FRIHOST FORUMS SEARCH FAQ TOS BLOGS COMPETITIONS
You are invited to Log in or Register a free Frihost Account!


Never thought I'd do this.





Darkfall
Ok, I'm usually pretty good at getting on with a girl and getting into a relationship but the longest relationship I've had has been 8-9 months.

I've met a girl who is extremely nice and I spend hours talking to her and we have fun whenever we see each other. I've been on a couple of dates with her and she has always kissed me when we part ways at the end.

She seems quite serious about it all, and I've asked her but she says she wants to really get to know me before she considers anything by the way of 'titles' such as boyfriend/girlfriend.

I have a fear that I may be doing something wrong...
rslate
Darkfall wrote:
Ok, I'm usually pretty good at getting on with a girl and getting into a relationship but the longest relationship I've had has been 8-9 months.

I've met a girl who is extremely nice and I spend hours talking to her and we have fun whenever we see each other. I've been on a couple of dates with her and she has always kissed me when we part ways at the end.

She seems quite serious about it all, and I've asked her but she says she wants to really get to know me before she considers anything by the way of 'titles' such as boyfriend/girlfriend.

I have a fear that I may be doing something wrong...


Well, keep getting to know her. Wink It's been my experience though that most women don't want to wait and make their move on their own, they need to feel wanted. So pushing it just a little bit further every now and then might give you an idea, without being too timid. This is only from experience, I'm sure some of the ladies here would be able to help more.

But in short I don't think it sounds like you're doing anything wrong, it just sounds like she is more interested in a real relationship instead of just screwing.
livilou
Before I answer, I would like to ask a couple of questions first. Your answers won't effect my opinion of you, only how I answer your question.

1. Have you had sex?

2. Are you even interested in a serious relationship with this person?

3. Why did you ask her that question?

I'm not asking to be rude or nosy, but it will determine how I answer. If you don't want to answer, no problem.
LzW-x
Well, there is a problem here... (in my opinion)

She is keeping her options open. She likes you but does not want to be locked out from playing the field.

If she did not care about you, she would have no problem with these "labels" but incase things don't work out, she wants to keep you at a slight distance so there are no severely broken hearts!

Whether this is mature, responsible, appropriate behavior or not, depends on what age you people are... If you are young, just bide your time and see what happens! If you are you are in your 30's or 40's, you really need to know if marriage might be possible in the future.

So allow her all of the space she needs for the moment but at some point, if you are both mature, you're just going to have to ask the question.... "Where do you see this going, is there a future for us?"

If by that time, she puts you off with statements like: "You over analyze stuff" "Can't we just enjoy thing as they are" or similar statements, then you know that you are ready to grow and she is not!
xkobram
Maybe she is waiting for falling in love with you, maybe it has worked to her everytime before, so she is just waiting...
Darkfall
livilou wrote:
Before I answer, I would like to ask a couple of questions first. Your answers won't effect my opinion of you, only how I answer your question.

1. Have you had sex?

2. Are you even interested in a serious relationship with this person?

3. Why did you ask her that question?

I'm not asking to be rude or nosy, but it will determine how I answer. If you don't want to answer, no problem.


1. No

2. Yes

3. I never asked her to get into a relationship, I just wanted to know where we stood in terms of how she felt, and she said she was serious.
Darkfall
LzW-x wrote:
Well, there is a problem here... (in my opinion)

She is keeping her options open. She likes you but does not want to be locked out from playing the field.

If she did not care about you, she would have no problem with these "labels" but incase things don't work out, she wants to keep you at a slight distance so there are no severely broken hearts!

Whether this is mature, responsible, appropriate behavior or not, depends on what age you people are... If you are young, just bide your time and see what happens! If you are you are in your 30's or 40's, you really need to know if marriage might be possible in the future.

So allow her all of the space she needs for the moment but at some point, if you are both mature, you're just going to have to ask the question.... "Where do you see this going, is there a future for us?"

If by that time, she puts you off with statements like: "You over analyze stuff" "Can't we just enjoy thing as they are" or similar statements, then you know that you are ready to grow and she is not!


We're both 18, both students and she has been in a relationship with someone before, who has the same name and did the same course I'm doing this year funnily enough.

Maybe she just doesnt want a repeat of the last time, I suppose.
JoeFriday
I would attribue your anxiety to being young and insecure.. I don't mean that in a bad way.. but you want to know exactly where you stand so you don't have to worry about it

sounds to me like she's just being cautious.. nothing to be concerned about.. in fact, you should take a cue from her and just relax.. she's obviously intererested in you, but doesn't want to categorize your relationship.. sometimes it's much better to just let things happen without defining it

also, not really classifying your relationship adds some tension and mystery that can be very exciting.. when people decide "we're a couple" that's often when the relationship cools off

if you want to really get things juiced up, try being a little coy with her.. flirt a lot, but then kind of back off slightly.. but be sure to keep up a playful side.. and don't do it in a manipulative way.. it's got to be done more in a teasing sort of way.. and don't do it all the time.. inconsistency will keep her guessing and coming back for more
tiel_99
Don't think too much about it. Just go with the flow and enjoy the time you have with her. If she's already kissing you, why do you need the have exclusive titles?

From my experience, just getting along with a girl is more fun than actually being in a relationship with her. The moment you have an official title, then there are certain implications and responsibilities, which if you are not ready for, will ruin the relationship. I should know, cos I've had several relationships hit the rocks the moment they became "official". Looking back on hindsight, it was because I wasn't ready for the "exclusivity" and the responsibilities of having a girl friend. For example, if she's your girlfriend, would you accompany her for a pregnancy test?

I don't mean this as a bad thing, but I can see from your post that your relationships don't last a year. It could be saying more about you than about this girl. Perhaps you may be rushing into things without thinking of what it means.

Take it easy with this girl if you enjoy her company. Just keep going out with her and let her kiss you. Let the "exclusivity" and titles come naturally with time. More importantly, just really enjoy yourself with her.
Chris24
Sounds to me like she knows exactly what she is doing. She wants to know you, where you are coming from, probably what your intentions are. You are not dealing with an immature girl here. She seems to know that you get to know the other person BEFORE you start to commit to a serious relationship.

Give her space, enjoy the time you are having with her, dont pressure her, treat her with respect, listen to her, talk to her, and for pete's sake don''t pressure her to have sex (when she is ready she will let you know) . Respect her, and if she is really interested in a serious relationship it will work out, if not you have gained a real friend out of the deal if you handle it right....
freakinlame
Is the title important to you? Is that all that matters to you? And what message do you get from a kiss? DO you really like the girl and want her to be your girlfriend for who she is or is it because you like the kiss? It's a good thing to get to know each other first before getting into a relationship that will last more than 9 months. You wouldn't want to get into a relationship and in the end it will only last for months, would you? Ask yourself what do you want from the realtionship and yoyu will realize what you really want from her and the realtionship. Smile
xkobram
freakinlame wrote:
Is the title important to you?


You are right, but there would be problem if she connected acts with titles...
ankur.vatsa
--------------------------------------------
angel_of_death
dude whts the point of a title, unless of course, u wanna tell it to all your pals. but evn then it doesnt make a difference. jst stay as it is. u wont regret it. evrythin has a reason. maybe she's still uncertain. Confused

evn i am a special friend to a girl, but still she wonnt agree to the girlfriend boyfriend thing as yet. we are just good friends for now Crying or Very sad
mike_phi
From my experience I have learned that girls do thi sometimes as a result of their feelings and fear of getting hurt or embarassed by rejection.

Allot of girls feel very vaunrable to take steps forward in relationships as they normally take very serious steps even if they deny it, girls are emotional creatures and soetimes depending on their previous experience, they could be very carefull emotional creatures, so i would guess you probably doing everything right and she has developed allot of feelings for you and she is just affraid to get hurt, so you will just have to play it cool keep doing what ever you are doing and its great that you have expressed yourself and told her about your intentions, just keep letting her know how you feel and allow her to align her heart and mind completely and also to establish a security of feeling safe in the situation, my guess is she will shine through

good luck cheers

Mic
Related topics
Where do you live?
Who is your favorite actor/actress?
How did you hear about FRIHost ?
HR Heaven and Hell
I will share some joke in this topic(3)
Until I See You Again
Why are not to much drawers?
The first LP/KCT/CD you ever bought...
What is your favourite Star Wars game?
Fantastico Error
Without Music uh... Man that would SUCK
Thumb-drive Linux Distro
Trying to Learn German
Rosanova's Community Site ver. 3.0 Update
If you had 2 months to live - would you...
Reply to topic    Frihost Forum Index -> Lifestyle and News -> Relationships

FRIHOST HOME | FAQ | TOS | ABOUT US | CONTACT US | SITE MAP
© 2005-2011 Frihost, forums powered by phpBB.