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Love that you know you cant have....





Zaini
I've a problem.

I'm married, happily, with 1 adorable 3 years old son. The problem is I feel I'm falling in love with someone. She also have the same feeling toward me. She know I'm married and we know that we can't have a relationship or if we do have a relationship, it would be difficult.

But we can't seem to shake the attraction toward each others......
RiCtee
Hell no!!! No matter how much you love her...you are still MARRIED. That's what you should consider. I think that it's totally your choice, you can do anything you want, it's your life. But think about the consequences etc. Hopefully you'll make the right decision.

P/s: I'm from Kuching!! Very Happy
Zaini
It's not that simple... Is it possible to have more than 1 love ? You're trying not to fall in it, but, the feeling keep drag you toward it... Maybe it's just lust... in fact I hope it is just lust. It will make things easier, but if it is love... life will be complicated and a lots of feeling will be confuse, hurt and angry,...
xkobram
Zaini wrote:
It's not that simple... Is it possible to have more than 1 love ? You're trying not to fall in it, but, the feeling keep drag you toward it... Maybe it's just lust... in fact I hope it is just lust. It will make things easier, but if it is love... life will be complicated and a lots of feeling will be confuse, hurt and angry,...


I know its not sipmple for you, but i cant look when others lif are going to be destroyed... If you made just 1 step, there would be no way back. You would just destroy realationship with your wife and maybe your son. You shouldn't do it. If you love your wife, you can life only with her and your son, without another love. Try to be with your family as much as you can. Think about the reasons why you get married with her and why you have loved her. Inovate your relationship with her. Do all for it. Forget your friend dont, spend time with he and dont do something stupid, you dont want to do it...
moworks2
Zaini wrote:
I've a problem.

I'm married, happily, with 1 adorable 3 years old son. The problem is I feel I'm falling in love with someone. She also have the same feeling toward me. She know I'm married and we know that we can't have a relationship or if we do have a relationship, it would be difficult.

But we can't seem to shake the attraction toward each others......


If the attraction is so strong that you are willing to lose your wife and maybe your son then go for it. If your present life means more to you then grow up, step back, take a breath of fresh air and move on. It's your call.

M
Zaini
In fact I'm doing that right now. I've been trying to take a step back and ignore the attraction. It's hard as I'm seeing her everybody as we're working at the same place. I love my family. I don't want to hurt or leave them. But is it impossible to have two love in life....
Zaini
In fact I'm doing that right now. I've been trying to take a step back and ignore the attraction. It's hard as I'm seeing her everybody as we're working at the same place. I love my family. I don't want to hurt or leave them. But is it impossible to have two love in life....
Zaini
In fact I'm doing that right now. I've been trying to take a step back and ignore the attraction. It's hard as I'm seeing her everybody as we're working at the same place. I love my family. I don't want to hurt or leave them. But is it impossible to have two love in life....
xkobram
Its the thing of will. You know that if you did it it would be not right and you would regret it.
urbanbuddha
If you still love your wife, than I think you're just going through a phase. There's different types of love, so maybe the way you feel about this other woman is only an infatuation. Would you be able to see yourself fully committed and being intimate together? Or is it just passion?

In anycase, it's not fair to your wife if you cannot give her your heart fully. And it's not fair to youself. Give it time and let it fade. Maybe once you get to know this other woman better, you will think that she is not the type you would settle down for like you have with your wife.
supjapscrapper
Zaini wrote:
I've a problem.

I'm married, happily, with 1 adorable 3 years old son. The problem is I feel I'm falling in love with someone. She also have the same feeling toward me. She know I'm married and we know that we can't have a relationship or if we do have a relationship, it would be difficult.

But we can't seem to shake the attraction toward each others......


If you are married and happily, and moreover have a son, I'm sorry to say this, but no matter how hard it is, if you do destroy all this to give up to a temporary sexual attraction (multiplied by the fact that it is not allowed and is ecret which makes it more exciting...)then you would just be the biggest loser of all time, no matter what shaitane tells you about that being some weird form of love and your right to be attracted and so and so and so ... (imagine her leaving you because she was feeling a crazy attraction with a guy she meets everyday on the street ....)

Come on buddy, be a man, it'll only make your marital life stronger!!!!
xkobram
urbanbuddha wrote:
There's different types of love...


You aren't right, there is only one type of love, but the amount of love is different and the way of you love someone...
supjapscrapper
xkobram wrote:
urbanbuddha wrote:
There's different types of love...


You aren't right, there is only one type of love, but the amount of love is different and the way of you love someone...


Oh come on .. you know that's exactly what he meant!!! Very Happy
anyway, I really don't think that sexual attraction is love .... so I wouldn't agree if you told him that what he feels may be love ...
xkobram
supjapscrapper wrote:
xkobram wrote:
urbanbuddha wrote:
There's different types of love...


You aren't right, there is only one type of love, but the amount of love is different and the way of you love someone...


Oh come on .. you know that's exactly what he meant!!! Very Happy
anyway, I really don't think that sexual attraction is love .... so I wouldn't agree if you told him that what he feels may be love ...


No, i mean, there is only one type of love. The same is you love your friend as you love your wife.
Dragate
urbanbuddha wrote:
If you still love your wife, than I think you're just going through a phase. There's different types of love, so maybe the way you feel about this other woman is only an infatuation. Would you be able to see yourself fully committed and being intimate together? Or is it just passion?

In anycase, it's not fair to your wife if you cannot give her your heart fully. And it's not fair to youself. Give it time and let it fade. Maybe once you get to know this other woman better, you will think that she is not the type you would settle down for like you have with your wife.


that is... somewhat true...

Zaini, if you need more help than I'm going to suggest vaguely here, you are free to ask me for my email and I"ll help you priviately with this. if you want to, I'll pm you my email.

okay.

You've got to understand this.

people feel that love is a very strong emotion. Love?

define love for me. What is it?

hormonal impulses that result from natural attraction? just caring?

some people say you can't call infatuations love. But think about it, if there was no sexual attraction, what would you feel? The only thing I can think of is friendly care. As in, the type where your mother worries about you. That is true love? No you cannot say that.

We live in a politically correct world where it's customary and seen as a really bad thing to leave your wife and son. It is. It just is. It's the society we live in. We were brought up that way to think, and logically, it is. But, you have to know this. You have to know that your sexual impulse or whatever you WANT to think it is (don't say that last remark was too harsh, because you know it is right. Most attractions are at least 60% sexual impulse), it is only an impulse. Morally (which is one more thing society has just brainwashed us to think, which is inevitable, becuase that's the way humas are), you are to think you are not supposed to leave your wife and son. That is right.

You are bound by the power of marrige, which is actually, if you think about it, meaning nothing, but just a ritual of bonding that originated a long, long, long time ago, and still does becuase people feel it does something. It does. It keeps a couple together. For this marrige has made you think twice about leaving this woman. It, logically is the right thing to do.

We all know we must discipline ourselves against human impulses of greed, evil, and others that would make us bad. Some come first nature by now becuase they came up more, and they were correted more. Things like leaving your wife, just hasn't come up before and you havn't done it, you only know as a small kid, you were brought up to know it's a bad thing, even though you have not experienced it.

This... is another impulse.

I just wanted you to think about this CRITICALLY~ and make a good choice. Find out if you want to discipline yourslef against this natural impulse of human and abide by society's rules they laid out for you, or follow this impulse, and be happy until you realize feelings like this do not last forever, and only had a little guilty fun for a little while to regret it somewhat and think and let it bother you for a long time.

There are things that come easy. There are things that don't. And then there are things that require insane amount of hardwork, where even if you work as hard as you can, get help of other's to the best of their ability and nothing else can be done, sometimes things just DON'T work out~

That is inevitable. You've got to accept that.

That is my little rant to you.

I hope you make a good choice.
xkobram
Dragate wrote:
...


You are right. I'm glad to see that someone takes care about Zaiini's problems.
Vandalyzed
*chuckles and grimaces*

No offense but it looks to me like you're trying to get someone to tell you that it's ok to have your cake and eat it too.

Someone may tell you that..........but they'll be wrong.

How would you be feeling if the role was reversed and it was your wife that was "falling" for someone else.

You're trying to rationalize your feelings and say it's ok because it's possible to love two people.......that may be true in it's boiled down sense.......but then again, if you like the idea of loving two people you shouldnt be married.

And if you're even considering the idea of developing something with this girl, then you should leave the marriage.

No mercy for cheaters.........Sweep the leg!!
tingkagol
Vandalyzed wrote:
*chuckles and grimaces*

No offense but it looks to me like you're trying to get someone to tell you that it's ok to have your cake and eat it too.

Someone may tell you that..........but they'll be wrong.

How would you be feeling if the role was reversed and it was your wife that was "falling" for someone else.

You're trying to rationalize your feelings and say it's ok because it's possible to love two people.......that may be true in it's boiled down sense.......but then again, if you like the idea of loving two people you shouldnt be married.

And if you're even considering the idea of developing something with this girl, then you should leave the marriage.

No mercy for cheaters.........Sweep the leg!!

exactly.

and i think you're being too selfish. (the guy who posted the topic)
Know that there are times you just can't have what you want, unless you do something about it. think divorce. that would be pretty dumb... wait... let me ask you this-

do you still love your wife?
xkobram
Well, i think everyone who posted here is trying to help not Zaini but his family. If he is happy with his family he should stay with them. But if not...
rslate
Thinking about yourself, Zaini... look at it this way.

Since you are both considering this, and neither one of you is trying to get out of this forming relationship, that means something about the way you *both* view the sanctity of marriage, or even of a relationship. (I know, you're going to call me a right wing conservative now, but pay attention...)

That means if (and only if, there's still time) you pursue this.. neither of you will ever be able to trust each other, since you've already displayed to each other how much weight a relationship holds in your minds. It might not feel that way now, or even in a year, but as soon as there are the completely natural doubts about faithfulness that occur in a relationship, that will reinforce these doubts, whether they are well founded or not.

Not sure if you understand what I'm saying... but I would really strongly recommend that you really think about this, a *lot*, before going further.
angelussum
It's normal to be attracted to people.

Like people have said tho, is it worth your relationship with your wife and life with your family?

The grass always looks greener on the other side.

Think about the outcomes and potential consequences of your actions before you do it - it's hard to go back once you make a move.

If you have serious issues with it, do your best to avoid this other woman. If she's giving you 'signals' - tell her your not interested. Don't encourage her.
Zaini
Sometime, when certain things happen ion your relationship, you start to see things that you've not seen before. You start to have doubt. You also start to begin to thinks that, hey, am I'm doing right decision.

It's easier to say than done. It is difficult to avoid when it's come to feeling and heart. You've tried your best to avoid it, but somehow, you're drawn nearer to the feeling.

Your wife did not help when she start having doubt with you and start questioning you. Even it is not her fault in the first place, but, she should have stand by you and try hard to win back your heart and not make things more complicated by arguing and ignoring you.
saya
I advice you ZAINI to stop this relationship
you cant cheat your wife because thats not fair .......
just as i think it .............all the best ZAINI
ichsky
giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back, dont expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesnt, be content it grew in yours.
WehrWolv
pure lust my friend... dont give up all you have
ankur.vatsa
---------------------------
cruisearound
You say in your first line that you are happily married.
If this is the case then embrace you happiness & enjoy your life as it is now.
Lots of people dont have this luxury & it is to be welcomed & not abused by risking all you have now for what MIGHT be. The saying "the grass always seems greener on the other side" is a well known saying but often proved that it most deffinately not. I know its hard to shake off but this is exactly what you need to do.
Make a list of all the things you stand to lose if you indulge in this other relationsip & stand back & take a look at your whole life.
Also remember those that would be hurt in the process.
silvous666
u can love many people but there is always one that holds true! there is always the one that u would do anything for over the rest, if ur marrage is having its problems think about the kid, think about how his life is going to be if u make a mistake. do u see this person everyday? make it so this person that u are falling for and vise versa, yes u guys are now friends obviously, but its not worth your marrage, and the chance of a loss of ur son. if the marrage isn't possible anymore then u have to do what u have to do, all im going to say is be smart, and use ur head and your heart
Eclipse
Dragate wrote:


some people say you can't call infatuations love. But think about it, if there was no sexual attraction, what would you feel? The only thing I can think of is friendly care. As in, the type where your mother worries about you. That is true love? No you cannot say that.



Surely your joking.

You've never actually loved someone, have you?

To assume that sexual attraction is all you've ever felt you must lead a sad, empty life. I'm sorry, but love goes beyond sex and the attraction thereof.

This statement is ludacris and displays the fact that you've never experienced love. I'm sorry but that's about how I would put it. Sex may the end result of passion but just being around that person makes you happy.
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