Is this one THE ONE ??!!

holly.rebecca

I'm in a relationship with a wonderful guy who I've known for over a year and a half, and lately we've been talking about getting married.

To keep a VERY long story short -- I love him very much and in many ways I feel like he's the one I want to spend my life with. In some ways though the idea scares me -- in a lot of ways he is very different from the image I always had of what my life partner would be like. In particular, his financial situation isn't great and I'm not totally comfortable about taking this on -- I don't want my own long-term financial security to be undermined! I don't want for the two of us to have to struggle financially in the future.

I'm trying to come to terms with these feelings. I always thought that someday I would meet a man and someone I would just be 100% SURE that he was the one for me, and everything would be clear and easy. But I'm learning that it doesn't really happen that way....at least not for me.

Anyone else out there ever wanted to make a life-long commitment to someone, but still had some question marks and fears? Is it really bad idea to enter into a marriage without being 100% sure? Is there such thing as being 100% sure? What can I do to help resolve the things I'm still struggling with?

I really don't want to let this one go. He is amazing and I love him with all my heart. Any thoughts or insights are appreciated.

bongoman

Well I am going to preface my two cents with the fact that I've never been in a really long term relationship. If you both love each other and are willing to commit to something life long thats great. Expectations are not everything however, it is important to have some sort of idea of what you want but most things are never exactly how you plan them (unless it's ridiculous planning). What I would advise is if you have doubts then its worth thinking over, and if you continued thinking it over and your are still sure with yourself then by all means go for it. At the same time I think it is normal to have doubts, I am sure a lot of people have doubts. The question is are those doubts serious enough to stop you in your tracks or is it something that can be worked out through proper communication with your partner?

benjmd

Marriage is a partnership above all else, in my book. The idea is to choose someone you want to take the journey with - ups and downs and all. I would pick someone who will help you navigate those well. If that is this guy, then go for it.

I wouldn't let financial situations keep you from marrying this guy unless you think he just wants to take your money and run or if he is massively in debt from gambling (he can get help for the latter before you start moving towards marriage). If he just doesn't have a high-paying job, help him find a better one!

Someone did a poll and found that above the amount necessary for sustenance in the U.S. - like $20,000 per person per year or something, that income had no correlate with happiness.

As for doubts: I would encourage you to be more worried if you had zero doubts. Doubts are realistic because we *don't* know what the future holds. You just have to decide to have a little faith - a little faith in yourself, your partner, and (if you are a religious person) your God.

"He is amazing and I love him with all my heart." If that's true... I don't think I can give you any better reasons why.

meet in rio

If your only worry is financial, have you considered a pre-nup? It sounds heartless, but if is sets your mind at rest and you can be happy together then it's something to consider. I hear they're becoming far more popular with rich men and women.

If you really love him, take a leap of faith. We tend to regret the things we didn't do the most.

TrueFact

If you really love him, finance is no problem. The rich in the ups and downs of life can get them poor too. So don't make it as a doubt as the future holds lots of things.

Doubts are a natural thing in such a matter. You think about a lifetime relationship and this leads you to the thinking about future and we all have doubts and questions about the future. And all I can say in this is forget it... YES FORGET IT. Make your plans, plan your life but don't wonder about it too much cuz tomorrow will never give you the answer untill the time it becomes today if you understand what i'm saying.

Hope I helped and these are my 2 cents

indeedwrestling

Use the time that you have to really consider how you're representing yourself. If you think that a neutral observer would agree with your actions, then that's a good sign that you've really begun acting in a manner that is complicit with your overall goal. However, if you fear that you might be misrepresentating yourself, you'll definately want to talk with that person about what sorts of things you'll need to change before you've reached true emotional maturity.

molif

money isnt an issue..

through rough times, no matter what, if he is willing to stand by u and face it together, he is the one..

in any problems or issue, he wont resort to the thoughts of giving up..