Is there any right way to do this? If a girl asks you out, which is kind of odd in the first place, how do you say no? See, because I have a friend who asked me to a junior prom, and I assumed that this was meant as a 'oh-a-bunch-of-us-are-going-do-you-want-to-go-too' kind of deal, but I later found out that she actually meant this more seriously than I had assumed. I told her (not at that instant, but later) that I couldn't go, but I felt somewhat bad about fabricating an excuse. Now of course, I'm friends with this girl, so things are made even more awkward. At least I have an experience.
Putting that aside, is there a better way to say no? Do you firmly say 'no' or is that too blunt? I would hate to give any false impressions, though, so if I'm not attracted to someone, I don't want them thinking that I am.
In short, curse my devilish good looks .
I like your last line.
Let's see... if I were your friend, I would probably feel bad about you fabricating an excuse. I would have preferred you to say "No" outright because, well, at least it's the truth. It would hurt a lot more
But that's my personality. There are some girls who'd want you to let them down gently with a little white lie, because it spares them their pride. Some people think it's the right thing to do, to protect people from hurting their feelings, so lying a teeny tiny bit is okay.
I'm not like that, though, so I think saying "No" and giving a really good reason for it, saying it as diplomatically as possible. Starting it off with "Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but..." is a good start (for me, at least, just because I'd rather know the truth firsthand).
I think as long as you are clear and say no but be sure to thank her for asking you. In these situautions I always employ my 'crap sandwich' method. Sandwich the bad thing between two nice things. eg:
(Nice) Wow I am so suprised and flattered you asked me.
(Not so nice) But unfortunatly I have other plans and plan to go with someone else.
(Nice) It was so kind of you to ask, you really made my day - thank you so much.
You can change it to suit the situation but this gets your point across while actually flattering the girl at the same time, you make her feel good even though you say no. And importantly you aren't fobbing her off with excuses or lieing to her.
I hope this helps, the crap sandwich is useful in all kinds of situations both personal and professional. Its a good way of telling empoyees they are doing something wrong while making sure they feel they are not being chastised.
rejecting someone is more difficult than proposing someone bcause it will break the heart of the person. please never break heart.
If it were me, I'd rather whip up an excuse than tell the truth just because I don't want to hurt her feelings.
yes i know, it is important to be honest, but sometimes you just have to know yourself if it's a good thing to do.
I'd rather have myself hurt than hurt others.
You could say that you misunderstood her intensions, and that you cancelled because her friendship meant so much to you, and you didn't want to ruin it.
A plain "no" could leave her with a lot of questions, depending on her self-esteem. If the truth isn't cruel, tell the truth!
Do not tell a lie that can haunt you. For example, saying you can't go with her, because you can't go, prevents you to go with someone else.
You could say that "I am very flattered, but I am hoping that *** will go with me - do you think I have a chance?"
If you aren't planning on asking anyone else, and you will survive a friends-date, you could say; "Us? As friends, you mean? That would be fun, but isn't there someone special you would rather go with?"
best way to reject is after sex when you have absolutely no interest and just want to watch ESPN
|varon wrote: |
|There are some girls who'd want you to let them down gently with a little white lie, because it spares them their pride |
Whatever you do DO NOT MAKE IT PUBLIC. Both girls and guy don't what it to be publicly known that they were downright rejected. If you think that other people are going to find out (and you still what to be friends with this girl) then PUBLICLY make sure it seems like you both thought it wasn't a good idea.
"We thought about and thought it wouldn't work out. We're too different"
"We just wanted to be friends"
how to reject...just don't ever think about that word..and u cam reject people naturally....haha
That's one of the hardest things in the world. Just palin no would be the best. Best thing you can do is being honest. Honesty is a thing that should pay in this world. After telling an honest answer you don't feel guilt because you said the answer that was correct and you didn't do anything wrong.
If you cant say no (cause its too mean) Then just say that there i somebody else who you really like. (in most cases its probobly true) This will tell the person that you are not ready to move on to another realationship!
just say no, be polite and eject
To Avoid a girl Or to say bye is not a big deal, Its just not need that you go to that girl and say any stuff that you want just avoid her, dont look her, dont pass smile to her etc, if she come to you an say anything abput the matter that why you are doing this to me than just say comfortly and by passing smile that am so much buzy these days so cant get time to met or do frdship activities well soon i be freee then we will have a long chat and then say bye simple
I think it's really mean to make up an excuse. Like the others have said, if you really consider her your friend, then maybe you should be a friend to her as well and see that she deserves to know the truth.
You can tell her that you misunderstood the invite, thinking that it wasn't anything serious. But now that you know what it actually is, you're not that comfortable going because you don't want to give the wrong impression and expectations.
Actually, you can still go with her for as long as you make it clear that you're only going as her friend, and absolutely nothing else.
I think you should be straight-forward with her and explain to her that you don't have feelings for her, but to give it a positive swing you should say that it's not her at all, say it's just you that doesn't fall for her. It's not nice to reject someone, but if you do it, just do it by telling that person the truth. This way the hurt will be least for this person.
Ya simply apply this as all above Friends just said to be straight forward bu don't be rude to her, Just say truth that you are buzy and so on and slowy slowy you both leave each other... Inshort A slow Poison.
Well, I've recently had a similiar situation, and I simply had to laugh it off, as if I believed the girl were joking...I didn't know what else to do!
Of course, that was immediate, and I've never ahd a situation exactly like yours.
Though, I suppose if I were confronted with such a thing, and some time had already passed, I would try to employ something similiar to how girls underhandedly reject males...
'Me? Really? I thought you liked/were into/ had a thing for...'
Then they become, not neccessarily embarassed or demoralized, but redirected. The girl in question may begin to even think of alternatives if there is some sort of substance to your redirection, such as a truth in your 'don't you like...'
I see no reason that this could make you feel bad for rejecting her...
And if worst comes to worst, and she directly confronts you, just let in on easy, like, 'I think it'd be best if we didn't...I think I'm not the best guy for you, and I think that you'd probably be better off with someone else...'
what i would do is this.
First of all since she invited me to the prom.. unless she is extremly ugly or if I had someone in mind that i wanted to invite, I would say yes and go to the prom with her.
But you said that she thought of this more than 'oh-a-bunch-of-us-are-going-do-you-want-to-go-too' kind of deal.
I would go with her to the prom, but after the prom i would say thanks for inviting me.
If she tries to go beyond the 'friend' line, I would just say that I already have someone in mind.
I think that it's a pretty polite way to reject a girl...
Ah, just tell her the truth man!
Poor girl obviously likes you - whats wrong with her anyway?
Do any of your friends like her that you can get to do something? That way you can see how she say no if she isn't interested and use the same with her, OR you can use the fact that someone else likes her to get her off your back... Say something like :
"Hey," (because thats how all kids start conversation now, Isn't it?), "I hear BILL SMITH" (use a real name) is looking to ask you out, so why not go with him then we can all go together as a group"
That way you can take your own date, and all have some fun.
I'm thinking something along with what others have mentioned, "I'm really flattered that you've asked, but I've got other plans. Maybe we could go out as friends sometime?"
I wish you the best of luck with it.
best way to reject is through text messaging
Did you read this thread? He is actually friends with this girl. I guess he wants to keep that friendship...
What kind of friendship is that though? They might not realize they're doing it, but what kind of friends are they if all they do is take advantage?
I would just say "sorry, it a no". it is better this way.
i'd say something along the lines of 'i was really flattered when you asked me out but to be honest, i dont think i know you enough'
dont use that if u do actually know her
Well, since they are friends, he obviously knows her...
I've always gone by the approach that telling the truth is the right course of action. Especially in this case if you are friends, because if you fabricate something, chances are she'll find out eventually that you weren't telling the truth.
Just give it to her straight (although be sensitive about it) and then she can get on with things and deal with it. Will it hurt the friendship? Well that depends on her. If she's big enough to take it on the chin and accept it I'm sure there'll be no problems.
You could just say that you really value their friendship, and don't want to risk anything destroying that!
say no if you don't want to.. but yes if you don't mind. since she might take it in a different way, just say it's just a dance as friends, and nothing else.
The ultimate best way to break it off is through text message. Sent once, and just block the number afterwards. done and done
Well, the time certainly has passed since then. Thanks for all the advice and whatnot, although I don't think that text messaging is the right way to go...it seems a bit cruel and impersonal. Remember, I wasn't trying to lose a friend there.
Anyway, I thought the situation was resolved, as in, I thought that after that point (where I told her that I couldn't go) I could just forget about the situation and everything would be fine.
However, about a week ago, I was talking with her, and seemingly out of the blue, she asked me if I was attracted to her. Now, I wasn't, and I'm not, so this time, I listened to what the consensus agreed upon, and I told her that I never liked her romantically, but that I do, in the friendly sense.
Now, in your opinions, would this make the situation awkward? And I do hope that I did the right thing this time.
just tell the truth. If your not in the mood to say YES, tell the truth and your reason ...