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After marriage what role should women play?





mawia
Different societies assigned different roles to women in marriage. What is your ideal wife within your society.
TrueFact
Well... every society has its own aspects and points of views...

Middle East... that major look is HOUSE WIFE... take care of her man and raise the children when they come to this world. But civilized cities (Capital cities i mean) have a very different point of view... After marriage they are the man's best friend and the support you relay on at the hard times. In civilized cities women have more freedom after marriage than before it... They can choose their disteny but she HAS to agree with it with her husband due to Islam concepts.

That's all
Subsonic Sound
The... same role she played in the relationship before the marriage. Friend, confidant, lover. Don't see why marriage should change the relationship roles.
meet in rio
Whilst I of course agree with Subsonic Sound, I personally would probably put my husband's career before my own (assuming I weren't on £100k a year and him on £20k) because I plan on having children and want to take care of them myself, so I imagine my career will probably be disrupted anyhow. I suppose you could even see it as my husband supporting my decision to be a housewife rather than me supporting him as the breadwinner. I think, in my own case, my family unit would work better that way.

But I'm planning miles and miles ahead. Perhaps I'll fall in love with work and money.
mawia
Yes, women in western civilised societies have more freedom but are we missing the fact that this freedom has led to the breakdown of the family system. It seems there are much more failed marriage, live-in partners, and falling moral values in these countries.

And the sad fact is that women in all other parts of the world are trying to copy them. I think women can still play their traditional role and be the friend, confidant and lover for their husbands.
madc0w
I always used to think that absolute equality in everything was the best way to carry a marraige, but sometimes, now, I think that striving for such a thing only causes more turmoil because what is equal and not equal is such a debatable topic.

When equality comes to play, there's also a lot of room for hypocracy. Somebody who protests that they are not being treated in a equal and fair manner, could later turn around and use a stereotypical weakness as a cruch.

I agree with mawia when it is said that increased free will in the women of the modern family could possibly contribute to the fail rate of said families. Alternatively, it's debatable as to which is better, a "free" woman who selfishly puts her own best interest before her family's, or a woman in a traditional role who remains nothing more than a drone of sorts, lacking the character and personality of a women not so home and task bound. When you break it down completely, you see that there really is no perfect marraige and that there are pros and cons to every lifestyle. It's really more a matter of personal preferrence.

As for me and my wife, I am more of the housekeeper and work more with home and family maintinence while she is on the path of a professional career woman. Although we do net yet have any children, we have thus far favored the idea of me being the stay-home father rather than vice-versa or even trying to keep two people working and constantly having to worry about care and supervision for our children.
mawia
Wishing happy married life to madc0w even though we agree that there is no perfect marriage. The problem I find is that in many underdeveloped countries women - married, single, teenagers all tend to emulate the lifestyle of women in advance western countries.

I think we need to know that Women in western countries live their current lifestyle not at once but it is the outcome of a long process of evolution of their society. They work hard all weekdays and enjoy themselves during the weekend. Seeing their enjoyment in tv etc women in poor countries simply try to copy their fashion, attitude, freedom etc.

I live in some remote part of India and this is the case in our society and I think we are not yet ready to accept our women simply trying to copy everything western. Our value system is not yet prepared for this.
Captain Fertile
What role should my wife play now we are married?

Well the same as usual, she is a cavewoman and I am the caveman just back from the hunt. I come into the cave and see her...

...oh wait, that's not what you meant is it? Embarassed

My wife is my partner in every sense of the word. There is no boss although we have certain roles within the house we each have the final, or all the say in because we are more efficient at that role than the other or because the other person has no interest in that aspect of the family, home, relationship but we are not in charge of that role.

We are lucky though because our own strengths and weaknesses compliment each other so that we provide a really strong united front.

Our motto is, “You and me against the world” because no matter who or what comes along we will always have each other at the end of the day.

P.S.
Question: What is the best kind of watch to buy a woman?

Answer: No need, there is a clock on the cooker!

Just kidding ladies. Wink

Subsonic Sound wrote:
The... same role she played in the relationship before the marriage. Friend, confidant, lover. Don't see why marriage should change the relationship roles.

I think this statement is 100% accurate.
vervaeke
After marriage, wives should be given 49.9% share in the relationship. That way, they don't want to see the ship go down, but the still do not have a controlling interest. As far as the household duties go, they should be split 50/50. Women should take care of the traditional female duties such as pet grooming, tree trimming and sporadic shingle replacement, whereas males need to be diligent researchers on interesting subjects such as sports and pornography.
Captain Fertile
vervaeke wrote:
After marriage, wives should be given 49.9% share in the relationship. That way, they don't want to see the ship go down, but the still do not have a controlling interest. As far as the household duties go, they should be split 50/50. Women should take care of the traditional female duties such as pet grooming, tree trimming and sporadic shingle replacement, whereas males need to be diligent researchers on interesting subjects such as sports and pornography.


Laughing Very good! Made me laugh, if only it were that simple.
mawia
Wow. Captain Fertile I envy you and your successful marriage. I am not sarcastic I really wish you to have a happy married life.

I agree that the universally accepted ideal wife is to be "a friend, a confidant, and a lover, etc. " to her husband. But is this enough?

In some societies the family bonding is still very strong. in such societies I think both partners have equal responsibility towards each others family. Personally I think I would prefer a wife who is a friend, a confidant and a lover who also cares for my family, than a wife who says she loves me but unreasonably hates my family.
Captain Fertile
mawia wrote:
Wow. Captain Fertile I envy you and your successful marriage. I am not sarcastic I really wish you to have a happy married life...


I really am very lucky, don't misunderstand, every day is not like a TV commercial, we have ups and downs just like anyone but the bedrock of the relarionship is that we actually give a damn about one another and at the end of the day we both know there is someone at home who will be on our side - always.
SyncM
the same that he had before marriage. She should be loved and adored. If you really love her you should have like captain "say me and you aganist the world". and the most important talk and talk ask what she fell.
jharsika
mawia wrote:
Yes, women in western civilised societies have more freedom but are we missing the fact that this freedom has led to the breakdown of the family system. It seems there are much more failed marriage, live-in partners, and falling moral values in these countries.

And the sad fact is that women in all other parts of the world are trying to copy them. I think women can still play their traditional role and be the friend, confidant and lover for their husbands.


I don't think the freedom of women is what has contributed to the breakdown of family life. I think western society in general (I should know being in it and all) and as a whole has been ever on a downward slide. Morally that is. It's an attitude thing, we have lost the sense of what is true and what is valuable, there are some who have it right but there are some who just don't know what they are doing. It seems we've forgotten what love is...or we just don't have enough "time" to really find it. I wish things were simpler, and love was still something real, but it's not. People have turned selfish or something and marriage isn't as sacred as it used to be.

As to roles...I'm not sure, but I've already been told I "wear the pants" in the relationship Rolling Eyes
phil-k
In my native society, a good wife is the one that takes care of her family and a good husband is the one that loves his family and brings money at home. Roles are changing, but very slowly. Life is getting so difficult that women have work outside their home.
In my opinion, a good with is the one that loves his family (me and our children) and agrees to share all essential things and duties with me.
Manntis
I say let her choose xD
rekluzz
My wife is my partner, confidante and friend. Capt. Fertile, you had a great reply and I'd like to echo that response.
My wife and I are equals in our relationship, although we each have skills that allow each of us to compliment the other. My wife is a whiz with numbers, so I let her handle the finances (she loves doing it, and I enjoy the fact that I have my own personal accountant come tax time Cool )
I'm the one in charge of keeping the house standing in one piece with all the home repairs and maintenance.
We're both fairly consistent in how we raise our daughter, so that she doesn't try to pit one of us against the other, such as by saying "Mom, Dad said I could". Our daughter can never get away with that kind of line.
creezalird
generally as a housewife..but this should not stop her from getting her favourite job...besides than that..the husband should also play their role in helping the wife doing the housework..
Azmo
most important to me and my lady (not married yet tho, just living together) is that everything works out... before we moved in together, she was like this "no freakin way I'll take care of the house and you do nothing, I hate cleaning just as much as I do"

Now it's a natural thing for her to do.. reason is this. I work long days, and she study. She starts school alot later then I go to my work.. and almost everyday is she home a few hours before me.. so going to school + making the homework/studing for a test, still gives her alot more spare time then I have..

Now dont take me wrong, ofc I help out when I'm home from work, and weekends, point is that it comes natural that the one with most spare time does abit more of the house keeping. Atleast for us. And I'm happy about that.. cause I would be exhausted if I was gonna start cleaning, doing landury and stuff after work. I'll bring in the cash and we are perfectly happy at this very moment.

It's a giving and a taking for us, and if she get a better job then me, if I get more spare time.. I'll take over for her in the house, will work just fine, and when we have kids, we'll have to discuss what we should do.. I do think she wants to be home with the kids tho..

Anyways, now you know how I live Smile
molif
what role..?

hmm... let them choose... as long don be a bitch sleeping with other men..
bongoman
I don't see why the roles need to change, a marriage is a partnership so everyone should acts like partners, of course it could be argued that its not always an equal partnership but equality is certainly how I would like it to be. I also have a problem with the comment that western freedoms have contributed to the breakdown of family in society, its frankly an over-simplification of the problems of the west and there are other things to consider when asking this entirely seperate question but I won't get into that here. I don't believe in making sweeping generalizations about entire cultures, and thats why we keep having "east vs. west" conflicts. From the point of view of the offspring on marriage roles my own background is not from the West, neither I nor my parents were born in Canada but I have lived here for most of my life and I have a fairly strong sense of family and all those other inter-personal values, (though I admit I may take it for granted some of these values on occasion, I nevertheless follow them in my day to day life). In my own culture women play a very strong nurturing role, spending time with kids and such, but thats where my own family's experience breaks with that culture. Both of my parents work, and everybody pulls their own weight around the house, and both parents exert the same proportion of influence on my personally though it may be in different ways it is nevertheless an equal share.
supjapscrapper
Well, I'd have to say that the woman is the corner stone of any successful family, so if your relatiobship is not a sex thing, if your real goal is building a happy family and a happy life, your wife hast got to be an educated person, on the same line as you on the future of the famil and on the education of children, because SHE IS THE ONE WHO MAINLY RAISES THE CHILDREN, no matter if she works or not. If she works, she just has to make sure that she raises the children well, and takes care of her husband, if she does not, the fmily will be blown away.
bluefossil
Role for a woman is always making babies, so the human species won't go extinct. IRON MY SHIRT!!! MAKE ME DINNER!!!
greenwoodmonkey
Women have small feet so that they can reach the kitchen sink better...

OK, OK, I said that to provoke rather than actually meaning it..

After marriage women have the same role as men to play, they need to make sure, like their man, that everyone is happy, fulfilled and successful as well as themselves..

The ability to cook a decent shepherds pie goes down well too..
tijn01
The institution of marraige is dead! Women shouldn't allow themselves to be apart of it anymore.
evilryu530
i want a wife who cooks clean, keep a tighty house and can manage the kids. A susscessful family is one where u can trust her to run the household...i wnat her to also work, put it effort to look bodacious. like the wife from leave it to beaver...that would be awesome! someoen who motivates me and pushes me to be the best i can be. also to be a p*rnstar in bed with me!
indeedwrestling
My wife and I bought work. The biggest and most important part of our marriage is the communication and sharing of responsibilites. It's important to play to our strengths but not to overgeneralize who is going to do what just based on historic gender roles!!
bassman
I think that each relationship has its own balance, but I believe that to a greater or lesser extent most men and women follow the general patterns associated with their sex. For example, most men feel very strongly the desire to protect and provide for their family, and women feel strongly the desire to nurture their loved ones. In the vast majority of my experience, women seem much more "natural" with kids. Therefore, I think that in most cases the traditional model makes sense, where the wife stays home and bears more of the responsibility for the home and children and the husband works hard to support the family. I'm not saying that some couples would not fit this mold, but I think it would work for most couples. It certainly fits my fiancee and me to a T. I think the key is for there to be a consensus between the two people and mutual respect and support for each other's role in the marriage. I think a lot of women today feel like they're not really a woman or at least not a "strong modern woman" if they don't have a career AND a family. But the truth is that they try to do too much. And often everybody suffers.
bond4154
I don't really know about "wives", per se; I'm kind of the person who cannot envision myself marrying in the future. But if it's a "soulmate" you're talking about, or the close equivalent of a wife...well, I don't want a doormat or a rug, if you understand what I mean; it's just me, but I kind of want a person who can achieve mutual understanding with me. So responsibilities or whatever is kinda secondary; I just want to get along and have someone to talk to, I guess.
molif
up to them.. be it if they want to be a housewife, or career woman or half half, as long she don have to be a slut and sleep with other men behind my back..
Aiz
Although I'm Chinese, and Chinese women are supposed to put family and children first, I personally don't believe in the idea of being a housewife.

although it can work for some couples for the women to quit their jobs and stay at home to tend to the family, it also does not work for many.

In the past, women being at home was viewed as a easy task and the hard work they had to do while prepping themselves into pretty things for their husbands was usually not commented on by society. But since divorce was taboo back then, when the men get tired of their wives, they'd just go quietly and find a mistress, while still live "happily ever after" with their wives.

But, nowadays, divorces are as easy and acceptable as anything, a woman staying at home would be at higher risk of literally being thrown out with nothing even if there are laws set to try to prevent such cases, in my opinion.
Although it might work, the cases I've witnessed did not attest to that. So I am merely going to speak from personal witness accounts.

A lot of times men make women stay at home, not because they want to divide the work of keeping a family together, but to control the women. If the women do not go out other than grocery shopping, they have less chance of meeting someone better (=P), will not be financially independent so they will have to depend on the men which would give men more power over them, and also to appease the men's own egos of being the breadwinners of the family (of course, not to mention it would be easier for the men to cheat since the women would not be out in the world and would be kept oblivious to what happens with their husbands when they are out on "business").

Then the family has a really high chance of breaking down when the men feels more and more superior than the women since they are earning the money and "keeping" the women. And then, that sense of superiority turns into boredom with the nagging wife at home, and that new hot secretary up on the 5th floor becomes more and more appealing...

The above is what have occurred to people I know (well, not the secretary bit, that was a random example). They might not hold true for everyone, but they happen.

Of course these things vary from person to person, but I myself personally, would never rely on a man to feed me. Because, it is great if it works out, but if it doesn't, I'd be left out alone, jobless, broke, and old. Totally am not gonna set myself up for that.
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