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Asking girls out is so scary.





mschnell
Don't you agree? For some reason I never seem to get the simple "Yes" and have a date and time set. It always ends up that they're busy but they'll call you back or something. None-the-less I think it's better to ask than to keep wondering. At least then you'll figure it out sooner--as long as you can take a no.
scotty
Sounds about right. I don't know about it being scary. You're not scared of being rejected are you? You don't want to be turned down but it's not like it's going to haunt you for the rest of your life.

(This should be in relationships forum.)
raver
No, it's not scary. It's part of beeing human to be rejected, but to also to be approved, so to say. The more you try, the more the chances of finding someone increase. So... good luck trying Very Happy
scotty
raver wrote:
No, it's not scary. It's part of beeing human to be rejected, but to also to be approved, so to say. The more you try, the more the chances of finding someone increase. So... good luck trying Very Happy


Will you go out with me?
rightclickscott
It's never been hard for me. I toss accouple one liners out there that aren't complete crap which are meant to be sensitive, and then see what happens. If you can't work up the courage to go up to a girl and say "You know, I was wondering if you wanted to catch a movie on saturday," then you really need to be toughened up, but not enough to the point where you walk up to a girl and flex your muscles and kiss them like a retard. You need to know that girls aren't some mysterious race, and that if you treat them like humans, you can get the affection, and, hell, maybe even the sex you desire. While people going out for lust is something I'm not all that interested in, I know guys and girls who do just that, since they believe that sex is as far as you can go with someone. Either way, it's gotten to the point where I just don't care that much about love. In fact, I'm getting my friends to set me up on dates just to see if a night with a random person for no reason would turn out fine.

scotty wrote:
(This should be in relationships forum.)


Yes, you are right about that.
mathiaus
rightclickscott wrote:
scotty wrote:
(This should be in relationships forum.)

Yes, you are right about that.

I agree as well Very Happy
-moved-
benjmd
Asking someone out can definitely be scary. If it is someone you've had a crush on for a long time, it means getting your heart broken or not. If it's someone you just met maybe that's a little easier but you always have that picture in the back of your head of an embarassing let-down or having your confidence trampled. Sure it doesn't usually work out that harshly, but you still have the anticipation of it as a possibility.

I've found one of the best ways of getting around some of that nervousness is to just start with a real conversation. If you're somewhere where it is reasonable to talk to someone or meet someone new, the person who won't hold a conversation with you is either rude or busy. Once you've talked a bit, *you* have a better idea of whether or not there's any chemistry worth pursuing through exchanging numbers or making a dinner date.

A lot of girls are out there waiting for guys to come talk to them.
m00tmuffin
Aye...it can be a scary thing. But hey, the worst thing that they could say is no. At least you'll have a solid asnwer and you won't have to keep worrying in your head about them liking you or not liking you.
mschnell
mathiaus wrote:
rightclickscott wrote:
scotty wrote:
(This should be in relationships forum.)

Yes, you are right about that.

I agree as well Very Happy
-moved-



Oh, my bad, I didn't even realize there was a relationship forum.
bonestorm74
Yes agreed. I did a lot of asking out in my time and got a lot of answers similar to you. I have a boyfriend. I'm busy. I'll get back to you. I even got a straight "Nah..." from one, which was very direct of her.

It's scary because it is not a good feeling to be rejected. I think this is a basic human trait. What I can say is that eventually, when you get the 'yes, i'd love to' it really helps you to forget all of the ones that went wrong in the past. Keep at it.
Codeman1
Well its easier to ask someone out that you are friends with becuase you know how to talk to each other and you can just chill around.
mschnell
Codeman1 wrote:
Well its easier to ask someone out that you are friends with becuase you know how to talk to each other and you can just chill around.


I completely disagree. Once you get to the point of knowing someone well it gets more awkward to ask them out because if the answer is no it makes things really odd for a while and can hurt perfectly good friendships.
Jakob [JaWGames]
Quote:
I completely disagree. Once you get to the point of knowing someone well it gets more awkward to ask them out because if the answer is no it makes things really odd for a while and can hurt perfectly good friendships.


Very true, it is much more painful to see your friendship to a really nice person fade because of your feelings than just be rejected by someone you not know very well.
Of course the question do not always destroy the friendship but once you have asked, both of you will know and it is hard to speek freely after that.
redace
mschnell wrote:
Don't you agree? For some reason I never seem to get the simple "Yes" and have a date and time set. It always ends up that they're busy but they'll call you back or something. None-the-less I think it's better to ask than to keep wondering. At least then you'll figure it out sooner--as long as you can take a no.


Not so hard I think. Anyone can be rejected, but it is not scary. There are many others more scary things:)
tingkagol
it is scary. very. especially when you like a girl THAT much.

i highly advice against it. let the mutual colors flow between yous.
frozenhead
mschnell wrote:
Don't you agree? For some reason I never seem to get the simple "Yes" and have a date and time set. It always ends up that they're busy but they'll call you back or something.


I guess I would agree with you in this one though I also think is not scary at all bacause your just asking her out (depending on your intentions).
BlockUp
Ha, the first time a boy asked me out, he said (and I quote):
Quote:
Phew, I managed to ask you out without collapsing.


Laughing So I guess it's kinda scary, and I guess I understand why...
clydejaw
Bein a guy and all, I don't understand how difficult the opposite sex trying to ask guys out is like.

Is it just equally the same ? cause being a guy asking a girl out is soooo much harder, in my opinion, but like i said, im a guy and i could be bias.

First time I asked a girl out, I got rejected, so that kinda put me off for a loooong time.
arjay
frozenhead wrote:
mschnell wrote:
Don't you agree? For some reason I never seem to get the simple "Yes" and have a date and time set. It always ends up that they're busy but they'll call you back or something.


I guess I would agree with you in this one though I also think is not scary at all bacause your just asking her out (depending on your intentions).


Smile Yes, it might be your intention that is scaring you because I really see no reason to be 'scary' if your intention is pure and clean fun. But if the girl senses something ‘fishy’ in your intention, then the rejection is a natural consequence, and that might be 'scary' because you may lose the trust she has for you.

I think there is a standard benchmark for this situation. Before asking a girl for a date, it is good to take note how close your relationship is, and be specific and clear what will be the purpose and the limitations of the date you’re offering. Then, is your relationship enough to generate a positive response? It is always the uncertainties that may turn the event into a scary situation.

If you want to have the best chance of a positive response then, court the girl first before asking her for a date. It is not only appropriate, is it also the most logical thing to do if you like that girl to be more than your friend (or are we talking about friendly date here? If so, the topic becomes very subjective).

Let us also understand that rejections don’t mean you are bad or has negative character, more often, they are results of real unavoidable circumstances. And what their reasons for rejecting you may be true, so just understand them and nobody can stop you from trying again next time you feel the time is right. Smile

I am a guy, but a receive regular offers of date (friendly I supposed, or else it’s beyond my belief) and I have been rejecting more than accepting. But along with the rejections, I see to it that I explain the true reason why I can’t be with them. And, most or my reasons are real and true – I can’t be with them because of conflict in my schedule. It is not really that I don’t like to have friendly dates with them, it is a matter of time and space limitation. Then I always make a follow-up to thank them for the invitation with a hope to make it through when we have a mutually more convenient schedule - and that removes the ‘scary’ feeling they may have about losing our friendship. Smile

Again, let only your good intention motivates you to invite someone to a date. Success or failure, you won’t get the ‘scary’ feeling because you know how good and clean you can be. In case of rejection, accept it with open heart and mind and listen to her reason(s) then continue your good gesture and relationship. Then, maybe, one day, luck will find your way and may receive her invitation instead. Dancing

Still scared? Ask your parents to invite her for you … diplomatic channel is applicable even in love and heart matters… Razz Pray

I wish all the good guys the best of luck in dating – instead of being scared, just do it right! Wink
Sadow
mschnell wrote:
Don't you agree? For some reason I never seem to get the simple "Yes" and have a date and time set. It always ends up that they're busy but they'll call you back or something. None-the-less I think it's better to ask than to keep wondering. At least then you'll figure it out sooner--as long as you can take a no.


It's pretty scary yes, but what you could do is to try and read their body language. Smile at them to check if they smile back at you. Try to gain eye contact and watch if they avoid your eyes or if they don't. If they avoid eye contact, but smile, then you will have a good chance they will like you. If they just avoid eye contact, then don't bother asking them out and spare yourself the rejection. Just a few thought which might help. Wink
BlockUp
clydejaw wrote:
Bein a guy and all, I don't understand how difficult the opposite sex trying to ask guys out is like.

Is it just equally the same ? cause being a guy asking a girl out is soooo much harder, in my opinion, but like i said, im a guy and i could be bias.


Well, in my opinion, I think it's harder for a girl to ask a boy out, because that isn't what usually happens... it's more likely for boys to ask girls out than the other way round, so it's harder. But then again, I'm a girl, so maybe I'm being bias!
xkobram
BlockUp wrote:
clydejaw wrote:
Bein a guy and all, I don't understand how difficult the opposite sex trying to ask guys out is like.

Is it just equally the same ? cause being a guy asking a girl out is soooo much harder, in my opinion, but like i said, im a guy and i could be bias.


Well, in my opinion, I think it's harder for a girl to ask a boy out, because that isn't what usually happens... it's more likely for boys to ask girls out than the other way round, so it's harder. But then again, I'm a girl, so maybe I'm being bias!

Maybe was clydejaw talking about chance. Beacause girla has better chance to succes. But in this world still is on boys to ask girls out.
niffer
What the last person posted was true: everyone relies on the guys to ask the girls out. In this way it's pretty nerve-wracking for a girl to ask a guy out. Here are my opinions for some of the replies I scanned over in here:

close-ish friend asking me out: depends how big the "WE AINT NEVER BEING TOGETHER" threshold has built up. the higher the weirder. but honestly, the higher it is, the more caring and compassionate i would be about the situation. i mean, i know they're my great friend forever either way. but if its only like a semi-good friend, it would seem more likely to me that the only reason they became my friend in the first place would be for that purpose.

random stranger asking me out: depends how sexy. if not attractive, i'd probably say, "sorry, i don't really know you." and walk off. if sexy, i'd probably say, "sorry, i don't really know you. but you're cute. be sure to catch me at a more convenient time, so we can talk."

hope this helps
bluefossil
girls are not going to bite you. what so scary about them? .... ok, I take that back. <SOME> do bite. but ain't so bad Twisted Evil
unknownc1c
well it's not really scary, as it is upsetting. You don't want to get rejected, but the truth is, if you keep asking girls out at least half of them will probably turn you down for some better guy. There's always someone better in their minds and women like to wait to see what comes along.
nikki
As a woman, I'd like to give you my view on this matter.

I won't want some strange guy walking up to me and asking me out, that makes me feel weird. Cause I have no idea who he is, what his intentions are or anything.
If a guy want to take me out, he has to know me a little bit.

Cause lets just say you ask a girl out and she agrees and you take her to some place that she totally hates. Like she vegan and you take her to a meat restaurant! Oh my.

It is better (like some other posters said) to get to know the girl a bit first. Nothing is wrong with knowing her on a friendship level first. If the friendship has any base at all, if she's not interested, the friendship will still last. If anything asking her out and knowing how she feels could very well make the friendship bond stronger.

I can say this because a friend asked me out after 10 years of hanging out, it would not have worked and now, 15 years later, we're still best friends.

Asking a girl out won't be scary if you got a plan. Know what you wanna say, have a plan.
Ever saw the movie HITCH ???
vervaeke
oh my god, i totally agree. I wish that girls would just ask me out. Because I'd say yes right away. I have a girlfriend right now, but she's mean to me. I don't want to leave her because I'm too scared to ask out another girl.
nikki
vervaeke wrote:
oh my god, i totally agree. I wish that girls would just ask me out. Because I'd say yes right away. I have a girlfriend right now, but she's mean to me. I don't want to leave her because I'm too scared to ask out another girl.


if you're not happy with who you're with, leave.
cause the end of that road is sure torment.
molif
being scared which means u will never get a girl on a date if this goes on for a long run..

get rid of that phobia man.. u wont regret.. but don be too confident though..
mawfia
I think I have had a weird string of luck where girls have been asking me out. And think it may have more to do with the fact that I have been so busy with work that I have not really noticed the female population around me. Anyone else have this occurrence?
mawfia
Woops, I forgot to answer your question. Yes asking the opposite sex out can be scary and I say opposite sex because I have gotten the same feedback from female friends. I cannot think of too many single hetero guys that would turn down an attractive female but I guess I just havent been around long enough.

For me I still experience a bit of anxiety around women but nothing a little alcohol can't fix...jk. But usually I try to get to know the person first and gauge if they are even interested in dating anyone, or if they are even relationship matieral.
djcaution
I've never had luck with trying to pick someone up. ever. The only relationships I've ever had were ones where things out of the blue just worked out that way. Kind of like fate crossing our paths. When that happens, by the time you ask her out the two of you are already cuddling and have pretty much unspokenly started going out already it's just a verbal confirmation which is a synch Wink
Nae_splash
m00tmuffin wrote

Quote:
Aye...it can be a scary thing. But hey, the worst thing that they could say is no. At least you'll have a solid asnwer and you won't have to keep worrying in your head about them liking you or not liking you.


I disagree they could say something like. "No way I wouldn't date you if you were the last person on the universe. You're really really really ugly and stupid and you act like a retard." That is the worst thing i could think of. But they'd have to be a real jerk to say something like that.
cvkien
well, if you dare to keep your shame feeling away, i don't think it is a hard to ask a girl out. before i had girl friend, i always ask girl out, but most of them are fail, i also don't know why. i think maybe i'm not that attractive. but after several years until now, the girls reverse to ask me out and i always reject them, because i had a girl friend. well, first impression is very important. of cause, your daily life must be clean, happy, friendly, so i think with those you can ask a girl out easily. but if everybody also know that you have those "sex" always in your mind, in my country, i can say you are out of their list.
pikameowmeow15
BlockUp wrote:
Ha, the first time a boy asked me out, he said (and I quote):
Quote:
Phew, I managed to ask you out without collapsing.


Laughing So I guess it's kinda scary, and I guess I understand why...



awww....thats so cute! for some reason, it reminds me of virginal private school boys. with ties.....yummy.

haha

RANDOM BOY: um...um....um....um...umm.....umm....

Hayzoos.
Citizen Kane
hmmm I admit that asking girls out would seem scary. But the funny thing is this:

"In love, when you are desperately looking, nobody wants to be found. But If you're not in search of love, then suddenly it will find you!"

For me this means just being in company of a lot of girls and just enjoying the time spent together. Sometimes girls need time, time to get used to eachother and to different ways of communicating (men and women are not so alike).

Try to find something which brings you in the vecinity of a large group of girls, with only a few men around you. And just snort up the atmosphere. This just might do the trick...
spaz-o
Unless you're creepy, it's flattering.

Don't make too huge a deal outta it, because it shouldn't be too big a deal at first. Take things slowly and be respectful.
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