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How To Stop Him From Proposing





blue77
Okay, I know this is going to sound really odd but I have to be direct to explain the situation.

We've been together many years and lately he's been talking too much about getting engaged/married. One of his good friends is getting married really soon. He makes a beeline for ring counters in jewelery stores. He suddenly seems interested in what kind of diamond rings I like.

I don't want him to propose, because I don't want to marry him or to everyone. I don't really want to break up right now but I don't see a permanent future together. Yes I try to be ambiguous and discouraging about possible future together. When he brings up this topic as a joke or something I usually joke back about it in a "I think it's silly, I am not interested" way. But I am still getting the vibe from him.

I really want him to get off this train of thought. I don't know what do to if I am faced with him on a bended knee. That should not happen. I can't imagine saying no, especially if it's in public. If I said yes and we got married I don't think it would work out. But I do not want to break up right now either. Things are fine as they are. Just no proposal. No thank you.
jharsika
Well....why not just come right out and say "It seems to me you've been thinking a lot about marriage, and I just want you to know, that at this point in my life I don't really want to make that huge of a decision" type thing?
I think un-harsh (hard to do) honesty works best. He probably would be sad but at the same time happy he didn't embarass himself.....if he takes the hint that is and DOESN'T propose!
S3nd K3ys
Jokingly tell him if he keeps talking about it, he'll scare you away.

Wink
TheDarkLord
I would just tell him that I don't want to get married, and that if you plan on proposing, don't.
afriot
Like the member said, just be honest. I don't know your ages, but most people date with the intent to get married. This is a little odd because it's usually a guy who says he's not ready to be married. Most guys, especially the ones who are getting sex, aren't in a hurry to get married at a young age. So it's surpring to hear you say you aren't in a hurry to get married.

Just be honest, but not hurtful. You know he's obviously interested in getting married and you've been together for a long time now... So don't be rude when you tell him the truth.
cloudship
get me his email, i would like to forward this post to him and let him know about the situation.

maybe you two could figure sth. out by yourselves.
Kath
If you don't see a future together stop wasting his time and yours.....do you just not want to 'break up right now' out of convenience, selfishness or habit?

If you don't want to marry him let him know, but don't be surprised if you saying that "I don't see a future" ends the whole thing terribly. Maybe you should be asking yourself not how to stop him proposing, but why don't I want him to?
-Kath
Insanity
It all depends, but I would say your best bet would be to just try and talk to him honestly. You're just basically guessing at his intentions and making assumptions, and it might do good to get the whole thing out into the open.
benjmd
Everybody says to be unhurtful. That's bull.

He is thinking about spending the rest of his life with you. You don't want that. REALITY is going to break his heart. The question is, is that worse if you do it now, or if you wait until he's already bought the ring, planned the proposal, and bared his soul to you?

If you're not going to marry this guy ever, you should consider whether or not it's fair to either of you to stay in this relationship.
andy26
you need to talk to him before he asks you coz if it gets to the point of asking you hes gonna be so hurt more hurt than if you where to tell him you dont want to get married i hope your not just wasting his time iv been in this guys shoes its not nice

http://www.frihost.com/forums/vt-38289.html
cocobirdi
i don't understand the point of being with someone that you aren't going to spend the rest of your life with. basically, you've WASTED how many years of his time and yours? that was time that he could have been finding and falling in love with someone that WOULD love him back, and that would want to marry him. and the same for you. that is incredibly unfair. if you KNOW you'll never want to marry him, break up. NOW. you're just looking for trouble otherwise.
arjay
blue77 wrote:
Okay, I know this is going to sound really odd but I have to be direct to explain the situation.

We've been together many years and lately he's been talking too much about getting engaged/married. One of his good friends is getting married really soon. He makes a beeline for ring counters in jewelery stores. He suddenly seems interested in what kind of diamond rings I like.

I don't want him to propose, because I don't want to marry him or to everyone. I don't really want to break up right now but I don't see a permanent future together. Yes I try to be ambiguous and discouraging about possible future together. When he brings up this topic as a joke or something I usually joke back about it in a "I think it's silly, I am not interested" way. But I am still getting the vibe from him.

I really want him to get off this train of thought. I don't know what do to if I am faced with him on a bended knee. That should not happen. I can't imagine saying no, especially if it's in public. If I said yes and we got married I don't think it would work out. But I do not want to break up right now either. Things are fine as they are. Just no proposal. No thank you.


To others, marriage is a serious lifetime commitment so it is preferable that you communicate honestly with each other your individual concern and plan about it. The guy will always understand the girl if he sense sincerity in her words. But this early, the guy is showing real good intention for the girl. Though the girl may look at it differently, it is still a positive factor for the guy. The guy's 'guts' is respectable. Many girls still prefer this kind of a gentleman. So, while one closes her window, many are ready to open their doors.

Sometimes, one realizes the importance of a person when he is gone.

What is not clear from the post is whether the feeling of being 'unlikely to marry' is permanent or as of the moment. For the meantime, I will consider the latter.

It is also good to note that the poster is honest enough with herself. She seems to be knowing what she wants. And, nobody can force you the things you don’t want, and that includes marriage proposal.

Assuming that, with the good qualities displayed by the guy complemented with his readiness to settle down permanently with the poster, the girl (yes, it's you blue77) still insisted that she does not want any marriage proposal or commitment at this time, I would suggest the ever-reliable 'be honest with your feelings' to the guy at all times. Tell the guy that, although you are in a relationship with him, you expect him to respect your limitations to your affair - and make it clear.

If you feel inward persistent on the part of the guy and you can sense that he is not sensitive enough to feel your thoughts, and the proposal seems so imminent, then try this ice-breaker conditions by telling him, in one of your unguarded moments, that ... you will ONLY marry a guy who can present you tangible proofs of emotional and financial stability that include, but not limited to, Land and Residential TitleS in his name only, good amount (at least 6-digits in USD) of savings in his Bank Account (sole and not joint with others), Certificate of Sole Ownership of at least three(3) cars (2 latest luxury models 2005 or above and 1 older modest model limited to 2002), sizable amount of Stock Shares of a least three)(3 blue chip companies, Certification of No Previous Marital Records, Certification of Good Moral Standing, Certification of No Criminal or Derogatory Records in any courts inside or outside his place of residence… and Certificate of Oath from the future parents-in-law pledging under oath that they won't interfere with the domestic affairs of their son and his future family. Make it clear to him that he should sign a Waiver or a Pre-Nuptial Agreement that in case of divorce or any form of separation, ALL the properties the guy owns prior, during, and after the marriage should be given 100% intact to the girl (yes, it is you again blue77) and with a promise under oath that NO complaints whatsoever (in any manner and kind) will be heard and entertained from the guy after the separation. And you have all the rights and privilege to dispose them in any manner you like. Rolling Eyes hmmm.... anything else? Please feel free to add your own lists, too. Wink

After bringing this matter of conditions with the guy, there will be two(2) possible actions from him: First- He won’t show up anymore to propose marriage (start celebrating, that us what you want right?) OR Second- He will ask for some time to prepare all the things you mentioned in your conditions. If the guy does the Second action, then this becomes a greater dilemma for the girl poster Confused ...

But … is it really a dilemma? If the guy was able to successfully acted on ALL the conditions then, for heaven’s sake, grab his neck and never let him go even for a single second and, if he can't talk because you might be choking him, DO the proposal YOURSELF (it is worth the reverse effort believe me)… and make it fast! Dancing

'Hope to see a happy ending. Goodluck! Smile
illegalhost
Wow. You're a lucky gal i guess. Seldom guys really want to get married, unless they know they REALLY want it badly. So it's good in a way. But if you really don't want him to propose, i guess you need to talk to him honestly about it. No point in beating the bush. Guys don't get it. Guys are OK if you tell hin directly. He will even forgive you for it. Don't worry. Btw, you posted this question in July. Does he still talk about it now?? LOL.
illegalhost
OOps my apologies! You joined in July. Anyways, hope the post helps! Good luck!! Just honestly tell him how you feel. Hope he gets it. The good ones do. And they will respect you for it. Some really good ones will even say they are WILLING to wait! So, heck, i hope he does too! =)
tingkagol
blue77 wrote:
Okay, I know this is going to sound really odd but I have to be direct to explain the situation.

We've been together many years and lately he's been talking too much about getting engaged/married. One of his good friends is getting married really soon. He makes a beeline for ring counters in jewelery stores. He suddenly seems interested in what kind of diamond rings I like.

I don't want him to propose, because I don't want to marry him or to everyone. I don't really want to break up right now but I don't see a permanent future together. Yes I try to be ambiguous and discouraging about possible future together. When he brings up this topic as a joke or something I usually joke back about it in a "I think it's silly, I am not interested" way. But I am still getting the vibe from him.

I really want him to get off this train of thought. I don't know what do to if I am faced with him on a bended knee. That should not happen. I can't imagine saying no, especially if it's in public. If I said yes and we got married I don't think it would work out. But I do not want to break up right now either. Things are fine as they are. Just no proposal. No thank you.

Quote:
I don't think it would work out.

Oh well now, aren't you feeling selfishly comfy? Seems to me you're holding on to nothing then. Just for the sake of having.

I honestly cannot see someone who's in a relationship with someone while not feeling the slightest hint of thinking "this could PROBABLY, just probably, the one." You're just in it casually. Pretty SELFISH of you, to tell you honestly.
urbanbuddha
If you don't see a future with him, at least care about him enough to let him go find someone who does. You're not being fair to him or yourself. He loves you and wants to spend his life with you. You don't. The answer is simple. It seems like you're just putting him on the bench and waiting until someone better comes along... But until then he's your "saftey net".
blue77
Thank you for your support.
I talk with my boyfriend honestly about the marrige and the perposal. He understand my possition and tell me also that he is a little bit scared of marrige too.
I'm 25 years old and maybe is to early for me to take this important step in life and to get married.
Vandalyzed
Hmm.... Sorry, but speaking as a guy..........if a woman I'd been with for a long period of time told me she had no plans on ever getting married, I wouldn't "understand your position"..........

You seem to be changing your words now by saying you're too young to be thinking of marriage at this time.........THAT may be true........but that's not what you said in your original post.

I'm not gonna harp on the issue, enough people already called out your selfishness. I'm just wondering how much more time this guy will go on believing that you two will stay together and get married in the future.
AutoTechGuy
It's obvious he wants to spend the rest of his life with you... VERY obvious. He's only telling you those things because he doesn't want to hurt you.

But HERE's the painful truth. He's waiting for you to change your mind and decide you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Guys are really funny this way when they fall in love.

Want my advice? If you TRULY don't see a future with him, quit being selfish and dragging him along... BREAK UP WITH HIM.

It's been several years now... long enough for you to make up your mind. Either get comfortable with the idea of marriage... or leave. It's that simple.

Believe me, ending it now will be MUCH easier on him then if you drag it longer. If you really cared about his feelings you would have done so a long time ago.
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