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What to say when someone tells you that a friend is dead?

Jakob [JaWGames]
Just for some minutes ago I sat chatting with a friend, suddenly she told me that something bad just had happened and that she would tell me what when she came back. Some minutes later she came back and told me that a close friend of her family was dead.
I wanted to talk with her about it but I couldn't make out something good to say, I said something like "I don't know what to say" and she answered "Its alright, you don't need to say anything, I wouldn't known what to say either" then I went silent and some minutes later she logged out.

So yes, anyone who have any good suggestions what to say when you comes in this situation?
Someone said Silence is a vitue.
Keep it low and let time be the healer.
If you really ask me, "I dunno what to say either"
Never a good time, but I think you just have to pay attention. I usually express sympathy and then see how they respond. If they go into it a bit, I ask them some more about the person. If they just change the subject, I assume they aren't ready to talk. If they do seem like they want to talk, I try to ask questions like, "were you close?", "was it sudden?", anything to let them tell me what they need to talk about.

There isn't much you can say to ease their pain, but you can let them talk and just be there to listen.
Jakob [JaWGames] wrote:
she logged out.

for a second i thought both of you were actually talking in person. you can't do anything right when you chat on the net.
Jakob [JaWGames]
Jakob [JaWGames] wrote:
she logged out.

for a second i thought both of you were actually talking in person. you can't do anything right when you chat on the net.

Yes it is hard to express symphaty over the net, but she seemed to be happy today so I don't think that she will go and be depressed over it.
Nevertheless, it felt quite bad yesterday to not be able to say anything but I guess that's life..
Captain Fertile
You did exactly the right thing - you didn't know what to say and you told them that.

It is better to be honest and move on (in a sympathetic way of course) than to try and say something 'right' and fail. If nothing comes to mind that instantly feels apropriate just tell them you don't know what to say, that is the smartest thing to do.

Because you don't know what to say it doesn't mean you don't care, it means you care enough to be knocked off centre and lose your train of thought by the news.

In the online situation you mentioned, if you suspected it was awkward you could have said, "Do you want to maybe log off to be with your thoughts for a while? We can pick this up again later if you prefer. I'm always here whenever you need me."

Hope this helps.
Jakob [JaWGames]
Mm, yes that's probably true, but yeah, it's just to hope that you not comes to that situation again Rolling Eyes
Such situations are honestly a difficult thing to deal with..and silence and honesty were the best options.
It's a tough situation. Don't worry about what happened though, usually there isn't too much that can be said to make the other person feel better - death is a tough one. Just let them know that you are there for them if they need to talk.
Just talk or chat with her. Say or make something nice. That will show her that you share her sorrow and understand the lose.
Jakob [JaWGames] wrote:
I said something like "I don't know what to say" ...

I think you did the best thing you could. I mean when you dont know what to say its better to say, that you dont know what to say...
Jakob [JaWGames]
It seemes that most agrees on that the best thing to say when you don't knows what to say is that you don't know what to say Smile But anyway, thanks for caring everybody!
If you don't know what to say, just say "I'm really sorry to hear that" and then keep quiet. If the person wants to add on to that and tell you more, let her.

If not, respect her desire for privacy. Don't push for info if the person is not ready to divulge.

Resource Centre for Digital Video Productions
ive found in my years as a minister that their is really nothing you can say, all you can do is lend an ear to listen to the person, love them, and support them as they cope with their loss, when alot of people tell you stuff like that all they want is for someone to listen.
do nothing
just keep always on your mind love your friends... Embarassed
mmm this is a very difficult situation for everybody, I have lost people and in particular a person very close to me and during my time of pain I realised that everybody said the right thing as everybody where truely sorry.

In fact I felt pitty for my freinds and family as I could see how uncomfortable it was for them to try and honestly express their feelings.

How ever if I where in a position to express to someone else's loss I think the best way is clear open, if you happen to be infront of the person then build up the courge to appreach the person and just look them in the eye and epress how sorry you are by either just saying sorry for your loss or any other words you feel appropiate then maybe end off with a good honest firm hug, contact always helps.

if you are online its a bit harder all you can say is yu really are sorry for their loss and offer any kind of support you posibly can if she logged off and you need to express your felings then send her a short mail just conveying your feelings about her loss and offer her any support you posibly can then leave her to go through what ever she needs to go through.

the main thing is dont dwell and romantisize the whole event let her take charge of exactly how much or how ittle she wants to talk about it untill she has gathered her composure.

hope this helps cheers
I already lived a situation like that. One of my friend is dead 2 months ago and I think in a situation like that, you can only say "I'll be there for you if there is anything I can do".

Then you don't need to say anything else.
I remember, the day after he died we was like 10 friends and nobody said nothing for like 2 hours. The we remembered our good memories with him.
next time say sorry and that you're always there is she needs someone.
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