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Is it okay to be friends with your ex?





prototype_angel
Because the long distance relationship was too hard, me and my girlfriend broke up, but we didn't ever fight or have anything bad between us so we kept talking and talk almost everyday. A lot of people claim that I'm stupid for not leaving that part behind and moving on, but I really like her as a friend and count on her advice whenever I need it. Do you think it's okay to talk to someone you used to date?
TribalArt
Sometimes its ok but then it can be awkward.

I try to but its mainly the girl that dumps me. I move on with my life and then they get annoyed with it. I think its jealousy.

If you can remain friends with out the awkward part then its all good. But I urge you not to constantly be there, have your life, but be there for her as a friend.
Otherwise she will call you a stalker.
leppard
It's difficult. I did it with an ex 11 years ago. She said she wanted to be friends, but it was just a way to be nice. It took us 4 years, because I tried really hard. At some time we did not see each other for about a year. We now live very far from each other and that helped the friendship to grow.

Don;t expect to start dating again, if you do hope that you will get back again with each other, a friendship will not grow easily. A friendship with an ex needs to be like any normal friendship, both of you should be friends who give each other room and don't expect the other to phone everyday.

Tribalart is right. Live your life. Living is the best revenge. If she really likes you and want to be friends she'll come around.
TribalArt
Thanks!
Thas roughly what happened to me. Got dumped. Moved on. She got jealous [well thats what I was told] but by that time I had found another girl.

Yet when I think about it, I do miss her. We were said to be the golden couple at school. Were friends but generally we smile and thats it.

Past is the Past. Aint gonna do nothing to change it.
Futile
It's always hard being close friends with an ex after the fact. I guess the biggest thing to take into account is was the break up its self. Was it "ugly" or just a parting of the ways? Leppard is right about wanting to get back together and the whole dating issue. Bottomline is can both of you look at each other in a "just a friend" light. Best thing is to put it on table out in the open and see what happens.
frozenhead
Yes, but it's really hard to get in on (to be friends). That really depends on how you've been together as gf - bf, those good times that made some parts of your life is the reason why friendship is an option between the both of you and the way I see it, it's good your open to that idea (see what happens). Wink
bassman
I've had awful luck maintaining friendships with my ex-girlfriends. Usually, the reason we broke up is too glaring to let a real friendship ensue. Also, old feelings never seem to die for me, while she moves on. I don't think it's impossible, though. I was very good friends for while with one of my exes, and I think it is possible, especially in a situation like yours where the only reason you broke up was because of your location. I wouldn't feel too concerned about maintaining a close friendship, as long as it doesn't hold you back from getting to know other people, perhaps even romantically. Maybe even, should your circumstances change, you might get back together.
tyrant
Personally for me , it really depended on how close we were in the relationship and the reason for breaking up. Out of the 3 ex-gf's i had , 2 i still talk too. Took some time for both of us to recover but now its cool.

Only 1 i don't talk too anymore because she was retarded.
leppard
Ten years down the line your priorities will have changed so much, that the girl you thought were right for you, would actually have been the biggest mistake.

I have had that realization with 3 girls. I wanted to marry all 3, wanted to be friends with all 3 and today I'm glad that Im only friends with one and married to someone who does not resemble the others.

When I got married all the questions I had about dating was just answered. And I could not use them. I believe thats why many guys have affairs while married.

The best advice I can give is, don't let new oppurtunities pass you by. I have had girls pass me by that looked like supermodels and were so in love with me they would have done anything. I missed them because I was sulking about a girl that wasn't half the woman.

We are men, and women want us to be men. We hunt, but if the prey is constantly evading us, we have to find something else to eat, or we'll die.
Once a girl finds you are moving on, she'll either forget about you or run after you.
scorpiosemotion
It sounds too me that you will have an excellent friendship that you'll be able to cherish for a long time. Not only is it possible, to be friends with an ex, sometimes it is necessary. Take for example, My eldest daughter's father and I never married and broke up. We are good friends today, not only because we have to be, but because we put our past behind us. Our daughter flourishes with the love of both of our families and her step fathers. Don't give up hope on your friendship, and enjoy the fond memories of the past. You're entitled.
Sin Dasine
for me,yes,it's okey....why not...
If you had a fight over something,and that fight was the reason for endin'
the relations,then not,I mean,how can you be friend with someone your in a fight...
but If you ended it just because you think it wouldn't work,for some reasone,like a distance bettwen,I don't see a reasone why not stay in contact? Sad Smile
tingkagol
prototype_angel wrote:
Because the long distance relationship was too hard, me and my girlfriend broke up, but we didn't ever fight or have anything bad between us so we kept talking and talk almost everyday. A lot of people claim that I'm stupid for not leaving that part behind and moving on, but I really like her as a friend and count on her advice whenever I need it. Do you think it's okay to talk to someone you used to date?

it's very okay if:

1) you're not in love with her anymore.

but i bet you're still very much in love with her from the way you wrote your post. quit acting. if you're still in love, stop acting like you hate losing your friendship just because you two broke up.

i bet if some guy came along and swept her off her feet, you'd be dead jealous... and you thought jealousy was over.
RallyMonkey
If you can get it to work out, then do it.
unknownc1c
well i'm deffinatly no expert, but i think it's ok if you and her can handle it. When either of you start dating other people and things between you stay normal then it's ok.

I personally can't do that. I tried to make a long distance relationship work, but she didn't want to try and i can't talk to her normally now. I've tried but she's got issues with me for whatever reasons
apple
I don't see anything wrong with being friends with your ex.

Thing is...
There should have been some kinda friendship for you all to be in a relationship in the first place.

So if she hears you got another girl and that's her reason for wanting to be friends...

I say...Accept the friendship and just let it be....

and.....live your life as the others have suggested.
xkobram
I live with idea, that between boy and girl cant be friendship.
indeedwrestling
At my wedding this weekend, five ex-boyfriends sang a song to my wife. Moral: it's very possible to remain friends with former boyfriends. Especially when it's been years between when you dated and who they're with now!
Tvis
For me there is no problem at all. But it depends the girl. In your case, I would say, go ahead, you said you don't fight, so why no be friends. Your ex might know more about you than your parents or best friends (in my case it is). I was never into sharing problems with my parents. My ex-girlfriend took it out of me. She at some point stopped loving me and although that was hard for me, after a few months I was over her, and we started being friends. Such a good friends that she even mad time for me if her boyfriend wanted to see her. She really gave me a place in her life as best friend. But watch out, you need to be able to accept that she will find someone else as her boyfriend. If you can't live with that idea, forget about friendship. She will tell you to stop possessing her. And you will lose the friendship. It will be hard that part, but if agreed, you can have friendship. After a few years I lost friendship with my ex, because I moved to another country. Was hard to keep contact like that.
Captain Fertile
It is not okay if you still have feelings. This can cause problems for future relationships or even prevent you from moving on at all.

While a retain good will with all my ex partners (none of them are enemies) I would not keep them in my life as this would be unfair to my wife, especially if anyone was still carrying a torch for the other - that is asking for trouble..
lerian
I'm a best friend for my ex-girl. We broke 4 years ago, and keep in contact until now. She calls me every week and tells me every story. I never had any problems so far. We never meet, rarely. Just a phone call.
saya
I agree with xkobram becouse thats the truth
no friendship between girls and boys exactly with ex-girls...
silvous666
yea this is very awkward, if u truely loved that person and have done stuff with them in a sexua way, there is no possible way to just be FRIEDS. its the stuff u guys have done together is always in the bac of ur head with both ppl, and its always going to be awkward, so if u have had enough i would say just stay away or u will get pulled back in!
cavey
If you and your ex had a strong friendship before and during the relationship, the friendship may last, even after the break-up. If you have the same friends, its practical to stay friends.

At my experience, the friendship often lasts untill the boy gets a girlfriend, and she's not fond of him talking to much to his ex-girlfriend (yes, I'm a girl).
LouLou
I think its fine unless they done somthing really bad to you.
varon
I think of Jerry and Elaine (in Seinfeld) Smile

I don't think it's a bad idea to be friends with your ex, but to do so you really have to set aside all romantic feelings, because a real friendship would not come about if one of you still harbors old feelings (like when you used to date) for the other. The friendship has to be platonic and both of you need to be on the same ground -- that is, neither of you are hoping you could pick up one day from where you left off. I think that's the only time real friendship after a romance that faded would work.

Reading your post, prototype_angel, I was touched because I felt how much you really loved your ex and how your bond is probably stronger than the entire span of your relationship together. Not very many people have that, you know, knowing you will always be connected with someone who used to be special even if the relationship had to change course for a bit. Smile I admire your love for your ex-gf, and I wish you love to get over her. Smile Preferably someone who's not psychotically jealous over your friendship with a former lover. Very Happy
Kyraxe
being friends with an ex is hard to do, mainly because of the history and intimacy behind the relationship. it is hard to "forget" that type of intimacy, that is not normally there in a friendship. And that can sometimes cause an awkwardness in the friendship. Also if you started dating again, is she going to be jealous like an ex, or happy for you like a friend?
ahamed
Well, two past lovers can be friend after broke up in 2 cases. Either they were still in love or they were not in love in any time. I don't know whether it's practically true or not .. but in my sense it's very right.
indeedwrestling
lerian wrote:
I'm a best friend for my ex-girl. We broke 4 years ago, and keep in contact until now. She calls me every week and tells me every story. I never had any problems so far. We never meet, rarely. Just a phone call.


This brings up an important and interesting concept -- what role are you playing when you speak with her? Are you being her confidant, friend, supporter? Does this relationship inhabit her ability to connect stronger with someone else or is it just reflective of your close connection and shared past?
Sadow
prototype_angel wrote:
Because the long distance relationship was too hard, me and my girlfriend broke up, but we didn't ever fight or have anything bad between us so we kept talking and talk almost everyday. A lot of people claim that I'm stupid for not leaving that part behind and moving on, but I really like her as a friend and count on her advice whenever I need it. Do you think it's okay to talk to someone you used to date?


I think it's very mature of you to deal with the situation like that. If you both truly are friends and left the love thingy behind, I think you could help each other with advise and can stay friends for a long time. Why not?
windrei
eh.. what's the matter to be friends with you ex... ??? s/he is supposed to be the one who knows you the most, more than normal friends do. Best friends are supposed to know much about you. S/he can be a very good friend to you. The only problem is, most people do not accept it because they always break up with sad experiences that they do not wanna meet each other anymore... for your case, you end up the relationship peacefully, so what do you mind about ? what are you concern about ?

however, i think you will fall in love with her again one day. haha~
TrueFact
I say that there's nothing wrong about it... and you have some benefits:
- If you were in love with him/her... that's a way to be close if you don't want to give up and surrender to the fact that she dumped you Embarassed

- If like you and there was nothing wrong but the long distance and there's still trust... it may be the way to extend your relation to the limit where and when it is possible to make your dream come true Very Happy

- She can be a spare if you are the bad guy when your current girl has a fight with you Twisted Evil Wink
slchap5
it depends on how you met and how you broke up i think. If it was mutual its alot easier but it might be akward for a bit. You will either drift apart or stay good friends it all depends on the circumstances
blue77
I'm a friend with the most of my exes. It may sound strange but this help me sometimes. It's wonderfull to know that if you have any kind of problem you may just call someone to ask him what to do in the particulare situation.
My ex boyfriends teach how to do a lot of things.
madc0w
I have two ex girlfriends.

My first girlfriend and I continued to have a friendship after our long-distance relationship ended because it seemed the right thing to do, and we didn't separate on bad terms. That contact has gradually dwindled to almost nothing now although we remain just as friendly to each other when we do speak.

The second girlfriend I broke up with because she was a compulsive liar and I couldn't handle that. She and I saw each other once, several months after the breakup and I was so disgusted with seeing her again that I never contacted her again. The reason for my disgust was that she not only did the whole "listen to how much better my life is since you dumped me" thing, but she also kept commenting on everything I said with some sort of "you always were that way" or "some things never change" comment, as though 7 months of a broken relationship with me made her an absolute expert on who I am.

I think to have a successful and lasting friendship with an ex is a very rare occurance. Most often, it never turns out well, and above all else, even in the best case scenario, it never lasts.
ankur.vatsa
--------------------------------------------
ssthanapati
This "Can we b friends" thing can be somtimes a real pain d ass. We recently broke up and she said those ****** wrds. Cudnt say no. but whenever we spoke it didnt feel gud. and i was kinda rude 2 i guess. But neways we r driftin apart as i can c and i like that. Its kinda common mistake us guys make. Neway that was the last of that type i will make thats 4 sure
SyncM
No is it over is over. why jang on somthing that dont work it just stop you to meet a new girl. and when you meet a new girl it really mean to talk with ex. Its more fishes in the sea
varon
i just remembered reading a quote, from another forum:

"If past lovers become friends,
it's either because they're still in love...
or they never were."



Hmmm... Cool
bluefossil
if you all were not friends before you started dating, then it can feel really akward. But there is nothing wrong with being friends with your ex
Fright Knight
well yes. It's okay to make friend with your ex especially if she was the one who leave you behind. Well I can befriend my ex if she told me the reason why she left me. of course that's my own opinion.
Obake
prototype_angel wrote:
A lot of people claim that I'm stupid for not leaving that part behind and moving on.


What rubbish. That you can still stand to interact with her doesn't mean you're not, or that you haven't, moved on. Your friendship with her in no way hinders you from going after "the other fish in the sea", as certain other people in the thread have crudely put it. Go for it, say I.

I can't imagine not being friends with my ex, nor could I imagine not continuing to be friends with my current girlfriend if we ever broke up--because I don't go out with people I don't already like and respect. If the romantic relationship ends but you still like and value each other as people, what's to stop you continuing as friends? That's not to say the transition can't be difficult or painful, but in my experience it's worth it.
mawia
I think it is ok to be friends with your ex. But personally I find it very difficult. Not that we despised or hated each other its just that the communication line has broken. I used to talk to them freely and they too did the same but these communications are casual and no longer intimate.
I think if we agree to be friends again it shows we both agree to rekindle the relationship knowingly or unknowingly.
emilio22
it depends on how far the relationship went, for instance if you had sex. Although it may be possible to have casual sex with a friend, even this can damage a relationship. As hard as it is to accept, it's difficult to bring a relationship back to its normal state after having been most intimate with someone. You will always have an image of that person naked, and memories of the trysts will always be triggered by the smell of her skin or perfume, or even by hearing a song that you once made passionate love to.
And as thick-skinned as you are, it's hard to see the person in the same light after being entangled in each other's skin and sharing a moment of sheer ecstasy with one another.
theac
prototype_angel wrote:
Because the long distance relationship was too hard, me and my girlfriend broke up, but we didn't ever fight or have anything bad between us so we kept talking and talk almost everyday. A lot of people claim that I'm stupid for not leaving that part behind and moving on, but I really like her as a friend and count on her advice whenever I need it. Do you think it's okay to talk to someone you used to date?


I personally think its fine to talk to your ex(s) because the fact that you did have something togather at one point in time tells you that there will always be that friendship before there was a relationship. If you are willing to just throw what friendship you did have away over some petty litle arguements or something as stupid as he said she said stuff then it was not a friendship to begin with. every good relationship must start as a friendship and then progress from there. if you start a relaionship without a friendship then when you get in your 1st real fight then what are you going to do. rely on the lust of the relationship to hold you togather. That never works. I am currently in a 4 year relationship that started off as a 2 year friendship before we decidied to take the next step. If i wouldn't have had the friendship with her some of the arguements that we get into would have ended our relationship but we goto each other as friends in that situatuion..
rfarrand
I think it depends on how you two are able to talk and how the friendship is one before the relationship started... (were you friends beforehand?) -- and second it depends on if because you talk to her all the time, it is not allowing you to move on in your heart...are you still holding on to the fact, that maybe we will date again...i know for me...i wanted to be friends with my exs because we were just not compatible to live together forever which is why we broke up but they were really awesome friends and i love them to death...the problem was, that at first i wasn't really letting them go...i was hoping to get that one call and have that one talk where we would get back together again and everything would be great... it was hindering my new relationships...

this also will depend on how your new gf feels about these conversations...she may be neglected or that you really don't like her, you are just waiting for your ex to come back to you. i think it is different in every situation...you have to make that judgement in your circumstance.
creezalird
I'm currently in the situation of making friendship with the one that I've confessed before..
Sound a little bit awkward because she doesn't react to me the same way before I confessed my feeling.
Anyway we still be friend,I think
Keep calling everyday and I actually still hoping she will realize how deep my love to her..maybe she will fall in love with me..
Time can make a difference..
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