My problem is as follows:
I can't keep a relationship going for more that a couple months, but usually a couple weeks is... "enough".... and I'm bored and I want to be alone again. I actually am very happy on my own. Me, myself, and I are having a great time together... but as soon as there is a woman around, our happy threesome is broken. Am, I love women, there's no problem with this, it's just that I probably need more personal/private time with myself that many others... I can't imagine myslef married for example. It's not natural, I know, but.... what can I do? I don't want to live alone, but each time I'm with someone, after a while, I feel like I need to be alone, and being alone would be better.... and then I am alone and I feel the need to be with a woman again, and then again it happens, and there we go again I probably need to step out of this vicious circle of 'getting tired of women' very quickly... but I don't know how. I guess I have to fall very very in love with someone, heh? But if I get bored so easily, how will I be able to want to be toghether with someone for a lifetime...?
I suggest you read the book "About a Boy" by Nick Hornby. It has a very interesting character "Will" in it, who lives his life without becomming attached to anybody.
I dont think it will change anytihng for you - I mearly think it'd be an interesting read...
You could always try to find some very busy career woman who doesnt have much time for you either...
me too had a problem like you.
I never had anyone special in my life since the past 22 years.
It is a little bit quite without a girl hurting your ears 24hours per day.
But I'm just thinking that a girl presence is very important in my life.So that somebody can look after me if I'm sick or stuck in a problem,I have someone that I can rely to..
I'm in the same situation you are, except with males rather than females. I haven't dated anyone for the past year and a half, and I'm more than happy beng this way. I get lonely sometimes, but it just wouldn't be fair for me to go out with someone only to realize that I never should've started the relationship. Although it may be hard, I suggest that you try not to date anyone unless you're absolutely positive that you won't grow tired of them; this way you won't risk hurting people. Honestly, I can't think of a way to completely fix your situation (since I'm stuck in it too), but I do wish you luck in finding a solution.
You shouldn't want a woman in your life, just to have a woman, or just to tell people you have a woman. When you're in love you'll know it, when you feel something deep down you'll know it and you won't want to let go of it.
|zamolxes wrote: |
|I don't want to live alone, but each time I'm with someone, after a while, I feel like I need to be alone, and being alone would be better.... and then I am alone and I feel the need to be with a woman again, and then again it happens, and there we go again |
It should always be like that. Just because you are in a relationship is no reason why you should not be able to have some alone time! You should have time to yourself and time to share with the person you are dating. Even when you are in love with someone it is still healthy to know who you are apart from the relationship and engage in things that are personal to you.
It sounds like a lot of your relationships are for the purpose of having a woman with you rather than for actually sharing a partnership with someone. If you care about someone, you want to share things with them and the desire to have things for yourself or to have alone time should not change your appreciation of who they are or your desire to share some things with them.
That's funny, I have read About a boy as well. Will (stuck in his teens) is a bit different than the topic starter though, I think
|Arnie wrote: |
|Will (stuck in his teens) is a bit different than the topic starter though, I think |
Of course - But at a certain level Will faces the same dilemma as the OP, in that he (until the end of the book) doesn't need anybody but himself in order to feel happy.
Sounds to me you don't know what you want so you try to fill that void with relationships which do not last because its like putting a square peg in a round hole. What you really should be doing is examining the other aspects of your life alone and concentrate on the things in your life you'd like to make better. Then in time when you've handled those things in your life then move on to relationships.
Hi there all, I have read through the posts and mmm some great contributions I think, my thought on the issue.
Well first of all it is great to be alone as you can govern exactly what you want to do and when, this is not an abnormal tendancy its normal depending on the magnitude or dosage of this feeling.
I think you have made allot of progress already just by realising you have a problem, that is always the first step.
about the part where you thought if you where really deeply in love I dont think that will solve the problem, as the problem is not the amount of love you recieve or give when you are in a relationship the problem is your own personal issues you have to sort out.
I think you shoudl go into a relationship really slowly and carefully and establish your comfort zone every step of the way and not lie to the girl or yourself be honest as you enter the relationship and experess your feelings about the Savanha of space you require and if she understands this and does no feel insecure I think you wil comfortably be able to enter and stay in a relationship but also rmember a relationship is a two way thing, if the two of you have trust and faith in each other you have to constantly try to resolve your issues and feel save in her space and also practice maintaining your own space within an overlapped space, and time being the healer of all things I believe if you reach the turning point of being bored, this is just your defence just try for a short period to ignore this and take the leap of faith and trust her with your doubts and in time you will recover form this feeling, the main thing is be upfront and explain your issue to her and if she understands you and accpets you for who you are then I think just taking everything slow as far as space is concerned is the way to go, but this does not mean your love has to run slow just your comfort with space and just trust her with your space as this is what love is.
I think you are very emtional and have a huge abaility to love and you repsect her space more than yours and sort of feel you should be alone but start telling yourself its ok to be there she wants you there too she likes you there she loves you.
Good luck cheers Mic
PS : this applys to the lady that posted here too
Me and I also have a great time together. And I also need more time for me and my things. My boyfriend is in the same situation. We meet three times a week and this thing work for us. It's hard to explain to a girl in the begining of relationships that you need more time for yourself but maybe you should try.
I'm actually quite the loner. I do most things on my own, I live on my own and I don't mind not being with someone either. I completely understand the issue of attempting a relationship because you think you like the person and then when it comes down to it it's a the relationship feeling you were missing and not the person. Generally I am freaked of any kinds of committments as well... ask me to give up something of my loner life and I freak...
My way out of it was starting to date random people who had no connections to my everyday life. Basically dating without strings and just building up the fun point of view of a relationship again and driving away the one, scarry clingy view that I had. In a nutshell, I just eased my way into the process again and am not seeing someone who isn't my boyfriend but we have fun together and we are committed to each other... so that's as far as I've gotten but I AM still with the person, I haven't run out and I don't want to either. So I call it progress
I'm just like you , but i don't treat is as a problem. It is who i am. I get bored of things really easily and i tend to lose focus once i get what i want. It becomes a problem when you do something without thinking of the consequences.
e.g. you date a girl who is very much into you. She wants a serious relationship and at that time you assure her you can provide her security and companionship. 3-4 months later you completely lose interest in her, however she's still as truly madly deeply in love with you. I've like wasted alot of money on courses and classes that i had initially wanted to do but later on lost the passion for.
My advice : Think, before you do anything, just make sure that when you jump into something you have weighed all the possibilites.
I think that you should probably stay on your own for a while then - at least until you stop breaking hearts! I think that love is something that you work at and build, not something magical that comes and goes, that you need to ride as long as you can - its hard work. But the hard work really pays off. One of the most incredible things in this life is loving someone - not because you want something in return - but because you choose to love them, and then seeing them wanting to do the same for you. Its an outward focused thing that has great rewards! But again - it is something that requires dedication and hard work, and will not "just happen"
There is a stigma in society about single people. You should not feel that being single, or enjoying being single is wrong at all! Just because you like to spend time to yourself, and not commit to a relationship at this point in your life doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. In fact, I'd argue it's better to do what's right for you and just be happy with it.
Same with me. I love women, being around them. But I'm perfectly happy not being in a relationship.
Do what makes you happy. Don't try to live up to other people's ideals. If you're happier on your own you're probably at a stage in life where you don't need anyone else around.
Well, if you're happy, why fix something that isn't broken? Perhaps being content with yourself for now means that you don't need a woman at the time, and when the time is right, you'll get that longing for companionship - and hopefully find it.