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am i bad ?





windrei
the case is : i am working in a girls' school now as a Coordinator. My duty is to manage the campus tv and doing photography and design work. As you know, it's a girls' school, there are only a few male staffs especially those are young. i have only been here for 2 months and i am so popular now. There is a girl who always comes to staff room to see me ( i appreciate her effort, as she needs to walk upstairs by 4 floors to come to staff room.... ) and give me gifts. i can feel her heart and her mind. However, as i am a "halfly teacher", i cannot give her any imginations. So i pretend to know nothing and do not talk to her normally.. Actually i was not quite sure what she thought. Some days ago, i found her blog on net.......... oh, every entries are about me since september, i.e. the month i come to school....... and i see "sa ra hae" in one of the entry... it means " i love you "...

i made her unhappy these days due to what i wrote in my blog. i wrote about something about me and my Korean friend, whom i quite like ( but cannot be described as "love". i am still wondering... but we are quite close.) i do not know what to do... i have a feeling that i am hurting her now// i don't want her to be unhappy~
meet in rio
This can only lead to trouble. She's a schoolgirl with an infatuation and you're an adult. I know you don't want to hurt her, but (in my very humble opinion) you really need to nip this relationship in the bud before it gets serious.

I know you probably didn't invite her attention and I'm not blaming you, but you're the one with the power to break this off and I think you have a duty to do it.
Subsonic Sound
Agreed. A relationship between you as a member of staff and her as a student could get you fired.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you, and how old is she?

It doesn't sound like you're seriously considering a relationship with her, which is a good thing, but if she really is that attracted to you... you need to say something.
windrei
i know it's the kind of relationship that cannot be accpeted. That's why i am afraid. She treats me too good, and always give me gifts. i have already told her " don't waste money on me..." but she looks like could not get what i mean...

actually i wrote those thing between my korean friend and me is because of her. i want her to know that i am not her type, i have someone i like...

i don't know how to tell her directly (she will be crazy and drink a lot... which i am quite afriad...) , that's why i do such thing...

ah, she is 16 and i am 24.
ThornsOfSorrow
I'd be very careful if I were you. I know that you don't want to hurt her, but it will be even worse if you continue letting her give you gifts and visit you without telling her how you feel. You just need to tell her without making her feel as if she's not good enough for you (tell her she deserves someone younger, emphasize the fact that you're a staff member and she's a student, etc). Basically, try to make her feel as if you're doing her a favor by not playing along with her.

And if you're really worried about her becoming depressed and/or drinking a lot after you tell her this, then try letting a guidance counselor know about the situation. You'll probably be able to do so anonymously (if you don't want her to know that you reported her). She might not guess that it was you, since it seems like her infatuation is obvious enough that other people would notice, and if she does guess then at least it will show her that you care about her in some way...just not in the way that she really wants you to. By doing this, you're protecting yourself (since people won't think that you're playing along with the girl), and you're protecting her as well (by giving her someone to talk to about her problem, and by causing someone to be there for her if she tries to hurt herself).
windrei
Personally, i do not think such consellor is a good way, because everyone in school will know it... and i will be fired most probably........

about firing, she is now quite worried about this...she also knows that if such thing happens, even i have no feeling towards her, i have the chance of being fired too. So, she acts to be do not know me now... However, she is still continuing to give me gifts, not by herself, but through her classmates, everytime with some little words wriiten on it ................................... i am quite annoyed... because what i think is, that makes the case more mysterious to surrounding people... and even worse...

i don't know how to do now.. just let it be....
bluefossil
if you already thinking you are bad, then you are baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
imera
It sopunds like she has gotten a crush on you, most girls get them. She should know that there can't be anything between you two, but she follows her hart instead of her mind.
She should know that she cant force you to like her, she should come down from the clouds and face reality. Most people will think that what they feel is real love, blinded by love, they can't see what is really going on, that you don't belong together.
windrei
imera wrote:
It sopunds like she has gotten a crush on you, most girls get them. She should know that there can't be anything between you two, but she follows her hart instead of her mind.
She should know that she cant force you to like her, she should come down from the clouds and face reality. Most people will think that what they feel is real love, blinded by love, they can't see what is really going on, that you don't belong together.


i like your words, "come down from clouds and face the reality"... ... but she does not... she is still high in the sky... well, last firday was a school holiday. But i need to go to work. So i stayed in school from morning till afternoon. Actually i did not have much to do in the afternoon, as i finished all the tasks in the morning. Then i went to dance room to dance. When i returned to the staff room, i saw there was some food on my table... ... my co-worker and i were quite surprised... as there was supposed to be no students, even no staffs in the school except us.. so we went out of the room and looked around in the school. After a while, we saw her sitting on the lower ground floor, smiling... we were shocked.... ... she came to school to give food to me..... i was quite afraid...
VK3NYC
Go for it buddy!

Whats a criminal record when you are starting a new career? Twisted Evil
tingkagol
windrei wrote:
the case is : i am working in a girls' school now as a Coordinator. My duty is to manage the campus tv and doing photography and design work. As you know, it's a girls' school, there are only a few male staffs especially those are young. i have only been here for 2 months and i am so popular now. There is a girl who always comes to staff room to see me ( i appreciate her effort, as she needs to walk upstairs by 4 floors to come to staff room.... ) and give me gifts. i can feel her heart and her mind. However, as i am a "halfly teacher", i cannot give her any imginations. So i pretend to know nothing and do not talk to her normally.. Actually i was not quite sure what she thought. Some days ago, i found her blog on net.......... oh, every entries are about me since september, i.e. the month i come to school....... and i see "sa ra hae" in one of the entry... it means " i love you "...

i made her unhappy these days due to what i wrote in my blog. i wrote about something about me and my Korean friend, whom i quite like ( but cannot be described as "love". i am still wondering... but we are quite close.) i do not know what to do... i have a feeling that i am hurting her now// i don't want her to be unhappy~

are the blogs in english? can you show us the links?
Sinangel
Not that im in any way an expert on this but here is atleast my opinion.

Tell her, face to face, that it will never happen and do it fast, becouse the more you wait the more she may think that there is a chance of here getting you.

One of my friends have been in a similar situasion, his girlfriend gets messages from her Ex that he still loves her and so on, but she cant seem to tell him that it will never happen, she drags it out,
So it has been continiuing for like 6 months now.

The truth might be hard for her, but she is 16 she will get over it.
But tell her the truth.

Thats my advice atleast. for what its worth Very Happy
urbanbuddha
It's normal for school girls to have crushes on their mentors. But the fact is that she is still a child - no mater how you put it. She may be nice to you and she may be sweet, but that does not mean she will commit or be able to provide you a mature relationship. If you lead her on, it will just get worse. I don't think it would help your career either...

Should you really be accepting things from her in the first place? It just means you are accepting her feelings and approving of them. You really should let her know that it is unneccessary before things get too far and too deep. (Because even if nothing is to happen between you two, rumours will cause suspicions, which will in turn ruin your reputation as a credible teacher.)
arkebuzer
Its better to be straight against her and tell her its not possible to have an relationship. (but in a nice way of course)
I think its better to do it as soon as possible. Seriously, you cant take her gifts and just act like nothing... you must be very clear with what you feel and so on.
Ray Gravin
Try to carefully make the age gap between you very apparent. Go so far as to make her feel childesh but be very gentel. Let her know that you need someone in your own age group. It will pass friend... so long as you do what is right for the both of you.
windrei
tingkagol wrote:
are the blogs in english? can you show us the links?


sorry, her blog is in Chinese.... we are in Hong Kong... and she has blocked it now... i can't even know how does she think now...
windrei
aiya, i try to refuse her gifts, but just failed... now is more difficult, becasue she asked her friends to give them to me. Her friend is a crazy girl... so rude that she just forces me to accept it, with her grave look... sometimes i am afriaid of her...... and sometimes, she just put the gifts on my desk directly by herself.... i can do nothing to refuse....

of course i know it's better to tell her face to face and stop her imaginations as soon as possible.... but... if you were me, how could you begin.....
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