I have been together with my boyfriend for about six months now, and it's wonderful. Yet, I always have this idea that someone somewhere out there is better than him, someone I won't argue with as much, someone who will agree with me 99.9% of the time, someone who will always say the perfect thing. Basically, an idealistic guy.
I love my boyfriend, I honestly do and we are good together, I am just tired of always feeling that there can be something/someone better.
How do I rid myself of this false image of perfection in "someone out there i'll meet some day"?
And you think, the perfect guy will think you are the perfect girl? YOu think you are so good you vcan have the "prefect guy"? Are you crazy? With this thinking you should be happy, you have someone who loves you. Stop thinking about about another guy and be happy.
How can be anyone so stupid???
xkobram, that was a bit harsh...
Anyway, missdixy, I can completely understand your way of thinking; you want to make sure that you're with the person who is most compatible with your personality. However, it's important to realize that a healthy relationsip involves having some arguments and some disagreements. It's very unlikely that you'll meet someone who will always understand why you're angry when you're having a bad day, and who will give in to everything you want. Everyone has days when they're feeling edgy and aggravated, so on those days, arguments will happen, and that's absolutely fine. As long as you're not fighting with your boyfriend excessively, then there's no need to look for someone better. This is something that you'll probably realize in time.
Go find that someone if you're so obsessed about it.
|ThornsOfSorrow wrote: |
|xkobram, that was a bit harsh...
Yeah it was. Sorry for that
Missdixy: You should not give up realtionship and love for someone who "somewhere exists." That would be very unclever. And sorry, you aren't stupid.
Nobody could ever be the perfect being and to expct one to be something like that is too much. Everyone is human and prone to mistakes and misunderstandings. The important thing is that you're compatible enough to be able to get past those misunderstandings and make the relationship stronger. There may not be that perfect significant other out there (if there was, he's most likely be snatched up in a heartbeat), but you can get pretty close to it if you'd only stop comparing. Good luck!
I sort of addressed this in another topic on here about "soul mates" but I think its just human nature to think there's going to be someone better out there, so just use your best judgment on this. I think you are right to keep your eyes open, because we all deserve happiness but you shouldn't do it at the expense of harming the relationship you have already because it isn't their fault, it's not fair to you and its not fair for them.
|xkobram wrote: |
|And you think, the perfect guy will think you are the perfect girl? YOu think you are so good you vcan have the "prefect guy"? Are you crazy? With this thinking you should be happy, you have someone who loves you. Stop thinking about about another guy and be happy.
How can be anyone so stupid???
wooow xkobram buddy that was strong man ..
no seriously even if he was a bit harsh , he is right , man you got someone who loves you and who you love, ...... THAT'S A LOOOOOOTTT
Listen to this: I swear t you if you were with a guy who didn't argue with you you wouldn't find him attractive at all ..... even annoying... some one who always says the right thing would be sooo boring!!!! I swear to you if you just get some years of experience you would know that yourself
|supjapscrapper wrote: |
Listen to this: I swear t you if you were with a guy who didn't argue with you you wouldn't find him attractive at all ..... even annoying... some one who always says the right thing would be sooo boring!!!!
Yeah, I was sorta chuckling about that whole her idea of a perfect man being one that didnt argue with her 99% of the time.
That truly would be boring. If you were with someone that's a total mirror image of you.........there would be no balance to the relationship. You need a Sun and a Moon, a Day and a Night........not two suns or two moons........
|supjapscrapper wrote: |
| You need a Sun and a Moon, a Day and a Night........not two suns or two moons........ |
Nicely put, and I do agree with you, it's just difficult to actually stop feeling like there could be someone better out there.
contentment comes rarely for some people.
The PERFECT person for you. Hmmm I reckon it doesn’t exist or at the very least, almost impossible to find.
I learnt long ago that nobody is perfect and you can’t change someone.
So what you have to do is find someone who is annoying in ways you can live with. This of course does not mean settle for just anyone.
No matter which person you are with, if you are with them long enough you will find things that really get under your skin, I mean REALLY annoy you. That doesn’t mean you are not compatible.
I have things that bug the life out of my wife and vice versa and we fight as much as anyone but that does not mean I would ever want anyone else. I know I have been blessed with my wife and I try to keep the annoying things down to a minimum.
There are even times that we laugh about these things. Her annoying habits make me love her more and I love the way she forgives me mine. She too realises that nobody is perfect.
If you hang on for that 100% perfect man I am afraid that you will be very disappointed and miss out on some great things a plain old good man can offer – yes good men do exist and are a lot easier to find than perfect men.
You know you can always leave your bf in search of greener pastures but do keep in kind, you might never be able to come back to what you have right now.
Try to look at things from his prospective and then decide if there's anything you can do/change that would make you argue less or make you the girl he wouldn't want to part with.
You see, its all upto you. If tomorrow you post here that you've decided to stick with your current bf everyone will wish you luck; if you post that you've dumped him and are looking for someone else, everyone here will still wish you luck. So the see the world as it is, not how you'd like it to be.
Hmm, this is always a hard feeling to shake off. I think instead of focusing on what could be, focus on what you have right now. Yes, there might just be a perfect guy out there for you, maybe, maybe not, it's risky. What I'm saying is look at the person in front of you right now. What do you like about him? What do you not like about him? Is he 'good enough'? Everyone's going to have their faults, it's human. Relationships can take work, and it's not always natural for things to go smoothly. Ultimately, if you're not happy with the guy you are with now, then go and look for someone better. At least that's what I think.
Its actualy a completely normal feeling. As human beings we always want something better, always craving more and more and more. It takes time to be content with what you have. With any luck you will eventualy start to see his perfection rather than seeking the possiblly perfect "other" guy.
Also, wanting someone that agrees with you 99.9% of the time is something of a foolish wish. Not to be mean, but it is simply not going to happen. Unless you choose a complete vegitable boyfriend. This is becuase everyone has their own opinions, and even if your opinions line up. His translation of some things may be slightly different than yours. So the highest attainable % of "true" agreement is probubly closer to 65%. Besides, relationships are usualy better with some disagreement, becuase it widens the scope of the world as you see it, makes you more open-minded to other people's opinions, etc. This is also becuase relationships are about constant compramise and attempt to understand. Every relationship WILL have its ups and its DOWNS. What realy determins "perfection" is the will of both people to talk, listen, and attempt to understand.