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Relationships with my dad





blue77
Any advice for someone with a not so great relationship with her dad? My parents are still married; I've lived with my mom and dad since I was born- yet my dad and I aren't close at all. It's not that we've got a bad relationship- more like a shallow/nonexistant one. I talk to him if I have to, but not too much otherwise. He's not one I feel like I could really go to if I needed anything more than help with a job application or -hah- money.....I"m not really sure why this is though. Anyways, I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and would like to do whatever I can to fix this before I go off to college this fall. Perhaps it's just a last- ditch effort to figure out what it means to love and be loved (something I've always struggled with when it comes to my family- we're not a particularly affectionate or emotional family)....I don't know really. I find myself envying friends of mine who are close to their dads, and wishing i was closer to mine- but I just don't know how to fix this.


I'm not quite sure if this belongs in the 'relationships' section, but i didn't really know where else to put it.
S3nd K3ys
blue77 wrote:
Any advice for someone with a not so great relationship with her dad? My parents are still married; I've lived with my mom and dad since I was born- yet my dad and I aren't close at all. It's not that we've got a bad relationship- more like a shallow/nonexistant one. I talk to him if I have to, but not too much otherwise. He's not one I feel like I could really go to if I needed anything more than help with a job application or -hah- money.....I"m not really sure why this is though. Anyways, I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and would like to do whatever I can to fix this before I go off to college this fall. Perhaps it's just a last- ditch effort to figure out what it means to love and be loved (something I've always struggled with when it comes to my family- we're not a particularly affectionate or emotional family)....I don't know really. I find myself envying friends of mine who are close to their dads, and wishing i was closer to mine- but I just don't know how to fix this.


I'm not quite sure if this belongs in the 'relationships' section, but i didn't really know where else to put it.


Bummer. Sounds like you need to determine who is the cause for not talking, or at least start talking with him about unimportant things daily to get some kind of dialog going. Also find something you both enjoy, and do that.
phil-k
Blue 77,
Just tell to your dad what are your projects, what are your dreams and what is really important for you. I am sure that he loves you and will find an interest in what is interesting for you.
You probably have something as common interest for both of you. You can focus on that.
try that and let us know what happened.
Phil-k
Chris24
How about just telling him what you just wrote. Being a father myself, if my daughter ever came to me with how you are feeling I think I would break down right there. Try it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. If you do not communicate this to him how will he know how you feel. If it doesn't work then at least you can go off to college knowing that YOU tried to work things out to make it better......
rainmaker
Hi!

I'm not sure how much help I can be, seeing as how I'm a guy. After my parents divorced, though my Dad and I grew much closer. The biggest key I found was, as somebody already mentioned, dialog.

Presuming your father is approachable, just find something to talk about. This can be school, his job, anything. After awhile you may find that you have a lot in common. (For my Dad and I it was politics. ) Laughing At any rate, I hope things work out for you. It's always saddening to hear of families where there isn't really a sense of close-knittedness. (Is that even a word?)

I wish you the best of luck in your family and college endeavors, and please let me know if you care to talk about it!

--rainmaker
Captain Fertile
You never know, your dad could well be posting on some parenting forum how his son/daughter isnt as close and open with him as he would like.

Speaking as a dad I can only echo a point raised earlier. Tell him exactly what you wrote or even print it out and show him just to set the ball rolling.

Its no good telling all of this just to other people, be the strong one to bring it up. Grit your teeth and be honest open and at all times make him know that your are doing this because you care and not as a criticism of his parenting.

If you were my child I would be proud that you were able to bring this up and cared enough to want to make things right.

You are obviously a caring person and any dad would be proud to have a child who cares this much to make things right. If he isnt open to this after you spell it out then it is his fault and not yours. You did all you could.

Whatever you decide let us know how it goes.

Good luck.

PS At one point in my life I hated my dad, luckily he mellowed as he aged and we were good friends at the time he passed on. Goodness knows how I would have felt if we hadn't have worked things out before it was too late.
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