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VIRGINITY does it matter?





Alias
well, i had a girlfriend, and as others does, she is not a virgin anymore co'z of some uncertain circumstances, its hard though, i keep on thinking about it, and from time to time i had this strange feeling of, i dont know, maybe im jealous? or something? or maybe insecure? i know its a liberated time nowadays but still, cant help thinking bout it, i came here to have a talk with you guys and hear your opinions about it, care to help me out?[/b]
bangala
Alias wrote:
well, i had a girlfriend, and as others does, she is not a virgin anymore co'z of some uncertain circumstances, its hard though, i keep on thinking about it, and from time to time i had this strange feeling of, i dont know, maybe im jealous? or something? or maybe insecure? i know its a liberated time nowadays but still, cant help thinking bout it, i came here to have a talk with you guys and hear your opinions about it, care to help me out?[/b]

Are you serious? Of course it doesn't matter, and she has to lose virginity anyway. Now I'm curious, how did you know about her being not virgin anymore? Think
Alias
bangala wrote:
Alias wrote:
well, i had a girlfriend, and as others does, she is not a virgin anymore co'z of some uncertain circumstances, its hard though, i keep on thinking about it, and from time to time i had this strange feeling of, i dont know, maybe im jealous? or something? or maybe insecure? i know its a liberated time nowadays but still, cant help thinking bout it, i came here to have a talk with you guys and hear your opinions about it, care to help me out?[/b]

Are you serious? Of course it doesn't matter, and she has to lose virginity anyway. Now I'm curious, how did you know about her being not virgin anymore? Think


She open it to me not only the problem that she lose her virginity but also some personal problems. I just need some advice of how I could forget about it and probably accept her what she is right now.
arkebuzer
Alias wrote:
bangala wrote:
Alias wrote:
well, i had a girlfriend, and as others does, she is not a virgin anymore co'z of some uncertain circumstances, its hard though, i keep on thinking about it, and from time to time i had this strange feeling of, i dont know, maybe im jealous? or something? or maybe insecure? i know its a liberated time nowadays but still, cant help thinking bout it, i came here to have a talk with you guys and hear your opinions about it, care to help me out?[/b]

Are you serious? Of course it doesn't matter, and she has to lose virginity anyway. Now I'm curious, how did you know about her being not virgin anymore? Think


She open it to me not only the problem that she lose her virginity but also some personal problems. I just need some advice of how I could forget about it and probably accept her what she is right now.


Seriously, why does it matter at all if she´s vrgin or not?
QrafTee
Alias wrote:
well, i had a girlfriend, and as others does, she is not a virgin anymore co'z of some uncertain circumstances, its hard though, i keep on thinking about it, and from time to time i had this strange feeling of, i dont know, maybe im jealous? or something? or maybe insecure? i know its a liberated time nowadays but still, cant help thinking bout it, i came here to have a talk with you guys and hear your opinions about it, care to help me out?[/b]

Well I think it matters. It's an old school way of thinking (like really old school). Should it matter to the point that you go and dump her? Hell no. She probably made a mistake in the past and ended up breaking it up (girls make mistakes, surprising isn't it? And you thought only guys could do that). To me, if a girl loses her virginity and then something happens which results in a break up, something happened and perhaps it was a bad decision on her part (again, surprising, huh? Girls have a say in sex, believe it or not). Like I said, old school way of thinking. She loses points, but she isn't out of the game just yet. Obviously, all opinionated.
Ray Gravin
Actually I try to stay away from the virgins lol!

Seriously though, do you come from a VERY traditional family or area of the world. I think the only thing you really need to worry about is her emotional stability and her physical health as far as this issue is concerned. You haven't really given much detail but I suspect that the circumstances involved may not have been normal. If she's not completely comfortable with it herself she might not be ready to be getting evolved with you.

Just food for thought...
tingkagol
Alias wrote:
well, i had a girlfriend, and as others does, she is not a virgin anymore co'z of some uncertain circumstances, its hard though, i keep on thinking about it, and from time to time i had this strange feeling of, i dont know, maybe im jealous? or something? or maybe insecure? i know its a liberated time nowadays but still, cant help thinking bout it, i came here to have a talk with you guys and hear your opinions about it, care to help me out?[/b]

accept the fact that you do not own her. her past is hers, not yours. at least she's being honest with you.
Keran
haha i expected everyone to write to Virginity is a sacred thing and it always matters no matter what! What a pleasant surprise to see ppl actualy writing that it doesn't matter ;]
I agree, it doesn't matter.
And if she wants to be with you, then screw the past, worry about the present ;>.
QrafTee
Keran wrote:
haha i expected everyone to write to Virginity is a sacred thing and it always matters no matter what! What a pleasant surprise to see ppl actualy writing that it doesn't matter ;]
I agree, it doesn't matter.
And if she wants to be with you, then screw the past, worry about the present ;>.

And then when the past comes back to bite you in the ass in the present. Tank it, be a man. AIDS, pssh, nothing. 6 feet body builder with a bad temper who's very possessive, pssh, nothing... Mistakes? Pssh, that's the past too, will it harm you? Maybe.
Alias
All your opinion guys helped me out to solved the problems that bothers in my mind. I guess I could just forget the past and move on. The important is we love each other and accepting the fact that who we are right now. Smile
arkebuzer
QrafTee wrote:

And then when the past comes back to bite you in the ass in the present. Tank it, be a man. AIDS, pssh, nothing. 6 feet body builder with a bad temper who's very possessive, pssh, nothing... Mistakes? Pssh, that's the past too, will it harm you? Maybe.


You can allways both protect yourself and afterwards have a check up on hospital you know Wink
I didn´t really get the body builder part of your post though Razz
xkobram
I think we could say, she is just "more experienced"
Darkfall
I've had sex with people who were virgins, and people who weren't.

It's all the same, you're just upset some other guy got there first.
rslate
I'm glad my first time was with another virgin, but now that I've had multiple partners, I have no right to complain if the girl I'm with isn't a virgin.

Laughing

However, it was important to me at the time, and if she hadn't been a virgin I probably would have moved on... Confused
Alias
interesting opinions you got there guys, thanks, id really appreciate it, though some was just trying to screw my head up, most are helping. Very Happy
angelussum
interesting topic.

i think virginity is a personal matter - how people feel about it varies from person to person.

i guess the important thing to think about is 1) what are you feeling about your girlfriend's virginity? (you've named some things), 2) why do you think you feel this way? and 3) what can do you about how you are feeling?
freakinlame
Well I do agree that it is a personal matter. It also depends whether you are a virgin or not. And you have to ask yourself, would you want to lose your virginity to a non-virgin? Or do you not mind at all. Again, in the end it is up to your own stand. People can just tell of their experience and that is theirs, not yours. It doesn't mean that its alright with other people, it will be alright with you too. If you do mind, go fish for another. Smile
ankur.vatsa
--------------------------------------------
prym3r
Its all about what u fell, and not what we can say to you... Its only you that matters Wink

But, personaly i really dont care...Dont even think about that when it cames to my 1st time with my gf's. ( had 5 in my life, only one was a virgin : my 1st one , we both were. )
dotapinoy3480
yes its normal to feel that way... (i wud also feel that way) but if you love the girl you will forget all about those virginity thing.... past is past man..


sorry for the wrong grammar... i was just trying to help....
urbanbuddha
What about guys? Is it really fair to want your GF to be a virgin if you are not yourself? What's in the past is in the past. She's with you now and that's what should matter.
glenwood
You'd be surprised how many people still hold on to traditional values regarding this issue. I was raised in a religous family so I attribute my beliefs to my upbringing. But if you rewound the clock to the early 1900's to even the 1950's, it was out of the question to have premarital sex. The world has completely changed in the last 50 years. You can debate whether the changes are good or bad, but it's interesting to also note the skyrocketed divorce rates, abortion usage, and orphaned children since these values have flip-flopped.

Anyway, back to the original topic. I understand the original posters' feelings because for those that still value virginity, if you wait, you expect your future spouse to also wait. Obviously it doesn't mean if the person you fall in love with is no longer a virgin they are a bad person. I think it is just more traditional and cherished. And to some people, that is important.
Cyberius
look I think that the virginity is not the most important, but have sex with others is a wrong decision because it can to give you some troubles, and if you meet the correct person, the special maybe you cant enjoy the sex because in the past you make crazy things and you will be boried.
sonalobramo
Personally I think it does not matter. Anyway, people will tell you whether or not it matters to them. The thing is, they don't need to forget it, YOU DO!!
If you want to forget it you need to ask yourself first WHY it matters to YOU.
I've read some good replies on this subject but nobody in this forum will be able to answer that for you.
CameraKitten
OF COURSE it matters. Virginity is a gift; it is purity, and it is the untouched snow after a snowfall. It matters ALOT, because you can NEVER gove virginity more than once. I believe you should ONLY sleep with the one you're going to marry and save yourself for them.
tiel_99
I think it shouldn't matter whether the girl is a virgin or not.

What really matters is the kind of person she is today. Is she a promiscous, teasing flirt? Or is she postively sincere?

The fact that she lost her virginity is something which happened in the past. It should stay in the past. She may have made a mistake, she may have been misled - whatever it was, it was a different girl from who she is today. And she has to be if she is in love with you now.

We all make mistakes, and it takes a noble heart to realise this and let the past remain in the past. If we keep hanging on to what she did in the past, you are not allowing her to move on in life, and more importantly, you are not giving yourself a chance at happiness by letting her past get in the way.

Despite what everyone says, the decision is up to you. Put your beliefs aside and ask yourself if you really love her. If you do, put the past behind and start making a new tomorrow for the both of you.
ganesh
This is quite an interesting topic.

The first thing you should consider is the culture and background that you are from. If you belong to a conservative family, and you are conservative yourself (read as : you are a virgin, and do not believe in pre-marital sex), then it is better that you do not proceed with the relationship. This thing will keep haunting you throughout the initial years of your marriage.

However, if you are not a virgin yourself, you have no right to expect your partner to be a virgin.

I am posting this because, a month or so back, I was forced to make a decision in similar circumstances.
timm.mccoy
it is and always has been a personal choice. me and my gf were both virgins. but its not the end of the world. we all make choices that we regret, if you love her, then love her for who she is, not who she was. there are a lot of guys who manipulate girls and take advantage of their weaknesses. you need to only make sure that she's past it and that she has moved on and is ready for another relationship. as long as she feels comfortable with herself then you're gonna be fine. don't worry about it. i think that its stupid sometimes, the reasons that guys will use to not date a girl.

true love conquers all.

hope i helped,
timm.mccoy
arjay
Alias wrote:
well, i had a girlfriend, and as others does, she is not a virgin anymore co'z of some uncertain circumstances, its hard though, i keep on thinking about it, and from time to time i had this strange feeling of, i dont know, maybe im jealous? or something? or maybe insecure? i know its a liberated time nowadays but still, cant help thinking bout it, i came here to have a talk with you guys and hear your opinions about it, care to help me out?[/b]

Alias wrote:
She open it to me not only the problem that she lose her virginity but also some personal problems. I just need some advice of how I could forget about it and probably accept her what she is right now.

Sometimes good people look for good partners. I guess poster Alias is a good person because he is very particular about the issue of virginity with his partner. From the premise of his post, I presume he is serious with his gf and want her to be more than just a gf in the future that is why Alias is concern about his partner’s virginity.

He is talking about strange feeling and I will equate that as a direct manifestation of his love for his girlfriend.

At the back of his mind, a guy may think being a ‘loser’ if he got a non-virgin for a partner. But his thought of such immediately diminishes if he can only think how lucky a winner he is, finding such sincerity and honesty in his gf that opted to lay her cards open to him.Exclamation

I will also say that true love relationship is a mutual commitment that goes beyond physical issues. Love is slow to judge but quick to understand.

A girl rape victim may become non-virgin physically but may still be a virgin emotionally or psychologically. She lost her virginity, not with her own will but, by the perpetrator’s superior brute force and coercion that she may have fallen unconscious and has lost all her resources to effectively defend herself. For me, this kind of victim is still psychologically and/or emotionally virgin, more specifically, if she continuously fights for her right and dignity as a victim. Rolling Eyes

But, if the loss of virginity is a product of her promiscuity and wanton disregard of her body’s sanctity then it may be a valid cause of alarm for you, else, if it was due to her being a victim of deceit and honest mistakes, then her decency stays at high level. Smile

Alias, you have been concentrating on the negative of her being a non-virgin and you have unfortunately 'ignored' the goodness in her when she was honest and sincere enough in confessing (opening up one’s very intimate personal issue is very tough, and she did that sooner out of her love and respect for you) her situation. That alone is a significant move from her towards the light. Don’t you think she deserves more love from you now more than ever? Dancing

I fully understand your sentiments as I am also concern about my partner’s virginity, but you can only say that you truly love a person when you are ready and willing to accept all her qualities including her negatives (fully and 100%) at ALL times. Smile

Help her recover from her sad experience and she will lead you out of your worries. Give her the chance to share more of her goodness with you. Grow in love together as partners and not as adjudicators. “Let the sinless cast the first stone.” Rolling Eyes

Goodluck and best wishes to both of you.

Finally, for other ideal (but definitely illusive) cases and as a matter of personal preference, ...
CameraKitten wrote:
OF COURSE it matters. Virginity is a gift; it is purity, and it is the untouched snow after a snowfall. It matters ALOT, because you can NEVER gove virginity more than once. I believe you should ONLY sleep with the one you're going to marry and save yourself for them.

... I, certainly, still prefer to marry a girl who can give me this gift. Razz Smile
guugu
I think it matters but it aint MUST... if you get what i mean :p

we all have past... if you find nice girl that you realy like, you should not be jealous if she aint virgin anymore...

so thats my opinion about that topic Wink
Captain Fertile
The number of partners a girlfriend has before we got together is not an issue for me, the number of partners she has had since we got together – now THAT is important!

Just concentrate on that, the past is gone and cannot be changed live in the here and now to have a happier tomorrow – my I’m feeling incisive today.
Very Happy
just-in
Alias wrote:
bangala wrote:
Alias wrote:
well, i had a girlfriend, and as others does, she is not a virgin anymore co'z of some uncertain circumstances, its hard though, i keep on thinking about it, and from time to time i had this strange feeling of, i dont know, maybe im jealous? or something? or maybe insecure? i know its a liberated time nowadays but still, cant help thinking bout it, i came here to have a talk with you guys and hear your opinions about it, care to help me out?[/b]

Are you serious? Of course it doesn't matter, and she has to lose virginity anyway. Now I'm curious, how did you know about her being not virgin anymore? Think


She open it to me not only the problem that she lose her virginity but also some personal problems. I just need some advice of how I could forget about it and probably accept her what she is right now.


Hey Alias,

If she didn't have told you about her past how would you come to know that whether she is a virgin or not?

Think possitively man...

I have a question to everyone out here..

What does the term 'Virginity' means? Can anyone describe?

Justin
Panthrowzay
What your thinking is ok this happend to her and i dont want to take it to far because i dont want her to think about what happend while shes with me.

As a Girl * this is my friends login info im on it for our site* who thats happend to i can understand how she feels and i can understand why your worried about her!!

You will never be able to fully be ok with what happend NO ONE EVER WILL you can try as hard as you possible can but you will never be 100% fine with it!

Sometimes certain things happen and you have NO CONTROL over them but you cant let it affect yalls relationship because i you do the person who did it will have won and succesfully ruined her life and taken yours with it!!

What ever you do just let her know that your there for her TRY to understand and if shes going to therapy or talking to someone GO WITH HER let her talk about it with you there it will help both of you and your relationship will be stronger because of it!!
just-in
No one has answered my question 'what is virginity?'

I read this incident in a magazine.

A girl was walking along with her mother near a busy market place suddenly they heard sounds like someone is shooting in the air. Everyone on the road started running for their life and the girl and her mother too started running but before they could hide themselves somewhere the group of people who were involved in the shooting came close to them and still the firing is going on. The girl and her mother turned back and they could see the group is shooting on a guy who is running before them for his life. Before the girl and her mother could turn their face the group shot him at his legs and in his hip and all over his body. When they shot him at down to his hip the bullet came out after spoiting his testicles and went straight into the girl's stomach.

The girl fainted there itself. By the time the cops reached there and the cops took the girl and mother to a hospital and they kept them under their custody till the case was investigated as there were the eye witnesses.

The girl was saved by the doctors and operating her. The girl was there in the hospital for one and half a month.

The interesting thing was after one and half month the girl was found pregnant!

Unbelievable isn't it. The doctors too thought the same and they asker her mother that whether she had any boyfriend ... kind of questions.

But the mother firmly said no and the girl too confirmed that she didn't have any such relationship and she confirmed that the she was a virgin.

Later the mother filed a case against the doctors on the basis of doubt on them but the later investigations proved that the culprit was indeed the bullet which spoiled the testicles of the man who died in that incident.

The girl did abortion.

now tell me is she still a virgin?
bluefossil
she is not a VIRGIN???? OMG!!! It's the end of the world!!
obiang
Seriously, it depends on the individual.
tiel_99
First off, I don't think that the scenario of the bullet going through the man's testicle and impregnating the girl is plausible.

But in this case, she is still a virgin.

Virginity can be defined in two ways:

1) technically, it is a physiological state where a girl has not experienced sexual intercourse. A sign of this is an intact hymen.

2) virginity is a state of mind. There are many girls with intact hymens but who have been involved in activities which would have entailed the loss of their sexual innocence. They may not have engaged on sexual intercouse, but they have indulged in every other type of sexual activity. This makes them technically and physiologically virgins, but their state of mind is hardly virginal.

I think for this discussion, we are referring to virginity as defined by sexual intercouse.
bond4154
I admit I'm a bit old-school as well, but I'm a bit more liberal than most. Honestly, though, I do prefer my girlfriend to be a virgin. It's not so much as a physical thing as it is a psychological thing; I'd still say she's a virgin if she had lost her virginity because of a rape. But, for me, I'd feel uncomfortable dating a girl who had consciously and willingly had sex with another person; it makes me feel as if the girl was "unfaithful" (had sex with someone else and then broke up), or "second-hand". Again, though, it's an opinion, and I'm a bit old-school, so don't hold me on that. x_x
manohar225
From the sound of it he doesnt seem depressed in the sense of "OMG I HATE JOO NOW I MUST LEAVE JOO FOREVUH". Its more like a feeling where you feel its not going to be as special as it could have been.....And its more on what YOU think of HER.....She has been honest with you about it and I think she might be feeling as bad about it as you.....You should talk to her about it really.....
mike_phi
Hi there, you should not be conserned about whether she is a virgin or not as it makes no diffrence as to waht you value in her it does not make it harder to bear, I think deep down in your heart you dont really care its just the concept you are conserned with and you think of how it could have happened without you, you probably have a level of posesiveness which plays on your brain.

its just rules that have been burned into our blueprints that get us thinking along these lines virgin none virgin you could take a persons actions and experiences to the nth degree and crusify them for it.

e.g.
have you kissed someon: if yes then that could work on your brain
have you smoked a cig : same as above
have you ever loved someone else : same as above
did you love me the first time you saw me : if no then that could work on your brain

the point is there are millions of things that could bug you and your brain would be caught up thinking of all these things but by a girl not being a virgin dose not make her any less valuable or loveable or less a person it just happens to be one of the things she has gone through in and life presented her with the situation which left her a none virgin but life presents us all with many situations and some things change us al in many ways but just because we have the virgin thing stamped into our vocabelery and cultuter causes us as people problems.

even if you think of it from a purity perspective, and lets just say you view virginetty or the fact of being with another person as "dirty" have you ever had your hands dirty and smelly from maby cleaning something gross, Í am sure you have, but after you have washed your hands and continued living for a few days does your hands matter to you when you digging into to a pack of crisps or hot chips using your hands which where in a drain a few days ago, does it matter no it dose not its all in the mind

cheers and good luck
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