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Is it the right time?





AOP Web Development
Hello guys and gals!

I just like to share the moment of my life. I have girlfriend and where been a 1 year and 2 months... well actually she is planning to have a secret marriage she want us to have it after her graduation. She is still studying college in a university and i am graduating by this school year. Well of course myself i want to focused first to my career but of course not sacrificing our relationship although there were times that we have too because of my work but I don't know if after she will graduate if it is the right time that we have a secret marriage.

Hope you can advise or what is your opinion about my situation. Wink
xkobram
Well you have already told us in another topic...

And i say no! No marriage!
99% you will get divorced in few years...
AOP Web Development
Well i love her but im not yet prepared because besides that where too young we have to prepare it!
xkobram
AOP Web Development wrote:
Well i love her but im not yet prepared because besides that where too young we have to prepare it!


Are you talking about preparing marriage or on live spent toghether?
AOP Web Development
xkobram wrote:
AOP Web Development wrote:
Well i love her but im not yet prepared because besides that where too young we have to prepare it!


Are you talking about preparing marriage or on live spent toghether?


well of course i love her and i want to live with her for the rest of my life but not today because im not yet prepared!
Sadow
There you have your answer: You feel you are not prepared for marriage.

More advice:
- How old are the two of you? people tend to change when they get older. You might not be compatible anymore after 3 years, and you don't want to find yourself in a divorce situation.
- What do you both want in life? if you're both not to sure about it: don't marry.
- be satisfied with being together cus you still have a lot of other things to do as well, such as careers, studying or whatever. Being married doesn't change that much about a relationship. You don't marry cus you want to get rid of insecurities or to improve your relationship. Think carefully what marriage means for the both of you. Do you want to get married for the right reasons?

I know, lots of difficult questions for young people, but to hurry a marriage is not a very good start. If one of you guys isn't sure about it (or in your words: not prepared yet), the other must be prepared to give the other person more time for such a big decision.
iNs@nE
The answer to this question is pretty simple.

First, stay a day or two away from her. When you do this, just observe how many times she calls you and for what?

If the calls are like 2-3 per day, go ahead and marry her. Man she loves you and on top of that trusts you man. She aint getting all paranoid about you not being able to talk to her.

If she calls anything more than 9, turn around and catch the first flight out of the country coz you will surely get tempted to go talk to her again. I do not have any experience in this love and all coz I feel its bullshit but I am kinda feeling bored and just thought might throw in your advice.

And yes, some did say concentrate on your career first. Do that but not lots. Coz trust me, at first I used to often question, why do people ditch their wives for their jobs? Well, lemme say. I just got the answer to that question. Work-a-holic is way bad than an al-co-holic.

And if you are more sensible than I am expecting you to be, you wont give a flying ****** to any of us here but you would just go ahead and do what you feel is right.

Come on man. You love the girl. We are sitting across seas not having any idea about the situation and trying to blabber our mouths around. If anyone has the right to decide in this matter, Its you. You dont need our advice.
ALostSoul
AOP Web Development wrote:
Hello guys and gals!

I just like to share the moment of my life. I have girlfriend and where been a 1 year and 2 months... well actually she is planning to have a secret marriage she want us to have it after her graduation. She is still studying college in a university and i am graduating by this school year. Well of course myself i want to focused first to my career but of course not sacrificing our relationship although there were times that we have too because of my work but I don't know if after she will graduate if it is the right time that we have a secret marriage.

Hope you can advise or what is your opinion about my situation. Wink



Honestly, I don't think graduation would be the best time to get married. You should take another year, and see if you two are truly meant to be together and just make sure man, marriage is a big step.
xkobram
iNs@nE wrote:
First, stay a day or two away from her. When you do this, just observe how many times she calls you and for what?

If the calls are like 2-3 per day, go ahead and marry her. Man she loves you and on top of that trusts you man. She aint getting all paranoid about you not being able to talk to her.

If she calls anything more than 9, turn around and catch the first flight out of the country coz you will surely get tempted to go talk to her again. I do not have any experience in this love and all coz I feel its bullshit but I am kinda feeling bored and just thought might throw in your advice.



It depends what you say before you stay away.
because if you said nothing she could think that something happened to you and she would be worriing that you are OK and alive, not you have another chick...

I know that feeling and its not funny i was ringing till her batery was down, but still nothing... I tryed to find her moms number, but nothing...

I thought that something happened, when she was returning home late at night...
blue77
I want to ask you why dont you marry in the ordinery way. I understand if you have any money or parents problems but why this have to be secret.
Maybe you have to ask her the same question to more frequently..
You are right that is important to get a job and to build a career. But sometimes this is going ok no matter if you are married or not.
freakinlame
Do what your heart tells you to do when the time comes. You will know what to do. Smile
AOP Web Development
As of now i'm happy to happy with our situation... We are very okay.. of course i focus on my studies and my career... but of course i have to give time to her and for my family... Well actually it's really hard but i just doing time management to myself.
windrei
i dont think secret marriage will work..... frankly...

where are you going to live ? and how can you two survive ? as you said, you two are still studying.... no income, no lives... and i think it will be discovered soon, so easy... how can you conceal a marriage....

now you should focus on your career first if you really love her. When you are financially stable, you can become independent and do whatever you like. Moreover, you can provide a more comfortable life and family to her... and personally, i think 1 year and 2 months is not quite long to get married.... maybe just be together for longer first....
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