Problems with friend...should I stay or should i go?

blue77

I've had this friend for over five years now....we were in fact best friends...but things changed recently...

Although she has apologized for many things that she has done in the recent past...I can't seem to trust her anymore....yes i'm still a little upset for how she and her boyfriend treated me, but very little...but all in all....i feel pretty forgiving as far as not being very angry at them (i'm still healing from the big conflict)...things just feel very unresolved because she dislikes discussing things...

Communication is a really big thing for me...and I've made it pretty clear that I'd rather discuss things than to run away and hope conflicts fix on their own....My question is...should I still be good friends with this person...even if she is unwilling to communicate at times I feel are very important?...She's always ran away from conflict, unless she's doing the confrontation...

Also, do you always have to make sure the other person is completely ready to talk about issues before disscussings things? What if they're never ready to discuss things, or you get so resentful while waiting for them to be ready to discuss issues? I've tried to talk to her about things i felt were bothering me and she would later state that I was forcing her into conversations...but i always tried to stay calm and constructive, never raising my voice or calling her names...she just really dislikes it when people point out things that she does wrong...(she's admitted this herself)...

angelussum

Sounds like there's a lot going on here.

You say you can't trust her anymore, that's a biggie. It's hard to regain trust for someone who's lost it. You deserve to be treated right, and to fight for that right.

Communication is very important. If she's running away from talking about things that's important to you, it sounds like she might be ignoring and disrespecting what you value. It takes two people to make a relationship work. From what you are saying, she's just not contributing as much as you are. Take a step back and see if this friendship is something you want to continue putting energy into.

urbanbuddha

Take a step back. Make new friends and just forget her. You can still be friends, but at this point she really can't be your best friend. It's not worth it if she's not willing to try to sit down and discuss the problem with you.

dotapinoy3480

yes its hard to forgive someone... but dont forget the years you and her are been together.... hey... real true friends dont count how many times they help each other... or how they responce when they need help... just give her another chance.... but try to "change" the bad side of her... thats is friends man... just hold on... everything will change...

sorry for the wrong grammar... im just trying to help... Laughing

Panthrowzay

No relationship exists without Trust.

Trust is the Building block on which everything rests without it you have NOTHING.

If she cant talk to you and thats how it stays then you need to find some better friends cause you are just going to end up get hurt even more because your fighting to make something work and its just not going to happen its not healthy to push that hard and have it BLOW UP in your face ive had it happen. Its part of life and growing up and unfourtently it has to happen and it ALWAYS does.

Good Luck!!

blue77

Thank you for your support

I didn't see her for a nearly a month. Maybe you are right that trust is the most important in relationships. I' ve got new coleags and friends with whom I'm feeling very well now.

Happy Holidays

cvkien

well, it is depends on you. you have to see both side of each choice you had made. if you still want to stay, what is your feeling? and how about her feeling? is this choice makes you happy? and see also if you not going to stay as her friend. choice always comes with goodness and side effect. and there will be risk of unplanned troubles.

anyway, if that friend makes you a lot of trouble, then u have to know how to avoid it. and u have to tell her what you feel, let her understand your situation. i think friend will listen to their friend. if she can't accept, try again and your final step if she still doesn't want to listen, then you should know how to end nicely. Friends are easy to make and also easy to loss.