My friend is going through a really tough time these past few weeks. It pains me to see her so sad... I really want to help, but it seems like I don't have the right things to say because I've never really been in her situation before. So here's the story:
Her BF of two-and-a-half years recently met another girl in one of his classes. He admitted to having feelings for her and second thoughts about being with my friend. Now, before this there were no prior commitment problems and the two were very happy together. They had already planned on getting married and having kids after graduating from university. They had even exchanged promise rings because they were so sure of themselvs. So it just came out of nowhere. He said he wasn't sure if he loved her anymore and wasn't sure if these initial feelings he felt for this other girl would grow into love. After a few weeks of waiting, he told her that he had made up his mind and chose to stay with my friend. Of course she was happy, but she didn't really stop wondering if he was staying with her because he loved her or was scared of being alone again (should the other girl not feel the same way).
Fast forward another week. Now, my friend's BF does NOT like Facebook. She tried to convince him to use it several times but he said he didn't want to conform. The other night, they were surfing the internet together and my friend was on her Facebook. Note that she has the "other girl" on her friends list and this other girl had stated in her status that she was in love with this other guy. My friend points it out jokingly and her BF shrugs.
Later that night, my friend's BF makes a Facebook account. Granted he does not have this other girl listed as a friend... Is this a coincidence? Or is he still lusting after this other girl?
What would you do in this situation?
just keep him. it's part of the game
being from the guys point of view i would say keep him. Just try to bring up the idea. You have to talk to him about it. If you dont' it will just get much worse. Make him chose and don't give him time. If he truely doesn't want to leave you then he won't. That should mean something to you.
Ask yourself how do you feel towards the guy? Do you love him enough that you will forget about the past and think for the future and accept the fact that he said he wanted to be with you, and not the other girl? You really should talk to hima bout this and let him know what you feel and what you want in the relationship. If you feel that you are not able to trust him, then I don't hink the realtionship will work because you will have a constant doubt about him even after you got married. And, I'm sure you wouldn't want to opt for divorce afterwards, I don't know. Or maybe you and him can start things fresh again. New feelings, new everything. And leave the past behind. He may just be falling for that girl for some stupid reason and realized that he really love you and want to be with you. The question is, how do you feel towards him?
Sounds to me like this guy is fishing the waters. He is getting bored. So he found this girl who was new and different and when she didn't respond to him in the way he wanted, he told your friend he chose to stay with her. Your friend is the back-up plan. I betcha this will happen again and again until she either gets tired of it or he finds another special somebody. It does show a lot of charecter on his part though that he was honest with her. They are both young and have been together exclusively for quite a while right. Maybe it would be a healthy thing for them to both do a little fishing before making that big dive into marriage? Just my opinion. I know, I know everybody has one, huh.
I remember hearing somewhere that romantic love has a shelf life of oh 6 years max. I would agree with Treasured Trinkets's comment about him being bored and "fishing the waters". It happened to me when I was younger, I was completely connected to this girl and over the years we both started to lose interest. Maybe your friend needs to spice things up a bit. Just pay attention to what he's looking for and try to satisfy those needs. There still young anyway, curiosity will continue. Atleast he's honest enough to talk to her about it.
keep the guy. it is totally suprising that he told the truth in the first place
just take care of his needs, and he wont do tht again. i guess the others are rt, hes gettin bored or something
It is highly likely that he is still interested in the other good, but chances are he knows better than go to far.
It is however, completely normal for him to be questioning who he wants to be with. Though to be honest this emotion is typicaly female .
I will say that this situation has all the potential to be dangerous for the relationship, but without all the perspectives, views and more data on the situation, it is impossible to realy advise her on what to do now. Let her make her own choices. If the relationship falls apart it falls apart, sadly this is part of life. All you can realy do is be there for her after the fall (assuming their is one).