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Too much confusion





wumingsden
OK ... I'll try not to rant in the thread, and so will get straight to the point.

I'm a guy
I'm gay
I'm 16 (17 on wednesday)
I'm ill

So, I've not long come out of hospital, so I decided to alter my image slightly. I don't usually listen to labels that people have, but if I did I would be a bit of every single label. Some people now consider me to be slightly "emo", but I'm also a bit of a nerd at heart, a diva when I have to be, a girl when I want to be, and everything else when I can be bothered to be.

So, I'm changed my image slightly. I've started wearing eyeliner all the time, whereas I used to wear it on one-off occasions when I go out. I also wear "skinny's" a lot too. "Skinny's" are basically women's jeans, extremely tight, figure hugging, hip supporting jeans. I also brought a jacket. The skinny's and jacket were brought at a store where basically anything goes. I myself was afraid to enter the store at first because it looks pretty dark (gothic-like) but it such a extremely nice place, the staff being soooo kind I usually spend hours there, literally, even though the shop isn't that big. Most of the clothes aren't gender specific, and they held the male and female size on them. The jeans and jacket are for girls, but there the kind that guys can get away with wearing. YAY me.

Now, I have never, ever been comfortable with myself in front of people. I blame the over-protectiveness that I got from my mother because of my illnesses but thats a whole different thread. I'm fine when I'm on my own, or with someone I trust, but otherwise I just kind of like to stay in the background. I'm not confident on the way I look and never have been when in a group, although people say I should be. I hate taking group photographs, although if there only of me then I'm perfectly fine, I even enjoy it. Eg...

Today, before all the stuff happened below, i was approached by a girl. I listen to music all the time, and so didn't hear her shouting. In the end, she was that desperate to get my attention, that she ran after me and stopped me. It was pretty hiliarious seen as it got too much attention. She told me that for an art project at college she was doing "freedom of expression" and for some strange reason she though I summed it up. She asked to take a picture of me, which extended a little further than that. it grabbed loads of attention, but i have experience of it all before, and didn't feel uncomfortable because nobody else was posing with me. let me just clear up that i don't mind taking pictures, but feel uncomfortable when it's with other people.
So, this is going to go on for quite some time, I just know it is.

Since I've been dressing like I have been doing I'm getting rather strange looks everywhere I go. Now, i don't mind these looks at all because I really don't get affected by them, although my friends can't understand how I can say nothing. It is usually the people that have no respect for people of the modern world (O.A.P's) or people that aren't aware as to how they come accross yet (children). An example...

OAP's - I was in town last week with a friend (who's what you call "emo" (more emo than me)). There were these two OAP's who would not stop staring at me, as if i was something infectous. I ignored them, but my friend got extremely annoyed. In the end she asked them whether they had a problem (after about 10min of them staring). They simply ignored her on kept on doing it anyway. Old age pensioners, they have not respect nowadays.

Children - I went to a junior school also last week as I am conducting a psychological experiment there. I got a whole class full of whispers whilst having a quick chat with their teacher. Like on boy said "Err, Err, Check him out", others were whispering "Is it a girl or a boy?", "It's a girl!", "It's a boy!". To quickly sum this up, I have very high cheekbones, but also a prominent jaw. I don't grow a beard/moustache, which will obviously tell-tale signs of my sex. I usually wear tight jeans (black/black with designs on), an extremely pink gay belt, and a tight jacket of some description) I like the way I look when I'm on my own, the insecurities set in when I'm with a bunch of people (especially if I don't know them).

I was walking out of college one day last week, or the week before, when I (quite literally) bumped into an old friend of mine (Roshiba). She is a few years younger than me, and i'm in college and she's still in school. she however is doing GCSE law, and i'm doing AS level law, so have the same teacher. She was speechless, which i didn't understand why, at first. she started chattering along about how much i've changed (i don't think i have much). The friend that was with her just shouted out "Oh my god, your so peng. She wants you". My friend went red and very nearly broke into a run a way which i fount confusing. I've fount out that "peng" means "hot", or good looking. Shocked .

A few days later I bumped into another friend (Laura), who also things I am goodlooking now. Now, as stated earlier, I don't think I am goodlooking (but nor do I think I look ugly, just a little weird). Now, last time I met laura she was on a high (literally) so I thought she must of been talking rubbish about how much she supposedly likes me. I saw her in town today, and we hung around for a few hours. Now, once again she was high (on "poppers" this time) and she had also been drinking for a few hours. I do not do drugs of this nature, do not smoke, and only drink the occasional glass of wine with a meal, or a little more heavily (like vodka), when I'm celebrating. She however kept on saying how much she liked me, probably the drugs speaking. She introduced me to a lot of people, including one girl called danielle (dani). Now I say I'm gay. I've never had any sexual feelings for girls, and therefore no experience. So, in future, I guess it is possible to become "bi". dani is pretty (can't say she's hot because i can't think like that of a girl), and she really likes me. I think I'd like to see where it may go but she is younger than me, which is holding me back. She doesn't have a problem with my age, and she know's about my sexuality, but straight away we just clicked. It's very strange, and have never experienced this with a girl.

Before we got to know each other, I was checking out the guys in the square (the square is a place called market square in notthingham, where all the cool stuff happens. today it was a major fundraising thing, plus a bit of live music. "goths" and "emo's" hang out there a lot, every night and all weekend, it seems - my first day at spending more than a few mintues there, I was out about 5 hours). to put it in basic terms, I can be a bit of a slut. I don't act out in it however as much as people think. I spoke to one guy, who was seriously hitting on me (which i don't like). Next second however they was acting all straight, whilst still winking out me, and taking sneaky glipsers Evil or Very Mad I was speaking to another guy, who i noticed was looking at me, and he was actually very nice. However, he said he "wasn't looking for anyone" Crying or Very sad Now, it is freezing in nottingham, and i do not wear thick coats, seen as it is not fashionable in my eyes, so my nice friends were taking it in turns to warm me up (via hugging). i was literally freezing, blue lips etc, which means that pneumonia was setting it (had it loads so know all the signs). this is when i got speaking to dani, who i can't stop thinking about. I've always said to my very best girlfriend that if i was straight, then i'd go out with her. i however have only known dani a few hours and already i like her (she's a nice girl and pretty, with a very unique style).

Our group of friends went to a stall to buy something and we was speaking to the 16yearold guy that works there. people find it hard to believe that i'm gay, which i find pretty funny, seen as the people that know me properly can see it a bit too much when i let them get to know me. dani said to me that she wished i was straight, me replying i wish she was older. the guy (think his name is ben), then told me that he is bi. now, again, only just met him, and he was consistently flirting, although not forcefully. he is rather cute, and usually i'd get his number, but the whole dani thing is completely confusing me, hence the extremely long post which shouldn't need to be so long.

I need some advice as to what people think I should do, or what would they do if they were/have been in a similiar situation, and whether it could be just a straight phase.
Kaisonic
Sorry, bud, but that's way too long for me to read. But, I didn't wanna leave your thread hanging, so I'm going to reply with something a wise friend once said: "Guys can't be bi - only girls can be bi, guys have to be gay or straight." And I believe it - especially based on my friends, lol.
reddishblue
Yeah very very long post, so long I had to think about what you were meaning, well seeing as I am very young I have never had a girlfriend, or asked for a number, or been told I'm good looking, well my dad says eventually they will like smart guys too, not just sporty ones, so its hard for me too help, sorry but your on your own, but I would say leave it.
emjawa
I would think it's probably just a straight phase. I mean, you're still a teenager, and at that age everyone gets a little confused. Il consider myself straight but there are girls who I would be gay for. Also, one of my gay friends has got girls who he would be straight for. I think everyone has got people of the sex they don't prefer who they still like. I hope things clear up for you soon!
TruPain
I am a lesbian trapped in a mans body...

For some reason, women seem to be more attracted to gay men. I think it may have something more to do with the whole women bonding aspect, but who knows.

a lot of times from what I have seen with my friends, is that when a women really likes them, it is more because of how the person listens, acts, and understands (kind of like the whole "hey girlfriend" scenarios), and perhaps this is the feeling these women are having.

Gay men in general do not "hit on" women, and perhaps that is why women are drawn to gay men faster. But the thing is, the women generally know nothing will come out of it except a very good friendship.

If you try to pursue a relationship with this woman, you have to keep in mind that the friendship may get ruined. Or it may bring you closer together as well.

It is a tough call, but I do have to say, that if you are totally gay, think wisely before you try to pursue a woman... it may turn the wrong way and cause more damage than good.

But perhaps you could explore her feelings for you before you try to attempt a relationship with her, make sure this is really what the intentions are...

Funny thing a few friends have told me though, is some women play a game, trying to turn a gay guy straight...

best of luck with whatever choice you make... my god, this post is almost as long as yours...
ninjakannon
TruPain wrote:
For some reason, women seem to be more attracted to gay men. I think it may have something more to do with the whole women bonding aspect, but who knows.

It's really interesting that you say that. I used to be best friends with him in primary school and years 7 and 8 at secondary school (year 8 is 12-13 year olds for those who don't know) , actually we were totally crazy together. This was before he turned gay, he was straight then, I've become more serious whereas he's stayed totally crazy, although in a more mature (if you get what I mean) way. I think that my slight change in personality caused us to split as best friends. So he turned gay, and now all his best friends are girls, it's a few years after we stopped being best friends now. Anyway, he seems to get along far better with girls than guys. Although he still has male friends, of course; I'm still his friend, for example. Anyway, my point in saying all that was that girls do seem to get along really well with gay guys.

Now, over to what you said, wumingsden. I read your whole post and you sound pretty cool, but your situation isn't easy. I wonder how it makes you feel when girls say they think you're good looking, as you're gay. I wonder whether there's a slight element of you feeling that girls complement you more on your looks so you feel it would be better if you went out with a girl. Or have I gone totally off track there?

If you've never felt like this before about a girl, then my advice to you would be not to immediately dive into anything. Take a while to see how you feel, meet Dani again a few times and see what you think of her. If you find that you still want to go further with Dani, then I would suggest you have a go and see what happens. Perhaps you should be a little cautious and not get too involved. If things don't work out, try not to get too upset, after all this is new for you and confusing, untrodden ground. If you find you'd rather just be with a guy then do that; if you're still not sure then just keep experimenting. Perhaps you're going to become bi in the not too distant future, who knows?

I hope that's helpful in some way.
HoboPelican
Sorry, wumingsden, I don't see the problem. I wish I was as "wanted" when I was your age. Wink

Seriously, why the confusion? You have been openly gay, and apparently you don't worry too much about societal norms, so why the worry about being Bi instead of gay? If you are attracted to someone, I'd say just let it take it's course. See whoever, be honest and see where your feelings take you.
ninjakannon
HoboPelican wrote:
Sorry, wumingsden, I don't see the problem. I wish I was as "wanted" when I was your age.

I don't see it as a problem either, I think it's just time for wumingsden to make some decisions.

I wish I was "wanted" too, I'm 16 (I thought about disclosing that in my previous post but wasn't sure) and I have my friends, but I really wish I had someone more special as well. Anyway, I don't wanna hijack this thread with my personal stuff.

I'd say that this advice you give:
HoboPelican wrote:
If you are attracted to someone, I'd say just let it take it's course. See whoever, be honest and see where your feelings take you.

is really good.
wumingsden
ninjakannon wrote:
HoboPelican wrote:
Sorry, wumingsden, I don't see the problem. I wish I was as "wanted" when I was your age.

I don't see it as a problem either, I think it's just time for wumingsden to make some decisions.

I wish I was "wanted" too, I'm 16 (I thought about disclosing that in my previous post but wasn't sure) and I have my friends, but I really wish I had someone more special as well. Anyway, I don't wanna hijack this thread with my personal stuff.


Yes, I'm also 16. Not too sure if "wanted" is meaning people liking someone, but if it is, it's not "all what it's cracked up to be". Basically, it's not the best thing in the world. It's even worse if your not that used to be, i.e me. it also doesn't help that girls express their opinion more, so i usually get them coming on to me, which makes me feel a little uncomfortable. dani however isn't like this, she's totally different than her friends, who openly suggest all kinds of things that i wished they were joking about.

ninjakannon wrote:
I'd say that this advice you give:
HoboPelican wrote:
If you are attracted to someone, I'd say just let it take it's course. See whoever, be honest and see where your feelings take you.

is really good.


It's a really difficult postition to be in, though. I wish it was really that easy. Dani is pretty, but I can't say she's hot, so I'm not attracted to her, although I think I could be if I allowed myself to be. What is holding me back is the age difference I think, she is nearly 15 I i'm nearly 17. The difference wouldn't matter if were were both older, but were not, so i don't know what to do. I can't speak to my mother about it, because she'll be all like "i told you you weren't gay, blah ... blah ... blah". I thought that if i was ever straight then i'd really like my best friend in that way, but dani is making my mind go crazy with confusion. i'm meeting up with my friend tonight (well, tomorrow morning at 2am), as were going amsterdam. hopefully that'll take my mind of things whilst i subconsciously think through everything.

Uhhh, gosh. the drama in my life is too much. Sad
HoboPelican
wumingsden wrote:
Dani is pretty, but I can't say she's hot, so I'm not attracted to her, although I think I could be if I allowed myself to be. What is holding me back is the age difference I think, she is nearly 15 I i'm nearly 17.


I am not you, man, but for me, my most memorable relationships did not start with someone I thought was "hot". The best ones were those where we "got" each other, had a sense of connection, ya know?

Oh, I did have one relationship with a lady i thought was "hot"....my first $*%@ing wife, the worhtless ...well, you get the idea...
Hang with Dani and just see what happens...if nothing develops you still are getting to know a good friend, right? If something does happen and it doesn't work out, well, she knows you are gay so there is a good chance she won't be devastated and can still be a friend.

Sorry, if I made light of your situation. But don't think you should obsess over it too much. Be honest with her and see where it goes.
Divinaeon
Hey wumingsden. I'd just like to say that I'm around your age, gay, and have probably gone through the same thing you have 2 or 3 time...so I hope what I say might carry a little bit of weight. I'd also like to apologize in advance if I get a bit psychological...my stepmom is a psychologist, and she definitely has rubbed off on me. That being said...

If you're not sexually attracted to a woman, then you're not bisexual...having gone through what you're going through, but not wanting to speak for you, I can say that most of the feelings you have for Dani might just be the "she likes me, so I think I might like her" thing going on. There also might be a part of you, having never experimented with a girl sexually, that is saying, "Hey, this might be my chance to see what it's like..." Age tends to be a huge thing with some teenagers...a lot of it tends to be puberty and what stages someone is in. I know that when all throughout middle school, and the first year of high school, I didn't find ANY guys in my class attractive in even the least bit. It wasn't until sophmore year when everyone started sprouting body hair and getting more developed that I started checked some of the guys out.

Anyways...it might help to get to know Dani better, to the point where you can express your feelings comfortably with her and get her take.

Hope some of this helps...
soulman
it's a very long post, I just read it in the rough, however, I remembered my teacher told me when I in school, and I think it might help you some: "You have to enjoy every second in your life include those pain and distress."

I think this is a fair world, and you still can find your place. since you are ill, and you do not have HIV, your life isn't that pathetic to give up your happiness up.

why not try to take a long breath every morning your wake up and face those staff in your life bravely?
coolclay
I thought I had issues Laughing
Divinaeon
Dont' be a jerk, coolclay. We all have issues, and sometimes we need the help of other people to get through them. If you don't want to help, then don't post.
ninjakannon
wumingsden wrote:
Yes, I'm also 16. Not too sure if "wanted" is meaning people liking someone, but if it is, it's not "all what it's cracked up to be". Basically, it's not the best thing in the world.

Well, I've never had a girlfriend before. Perhaps it's "not all it's cracked up to be", but as I've never even had a girlfriend I'm sure it would mean a whole load more to me than it would to someone who had gone out with a few people. I don't know whether you've gone out with any guys or anything but I'm guessing you've felt 'wanted' before, at least; I haven't. (Well, I have from friends, but not in the stronger way which someone who loved me would have.)

wumingsden wrote:
Dani is pretty, but I can't say she's hot, so I'm not attracted to her, although I think I could be if I allowed myself to be. What is holding me back is the age difference I think, she is nearly 15 I i'm nearly 17.

Obviously age is a big thing for you (it would be for me too). If you really don't want to go out with someone who is two years younger than yourself then don't, I would say it's that simple. I'm guessing you’re worried about what other people will think and how they will react (not just to the age difference, but the fact that they thought you were gay - not bi), which is understandable. There may be other things of course, but whatever the reasons are, they might make you feel uncomfortable around Dani if you started going out - and that's not going to help things.

If the age difference is that much of a deal to you, just stay friends. If you get to be good friends with her then there are no problems there, and if you realise that you actually find her attractive (and you feel this more powerfully than your fears about the age difference) and would like to go further then you should just have a go and be careful.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Smile
Josso
I personally have an extreme dislike for emos but this just proves you really can't judge entire social categories. Is the problem that your actually straight when you thought you weren't or am I completly missing the point here. You probably should ignore what your mum says LOL - just do whatever you want really ignoring peoples judgement (OAP referance). Girls will find you hot, it's some kind of thing... gay and slightly emo you'll get chicks - ironically (I have no idea dude Laughing).
darrenpaul
Yesh!..Long post!...Anyway...I think you should go for it with Dani...Its one of those situation in a few years you will regret not taking the opportunity to find out what could have been.
RubySlasher
What do you think are the best of both worlds, apart from carnal desire? Beauty, physical strength, flannels, hot pink belts?
Well whatever they are, they have something to do with what attracts you.
James007
HoboPelican wrote:
wumingsden wrote:
Dani is pretty, but I can't say she's hot, so I'm not attracted to her, although I think I could be if I allowed myself to be. What is holding me back is the age difference I think, she is nearly 15 I i'm nearly 17.


I am not you, man, but for me, my most memorable relationships did not start with someone I thought was "hot". The best ones were those where we "got" each other, had a sense of connection, ya know?

...


Objection! Very Happy

The best relationships start with falling in love with someone who is extremely hot, and afterwards turns out to be extremely nice and caring.

As a gay, I know in "our world", which sounds quite creepy, looks are even more important. I think most gays act in this funny way (you know the "I'm a disco star"-way) because other gays should recognize us. We have to look "fabulous" because we can't ACT (as we don't know who's gay and who isn't), we can only BE and WAIT. Very Happy

It's really nice when your hottest dream walks by, starts talking to you, and appears to be an extremely nice person! (not a bitch... like most gays, I know... I know...)

Like Wuming... He looks cute, but he's a bit shy. Our diva Very Happy

Don't start on the girls. Some can be nice and caring, but they will never turn you on (because of our "mental construction error") Laughing
HoboPelican
James007 wrote:
HoboPelican wrote:

I am not you, man, but for me, my most memorable relationships did not start with someone I thought was "hot". The best ones were those where we "got" each other, had a sense of connection, ya know?

...


Objection! Very Happy

The best relationships start with falling in love with someone who is extremely hot, and afterwards turns out to be extremely nice and caring.
...
Don't start on the girls. Some can be nice and caring, but they will never turn you on (because of our "mental construction error") Laughing


Objection!Very Happy
Don't even joke about a "mental construction error"! Too many people still think that way.

I'll accept your statement about your falling in love with the hottie at face value, since I can only speak for myself. But even Wumingsden said he could be attracted " if I allowed myself to be".

Even though I am hopelessly straight, I like to think that ,at some point, humans will get over both hetero and homo hangups and just accept a loving relationships where ever they find them. (isn't THAT a scary thought! Laughing )
catscratches
Kaisonic wrote:
"Guys can't be bi - only girls can be bi, guys have to be gay or straight." And I believe it - especially based on my friends, lol.

Confused I'm bi. Razz

Well, 2 years isn't that much, don't be worried over that. Don't let age go in front of your feelings -- I think age's not important. Well, at least not two years. Even if you're both young (though I'm younger Razz) 2 years isn't that much. Go for it!
Josso
HoboPelican wrote:
Even though I am hopelessly straight, I like to think that ,at some point, humans will get over both hetero and homo hangups and just accept a loving relationships where ever they find them. (isn't THAT a scary thought! Laughing )


Interestingly enough if you read Iain M. Banks culture novels, society is completly like that, it's about 10,000+ years in the future though I think Laughing. It's like gender and sexuality really doesn't matter to anyone anymore it's quite a different society that he's invented - very interesting (worth a read - any of his books).

Edit: It's actually quite interesting seeing the sexual preferences on this board - statistically. Has there ever been a poll?
wumingsden
HoboPelican wrote:
wumingsden wrote:
Dani is pretty, but I can't say she's hot, so I'm not attracted to her, although I think I could be if I allowed myself to be. What is holding me back is the age difference I think, she is nearly 15 I i'm nearly 17.


I am not you, man, but for me, my most memorable relationships did not start with someone I thought was "hot". The best ones were those where we "got" each other, had a sense of connection, ya know?


I've felt the same kind of connection before, which would be for my "fag-hags" (best girlfriends). However, because it can be hard to find a guy, looks matter a lot. And no, this isn't be being a ******, this is me being a guy who likes guys that are limited in my society.

HoboPelican wrote:
... she knows you are gay so there is a good chance she won't be devastated and can still be a friend.


As long as she doesn't expect anything, we'll stay friends, i believe. I'm feeling a little less like her after coming back from amsterdam. I guess it's rooted my feelings a little more in a society that has nothing against it. (Oh, and amsterdam was fabulous).

Divinaeon wrote:
...I'd also like to apologize in advance if I get a bit psychological...my stepmom is a psychologist, and she definitely has rubbed off on me.


Don't worry about it, I like posts that make me think more.

Divinaeon wrote:
That being said...

If you're not sexually attracted to a woman, then you're not bisexual...having gone through what you're going through, but not wanting to speak for you, I can say that most of the feelings you have for Dani might just be the "she likes me, so I think I might like her" thing going on. There also might be a part of you, having never experimented with a girl sexually, that is saying, "Hey, this might be my chance to see what it's like..." Age tends to be a huge thing with some teenagers...a lot of it tends to be puberty and what stages someone is in.


I have never been sexually attracted to a woman. People think, and say, how can I be gay if I've never had a relationship with a girl. They fail to realise that I don't want to start that kind of relationship but sometimes I take notice of what there saying and really think about it. I'm only brought down to earth when I see this post and others like it, so I thank you for that. The "she likes me, so I think I might like her" point is certainly true in my case, I can say at this moment in time that I don't feel anything sexual for her, and never have for a woman. The other point "Hey, this might be my chance to see what it's like..." I'm not too sure about. I don't think about it, and nor do I want to.

Divinaeon wrote:
I know that when all throughout middle school, and the first year of high school, I didn't find ANY guys in my class attractive in even the least bit. It wasn't until sophmore year when everyone started sprouting body hair and getting more developed that I started checked some of the guys out.


It seems the same goes for me too. When I was younger, and the girls and boys played "kiss & chase" (a bit like tag, a hit replaced by a kiss) I thought why are the boys doing this? Why are they kissing the girls? That to me felt a little unnatural, but at that time did not have any sexual feelings for anyone.

Divinaeon wrote:
Anyways...it might help to get to know Dani better, to the point where you can express your feelings comfortably with her and get her take.

Hope some of this helps...


I will do that. I plan on meeting her later on in the week, so we will speak then. I've decided that nothing will ever come of it (this may sound contridictory in the thread, I do not know), but the age is too great when she is so young.

It has definitly helped.

soulman wrote:
I think this is a fair world, and you still can find your place. since you are ill, and you do not have HIV, your life isn't that pathetic to give up your happiness up.


I don't know what made you think that I would Rolling Eyes

soulman wrote:
why not try to take a long breath every morning your wake up and face those staff in your life bravely?


You obviously do not know me. Not only do I do Tai Chi in the mornings, but I also do face things in my life bravely, I have had to. If I hadn't, then I would pf been dead by 10 years old.
However, thanks for your post, it is appreciated.

ninjakannon wrote:
wumingsden wrote:
Yes, I'm also 16. Not too sure if "wanted" is meaning people liking someone, but if it is, it's not "all what it's cracked up to be". Basically, it's not the best thing in the world.

Well, I've never had a girlfriend before. Perhaps it's "not all it's cracked up to be", but as I've never even had a girlfriend I'm sure it would mean a whole load more to me than it would to someone who had gone out with a few people. I don't know whether you've gone out with any guys or anything but I'm guessing you've felt 'wanted' before, at least; I haven't. (Well, I have from friends, but not in the stronger way which someone who loved me would have.)


I think "wanted" can be shown in a varitey of ways. I think I may have been in love once before, but was kind of rejected. I'm greatful however for this as I couldn't have wished for a better person to do such a thing. It definitly would have gone nowhere, that is a fact.

ninjakannon wrote:
If the age difference is that much of a deal to you, just stay friends. If you get to be good friends with her then there are no problems there, and if you realise that you actually find her attractive (and you feel this more powerfully than your fears about the age difference) and would like to go further then you should just have a go and be careful.


I suspect we will stay friends, as long as she is ok with me being gay.

ninjakannon wrote:
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Smile


Thank you, and also thank you for the private birthday message. Very Happy

[quote="Josso"]I personally have an extreme dislike for emos but this just proves you really can't judge entire social categories. Is the problem that your actually straight when you thought you weren't or am I completly missing the point here.

First, lets not forget that "emo" is only a label. If you fit the description, then your expected to be that particular label.
Your completely missing the point. I do like guys, which makes me gay, but I thought that there was a possibilty that I could be bi. A lot of girls hit on me, which i find extremely uncomfortable. With dani though, it's different, although hers is less "in your face". She looks into my eyes a lot, for example, whereas other girls I know will make suggestions about performing oral sex on me, and seen as these are girls, I have no intention for them to do this.

James007 wrote:
HoboPelican wrote:
wumingsden wrote:
Dani is pretty, but I can't say she's hot, so I'm not attracted to her, although I think I could be if I allowed myself to be. What is holding me back is the age difference I think, she is nearly 15 I i'm nearly 17.


I am not you, man, but for me, my most memorable relationships did not start with someone I thought was "hot". The best ones were those where we "got" each other, had a sense of connection, ya know?

...


Objection! Very Happy


Wow, your studying law too? Shocked Very Happy

James007 wrote:
The best relationships start with falling in love with someone who is extremely hot, and afterwards turns out to be extremely nice and caring.

As a gay, I know in "our world", which sounds quite creepy, looks are even more important. I think most gays act in this funny way (you know the "I'm a disco star"-way) because other gays should recognize us. We have to look "fabulous" because we can't ACT (as we don't know who's gay and who isn't), we can only BE and WAIT. Very Happy


I think that sums up a big point of what straight people can't understand. Because we are such a minority we have to do this. However, I'm not saying that this is a reason as to why some (well, most) gay people act flamboyant, but the fact of the matter is, the more flamboyant you are, the more possibility of a gay person finding you, rather than hitting on a load of straight guys to find the one odd one.

James007 wrote:
It's really nice when your hottest dream walks by, starts talking to you, and appears to be an extremely nice person! (not a bitch... like most gays, I know... I know...)


I kind of agree with you here. Yes, most gay people are bitches, but it's mainly for the dramatic effect, and not to cause harm. I call myself a bitch, but I'm not a nasty person (I've been told that I'm really a nice person, although they could be lying). So ... acting a bitch is for dramatic effect, which raises the level of being able to find a suitable partner.

James007 wrote:
Like Wuming... He looks cute, but he's a bit shy. Our diva Very Happy


Wuming is a fictional character that I created about 12 years old. I stemed from a story that I wrote which a friend had an objection to because I used their name (which was actually completely random). Because I this, I changed the characters name to Wuming, meaning the character has no set name. I didn't describe him as being cute, and shy, seen as "he" was a "she".

If you mean something like "Like Nick... He looks cute, but he's a bit shy. Our diva Very Happy", Nick being my real name, then it's also slightly wrong, but it did used to be true. I do not hide, I am not shy. Me, cute? Embarassed
Thanks for the compliement, but I'm changed a lot. I think i'm no longer the person you think i am, i've developed in such a way that even my most furthest and closest friends talk constansly about the changes.

James007 wrote:
Don't start on the girls. Some can be nice and caring, but they will never turn you on (because of our "mental construction error") Laughing


I don't think I ever will, or at least won't whilst there are such hot guys around. Celebrating my 17th birthday in amsterdam yesterday has made me realise a lot of things. For that reason, I'm actually thankful that we had such a dreaded coach journey which took is through France, Belgium, and the Netherlands. Four countries in one day of course was also a great accomplishment. Smile

I've sure thankful for our "mental construction error", as some rude people wish to point out.

HoboPelican wrote:
James007 wrote:
HoboPelican wrote:

I am not you, man, but for me, my most memorable relationships did not start with someone I thought was "hot". The best ones were those where we "got" each other, had a sense of connection, ya know?

...


Objection! Very Happy

The best relationships start with falling in love with someone who is extremely hot, and afterwards turns out to be extremely nice and caring.
...
Don't start on the girls. Some can be nice and caring, but they will never turn you on (because of our "mental construction error") Laughing


Objection!Very Happy


Wow, another student sutdying law Smile

HoboPelican wrote:
Don't even joke about a "mental construction error"! Too many people still think that way.


I think that's the only way we empower ourself, by turning around our "flaw against the natural world" [mental construction error] from a negetive to a positive statement. The same goes for when I call myself a bitch, slut, and faggot too. Sure, they are all terrible words, but is empowering for us to use (or at least it is for me, Salvi, feel free to jump in). Salvi quite obviously didn't use in a a negetive way.

HoboPelican wrote:
...Wumingsden said he could be attracted " if I allowed myself to be".


The operative word being "could" rather than "would".

Josso wrote:
Edit: It's actually quite interesting seeing the sexual preferences on this board - statistically. Has there ever been a poll?


use the search function to find out. If not, open one.
James007
And we're not going to take over the world. Some straight people tend to think so, but we won't take over the world, I promise.

Ah Nick, you can't loose your sweetness, but what do you mean? Some kind of identity crisis? If I may give some advice, the worst thing you can do is change. There are a lot of prejudices about gays. The most important thing is being yourself, or trying to find yourself. Find your inner smile (which is a very nice song from "Texas" by the way).

There are three ways to deal with annoying people:
  1. You run away. Not the best thing to do, but anyway. If some straight guys start screaming "Look! A ****** gay!" "en plein public" it might be better to start running.
  2. You make a social contract. I leave you alone, you leave me alone.
  3. You take over the world and put them on a space shuttle towards the moon.


Maybe we should take over the world? Nah... As long as you don't drop the soap when you're taking a shower, you shouldn't worry.
Josso
Opened a poll if anyones interested...
wumingsden
James007 wrote:
And we're not going to take over the world. Some straight people tend to think so, but we won't take over the world, I promise.

There are three ways to deal with annoying people:
  1. You run away. Not the best thing to do, but anyway. If some straight guys start screaming "Look! A ****** gay!" "en plein public" it might be better to start running.
  2. You make a social contract. I leave you alone, you leave me alone.
  3. You take over the world and put them on a space shuttle towards the moon.


Maybe we should take over the world? Nah... As long as you don't drop the soap when you're taking a shower, you shouldn't worry.


Shall we take over the world? Twisted Evil

I think the whole thing is starting to make sense to me now. I have spoken to dani and have come to the conclusion that there is nothing there. I'm not attracted to her, in any way. why i thought that there may be something, i do not know. It maybe because she was the only girl that wasn't crude in the way she went about liking me. Anyways, i've spoken to her. Told her that I do not like her, etc, etc. She took it kind of ok, which i'm pleased about. And we are still friends, so I guess it ended fine. Amsterdam, Belgium (and it's hot guys) made me realise who I am.

James007 wrote:
Ah Nick, you can't loose your sweetness, but what do you mean? Some kind of identity crisis? If I may give some advice, the worst thing you can do is change. There are a lot of prejudices about gays. The most important thing is being yourself, or trying to find yourself. Find your inner smile (which is a very nice song from "Texas" by the way).


I've changed a lot, but for myself. As you sweetly stated in an earlier thread, I was extremely shy. I've lost most of the shyness. I say I go on like a diva because people say I do. For me, it covers the shyness, but i'm not upfront. My friends know what I'm like, and know i remain true to myself, even when others think that I haven't.

All-in-all, I've realised that I can be myself. Whether I find a woman attractive in the future is indeed very doubtful, but nor do I care. I'm proud of who I am, and if somebody isn't i'll try and not let it effect me.

The Your Sexuality thread if anybody is interested.
tijn01
DOn't label it, just be yourself....
I didn't know you could write such long posts..... its too hard to read.....
ninjakannon
tijn01 wrote:
DOn't label it, just be yourself....
I didn't know you could write such long posts..... its too hard to read.....

I'm not quite sure what you mean by that, perhaps something like "I want points so I can keep my hosting... I know... I'll post something which is kind of relevant, or at least sounds it!".

You didn't know you could write such long posts? You didn't know that that was possible? Okay... I really hope this is the first forum you've ever used. It's not any harder to read than a short post, to be honest reading your post was quite painful however wumingsden's initial long post was very interesting. You just can't be bothered to read long posts because you're only here to keep your points up, not to help wumingsden or make him feel better in any way.

wumingsden wrote:
I think the whole thing is starting to make sense to me now. I have spoken to dani and have come to the conclusion that there is nothing there. I'm not attracted to her, in any way.

Oh good! I'm glad you've got this sorted out, looks like that break in Amsterdam did the trick. Wink
wumingsden
tijn01 wrote:
DOn't label it, just be yourself....
I didn't know you could write such long posts..... its too hard to read.....


It's not that long, not compared to other posts I have written. Usually I hover around all the support threads though, so some members probably think I'm a dumbass and completely incapable when it comes to doing so.
Personally I don't think it is hard to read long posts. As long as it's set out correctly, and has a nice flow (and there's not many spelling/punctuation errors) it shouldn't be much of a problem.

The purpose of this thread has already been achieved, but I'll leave it open.

I am not attracted to Dani, and never have been. I thought that I may of liked her if she was older, but now realise that this was me just trying to justify my (gay) brain to try and once be straight. I'm a little ashamed of doing so, and I hope that in future I try and remain true to myself.
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