I feel strong feelings for two girls at the same time, they both have said they feel the same i just don't know who to go with because i don't want to hurt either of them . I care about them both alot and i would do anything to make them happy. But i just can't decide, Can someone help me decide by giving me advice ? please. Thanks in advance Much appreciated if anyone could help me come to a decision about this dilemma
Man, i realy dont know how to advice you, i dont know the two girls, but iw i were you i would look on these factors:
How long would this relationship last?;
Age (just if lot different);
Loosing friendship with her - were she your good friend, or can she be your friend if you dont choose her.
What your friends will say on her - can she be / is she your friends friend?
Nah. With girls there's always a chance of it just being a total crap shoot. This sounds like one of those times.
|Teddy1 wrote: |
|I feel strong feelings for two girls at the same time, they both have said they feel the same i just don't know who to go with because i don't want to hurt either of them . I care about them both alot and i would do anything to make them happy. But i just can't decide, Can someone help me decide by giving me advice ? please. Thanks in advance Much appreciated if anyone could help me come to a decision about this dilemma |
This post shows a high degree of uncertainties for his feeling. The poster used the term ‘care’ and ‘to go with’ and I want to know what does he mean by that? Is the care he is showing not an expression of his ‘romantic love’ for the two girls? If not, then why worry about whom you ‘want to go’ with? You can always continue to care for both or all of them as your friends. Or is there a more specific term that you can use aside from the vague ‘strong feeling’. Is the strong feeling you are saying enough to motivate you to court either (again, only one) of them? If not, then don’t court, keep them as your friends, you are not ready to fall in love. You are not yet ready for sacrifices. You are not ready for a serious relationship. Your ‘care’ and ‘strong feeling’ are NOT enough to say you are ready to commit yourself to a deeper relationship with one girl. .
Yes, you will do anything to make them happy because that makes you feel good and unfortunately it stops there. Yes, it stops there because… where is the commitment?
One can’t expect an honest opinion and advice if you are more concern about safety nets in your feelings or else everyone will just think you are playing or messing with other people’s hearts just to feel good.
I am premising along these lines of uncertainties because if you have no intention to be romantically linked to either, then there is no need to worry about making them happy because they will always be happy being your friends even with other hundreds of them. The more friends you have then the merrier they can get.
There is also a simpler variant to check your heartbeats. You don’t need sophisticated cardiograph machine, but just some strong will to survive your absence from both of them for a couple of weeks or more. While you are unreachable (in all means) to both of them, evaluate your feelings and take time to reflect on your memories (both remote and immediate). I won’t be making an advance guess, but I am sure you will miss one more than the other. If you miss both in the same degree and you are not yet sure whom you miss more, make the absence longer – 3 weeks, 4 weeks,… and so on until you are sure enough with your feeling and there is a clear girl you miss more. Remember, while in absence there must be strictly NO communication in any manner and kind.
Now if you can say with full certainty that you are now ready for serious relationship and you want some more confirming advice on whom to finally chose then I will refer you to a similar post by yourstruly and maybe you may get some ideas who between the two important girls in your life (and in this post) now deserves being loved more than being liked by you.
For the ‘not-so-lucky’(or luckier because friendship usually lasts more than love affairs) girl, do give her the assurance that you will always remain to be a very good friend to her and your friendship may even lasts longer than your relationship with your future girlfriend. Then make sure you tell that condition(with your friend) to the other girl that may eventually become your girlfriend. A good girlfriend will always love all the people that are closed to your heart because in her mind and heart she has already been a winner - and you have to prove that she is indeed, every moment that she is with you.
Btw, as a word of caution, the worst you can do is ‘loving’ romantically both of them. There is NO such thing as truly loving two persons simultaneously. When you claim that the situation is like that, I would say, you definitely love NEITHER of them. And, instead of hoping to make both of them happy, you might end up losing both of them in your life.
Hi Teddy1, I think you should realise that you are in infatuated with both girls at the same time, and you actually do not love them yet. I think you should try and find out which of the two girls is best compatible with you and then you should break up with the other.
If you will decide to keep a relationship with the both, you will risk loosing both girls. Keep that in mind at all times.
easy answer which one costs less that's the one you're going to choose
I agree that's also a very good reason to pick a girl or not. How do they spend money? Very important...
Well, when it comes to not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, that's going to be impossible. You're going to have to either choose one and hurt the other ones feelings or choose neither one of them and everyone's feelings are hurt, including yours. Some sacrifices must be made and you're just going to have to live with the reality that you can't make everyone happy. So, do the best you can to make yourself happy and the most you can do is apologize.
Well, you're going to just either have to decide which one you see yourself having more fun with or possibly which one of the two you can see being a part of your life in the future, but if you really can't decide, maybe it'd be best for you to stop persuing either one of them until you either decide or something. I'd act soon, before some other guys scoops one or both of them up--so either make up your mind quick or just distance yourself from the sitaution entirely.
Thanks for all your replies i much appreciate all your advice... i want to persue a serious relationship with one of the girls they arent young no more than 1 year younger than me. I feel strongly about them both. Of course i want to make them both happy, as mentioned about seeing which one would rather be friends... i have asked both and they have both said they would be friends if i didn't want to persue a serious relationship. Of course i won't wait too long but thanks to all who have helped me come to a decision. I will donate 10friH to all that have helped. Thank you
My advice to you would be to make a decision as soon as it becomes feasible.
Otherwise you are stringing one of them along unecessarily, which will lead to more hurt for her when you announce that you have chosen the other.
Take an inventory of each of them, endearing qualities, things you dislike about them. Look at which of them is best for you, who compliments you better. Look at money spending habits, and after you have done all of that take a step back and examine things once more before you make a decision.
Also keep in mind things may not work out with your choice, that is life. There may be things you find that you cant tollerate about her or her about you...regardless a choice has to be made.
|I feel strong feelings for two girls at the same time, they both have said they feel the same i just don't know who to go with because i don't want to hurt either of them Sad. I care about them both alot and i would do anything to make them happy. But i just can't decide, Can someone help me decide by giving me advice ? please. Thanks in advance Smile Much appreciated if anyone could help me come to a decision about this dilemma Sad |
i can't tell how old you are but it sounds like you're somewhat young... my advice is to not go with either. nothing sucks quite as bad as a see-saw relationship. i sat and watched one of my best friends date this one guy who would go back and forth between her and this other girl for about 6 months... in the end he had neither one and hasn't been able to get a decent relationship since (it's been a few years). if you can't decide, just don't go with either one.
Thanks to all that have helped and advised me to help me come to a decision it is appreciated very much so.
I will advise you to chose the more beautiful one......
and who loved you more than the other...
all the best...
|saya wrote: |
|I will advise you to chose the more beautiful one...... |
This is not so easy
and who loved you more than the other...
Tahts why he asks for help... He doesnt know...
I have made my decision now. Thanks to all that helped and advised me to come to a decision. I have decided to stay friends with both of them that way i can still care about them and who knows what will happen in the future. Thanks to all
|Teddy1 wrote: |
|I have made my decision now. Thanks to all that helped and advised me to come to a decision. I have decided to stay friends with both of them that way i can still care about them and who knows what will happen in the future. Thanks to all |
Wow if you can stay friends with both of them, its the best decision!
Im happy that you solved that...
i am happy with that. I would rather both in my life than not at all .
awesome call, but u are going to run into awkward situations with both of them, u have to relize this, there are going to be times of jealousy between them and u are going to have to solve this by spending = time with both of them. odds are ur going to do things that seem little that is just going to destroy them inside, just be careful with the decisions u make, but if u can pull it off, congrats and good luck!
Thank you, After i told them that i just wanted to be friends with them, One of them moved on decided to get a bf and not be my friend, So i'm with the other one now i am happy i have been with her for a month or so now. She cares about me and i care about her.
glad to hear that things have worked out....hope you enjoy your time.
so now u know which one u should of picked because this one truely loves u, and the other just wanted a boyfriend....so glad to hear things have worked out!!! GL