that matter to agree with me 100% or even 10%. That's just my POV as one might say. =D
Well, if you truly loved someone you wouldn't mind getting married. If i knew
1.)That i would be happy for the person even if it meant hurting me i would be happy because their happy.
2.)That i would give my life for that person.
3.)Wouldn't be jealous of them..Ever.
Then i would know i truly loved him. I would marry that person then in my marriage I would have sex.
I would vote no for sure. I believe that it is something to be shared with your wife inside of marriage. Sex is something that was created to be an intimate action of our commitment with the one person we love and that we have committed our lives to be with forever,
have to know if you are compatable in bed.
sure there is more to live than sex but it helps... and bad sex usually = cheat
Nature created sex as a way for species to breed, it has nothing to with Love or Commitment, Religion created that belief...
meet in rio
Well, it depends entirely upon what sex means to you, doesn't it?
If you view sex as a sacred act of devotion and complete emotional surrender to your partner which mirrors the relationship between a god and his people, then of course you shouldn't be doing it with anyone with whom you are not in a committed relationship (i.e. marriage), because breaking up with them will hurt like hell.
If you view sex purely as a bit of fun between two consenting adults who find each other attractive, then you should enjoy (safe) sex at every available opportunity.
In reality, most people fall somewhere between those two extremes. Ultimately, it's what's best for the individual. You can't apply one rule to everyone.
i heard from a reasearch that people who had premarital sex, 80 percent of them tend to get divorce with their wife or husband after they had married. and i am not so sure about it. is this true?? and a reasearch was made in a university, that show in every 80 person, there is only 1 person that doesn't have sex with people ever. isn't it crazy??
OK. After long years of being a virgin you got married and your partner also.
And than what?
You have no experience, you are not quite sure what to do in bad. Your partner also.
And what happends - dissaster.
The woman wants a lot of romance, the man cant wait.
The woman needs to be touched and the man does not where
The woman does not know his body well, the man came in two minutes.
Big fun and a lot of fighting in the honey moon
it's what year? 2007....i thought that was still a matter of the middle ages
If your having sex to procreate then your probably right, but when you have sex just for the sake of having sex, where's the point in that?
This is why there are believes in all religions, and the society created some rules about sex, it is not just for reproduction, but for the best of a society and human kind. So it is better to have sex with one partner, and accept him/her as your partner, which is calld marriage by the society and government. Even though it is some papers for goverment and some ceremony for the society, marriage is something good for us. So why not accept it and have sex with the partner that the society accept as yours.
Just want to share this:
Premarital sex tends to break up couples before marriage takes place.
Many men do not want to marry a woman who has had intercourse with someone else. The strange logic seems to be, “Its okay for me to have sex with the girl you marry, but it’s not okay for you to have sex with the girl I marry.”
Those who have premarital sex tend to have less happy marriages. The physical relationship is an inadequate foundation upon which to build a lasting relationship.
Those who have premarital sex are more likely to have their marriages end in divorce.
Persons and couples who have had premarital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs as well. This is especially true for women; those who engaged in sex before marriage are more than twice as likely to have extramarital affairs as those who did not have premarital sex.
Having premarital sex may fool you into marrying a person who is not right for you... sex can ‘blind’ you.
Persons and couples with premarital sex experience seem to achieve sexual satisfaction sooner after they are married. However, they are likely to be less satisfied overall with their sex life during marriage. It seems that their premarital sex experiences often rise to haunt them.
"You may be the exception. You may have the perfect partner. Your cohabitation may be leading you down the road to the perfect marriage. But the chance of that is very, very slim."
- Roland H. Johnson III, Sociologist (Southwest Texas State University)
- Which is just as assumption, and a stupid one at that, cause the most common reason for a couple to break-up is incompatibility. Do you think couples who've got intimate fight more or for more diverse reasons than the virgin-poster-childs.
- Now you're being sexiest by proclaiming women should remain virgin because the MEN WANT IT THAT WAY.
- Again you're assuming that the marriage is based on physical relationships. How many marriages do you know like that personally? You see, if there is a marriage there is usually love, commitment, trust involved. Thats what marriages are based on, not - "hey! the sex was great, lets get married".
- Again a result of a survey conducted by virgins? You see, if you and your partner are compatible premarital sex or no sex you'll make it through.
- Are you sitting and making all this up yourself. I can't believe what I'm arguing against. So if someone has an unnaturally high sex drive (add dubious character to that too) but haven't had a chance to indulge themselves till marriage, you're saying they won't stray just cause they didn't have sex before marriage.
Not having sex before marriage can also fool you into marrying an impotent person.
- Dude! you got to have sex to understand sex. Its not something that has a number limit. Just cause someone has had sex before marriage doesn't mean he/she will like it any less after marriage. If you can keep your sex life going, you can keep it going. Premarital sex got nothing to do with it.
Again if a couple with has had premarital sexual experience with only themselves, you still say they'll be haunted by their past?
"Even if you God and all the goddesses too should be looking on, yet would I be glad to sleep with golden Aphrodite" - Homer
Here's the thing - stop judging, stop being condescending, stop trying to forge your values on everyone.
For me sex hasn't got anything to do with marriage. It's completely separated. Sex is something I do with partners that I love. It's showing the love I have for them. Marriage is something that I would like to preserve for the woman that is meant to be with me forever. But before knowing who that woman is, I need to know her thoroughly. And sex is part of knowing that person. It could well be that because of the sex my love for the person decreases. As well as other characteristic points of her may affect my way of thinking about her. And in that case I'm glad I had sex with her to see that I'm not bounded to be with her for the rest of my life. Well, of course there is divorce, but my intention is to marry just once. So I have to make the right choice. And it doesn't even depend completely on me. There is also that partner that has to agree...That's why...for me sex and marriage are two completely different things. But I respect it if other people think different.
ainieas & Tvis have hit the nail on the head!
My girlfriend has said she wants to wait until after marriage for sex. It doesn't bother me, because I love her, and if that's what she wants, that's what'll happen. Besides, what alternative do I really have? It's not like I'm going to force her.
I love her - and I'm not going to say I don't want it. Really want it - she's beautiful. But much more than simply wanting sex, I want her to be happy. And if that means no sex, then we don't have sex.
well its ok to have sex before marriage if and only if it leads to marriage.
and if the other partner is not ok with it then thisis not time to have it now.just wait for the right time.
Indeed, it CAN lead to that, but if you fall into any of these 5 cases, it's mostly your own fault. First of all, when you for example take another girl/boy into your bed every night, you KNOW that there are risks. So you choose to do that. But not everyone who has sex before the mariage is such a player (to use a commonly accepted term ). Secondly, when you engage yourself in a relationship, you open yourself up to your partner, which makes you emotionally vulnerable, even without having sex. But is that a bad thing? I don't think so, pain and suffering (to state it a bit worse than it is ) lead to maturation. You grow up and your personality is shaped by everything your experience carries with it. By having dealt with various situations in which pain occured, you know how to avoid, or how to solve problems in the future (which is neccesary in mariage to make it last forever). Either way, if you have, or decide to have sex with your current girlfriend, you should talk about it. In Belgium there has been a campaign of a political party that stated: First blabla then boom boom (first you talk, then you have sex). If you are in a relationship with someone, you know that person (hopefully ) and you know if that person is a 'player'. If he or she is, than you should definitely talk about it, to avoid the first 3 issues.
It's a common mistake that you should start a relationship with sex. Those will not last long. The first step is getting to know each other. That will also help in having good sex, but more importantly in a relationship that might lead to mariage hopefully.
I don't think that there's anything wrong with premarital sex. Of course, my opinion on this is conditional. Premarital sex is okay only if both parties are consenting adults. (I know that a lot of underage -- below 18 -- are having sex, but I guess even my liberal mindset has its limits.)
For as long as two adults got together and decided that they mutually want to get in bed with each other, that's completely fine with me. I don't need for them to be in love, I don't need them to be anything. If that's what rocks their boat, and if they're completely fine with that, then I have no right to tell them there's anything wrong with that.
I'm not denying that sex has its consequences, as has been mentioned in prevous posts. So when I say adults, I mean people who are completely aware of such consequences before, during, and after doing the deed.
Why do you even specify an age. The age of 18 is an age that's long ago been specified as the age where you are, or become an adult. I know a lot of 'adults' who aren't capable enough to have sex. Whereas I know a lot of youngsters who are capable. So I agree with the quote above, but not to the age limit. In Belgium it's legal to have sex when you're 16, but even younger people do it. If you are below 16 and you decide to have sex in a conscious and determined way, I don't think it's wrong. However, if you engage yourself in sex because all of your friends do it, or because you have an older boyfriend who absolutely needs sex, then it's absolutely wrong.
That's what actually should place in this issue. Sex doesn't matter if both loves each other. Pre or post, it depends on both. Belive on each other is the main thing.
People are wise enough (or better, most people are) to make it up for themselves if they want to or not. If it's an act of love, or even if it's just physical, if two people consent and are aware of the consequences, then nobody can hold something against them.
Premarital sex is not determined by right or wrong. It's just an activity two people commit themselves to
Totally with it..
I see no reason as to why they should not get together..?
I mean if they love each other and understand the consequences as someone earlier put...i dont see any point in them not having sex before marriage..!!
sex was supposed to be the divine connection that god created between man and woman...
but as time passed..it turned out to be a taboo and nothing else...some countries have actually come to an extent on placing laws on premarital sex...
that is totally absurd and insane...if the guy feels its right..and the female feels its right..then only god should intervene..no one else has the right..!!
Indeed, that's totally right. The fact that god gave people the gift of enjoying sex, means that we shouldn't be ashamed of that. The only reason premarital sex can be thought of as wrong, is because the church portrayed it as foul and wrong. Neither god nor nature had anything to do with it. The fact that countries place laws on sex is once more an extent of the restriction of the right to have a free opinion. If you want to have premarital sex, what does the government think it's doing by prohibiting it... The prohibition of it should be thought of as wrong and immoral.
i am against sex before marriage. the thing which is matter is that how much you love your girlfriend because if you want sex then you can buy it from outside but if you want love then you need someone who loves you also.sex before marriage leads to various emotional disturbances after marriage and it may also lead to various diseases.
Marriage isn't actually a marker where you can have sex, having sex is ok as long as you take responsibility for it, be conscious about your actions and not just answer your carnal instincts.
I fine with pre-marital sex but having multiple partners is just a disaster waiting to happen, sex is something other than physical pleasure but an embodiment of your commitment to your partner
Very true, just like 18 isn't a marker for adulthood, I agree that mariage isn't a marker for sex. The most important factor I think is to take responability for your actions. chances are indeed that something might go wrong, but then you should suffer the consequences. You have to take in the bad in order to enjoy the good!
w00h I guess this depens alot on where you live and what religion you have (if you belive in anything), but I've never been married.. might not be so strange since I'm quite young.. 20-years-old but does that keep me from having loads of sex? nope, not at all.. I've been having sex for many years now, started when I was 13 or 14.. dont remember my age rly but dont miss judge me cause of that.. ye ofc I can see alot of "bad " things about having sex all the time with different persons, but I live in sweden.. there are almost no infections at all when you are having sex.. and those who are.. like clamydia etc.. can be easily cured.. no one cares about the risks.. it's also legal to make abortion and it's free til you are 25-years-old or something.. so in short, not much can happen, most girls use some sort of sperm killing pills or other stuff.. and free condoms.. I know alot of people think of this as a sin, but I dont.. dont think many in sweden does.. and I guess we will continue having lots of pre marriage sex.. atleast I will.. it feels great, why should I don't? before you are married.. get laid or die trying.. we only live our lives once, I dont wanna look back and feel that I didnt do the most of it.. how fun is it to look back and say "I was a virgin til I was 25 and then I only had sex with one single person for the rest of my life, it was not very good sex, or I don't know, I have nothing to compare too, but we got 2 children and had sex maybe 50 times after we hit the age of 50" .. I don't mind if anyone else does that.. not at all.. but I wont, never, not in a million lives..
I 100% agree with you, sex is a thing that God created a husband and a wife to do. Because 1. When they have sex they may get their own child. 2. If people would stick to their partners and not fool around with others we wouldn't be having so much of sexual sicknesses like AIDS etc.
Sex is for married people and it should always stay so!
Premarital sex is perfectly fine. Sex is a passionate act of love making taken part by two people. It is not an act meant for love when you're married, it is just something fun to do.
Animals have sex, and I'll bet my life they don't wait until they're in a committed relationship. Dolphins have sex for fun (also the second smartest mammal behind humans, coincidence?).
The bottom line is it is a question of your religion. Christians will believe sex is wrong because the Bible (which is God's word (which we know is God's word because the Bible says it's God's word ( which we know is God's word because it says it's God's word <I'll stop the circle> ))) says that premarital sex is wrong ( it also says a senior citizen built an arc and rounded up two of every animal, but you know, pick and choose what you want to believe... ) and so Christians will believe premarital sex is wrong.
Don't argue on this topic or any controversial topic with fanatic Christians. Facts, logic, evidence, and common sense don't phase them.
This is rather interesting tho.. first of all I dont care at all if people are married, having a relationship, are in love, or just have sex for fun.
BUT, I can't say sex is for married people, just asume this, a couple deeply in love cant get married cause of financial problems.. means that they never can have any children. Take away all children who are born outside marriage, and we suddenly get alot space in every city..
sexual sicknesses... depens on that people are to bad talking to eachother. Not of the fooling around part.. if someone with a sickness would tell the other part before they are having sex.. they can protect themselves.. sadly it doesnt happen that often.
And what is wrong with having a child with someone you are not married to? you say "they might get their own child", so another child with another woman or outside marriage is wrong? it's not love that coutns? it's a piece of paper and a ring? ok, then I know. Well to me, talking about that child.. love to the child and between the parents (when it was created, and some people cant stay together, just doesnt work out, that's fact), not of they have a ring on their finger or a priest mark on a piece of paper..
I respect your belives, and I will never say that you are wrong in your belives. But I could never disagree with you more then I do on this topic. And imo this whole thread is kinda dumb cause of all religions and people who don't belive in anything..
However, no matter what religion you belong to, or to what god you pray, I think we all can agree that love>marriage, if the feelings are true, and you know it.. that ring and a piece of paper rly matter? I dont care about it, it cost alot, do I need that just because I love someone? Get married because u are human and feel love.. get married if you wanna have a child..
Ok, think I made my point clear, will stop now before I start to argue in a circle..
my personal choice is to say no to this...
i feel like ive seen so many people bring hurt and mess into their lives with sex, it hardly seems worth it....
I believe its someones personal choice whether or no they want to have sex before marriage. Some people feel comfortable with it, whereas others do not. I personally would have sex before marriage, because if i love someone - why would i want to wait for a marriage? and also, who says that you're definitely going to get married? i don't plan to get married in the future...so, that kinda explains my opinion :]
This sort of thing doesnt bother me but im willing to wait till marriage. personaly.
Marriage should not be the indicator that you love someone enough to have sex with them.
Sex comes from love, understanding, trust and desire... not a band around your finger....
Those that say they are waiting are fooling themselves into thinking they are protecting the sanctity of marriage..
I think sex before marriage is normal in today's society.
People don't fuss over this as they used to 50 years ago. Most of all, many people don't even get married today.
I think premarital sex is ok, sex without love isn't. Sex is acceptable when love is in play, not just pleasure
There is nothing wrong with sex outside of marriage. I mean if two mature people are in love and are sensible, they can make a decision that they are both ready to go to that step.
Just because there name isn't on a piece of paper somewhere, doesn't stop the fact that they want to show each other how much they love each other, through sex.
i say this............HELL YEAH ..........IT SOMETHING ALL COUPLES DO, WELL IF UR A NORMAL COUPLE!!!
Why are you so persistent of the fact that you SHOULD absolutely get married? Marriage is a bond between two people. It's an idea of commitment and loyalty. It has absolutely nothing to do with God whatsoever. You say that if you're in one of the three cases you describe, you would get married (I suppose in church?). Why? You can absolutely commit yourself to one person only and stay together without being married by a priest. So although I am not an atheist, I don't agree with you. Therefore I don't agree either on the matter of premarital sex. I agree with the opinion that you should get some experience, that's really important. The quality of sex is also something to consider before getting into a full-live commitment. How are you supposed to know if you're a total match as a couple if you don't get to explore the more sexual matching aspects? Surely I'm not a superficial guy that only looks at exterior looks and looks if the sex is good. But I do pay attention to it and I do take it in mind that if it doesn't work for me, that it's not meant to be.
The society and culture is changing in that way, in many countries. They start to think like giovle, and accept that premarital sex is good for them. But I cannot accept it and I cannot accept a partner who accept this.
My opinion is to have one sex partner in ur life. U can date a 100 but dont let it go until u end up with sexual intercourse. IF it ends there it is better to select him/her as ur life partner. And most importantly be a good cltured person, otherwise ur family life will be affected badly. And in family life respect each other, my mom and dad did it, and i also will do it. thats all that i can say as a conclusion.
You don't buy a car without taking it for a test drive. Same with sex.
lol good call...and very true
Touché, although I'd be more subtle But the idea behind your qoute is a good one ...
Do you test drive a car before you buy? I do. I test drive me lady before I marry her.
However disparaging this sounds to women, I know what you mean. But I've said it before, you guys should be a little more subtle.
Not only that, but there are many problems that can arise from such a dangerous act, such as teen pregnancy. And teens are too stupid and horny to use condoms, so it's best to wait.
Ah, so it depends on the fact if teens are mature enough! Not on the fact if you are married or not.
It does, but I think the Pregnancy rates of teens have kind of proved that not many teens are mature. So they should just stay away from Premarital sex.
I still have a problem with the fact that you keep referring to the fact that you get mature when you get married... What's that for a point of view? I see people who get married and who aren't as mature as others who aren't married ...
I never said people get mature when they get married. I just assumed that getting married would kind of put people in a "ball and chain" scenario....which was stupid to do. Sorry, friend.
Surely that should be taken on a case by case basis, then? For instance, my girlfriend and I are in a steady, secure relationship, and have been for some years. We're not married, nor are we engaged, but we've talked about it as a very real and likely thing. We will be, one day.
Our approach to sex is mature and well informed, and though perhaps driven by lust, heavily tempered with love.
If your only argument against premarital sex is that a lot of people aren't mature enough for it, why should WE wait just because of the immaturity of the masses?
Edit - another little note.
The Catholic church is against sex before marriage, but then they are also against contraception. IF you are not intending to ever use contraception then you absolutely should wait until you are married. If you are well informed and ok with contraception, go to it. Broken one rule, why not the other? :p
Indeed, totally agree. I often wonder why the church is against contraception. Is it a rule to get more people to marry? Or is it just to be different from others? What idea might be behind that point of view? It would solve some problems if the church wouldn't be anti-contraception. I don't mean that they have to be pro, but they should definitely not be anti-contracteption. It would help in the struggle against HIV-infections for example in Africa (where lots of people truly live up to that rule and have unprotected sex)
Well, I don't think that marriage is that important. You can have a relationship without being married (and you can have an affair although you're married, but that's something different ).
Love doesn't need marriage. Why should sex do? Without wanting to insult religious people, I think all these rules religions contain are just to keep people obedient and muted.
Sex is a part of a relationship. When you marry to be allowed to have sex, you maybe (or even probably) won't get really happy with it.
nice point of view maybe the part about religious people being kept muted and all is a little harsh but I think everyone gets the point :p
It depends on society and how you have been brought up. It is up-to you to decide whether it is good or not. And it also depends on the circumstances.
Marriage to me means nothing, I'm not religious in any way.
I see marriage as a legal contract, its binds you with your partner and gives your partner 'next of kin' rights. Thats what i see marriage as.
I don't need a piece of paper to say i love someone. If you love someone, whats wrong with pre-maritial sex?
I feel this is kinda harsh to say it, but I can get what you mean ... Everybody should decide for him or herself wether or not to have sex just as people should decide for him or herself wether er not to get married. You have a choice!
I can understand that some people want to get married first and then have sex as long as those people respect the people who have another opinion.
I guess a couple of posts ago someone asked "what if I never get married", and I don't recall seeing an answer. I would be interested in seeing a repsonse to that...as I am not 100% sure that I will get married.
I am judeo-christian however, I have engaged in sex before marriage. As bad a position as that may put me in I have had three girlfriends and have had sex in three relationships. I am still very close to all of my ex girlfriends and care for them almost like family.
Love in hebrew has many meanings fatherly love, love for a friend, unconditionally love, etc. where as english language only has one all encompasing word "love". I have a type of love for my ex girlfriends and still have that love for them...and it will not change if I have things my way.
As far as legal bond goes the bible does not use the word "marriage" to describe what a relationship should be between man an woman. That is the word we use as people for a paper agreement. The whole priest, church and white dress ceremony is a man made American tradition. However what determines when a man and woman are bonded together in God's eyes is intercourse not a piece of paper...make sure you get it straight! If anyone believes different please give me a verse!
I would also like a response to the fact that several men in the bible had several wives (some had hundreds+), how does premarital sex become factor in that type of senario. This is post Noah time period...in other words there was no urgency to replenish the population.
I just wanted to bring up some points for discussion. A lot of times someone will have learned a specific interpretation of the Bible without really finding justification or verification. It is good that we talk about this in an open setting, maybe someone will find the light or teach their children a better way!
if just want to have sex..then just pay some hooker to do it..if u want to see more commitment in ur future life..such as having a family..i think better put in down in some paper..
I already stated my opinion. I think that people should decide for themself if they want to get married or if they won't. To be married or not is the a question you should ask yourself at some point in your life just as to have sex or not is a question you sould ask yourself. But those two questions don't necessarily have to be asked or answered at the same point in your life.
I'm a catholic and I don't think that I am a sinner for having sex while I'm not married.
I'm with you all the way. Marriage is the legal bonding of two people for the CHURCH and also LEGALLY. But those two institutions haven't got anything to do with the real bonding of people. When I commit myself to someone, I don't necessarily need a piece of paper to tell me that. That doesn't mean that I am against marriage or that I will never get married. But it means that I don't see any reason as to why people cannot have sex before marriage.
Yes, but only if you know what you're doing, and that you take responsible for your actions. It's definitely okay if both parties truly love each other!
Thanks to God? You mean thanks to yourself, don't you? God did not make the decision for you to not have sex until you are married. You did. God has nothing to do with it.
I never understand why people thank God for decisions they make. The only reason they feel God has done something is because they have learned from their religion certain morals and philosophies. So, with these morals and philosophies planted in their head they feel almost certain God has something to do with it. I am here to tell you that humans have the distinct ability of free will and the ability to think for themselves. Therefore, they are able to rationalize their way to make a decision. So, instead of thanking God, you should be thanking yourself. YOU and YOU alone made the decision...not God.
As far as not having sex until marriage...I will not poke fun at those who are waiting until they are married. I say, good for them. I, however, feel that sex is part of relationship. I couldn't imagine not being able to get close and intimate with my fiancee after all of these years. It just doesn't seem right to me.
But, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I have mine; you have yours.
My girlfriend and I have sex about 3 times a week. We are 16 and use both condome and the pill.
There is no reason why you shouldn't have fun in your youth if you're careful... Sex is most exciting when you're young anyway.
Also, playing with yourself the whole day gets boring after a while...
Say "yes" to premarital sex!
I go to school and about half my year group has had sex
most of them weren't going out with each other which is annoying but now there's a new trend where smoking drinking and clubbing is cool (they're only about 13/14)
Tbh I dont agree with no sex before marriage, try before you buy? but I dont agree with having sex with someone just because they're fit/peng/hott/sexy/nice I believe in having sex with someone you've been in a relationship for quite some time and you love them and can't stop thinking about them
Why is it wrong to do it outside of marriage? because your parents say so? Because certain religions say so?
I think it's perfectly fine to want to develop a sexual relationship with someone before even thinking about marriage.
its wrong because God say so... it's written in the bible that engaging in this kind of activity is called fornication and is strictly prohibited ...well i don't and i can't blame you if you don't believe in God but i do...
and that's why it's wrong..
I guess i'll have to answer the thing that's been bugging you... You will never understand it because you are never inclined at your spiritual side... according to the bible (that is if you also believe it) man is a tripartite being.. which means that man has a body, a soul and a spirit.. if you don't know that you have a spiritual side then maybe that's the reason why you can't understand people talking about God even in simple phrase like "thank God"...
It may be an even better idea to split this topic into a spiritual debate and a physical debate. There is really no point in discussing on a spiritual level if not all parties believe the same thing. Same goes for the physical aspect, as they are not necessarily correlated!
When a person decides to have sex, they have to be able to handle the effects that decision they will have on them afterwards. I do not have a problem with premarital sex and believe that it may help a person develop their sexual identity. From a spiritual standpoint, I also understand the special bond between husband and wife. However, I wonder how sexual inexperience would affect the sexual relationship. Can you imagine being married and never experiencing an orgasm. How does a conservative christian couple learn how to please each other sexually if they do not know how to do it for themselves. I would think the sexual relationship could lack creativity and excitement. That's just my two cents.
ok so here is what i think on this subject...
yes and no
yes because its a way of showing the person you love how much you truely love them. its giving them the ultimate pleasure.
and no, because of the efects it might have. STDs and having a baby. yes people who have sex before getting married are some times careless and dont use a condom. sometimes they dont even have any. in some cases the girl may thing that using a condom would make it weird. and before they get married they dont know who is caring what as in STDs and such
in terms dont be silly wrap your willy
anyway I am not interested in premarital sex as I would be a major bruise in our future life......
i love my girlfriend very very much. she is 17, i am 19. some may say "only 17???" but i say, i love her so much and she loves me. we are not the mushy love type either we are the type that wants to see each other and hang out and talk about our days. its like we're premarried lol. but yes i think sex is an important part of a relationship. it lets you get to know your partner, and as long as you practice safe sex, everything should be ok. (condoms are not a bad thing people) and some days you could do other things like pleasing her instead of always wanting sex.
how else are we supposed to find out what we want?
or maybe post marital swinging is really the way to satisfy all parties
That's beautifull! I think that when people read this topic, they'll think that there are two groups fighting each other here: on the one hand you have the sex-driven-maniacs and on the other there are the frigid puritans. Therefor I just wanted to point it out to future readers that that's probably not the case.
I maybe proclaiming that premarital sex is good, but that doesn't make me a sex-driven maniac now does it
But now on to the topic:
Just wanted to share some thoughts with you all... You may or may not have an opinion about whether or not to have premarital sex. But you should bear in mind that there are a few limitations to that opinion. First of all, you cannot force your opinion on someone else and secondly the public opinion is sometimes totally different from yours. So if you say for yourself: premarital sex is wrong, then you decide that for yourself and for your partner. It's a kind of agreement between partners. No one else should tell you that it's wrong or right but you. When you state your opinion you probably have your reasons. Some of you have grown up with that state of mind. That's the most dangerous I think. People all over the world should be encouraged to think for themselves and not to blindly take what society is feeding them. However, that doesn't mean that society has no value at all. Society will silence the most extreme opinions. That way it evens mankind out.
my girlfriend and i both think that it's okay to make love before marriage, and we believe that we can't wait till marriage...
i am going to camping with her. But she said we cannot do it.... i don't understand too..... but it's okay for me. It's just a time matter. And loving her is the most important.
Maybe she's not too comfortable having sex in a tent (I suppose it is a tent you're sleeping in) where everyone can hear what you're doing inside ... Or maybe it's that one-in-a-month thing And if all of the above are incorrect, it's probably because she isn't quite ready herself.
I just can't believe how many people said yes and even more trying to justify it with all the possible formulations ... you can get as much nice sentences as there is on earth, nothing can allow you to treat a human being in thaat manner ... I am really shocked at people sometimes. not that I am better, but doing bad things, and thinking thety right, and even push it to tryng to philosophate on how much they are right and convince other people of that .... bouaah ::: Mout Shut...!
Hi there, just saying that it's wrong according to you, isn't enough to reply to the whole thread. You should give some reasons why you feel that way.
we should do it like animals no rules but our ego messes us up
I'm willing to bet you're male, and it really does make me feel a touch ashamed of my gender.
You'd not be saying that if some big guy decided to vent his animalistic urges on YOU, just because he was stronger and you couldn't do anything to stop him.
i say yes, sex is great, and fun and it's healthy for you.....really.......... whats the big deal really? people who are really religious are the ones who are really uptight about this....let it all hang out, no pun intended...
My girl does't want and since I love her, I stay out of it.
The only thing more counter intuitive to me then marriage is waiting for it to have sex. Its awsome that some people chose to wait, it just not for me. It sad to think of all the beauty and joy i could have missed in my life. All i can urge is to think for your self. Remember that what your parents taught you is ofter what their parents thought them. Oh, and most of the non-religious reasons to not have sex are solved with condoms.
Sorry to all of the deeply religious people out there, but there really is nothing wrong with sex before marriage - so long as you're both over the legal age and consenting!
The Catholic Church does not believe in the use of contraception, and married couples are only supposed to have sex when trying to have a child! So I definitely don't follow that, and I pity any older unmarried virgins that do!!
A married couple can ask permission to a priest and it won't be considered as a "serious" sin, but rather one that you can "fix" by good actions... and come on, good actions never hurt
Also, there's one thing right now on the Vatican to make premarital sex using condom as a "lighter" sin... not passed, but it's on the way.
So lets say a married couple wants to do it here's how it'll go - "Um...er...Father, we were wondering if we could "make the beast with the two backs" on the coming Monday night? We won't do it if you won't allow but we were really hoping you'd say yes. We heard you allowed the Smiths to do it TWICE in six months! And the Jones claim they had your blessing THREE times last year. Please put our names up your waiting list, we haven't done it since our wedding and its been almost a year!"
P.S. Dnt mind, but i think its ridiculous having someone else tell you how to live your life.
I believe it is a good idea, as long as two individuals are committed and form one, body and soul.
No. If two people intend to marry and they can wait, why not? If they wait they will not lose anything, because they don´t love each other because of sex. They want to be close, together, and they need confidence and trust. If they can´t wait and make premarital sex they can be happy, but some issues can rise. Almost all couples have marriage disagreements and if they think about something before the marriage they can think: if we did before, maybe she/he did with others. I am not saying this is only a jealousy issue, but trust. A clean relationship have to star in a clean and traditional manner. I have some examples of friends of mine that even after 10 years of marriage started to link the problems with the past and what they did (premarital sex) was very strong. They are not together now. This is why I advice: wait. You will not be sad, this is a good exercise of love. Trust in love. Trust in family. Trust in what God told us and remember: the Bible explains the sorrows of the people who didn´t wait.
I think trying to convert this into a religious argument is stupid. The correct answer is "it depends"... it depends on you particular situation and circumstances. If you think that doing so will make you happy and keep you happy and that it will not complicate things (for example are more likely to breakup because you now suspect this person to have had such affairs before) then go for it!
Life is all about taking risks, you will be a total schmuck if you try to live your life without taking any risks. But always take calculated risks based on facts, not blind risks!
Yes, you 'think'. But who are you to say that the religion doesn´t explain the origin of the family? Saying that the link of relationship with religion is 'stupid' is to say that you don´t have knowledge about religion, the Bible or any other religious reference.
If this is the case, probably you don´t have any religion. Then, using the science, you could accept the religion as a globally accepted history book, and it is based on relationship and its consequences. There is every kind of human distortion in it. You can read about marriage, about your type of suggestion: several circumstances (and its consequences), sodomy, multiple partners, homosexuality etc.
This topic is about relationship so I ask you: please don´t be rude and don´t be radical, but be conscious: premarital sex have its consequences and I believe it´s NEVER better than making sex only after the marriage.
Just so you know, you asked cybernytrix not to be rude and radical. Why are you insisting upon the fact that it's NEVER better ... (the word never already contradicts with the not being radical ...)
Anyhow, I agree with cybernytrix. If you decide for yourself that your moral and social standards should be set according to your religion, that's fine by me. But if you wish to set your own standards according to your environment, upbringing, education, knowledge ... that should be fine either. I am a a religeous person myself, but not to be categorised to any particular religion as such. I have taken in everything I think is right and good out of several religions. But apart from religion, I also set my standards according to science. If I discover that a standard I set contradicts proven science, then I alter that standard to a better one. Don't think of me as an atheic dog, but as a person with personalised moral and social standards.
Hi Guys and Gals,
i guess if you hae the will power to remain virgin and have your time on the wedding night then keep the go, but there's nothing like you should remain virgin or it weakens your sex stamina.... im not married and have been having sex when i was 18..... i had it with many girls... the only thing is you having proper knloedge of sex... i mean the anything related to sex whcih can make an impact..... now im into advanced mode... and now the girl's compliment on my sex stamina... i used to ejaculate very fast... but now im like He - Man... i keep going and i satisfy each girl i have sex with... so ther's nothing wrong in having it...
Do you test drive a car before you buy? hmmmmmmmmmm
haha, Im a cave man, laughing of this all. Man see woman, woman see man. Man want to have sex with woman, woman yes, woman no hahaha Also... You won't know a person completely until you have had sex with her! Know the person you want to marry! What about pre-sexual maritage!? just get the stars as witnesses and promiss love to each other and make love
according to me.... you can wait if you have the patience to have sex after marriage but for meits of no use... have sex when and wherever you need... once, twice and even thrice a week.... i have sex regulargy... either with my girl fren or any pi#p i can get thru.... so i think its good... and its also a kind of exercise
I'm sorry i'm using indonesian language
menikahlah dahulu sebelum berhubungan intim, karena kalau kamu melakukannya sebelum menikah, akan ada banyak masalah yang mungkin tidak akan kamu bisa tangani sendiri, banyak penyakit yang mungkin timbul, seperti AIDS, raja singa, hepatitis dll. Dan masalah yang berikutnya adalah jika pihak wanita mengandung, dan memiliki seorang anak, siapa yang akan bertanggung jawab kalau tidak ada ikatan pernikahan???. lagi pula sex sebelum nikah membuat Tuhan sangat marah, ingat dengan Sodom dan Gomora, mereka dihancurkan gara-gara kejahatan mereka juga dalam hak seksual. Jadi menikahlah terlebih dahulu, dengan menikah semua masalah akan dihadapi berdua, jika tidak salah satu pihak bisa menuntut dan mengadu kepihak berwajib, terima kasih
sex as we understand it - 2 consenting adults having an intercourse related activity - is a natural thing. animals do it because it's part of the survival desire in each species.
marriage is a social invention - a contractual situation where 2 consenting adults make certain promises to each other.
i don't see a connection between the 2 at all.
Personally I think that if you're not going to wait until marriage for sex, at least don't decide to lose your virginity while you're a teenager. It is honestly a very bad lifestyle and can completely ruin your whole life if you're not careful, as well as people losing their respect for you.
Is it worth living your life thinking about what others might think about you?
I think that a person can have sex whenever (and with whoever) they want, as long as they are ready to face the consequences of their actions. Maturity doesnt have a said age barrier but teen pregnancy IS a messy issue. As long as people own up to their actions and are ready to acknowledge any possible repurctions i don't see how it matters whether you're a teen or well past your teens when you have sex.
Is it worth living your life thinking about what others might think about you?
I think that a person can have sex whenever (and with whoever) they want, as long as they are ready to face the consequences of their actions. Maturity doesnt have a said age barrier but teen pregnancy IS a messy issue. As long as people own up to their actions and are ready to acknowledge any possible repurctions i don't see how it matters whether you're a teen or well past your teens when you have sex.
i think its wrong
Well the thing we are discussing here is why do you think it is wrong? Lets leave religions aside, we have discussed that line to death. Tell me is there any personal belief that makes you think that sex before marriage is wrong.
I respect people whom decide to wait, save that special ocasion for the indicated one, but in that case, I hope both wait, it's not rare a woman waiting and his boyfriend making it with other girls..... in that case, I think waiting is useless, because the other partner isn't keeping the same idea.
One of the bad things about sex before marriage, is that many people (specially men) they just want a night of fun, or a series of fun nights, but there's no commitment at all. And sometimes they make they partners believe they will marry, when that's not true.
If a couple decide to have sex, just for the shake of sex, well, both are informed enough, and when they get bored of each other, they could just go away, not commitment. I really doubt that a long term relationship can be only based in sex.
Besides you decide to abstain until marriage or not, the most important to me is that it should be a decision of both people.
Finally someone with a complete answer. Someone who thinks the way I do. Especially the last sentence says it all. So let's make a summary of what I wrote earlier:
1) Having sex or not, hasn't got much to do with marriage. One can occur/survive/... without the other.
2) To have sex or not is a decision that you yourself must make for your own. No one can do anything about that. If you decide that you aren't ready yet, or if you want to wait, that's just fine.
3) In addition to that, sex is indeed something you decide on together.
4) If you have sex, without commitment, for the sake of sex, you should be certain you both (assuming there's just two of you ) feel that way and that you know what consequences you may be facing.
5) If you decide to have sex without commitment. Be certain, play safe.
If you feel that way about someone, then you don't truly love them. Love is unconditional
I feel that there is nothing wrong with sex before marriage. If two people really like eachother and feel they are both ready for it then why not? Almost everyone knows condoms or other ways to prevent pregnancy. If they both want it then let them do it. There's more to sex then just getting children. Lust plays an important role too.
I would agree with you, but you i had my first GF who now is married to some one, but we still indulge in sex, and we are planning to have a baby..... whitout her husband's knowledge. I have also another GF who loves me lot but she is not ready to loose her virginity before marriage... but allows kiss, cuddle and tocu her private parts... so wats all this... i m confused what girls are all about? what they? look i was solving an issue and i created an issue.
I've a question here - say you did wait for someone, save yourself for someone, get married, give it up...then it ends up not working. What happens to the next relationship that you find yourself in? Doesn't this whole debate start all over again, albeit from a different point of view, for absolutely no fault of yours. What do you say about that?
That would indeed start the entire cycle over again. Plus the fact that you got screwed the first time as that woman/man did not turn out to be the one you were looking for after all.
And don't you think it makes this discussion seem as meaningless as it already is.
Sex before marriage is plainly put 'just sex'.
This is not a question of ones religious perspective/stance, this is more a question of responsibility for action.
I applaud those who have the strength of will and have saved/saving their virginity for marriage.
The bigger picture is that not everyone has that kinda will power and it with those in mind I write.
I am not a god or a judge of any kind. I am in no position to tell anyone when and if and how they can have sex. What I do is ask if you are responsible enough to handle the responsibility of those actions.
While having sex a woman gets pregnant, I do not support it being the 'mans fault', it is her body and she has to take responsibility. Are you willing to deal with an unplanned pregnancy? What about if u decide to have an abortion and it is not done well?
The young man who has sex with someone only to find out after that the 19 year old body belonged to a 15 year old. Are you willing to deal with the cops and possibly a jail sentence?
There is soooooo much to say on this topic that I can only scratch the surface right now.
Getting a STI is not the only risk associated with having sex....having sex before or after marriage is putting your life at risk.
People make sex about morality and if it's pleasing to God or not.
This is my view on that part of the argument.
God is not a fool, god knew that people were gonna have sex. let us for the sake of this argument say that god did give people instructions to live by (the holy books).
I think that in order for man to have sex is a responsible manner marriage was instituted. I say this because the 'men of god' in the bible had many concubines who were not their wives but just women that were there for their physical needs.
Does god then contradict himself? No I don't think so.
If you can handle the responsibility of having sex without being married (taking care of kids, paying/seeking medical attention etc) I think it is allowable.
You just said the true thing there. It's about what both people want. If they are both ready for it then they could, when one or both isn't/aren't ready then they shouldn't have sex. That's the way it is.
i say a big NO!!! coz premarital is against religion, against law order, against parent and GOD law,,, i never never do that any more....
why does sex always have to be about religion?