A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a
small club in a small town in Arkansas.With his dummy on his knee, he's going
through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands
on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?What does the color of a
person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?It's guys like you who
keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from
reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to
perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general.
..and all in the name of humor!"
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this, mister!I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"
**************************************************************************************
Upon dying, Bill Gates went to
purgatory. St. Peter said to his, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you
have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go". So,
Bill takes a look at hell and see's these beautiful women running around, in 80 degree
temperature, on beautiful beaches. Then he took a look at heaven and it was nice, you
know harps and singing and worship and stuff like that. So he said to St. Peter that he
would like to go to hell. About a week later, St. Peter went down to hell to check on
Bill. There he saw him, being whipped by demons. He said to St. Peter, “What happened
to all the beautifull women, and the beaches and the 80 degree temperature?”
Peter replied, “That was just the screen saver.
**************************************************************************************
Knock, Knock...
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Arthur.
- Arthur who?
- Arthur any better jokes on this thing?
*************************************************************************************
Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?
He was caught playing with his broomstick.
*************************************************************************************
The Real Skywalker Lineage
(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker
towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand. It goes
spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes
there's nowhere to go but straight down....)
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No, Luke... I am your father!
Luke: No! It's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true.
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of
yours?
Luke: Threepio? Darth Vader : Yes, C-3PO. I built him -- when I was only seven years old.
Luke: No!
Darth Vade : Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself: No lightsaber,
no hand, no job and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp.
Luke: I destroyed the Death Star!
Darth Vader When you were 20! When I was ten, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade
Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... “Poor me! My father never gave me what I wanted for my
birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!”
Luke: Shut up.
Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi
knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor...! Listen, ten years old and winner of
the Boonta Eve Open, the only human to ever fly a Pod Racer -- right here, baby!
(Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.)
Darth Vader : I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure
ain't mine. (Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.
Darth Vader looks after him.)
Darth Vader : Get a haircut!'
******************************************************************************************
Why's Fred Flintstone a homosexual?
He's always having a "gay old time".
******************************************************************************************
small club in a small town in Arkansas.With his dummy on his knee, he's going
through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands
on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?What does the color of a
person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?It's guys like you who
keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from
reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to
perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general.
..and all in the name of humor!"
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this, mister!I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"
**************************************************************************************
Upon dying, Bill Gates went to
purgatory. St. Peter said to his, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you
have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go". So,
Bill takes a look at hell and see's these beautiful women running around, in 80 degree
temperature, on beautiful beaches. Then he took a look at heaven and it was nice, you
know harps and singing and worship and stuff like that. So he said to St. Peter that he
would like to go to hell. About a week later, St. Peter went down to hell to check on
Bill. There he saw him, being whipped by demons. He said to St. Peter, “What happened
to all the beautifull women, and the beaches and the 80 degree temperature?”
Peter replied, “That was just the screen saver.
**************************************************************************************
Knock, Knock...
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Arthur.
- Arthur who?
- Arthur any better jokes on this thing?
*************************************************************************************
Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?
He was caught playing with his broomstick.
*************************************************************************************
The Real Skywalker Lineage
(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker
towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand. It goes
spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes
there's nowhere to go but straight down....)
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No, Luke... I am your father!
Luke: No! It's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true.
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of
yours?
Luke: Threepio? Darth Vader : Yes, C-3PO. I built him -- when I was only seven years old.
Luke: No!
Darth Vade : Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself: No lightsaber,
no hand, no job and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp.
Luke: I destroyed the Death Star!
Darth Vader When you were 20! When I was ten, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade
Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... “Poor me! My father never gave me what I wanted for my
birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!”
Luke: Shut up.
Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi
knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor...! Listen, ten years old and winner of
the Boonta Eve Open, the only human to ever fly a Pod Racer -- right here, baby!
(Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.)
Darth Vader : I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure
ain't mine. (Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.
Darth Vader looks after him.)
Darth Vader : Get a haircut!'
******************************************************************************************
Why's Fred Flintstone a homosexual?
He's always having a "gay old time".
******************************************************************************************
