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Her and the Other

When I hear her name...
that name...
it drives me insane
The name of the one who nearly destroyed my life
Her name I despise
And wish to never hear again

When I hear her name I scream
She's the one that made me cry
Cry to the point that I look pathetic
Why pathetic?
Crying over someone who said they loved me
But in the end used me.

When I hear her name
I wish I'd just disappear
I fear her name
It's the name of the person
I obeyed like a dog
Something I wish to never fall for again

Her name is now nothing to me
But I still cringe at the very mentioning of it
She hurt me
She ripped apart my heart and threw it in front of me
She laughed Her way away
And Left me to drown in my tears

The Name of that girl will leave anyone in tears
I hate it...
I used to love this girl
I denied everything
The break-up
Her newest boyfriend

She's out of my life now
Or so I think...
She means nothing to me
Or so I say...
Will she leave me alone
Probably not
But Her name still lingers in my head
Looking to make me sad
When my Other isn't around

My Other one's name
Is such a heavenly name
I love it to pieces
It makes me happy
When I'm sad
Such a beautiful name

Her Name I Cherish
I Love with a passion
The ring of her name
Sets my soul on Fire
A Fire of Love and care
She's the one who revived my dead soul

Her name is very important to me
I love it...
When I'm sad
I need it...
When I'm lonely
I want it...
And without it
I'm nothing

These names of love and hate
Both reside in me
I live with my new love
and Old Pains
As if they balance each other out
But why do I need the suffering of Her name
and the love of my Other's name

Is it becaue she once loved me
Because I gave her stuff
and she denied me Her love because I stopped?
Why am I loved by my Other?
Is it because I listen to her?
Will it stop if I don't listen?

These things may never be answered...
And I don't expect them to be.
How can you answer these trivial questions...
Without cold hard facts.

I'll never forget Her name
Nor will I forget my Other's name
Both ring inside me
One of pain
And one of love
Changing my mood
Day after Day

These pains for the past will never fade
And the joys of the present and future will neither
But I would love to have the joys only
Because the joys are always shattered by the pains
And the pains are something I don't want to keep
Life is hard when you have pains to bear.

These names are important monuments of my life
Pillars to show my accomplishments
Broken dreams to show my failures
I don't deserve these names
They won't leave me...
I can't leave my other's name
I love my other
I can't leave her name
I hate Her

Will these pains of Her ever leave me?
Will the joys of the Other ever end?
Maybe not...
Probably not...
Only time can tell

If love is meant to be, can the pains
of previous love just leave me alone?
They haven't yet, and never will.
She used me like she's used everyone...
Problem is, I fell for it...
I fell for it.

I'm pathetic...
My life taken by two names
One of a girl who wanted me to
Have someone for her to use for pleasure
To have me do inappropriate things to her
so she could easily comeback and blame me
if something was to happen

Can the love I share with my other really be real?
I sure hope it is...
Maybe when I meet my other...
The pains will finally leave
Leave me to be myself again
And not feel burdened by Her presence in my life
Make the pains of Her go away and leave me alone

Will my other take me in holy matrimony...
And let me take her and love her forever always
I Would make my other the happiest person on the face of the world
If these pains of Her would go away...
My life is controlled by these two names
I can't be happy because of Her
I can't be sad because of my Other

What does this mean?
Why can't I be Happy?
Why can't I be sad?
Why are my emotions locked up by a key held by them both?
I can't forget Her
I don't want to leave my Other.
So I guess until the end of time,
I live by them both.

Now maybe I can find my true self?
Is this a test of God to see how much pain I can take?
Or is it my emotions in chaotic form?
Will you ever leave me for good, the one named "Her"?
And Will I stay with you forever, the one named "My Other"?
Will my life eventually be in my hands
and no one else's?

I hope so...

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