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Man, am I a loser!





bladesage
Holy cow, I am a total failure! I suck at relationships! I have only had one, and it failed because it was long distance one. All the other "girlfriends" I had were all using me. In sixth grade, all the girls in the cafeteria would play these awful games with my heart.

Recently, I lost the most precious girl in the world, before she even became mine. I wrote seventeen heartfelt poems to her, but she broke my heart Sad. I have this serious depression, and I have to take these powerful narcotics every few hours to keep me from wanting to kill myself.

I have these awesome dreams of having a family someday, but as it is, I had to pray for hours for God to help me learn to love again after such a devastating heartbreak. It doesn't help since I'm an unattractive, nerdy, lonely guy with Social Anxiety Disorder. I'm such a romantic, too. I feel like a total dipstick because I'm the only person I know who isn't after sex...I'm the only guy I ever met who isn't a pervert.

I am such a loser...I'm too shy to ask anyone out, and the only people I share a lot in common with are older or younger than me...I'm too mature for my age! I suck...I need to have someone to love, or I can never have the motivation to thrive in life, but I'm too shy and weird to get anyone. I've got the potential to succeed, but without the inspiration of love, I'm failing school. Having an IQ of 157 doesn't help me at all in relationships! And that is pretty much all I got other than passion and romance!

I'm losing it...and my psychologist isn't helping much...I need some help, BADLY! There must be someone here who has the experience to help me...PLEASE! I take so many pills that I'm a walking pharmacy, but they can't bring me love. I need love to live, and right about now, it's a struggle to resist suicide.
7Pound7
why did you type the following?

Holy cow, I am a total failure! I suck at relationships! I have only had one, and it failed because it was long distance one. All the other "girlfriends" I had were all using me. In sixth grade, all the girls in the cafeteria would play these awful games with my heart.

Recently, I lost the most precious girl in the world, before she even became mine. I wrote seventeen heartfelt poems to her, but she broke my heart Sad. I have this serious depression, and I have to take these powerful narcotics every few hours to keep me from wanting to kill myself.

I have these awesome dreams of having a family someday, but as it is, I had to pray for hours for God to help me learn to love again after such a devastating heartbreak. It doesn't help since I'm an unattractive, nerdy, lonely guy with Social Anxiety Disorder. I'm such a romantic, too. I feel like a total dipstick because I'm the only person I know who isn't after sex...I'm the only guy I ever met who isn't a pervert.

I am such a loser...I'm too shy to ask anyone out, and the only people I share a lot in common with are older or younger than me...I'm too mature for my age! I suck...I need to have someone to love, or I can never have the motivation to thrive in life, but I'm too shy and weird to get anyone. I've got the potential to succeed, but without the inspiration of love, I'm failing school. Having an IQ of 157 doesn't help me at all in relationships! And that is pretty much all I got other than passion and romance!

I'm losing it...and my psychologist isn't helping much...I need some help, BADLY! There must be someone here who has the experience to help me...PLEASE! I take so many pills that I'm a walking pharmacy, but they can't bring me love. I need love to live, and right about now, it's a struggle to resist suicide.

It seems to me that you are pretty normal. Don't complain, start to live and stop sitting behind a computer, that helps a lot.
bluefossil
you are not a loser. you are a winner! Watch the movie "Little Miss Sunshine"; it teaches you the 9 steps to become a winner!
ThornsOfSorrow
You're definitely not a loser. A lot of people, including myself, have trouble finding meaningful relationships, so it's completely normal for you to be the same way.

The best way for you to make someone truly care about you is to try to become more confident. I know that's not easy, but most girls will shy away from a guy who is always standing in the corner by himself, looking at the ground. Instead, attempt to walk up to a girl you like and start a conversation. I doubt that you're as unattractive as you think you are, but either way, the only way to get someone to judge you by your personality rather than your appearance is to speak to them. Otherwise, a person can't possibly know what your personality is like. Shyness is tough to deal with (I know because I've been shy all my life), but you need to take chances in order to get anywhere in life. And if you try to talk to a girl just to have her walk away, then just know that she wasn't worth your time.

Another important thing to remember is that women don't like guys who seem desperate. They'll feel as if you're only talking to them because you want a girlfriend, not because you necessarily want the girlfriend to be that particular girl. That sounds somewhat confusing, so I'll give an example: I once went out with someone who was very desperate, and because of that, I felt as if he would be happy going out with any girl, whether or not the girl was me. This made me feel like I meant very little to him, so I broke up with him. So, with that being said, even though you want a girlfriend very badly, try not to seem too desperate, as it will only make matters worse.

Judging by your post and your mention of school, you seem young. I suggest that you keep this in mind, and take your time in establishing a meaningful relationship with anyone. If you rush into things with the wrong girl, you may just end up getting hurt again. So take your time, know that you will find someone eventually, and remember: confidence is the key.

EDIT: Sorry, I didn't realize that there are two of these threads...
bladesage
ThornsOfSorrow wrote:
You're definitely not a loser. A lot of people, including myself, have trouble finding meaningful relationships, so it's completely normal for you to be the same way.

The best way for you to make someone truly care about you is to try to become more confident. I know that's not easy, but most girls will shy away from a guy who is always standing in the corner by himself, looking at the ground. Instead, attempt to walk up to a girl you like and start a conversation. I doubt that you're as unattractive as you think you are, but either way, the only way to get someone to judge you by your personality rather than your appearance is to speak to them. Otherwise, a person can't possibly know what your personality is like. Shyness is tough to deal with (I know because I've been shy all my life), but you need to take chances in order to get anywhere in life. And if you try to talk to a girl just to have her walk away, then just know that she wasn't worth your time.

Another important thing to remember is that women don't like guys who seem desperate. They'll feel as if you're only talking to them because you want a girlfriend, not because you necessarily want the girlfriend to be that particular girl. That sounds somewhat confusing, so I'll give an example: I once went out with someone who was very desperate, and because of that, I felt as if he would be happy going out with any girl, whether or not the girl was me. This made me feel like I meant very little to him, so I broke up with him. So, with that being said, even though you want a girlfriend very badly, try not to seem too desperate, as it will only make matters worse.

Judging by your post and your mention of school, you seem young. I suggest that you keep this in mind, and take your time in establishing a meaningful relationship with anyone. If you rush into things with the wrong girl, you may just end up getting hurt again. So take your time, know that you will find someone eventually, and remember: confidence is the key.


Your post means a lot to me...

I did already state my age, and yes, I am fairly young. And this is how unattractive I am:

(Click to enlarge, at your own risk)

My dogs make me look better than I do by myself...by myself, I look angry, lonely, maybe bored.

And that's the problem: It's not my fault I'm so shy! There are many factors involved here, and none of them can be helped by me right now. So I will keep seeing my psychologist and my psychiatrist for now, in hopes that some combination of medications and therapy may cure this.

Also, I have a hard time picking out girls in the first place...every time I become interested in one, it's usually after I know something about their personality. And either way, I can never seem to fight the thought in my head that they probably have a boyfriend, or the pain of being rejected again...I only asked someone out in person once, and she turned me down...it turns out she hates my guts, but was really good at hiding it O_o.

So I guess those would be the big areas I could use some helpful advice on. I have this panic-like paranoid feeling anytime I come close to asking someone out, out of fear of the two things I just mentioned. What's more, I can only seem to be compatible with people above or below my age...and I mean by a few years. This one time I wanted to date this really awesome friend of mine...for three years, anytime I managed to work up the courage, I asked, and she had a boyfriend (always a different one). Anytime she didn't have one, I would chicken out before asking her out on a date. Plus I could ONLY see her in the classes I had above my grade level, because she was a good two years older than me (actually 1 year, 357 days, to be precise).

I always seem to have some kind of problem to keep me back from meeting new people, or to keep me from asking out people I've met. I have some serious issues here...and now, all this thinking has made me lovesick. I may not be heartbroken anymore, but I sure am lonely!

Man, I need some courage...stupid social anxiety disorder makes me freak out at the thought of almost any social interaction of that type...I am working on this diabolical plot against my own paranoid inner mind, that may break me out of this whole anxiety thing. I have been pouring every ounce of my time into researching and writing the greatest speech of my life...we have to do a presentation on a nonfictional character in history, and it has to be in first person, in full costume. I have bought a huge book of Alexander Graham Bell's (my chosen person) full biography, and finding pictures, looking for old-fashioned clothing, and writing/revising my speech notes.

I will memorize it, give the most humorous, accurate, interesting, exciting, and probably loud speech in class...and being 4 minutes, 59 seconds, it will be the longest in my life. I will fight all my nervousness away, ignore my anxiety, not take my narcotic anti-anxiety drugs, and give a powerful speech. I will be the only one in the teacher's five classes to do it from memory without mistakes. If I do make a mistake or two, for once in my life, I will not care. I will perform the first presentation in my life that didn't involve me taking quadruple doses of Ativan, and won't end with a trip to the emergency room. If I pull this off, goodbye social anxiety Razz

On the other hand, if I screw it up, I'll not only have failed myself, but I will let down the teacher and my classmates...I promised them all that for the first time this year, I will actually do a presentation, without pills, in front of class, and with enthusiasm. If I pussy-out of this one, I'll make a liar out of myself, too. If I screw it up too much, I'll make Alexander Bell, one of the greatest inventors and historical figures ever, look like a total loser. The LAST thing I need to do is misrepresent him, as well as screwing up my life even more.

However, the slowly-recovering, once-dominating optimistic part of me says I'll do just fine...and it's only let me down once before, which is why I let him run my thoughts for a great part of high school Smile
m00tmuffin
You can't say you're a total failure and that you suck at relationships if you've only been in one. Long distance relationships are hard, complex situations to manage, and a majority of them do fail. Most people experience a bad breakup or at the very least a heartbreak at least once in their entire lives, so know that you aren't alone.

Now...by "long distance" do you mean someone that you have at least on occasion physically hung out with or is this an internet romance? What do you mean by "before she even became yours"? I see that you're a youngin, and I don't mean to offend you by saying this, but poems don't fix broken relationships and medication won't fix your psychological issues unless you really want them to be fixed. You don't need to discard your dreams about a family just yet, because you have years and years and years to spend doing this.

You will love again--everyone does, because if they didn't then obviously the human race wouldn't continue if people didn't keep bouncing back. Humans are resilient creatures. It will hurt for a long time, but (more likely then not) you will eventually have healed enough to the point where you're read to start looking for a new gal. But do it rationally, it sounds like you just want to hop into a new relationship because you think it will bring you some mental comfort or something along those lines, security, whatever. It won't, because it sounds like you have some deeper issues then just being a lovesick young man.

And while medication may help temporarily, but it's really only up to you ultimately if you ever want to get better. Just having drugs and a shrink won't fix everything that ails you. It's your choice if you want to remain helpless forever, and if you would rather stay comfortably in your despair-filled hole that you dig yourself or if you want to climb out of it once and for all.

It sounds like before you need to either a) heal from your heartbreak and/or b) begin a new romance with anyone you have to seriously fix some of your underlying psychological issues. You will never truely be happy until you love yourself--loving someone else or being in love will never fill that void totally. To be able to love someone else truly you need to first love yourself. Do not find the love for your own self--which you so desperately cannot seem to locate yet--in a relationship with someone else, because that won't fix the real source of your misery. You don't need romantic love to live--if you have love from your friends, or at the very least your family, consider yourself lucky. Some people don't even have that, you know?

When you say, "without the inspiration of love, I'm failing school"...reread that for me. Don't make excuses like that for your behaviour. Get over the notion that you "need romantic love from a member of the opposite sex to survive" and I think you'll feel a lot better about your situation in general. I'm not saying to never ever go seek this in a girl, but put it on hold for now, seriously. Fix yourself before you hop into a new romance or it has a high likelihood of ending in another disaster.

Take care of yourself, too. You sound a bit too hard on yourself. I sort of know where you are coming from, except that I've dealt with manic-depressive disorder since my early teen years, and I know how hard it can be to function in day-to-day settings. But don't use your lack of romantic love as an excuse for not doing the things you need to be doing, or prevent you from enjoying life, because that isn't what love is about. Romance is not life-sustaining, and it shouldn't be...especially at a young age.

Overall, I think you should keep the therapy up. Maybe reevaluate whatever cocktail of meds you're on with your psychiatrist or possibly even a new one, because they might be hindering you moreso then helping you. (After reading your reply, loneliness is also not a great reason to be in a relationship, but that ties in with the other stuff I mentioned.)

You seem like a nice guy--albeit a smidge haughty, but what smart kid isn't. It may not seem like it now, but you will get through this if you sincerely want to, I promise. Ever heard of the term self-fulfilling prophecy? If you don't, it in this context it would be that if you desire to feel better, you eventually will by just wanting it. If you would rather stay in your comfortable state of depression, you will always stay that way. Even if you have to lie to yourself a little bit at first, even if it feels ackward, it's a smile price to pay for what will eventually lead you to feeling more stable, even happy.

If you want to chat about this more, send me a PM. Otherwise, good luck to ya hun, I mean it.
SGbilder
bladesage wrote:
Holy cow, I am a total failure! I suck at relationships! I have only had one, and it failed because it was long distance one. All the other "girlfriends" I had were all using me. In sixth grade, all the girls in the cafeteria would play these awful games with my heart.

Recently, I lost the most precious girl in the world, before she even became mine. I wrote seventeen heartfelt poems to her, but she broke my heart Sad. I have this serious depression, and I have to take these powerful narcotics every few hours to keep me from wanting to kill myself.

I have these awesome dreams of having a family someday, but as it is, I had to pray for hours for God to help me learn to love again after such a devastating heartbreak. It doesn't help since I'm an unattractive, nerdy, lonely guy with Social Anxiety Disorder. I'm such a romantic, too. I feel like a total dipstick because I'm the only person I know who isn't after sex...I'm the only guy I ever met who isn't a pervert.

I am such a loser...I'm too shy to ask anyone out, and the only people I share a lot in common with are older or younger than me...I'm too mature for my age! I suck...I need to have someone to love, or I can never have the motivation to thrive in life, but I'm too shy and weird to get anyone. I've got the potential to succeed, but without the inspiration of love, I'm failing school. Having an IQ of 157 doesn't help me at all in relationships! And that is pretty much all I got other than passion and romance!

I'm losing it...and my psychologist isn't helping much...I need some help, BADLY! There must be someone here who has the experience to help me...PLEASE! I take so many pills that I'm a walking pharmacy, but they can't bring me love. I need love to live, and right about now, it's a struggle to resist suicide.


Yes you're a looser! Why would you othervice call yourself a looser after such a story? A normal person would see this as a normal thing and move on. Sorry, but i hate it when people makes thing seem worse than they are..
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