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Man, am I a loser! --Resolved





bladesage
Holy cow, I am a total failure! I suck at relationships! I have only had one, and it failed because it was long distance one. All the other "girlfriends" I had were all using me. In sixth grade, all the girls in the cafeteria would play these awful games with my heart.

Recently, I lost the most precious girl in the world, before she even became mine. I wrote seventeen heartfelt poems to her, but she broke my heart Sad. I have this serious depression, and I have to take these powerful narcotics every few hours to keep me from wanting to kill myself.

I have these awesome dreams of having a family someday, but as it is, I had to pray for hours for God to help me learn to love again after such a devastating heartbreak. It doesn't help since I'm an unattractive, nerdy, lonely guy with Social Anxiety Disorder. I'm such a romantic, too. I feel like a total dipstick because I'm the only person I know who isn't after sex...I'm the only guy I ever met who isn't a pervert.

I am such a loser...I'm too shy to ask anyone out, and the only people I share a lot in common with are older or younger than me...I'm too mature for my age! I suck...I need to have someone to love, or I can never have the motivation to thrive in life, but I'm too shy and weird to get anyone. I've got the potential to succeed, but without the inspiration of love, I'm failing school. Having an IQ of 157 doesn't help me at all in relationships! And that is pretty much all I got other than passion and romance!

I'm losing it...and my psychologist isn't helping much...I need some help, BADLY! There must be someone here who has the experience to help me...PLEASE! I take so many pills that I'm a walking pharmacy, but they can't bring me love. I need love to live, and right about now, it's a struggle to resist suicide.
xlosin_love&&
Hey woah! Take it easy! It's not your fault that the girl you wanted broke up with you. It's not your fault that you're a total "failure." Everyone has mistakes every now and then and you can't help that. Don't complain because it really isn't your fault and don't commit suicide because that doesn't help you in any way.

The dreams that you have, they WILL happen. You just have to wait for the right time. For the time being, why not just relax and have fun? Go out with friends or lunge yourself in a new interest to take your mind off that girl? I know it's hard because you love her (I know how you feel because of experience) but maybe she isn't the right one for you...? If you feel like she is, maybe it just isn't the right time yet for you to be together. Maybe someday in the future?

Try to gather up the courage to ask a girl out. Or ask a close girlfriend to help you achieve that. It's 2007, a new year. You could do anything. Maybe add that in your New Years Resolution? Whatever you decide, hope you feel better and don't hesitate to PM me if you need anymore help.
bladesage
It turns out I have a secret admirer...I knew that already, but I lied to her, so I made her hate me. Now I made her feel better, and I had no clue what she was like...she found me online, and she's like obsessed with me. So all the sudden, a few minutes ago, she sent me a nude pic of herself. I did NOT see that coming! I'm still in shock, and I have no clue what to think...THEN, she asked me if I was horny Shocked

I find a girl, and she's a pervert (and a hot one too)...I told her I'm not a pervert, and that I'm the romantic type, so she said it's okay, 'cause she likes both Surprised

I am so lost...is this good or bad? I don't think she gets that I would change that about myself for love...someone cares about me, calls me hot, and sends me a nude pic of herself...WTF?? I am so confused...and she is so mysterious, and I'm about to ask her out, since I know nothing about her but her first name...but if she says no, I may very well DIE of curiosity. I am in full panic now, PLUS the devastation of heartbreak.

It's times like these that I HATE having Panc Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...they make an AWFUL combo after being crushed in spirit!

Mad Confused Sad Surprised Crying or Very sad
bladesage
And, all this stress is making me want to go back to my drug abuse days...I was never addicted, but I need a mood elevator so much, and the three depression medications I take aren't enough at a time like this.

The LAST thing I need is drugs, but the stress is killing me! Man I resent those days, but at least I was happy then.
xlosin_love&&
Wow. That girl sounds real freaky to me. So tell me, is this girl a friend of yours offline or online? Because if it's online - people can lie and just hurt you again and you wouldn't like that, correct? It could just be guys playing with you and pretending that they are girls. So I suggest that you watch out and know more about this girl before you ask her out.
iNs@nE
Chill out man!
I'll give you somethin to think about.
When the girl cheats on you, you have no reason to be fair to her...
Correct?

Go ahead and exploit the bugs in the relation dude than whining over them coz here in India there is a sayin...
"What goes today, always comes by tomorrow"
Thats how the system of life works..!
Srs2388
Nah, your not a loser because you have had a few relationships go bad... I have had tons go bad... I eventually get over it.
As will you, you'll find someone who loves you and you love them back.
good luck with everything I hope you find someone who will treat you right, everyone deserves that.
tingkagol
be with friends who also have female friends. apparently the best partners come from being friends with them first.

i hate hitting on strangers. it always keeps you nervous.
xkobram
Just try to be optimist!
See http://www.frihost.com/forums/vt-60552.html

I tryed it...

I have a problem with gettiong over my last relationship (which has ended 4 months ago) and in last few days i got flashabcks of her... But yesterday I was sinking in deepnes of my pain, but i looked up and saw many girls, just as i moved trough the school corridor and when i was going home and everywhere, and i knew, that somewhere out are girls, that must be waiting on me and we are both waiting for the right moment...

So hove about trying to move our moment nearer to us in calendar? How about tommorow or weekend?

Be sure, that somewhere out are thousands of girls who can be interested in meeting you...
bladesage
Well, I came to find out that the girl who apparently was my secret admirer had mistaken my screen name for a different Alex, so she really didn't even know me. Then she started spazzing out because she showed her breasts to someone she didn't even know.

She is a total pervert anyway...when she found out about the mistake, and I convinced her that I'm only sixteen and not some old creep, she asked how big my genitals are, assuming that I had measured it before or gone around comparing it to other guys...I am not a pervert, and would thus like to avoid dating one anyway.

And as far as this major depression goes, I found a cure other than all the medications I take...I decided to make a list of all the positive things about me and my life, and another list of all the negative things...much to my surprise, though I began with only two positive things and 15 negatives, my list of positives kept growing. Soon enough, I ran out of room for the positive things, and got to cross off two of the negative things! On the bus riding home, I realized I could cross out "heartbroken." And after a while more of doing my homework, I decided I could safely cross out "low confidence" as well.

And now, even though I still have a ton of stress in my life, and almost everything is falling apart for me, I can proudly show off my certificate from The University of Optimism, without being a total faker. I am still suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and an array of other mental and emotional disorders that tend to make my life a pit of sorrow, I am over Cate completely. I'd reccommend the method to anyone who feels bad about themselves. I may be miserable for a good 75% of my waking life, but it's better than the 100% it was yesterday. I am still suffering often from depression, stress, anxiety, and panic; but I no longer plan on attempting suicide (one failed try was plenty for me).

I have a lot to feel awful for, and I am still just as much of a loser, but I am much happier now. I may suck, but I plan on sucking my way to all of my goals. And I have abandoned online dating/matchmaker services, and decided to hold off on dating...at least until after I pass this semester. I dug myself in pretty deep, and it won't be easy getting myself straightened out again, so I will need all my effort to pass my classes (I'm failing 3 of my 4 classes), and I plan on living up to my genius-level IQ and military-level self-descipline.

I cannot say I am "happy," but I am over that relationship, I feel somewhat better than before, and plan on getting my driver's license soon.
bluefossil
you are not loser! we are all winners!
blue77
I have a very bad luck at this time. If you are failure in relationships ( I dont think that you are, maybe your time doesn't come yet) I'm a failure in eyerithing else. So enjoy the outher things that you have. We only value things that we lose.
SyncM
Take it easy you just 16. All kids have a lot of hormone and do not now what to do whit it. Stop dreaming of girls and the perfect relationships that only give you pressure. Start training something it give you self confidence and give you something else to think about. I started to train basketball in your age and it really change me life.

Don't rush to girl and show that your drastic take it easy let them come if they are interested. And that girl on Internet she will only give you pain you don't need a girl like that.
Arnie
If you want your life to get better you have to do things yourself.

First of all stop speaking bad about yourself. Stop reminding yourself of your bad things and problems all the time. That actually causes a lot of trouble. It demotivates you and you're basically making your problems unovercomeable yourself.

I understand that your disorders are pretty tough, but if you continue identifying yourself as a 'doomed loser' because of them, it will indeed never change. That's called a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sure those disorders are for real, but you have to start living in spite of them and even overcoming them instead of letting them bring you down. This may sound harsh, but everyone thinks his own problems are the worst. Well, I can guarantee you there are people worse off than you.

So the next time you hear something positive, someone wanting to help you and give you advice, and all such things - don't say or think "BUT.."

You can change your looks and image, or 'outward identity'. I'm also not saying you should try to become the 'hottest hunk of the school' and get obsessed with outward things. But it's no use rejecting any and all natural care. If people see you take good care of your body and your looks, they will be more socially attracted to you. If you don't know about fashion and those things, ask a relative or friend that you trust (!) who knows about those things, to go shopping with you.

And indeed you may also want to find another way of spending your leisure time, like sports or doing something else you enjoy, apart from computers. If I look at your Frihost points right now they're over 100!

As for a girlfriend, my advice is to just be patient. You're only 16. Read the post directly above mine Smile

By the way, not everyone is a pervert. Don't think too negatively about the people around you. Even though I know that many people, especially young, are like that.
bladesage
Okay, first off, in case you didn't read my last post, I am seriously improving here! I have put every essence of my time and effort into getting over my anxiety disorders and passing school, but I still fail. I am slowly bringing myself into more and more uncomfortable situations, this week especially. Today all my efforts got shot down, but you don't see me crying about it! I used to, and almost did, but I have yet to complain about it so far.

I asked my English teacher today if I could pass this semester if I keep up with the rest of the assignments this year...she asked my percentage, I told her, so she giggled, looked me in the eye, and said "No!" I also had to do a skit in English today...not only did I have the usual stress of trying to find a group that wanted me, but when I did, and we were assigned a topic, they decided (against my unusually assertive reasoning) to do the whole thing without any lines. We had no plans, except that two of us would argue for a while, and the other would join in and say something random.

The person I was supposed to "argue" with expected me to start off the whole skit, and I almost fell down under the pressure...until I told her to come up with an idea. Needless to say, I went completely red. After she started an idea, she wanted me to finish it, which I was also incapable of. I got marked down to like maybe 12%, and I had another one of my panic attacks (fortunately, this one didn't end with a seizure).

All things aside, I've been doing really well...in half of my classes. I have four classes, one of which is three hours long (at the Skills Center), and another of which is detention (for literally no reason, the assistant principal's excuse was there were no more open classes). Those are the two I do good in. In the detention (one hour for the rest of the semester), I clean the cafeteria every day, and the supervisor really loves me because I'm a hard worker who doesn't complain at all. In the Skills Center, I have been doing more and more things that I never could have before as far as social things go...like group work, presentations, making friends, talking, a video interview, physical contact with peers, and sharing some interesting stories about my life with the class. So as far as those go, I am doing really well. English I have no hope of passing (literally, they cut off my special education this year), and Geometry I can pass if I put a lot more effort into it.

And thus, I have my nervous breakdowns, dizzy spells, panic attacks, and unbreakable states of major depression just like usual...but I still stay happy for 75% of the time.

A BIG part of my depression, panic disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder; is that I grew up in a military family. Anytime I made friends and got a real life, I'd move, and be torn away from all of it. Plus, now that we settled down, my dad has been severely abusive...to my mom and I both. Now he is overseas in Iraq or something, so it sucks that he's gone, but at least now he can't scream at us, threaten us, or make us constantly fear his alcoholism will make him do something horrible to us at any given moment.

So there are two extremely general factors here. I am getting by VERY well considering the facts, and nobody gives me any credit for it...except for my mom and Skills Center teacher...and the teacher isn't going to be our teacher anymore come tuesday. I am trying to accomplish everything on my list of things about my life to improve...starting with finding a job. I love to work, so I can make some money, and keep myself busy with something other than reflecting on all my hardships...plus my mom keeps bugging me to get one.

So I am much happier than I was at first, though not better, and despite a TON of stress, I am still improving. My age has virtually nothing to do with this...as like I said, a major part of me not making many friends is that I'm too mature for my age, so it's very hard fitting in. And don't give me any of that "Just be yourself" crap, either. To be myself is to be who I am now, and there's no such thing as being anyone else in my eyes...otherwise, I would have a completely different set of troubles, before I even worked through these ones. My entire future is in jeopardy here...I'll need to take summer school, which, when I need to be accepted by top medical schools, will make things a lot harder.

Plus, I have eleven years of college minimum if I do work it all through...so I am going to have a whole new set of stresses to deal with then. I am making it by slowly...and it will not get much harder than this yet...or much easier...not until I start to make something good out of this part. Then, when I finally get used to things, it will be screwed up all over again. That's how life tends to work...for almost anyone Laughing
Arnie
I'm very sorry but you're still speaking bad about yourself and what's going to come. I never told you to be yourself by the way, quite something different.

But it's good to now also hear you're doing better than before. Why not tell us about some things that have went well lately?
ccer
You feel you are in big trouble???
You feel you can't do anything to overcome this problem??
After reading all your posts I had to post a reply, who knows may be i could be of some help..

Ok,
First of all you must ask yourself what are you capable of?
Never be afraid to do anything that you are capable of.
When you feel nervous just close your eyes and remember happy moments o remember your parents, remember what they want you to become and what you have become, remember how hard they have worked to make you a successful person. You can just ruin other's expectations from you just saying you are unable even though you are capable.
Just Give a try Dude, remember you can achieve anything if you want it desperately and work hard. Working hard doesn't spending your energy in unnecessary things. Know what you want to do and see you Rock!!!

And about girls!!!

Leave it to God, If there is someone in your fate then one day or the other you will surely find the right person. You don't need to go here and there in search of a girl, if you do that there are many probabilities that you will end up with a girl with whom you cant spend few years.
So, stay cool, remain Hopeful and let life go easy.
Dont expect too much from life.
It gives what you deserve.

Good Luck,
Was i any help???
Never mind if i am not...
virulence
I've gotta say, ccre you offered the best help.
I really think there isn't much else you can do.
Plus your only 16... Not that thats horribly young or anything... but don't worry about your love life yet. Enjoy being a teenager
bladesage
virulence wrote:
I've gotta say, ccre you offered the best help.
I really think there isn't much else you can do.
Plus your only 16... Not that thats horribly young or anything... but don't worry about your love life yet. Enjoy being a teenager


That's the most enjoyable part of being a teenager :'(
xkobram
bladesage wrote:
virulence wrote:
I've gotta say, ccre you offered the best help.
I really think there isn't much else you can do.
Plus your only 16... Not that thats horribly young or anything... but don't worry about your love life yet. Enjoy being a teenager


That's the most enjoyable part of being a teenager :'(

Dont forget your friends...
bladesage
xkobram wrote:
bladesage wrote:
virulence wrote:
I've gotta say, ccre you offered the best help.
I really think there isn't much else you can do.
Plus your only 16... Not that thats horribly young or anything... but don't worry about your love life yet. Enjoy being a teenager


That's the most enjoyable part of being a teenager :'(

Dont forget your friends...


I couldn't forget my friends, but thanks for that comment. Even Cate, the one who broke my heart, is still my best friend...I am thankful for my friends, at least that much is indisputable.

Sometime soon, when my hands begin to heal, I will probably post the lists I made of all the positives and negatives...they really did help me.
xlosin_love&&
Well this is fantastic news! I'm happy that you recovered from your depression. Be happy! Smile
unknown_talent
If you want me 2 help you get girls to notice you then i will have to get you a make over.Yes! i said makeover. im only 13 but i am good at dat stuff and i can get you a new hairstyle and clothes and everything. btw don't stress cuz that is how life is and will be so dont comit suicide. i was going to but something stoped me. my friends cuz nothing ever was good in my life .
so i am going to help you feel better about yourself by getting you a makeover.if you want contact me at my myspace.http://www.myspace.com/azunemo Very Happy thats my myspace page and ill see ur hair and clothes and giv u a makeover and then tell me wat u think. good luck! Smile
bladesage
unknown_talent wrote:
If you want me 2 help you get girls to notice you then i will have to get you a make over.Yes! i said makeover. im only 13 but i am good at dat stuff and i can get you a new hairstyle and clothes and everything. btw don't stress cuz that is how life is and will be so dont comit suicide. i was going to but something stoped me. my friends cuz nothing ever was good in my life .
so i am going to help you feel better about yourself by getting you a makeover.if you want contact me at my myspace.http://www.myspace.com/azunemo Very Happy thats my myspace page and ill see ur hair and clothes and giv u a makeover and then tell me wat u think. good luck! Smile


Uh...interesting idea. I live about 2500 miles away from you. I am really not worried about my looks right now, of all things. I am going to stress out, no matter what, as that is the way I am, and my life is full of stress. I have already attempted suicide a few times, and I don't plan on trying again.

I don't need a makeover...of all the things I do need, that is not one of them. Also, the styles in California are far different from the ones here in Michigan Wink
Kyraxe
One thing i have learned is that you can't stop life from happening, it is going to keep on happening no matter what. What you can do is live well in body and mind so when the stressful situations and problems to arise you are able to deal with them in the most healthy way possible. I have learned this through having to deal with my own stressful situations, and have to remind myself that I can't change life, that it happens and just take it one problem at a time, one day at a time =) and after awhile, the stresses will not seem as bad as we thought that they were.
ccer
Good to hear from you. Best of luck for your bright future. Hope you get someone that you can spend the rest of your life very soon.
frozenhead
bladesage wrote:
Having an IQ of 157 doesn't help me at all in relationships!


Wow! Time to change.. We really cannot avoid bad times but you see, we have every chance in this world to be happy.

My tip is use your 157 IQ in your advantage. I mean, be that smarty funny guy to hook with some girls. Girls do like funny guys to be with. (That works for me).
Arnie
Actually, giving at least a tiny little care for your appearance can have great effects. Not a 'makeover' - unknown_talent's suggestion did not seem appealing or reasonable to me at all. But still you have to show the world that you take care of yourself. Presentation matters also.

You see, I keep reading I don't want to change in your posts, hidden in all sorts of phrases or between the lines. If so, then why did you start this topic in the beginning?

frozenhead wrote:
Wow! Time to change..
You up for it?
bladesage
Well, I have overcome this little problem. I saw my psychologist today, and he really changed my perception of things. I am still somewhat depressed, but I just need some time to get through that problem.

And so, I have requested that mathiaus close this topic for me. It has served its purpose already.
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