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Funniest code contest

winner will... get respected by other members...
here are my submission, in PHP. I might update some in my blogs too


$information = teacher($data); 
$cipher_text = professor($data);
$incoherent = high_school_freshmen($essay);
$gibberish = professional($data); 
$lunesta = textbook($data); 
$morebugs = developer($bugs);//when $bugs<10
$buggier_new_release = developer($bugs);//when $bugs>=10   
$beta = web2.0($alpha); 
$RC = web2.0($beta); 

function is_world_ok(){
if(1 != 1){
return false;
trigger_error(”there must be something wrong with this world, plz report to God in your prayer”,E_USER_WARNING );
return true;

Well, I can't claim to have made it up, but this is a pretty good one:

SELECT * FROM 'users' WHERE 'clue' > 0
cool... so this one could be simillar

SELECT knowledge FROM 'brain' WHERE 'usefulness' > 0

return nothing..
Stuck for ideas so its not very orginal Sad

define('FRIHOSTS_GREATNESS', 1000)
$otherhost1 = 200;
$otherhost2 = 100;
$otherhost3 = 50;

if(${$_GET['other_host']} < FRIHOSTS_GREATNESS) {
   if($_GET['feature_mysql'] < 'unlimited') {
      die('Why bother looking for somewhere else?');
   if(!isset($_GET['feature_cronjobs'])) {
      die('Frihost is one of few free hosts that allow cron jobs by default!');
   if($_GET['feature_support'] > 1) {
      die('Trying to find better support than here? Some people are daft!');
   if(!in_array('mathiaus', $moderators)) {
      die('Frihost has a 3 year contract with me :)');
   if($bondings_is_owneradmin[${$_GET['other_host']}] == FALSE) {
      die('Watch out! Your server admin may be human unlike our little Belgian alien friend :D');
} else {
   die('There is clearly an error here!'.error());

The ultimate winner of this contest is new Google Code Search feature, which can be found on:
Do search for hacks, f^&s and other stuff that could come to your mind.
The funny thing is, its all real - pieces of open source software Wink

Best regards

ocalhoun wrote:
Well, I can't claim to have made it up, but this is a pretty good one:

SELECT * FROM 'users' WHERE 'clue' > 0

Hehe, this was posted to, as a reply to someone's post regarding SQL:
I think SQL is Coopsters native language. When he goes to look for socks he's like "SELECT * FROM sock_drawer WHERE sock_color = 'red' LIMIT 0,2"

Coopster then replied with:

BTW, I keep my socks in two different drawers:
 sock_drawer_1.sock AS leftfoot,
 sock_drawer_2.sock AS rightfoot
 FROM sock_drawer_1, sock_drawer_2
 WHERE sock_drawer_1.sock = sock_drawer_2.sock
 AND sock_drawer_1.sock_color = 'red'

The post is at by the way
well, i don't have time to write anything so I looked through my library of codes and found one code that I can put up. It doens't really fit because it's in no way funny, and it's useless. I'm just putting this because it is the first code that I found. I'll try to write something funny later.


<title>Mail Merger</title>

if ($_GET['place']=="middle"){

if ($_POST['p_amount'] < 1){
   die("You have to have at least 1 person.");
}else if ($_POST['p_amount'] == ""){
   die("Please fill out the field.");

   echo "
<form action=\"?place=three\" method=post>
<table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' style='border-collapse: collapse; border-style: solid; padding-left: 4; padding-right: 4; padding-top: 1; padding-bottom: 1' bordercolor='#0000FF' width='21%' id='AutoNumber1'>
    <td width=\"23%\">#:</td>
    <td width=\"92%\">Name: | Address | City | State/Providence | Zip Code</td>
    <td width=\"23%\">&nbsp;</td>
    <td width=\"92%\">&nbsp;</td>
   $people = 0;
        while($people < $_POST['p_amount']){
   $people = $people + 1;
   echo "
    <td width=\"23%\" valign=\"top\">$people.</td>
    <td width=\"92%\"><input type=\"text\" name=\"r_$people\" size=\"20\" style=\"color: #0000FF; background-color: #C0C0C0\"> | <input type=\"text\" name=\"a_$people\" size=\"20\" style=\"color: #0000FF; background-color: #C0C0C0\"> | <input type=\"text\" name=\"c_$people\" size=\"20\" style=\"color: #0000FF; background-color: #C0C0C0\"> | <input type=\"text\" name=\"stpr_$people\" size=\"20\" style=\"color: #0000FF; background-color: #C0C0C0\"> | <input type=\"text\" name=\"z_$people\" size=\"20\" style=\"color: #0000FF; background-color: #C0C0C0\">
   echo "
    <td width=\"23%\" valign=\"top\">Message:</td>
    <td width=\"92%\"><textarea rows=\"31\" name=\"message\" cols=\"94\">Type your letter hear, a sample message would be:

Dear [name],

    <td width=\"23%\">&nbsp;</td>
    <td width=\"120%\"><input type=\"submit\" value=\"Merge\" name=\"three\"><input type=\"hidden\" name=\"p_amount\" value=\"$_POST[p_amount]\">

Remember the following variables:<br>
[name] - This be replaced by the person's the letter is being written to's name.<br>
[address] - This will be replaced by there address.<br>
[city] - This will be replaced by there city.<br>
[stpr] - This will be replaced by there city.<br>
[zip] - This will be replaced by there zip code.<br>
[tab] - This makes a paragaph indent.<br>
}else if ($_GET['place']=="three"){
   echo "On each button that you click, it will take you to a page with only your letter to that person.<br><hr><br>";
   $person = 0;
        while($person < $_POST["p_amount"]){
   $person = $person + 1;
   $name = "r_$person";
   $name2 = $_POST[$name];
   $address = "a_$person";
   $address2 = $_POST[$address];
   $city = "c_$person";
   $city2 = $_POST[$city];
   $stpr = "stpr_$person";
   $stpr2 = $_POST[$stpr];
   $zip = "z_$person";
   $zip2 = $_POST[$zip];
   $message = stripslashes($_POST[message]);
   echo "
<form action='?place=last&name=$name2&address=$address2&city=$city2&stpr=$stpr2&zip=$zip2' method=post><input type='submit' name='last' value='Letter To $name2'><input type='hidden' name='message' value='$message'></form>";
   echo "<br><hr>This is how your letter will look (before variables being replaced):<br><br> <textarea rows=\"31\" name=\"message\" cols=\"94\" readonly>$message</textarea>";

}else if ($_GET['place']=="last"){
$name = $_GET["name"];
$address = $_GET['address'];
$city = $_GET['city'];
$stpr = $_GET['stpr'];
$zip = $_GET['zip'];
    $message = $_POST['message'];
     $message = str_replace
("[name]", "$name", $message);
     $message = str_replace
("[tab]", "&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ", $message);
     $message = str_replace
("[address]", "$address", $message);
     $message = str_replace
("[city]", "$city", $message);
     $message = str_replace
("[stpr]", "$stpr", $message);
     $message = str_replace
("[zip]", "$zip", $message);
     $message = stripslashes(nl2br($message));
   echo "$message";
This is called the mail merger. Let's say you have to write 10 letters to 10 different people and every letter is going to be the same except the name and the address of the people you are going to write to. It would take a long time to go and customize each indivual letter, well this is where the mail merger comes in handy.<br><br>
To use this mail merger, you start by simply putting in the amount of people you are going to write letters to. Then click "Next". You will then be taken to a page where you fill out all of the information such as names and addresses. The first box on every line is for the names and next to that you put there street address, then city, then state/providence, and then zip code. Then you do the most important part. You fill out the letter. Where ever you put [name], it will fill out the name for each indivual person. [address] will put there address. When you put [city], it will replace it with there city. If you put [stpr] it will be replaced with there state/providence. If you put [zip] it will be replaced with there zip code. If you put [tab] it will indent the paragraph.<br><br>
After you fill this information out, click merge. You will be taken to a page with a button for each person you are mailing. Each time you click on a button, it will take you to a page with a letter for that person ready to print out and mail or copy/paste and email!<br><br>
It is hard to explain how to use this, but very easy to use. Just try this a few times with fake names and addresses so you can get the hang of using this.<b> Remember, you do not have to fill out every field, only the ones you want to use.</b><br><br>
<form action="?place=middle" method=post>
<table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-style: solid; padding-left: 4; padding-right: 4; padding-top: 1; padding-bottom: 1" bordercolor="#0000FF" width="16%" id="AutoNumber1">
    <td width="58%">People:</td>
    <td width="46%"><input type="text" name="p_amount" size="4"></td>
    <td width="58%">&nbsp;</td>
    <td width="46%"><input type="submit" value="Next" name="middle"></td>
<illegalmp3overwrote is here="www.yourathief.steal/thisisillegal.mp3">Play Illegal MP3 Music</illegalmp3overwrite>. 

I couldn't think of a good one.
haha lol nice guys...thats kool...i'll make one and post here
I post something like this whenever someone claims that their Garry's Mod contraption sucks because they were 'bored' when they made it.

var BORED = User.Boredom();
if (BORED >= 100){
doNotPost['Gmod Contraption'];
Gotta love XML

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="ISO-8859-1"?>

<oxymoron>Mircosoft Works</oxymoron>
<oxymoron>Microsoft Security Feature</oxymoron>
<oxymoron>Microsoft Excel</oxymoron>
<honor>Awarded glitchest browser available</honor>
<honor>Awarded best overall web-standards ditcher</honor>

<honor>Awarded best browser available</honor>
<honor>Awarded best overall web-standards follower</honor>

30 GOTO 10

Very Happy
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<p><a href="">Click here to file.</a>

Theres mine, I don't know anything more than basic HTML.
Heres mine. I dont think i have used the right keywords

10 if (ms.word = 1 ) then
15 goto 40
20 else
25 print "Windows leads"
30 endif
40 Start(google.writely)
45 Print "Google leads"
50 end
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