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building up???





Srs2388
Just wondering... *I'm not in this situation* first off
but, have any of you been in a situation where your girlfriend or boyfriend ... or whom ever you are in a relationship with builds you up... meaning like gets you all excited and happy about the relationship
and then lets you down... by doing something like not talking to you or not being romantic any more... just anything to let you down at all...
this happens several times and you end up wondering if your just getting your head screwed with and you try not to let it affect you when he/she is affectionate and/or romantic and suddenly stops....
Confused
just curious Question

If so I'm sure it pissed you off... did it?
benjmd
I definitely think half of it is your own perceptions. We get these little fantasies and ideas in our heads and become disappointed that if they don't work out that that spells certain doom for everything else too. It's much better to take great pleasure in the things that do happen in a relationship than to fret over the things that don't happen.

If there is a lot of building up and letting down, I would guess that the major problem is communication. Everyone wants to be interested, but not seem too eager or overbearing. Everyone wants to spend a billion hours with their bf/gf but also realizes they have to keep the rest of their lives going too (and may at times be [very] busy with that alone). And everyone has a different idea of what it means to be romantic.

Definitely just need to keep reasonable expectations, communicate, and take what you get and love it.

That being said, some people are just manipulative and rude. Wink
Srs2388
wow... well said
you seem very knowledgeable about this... I did learn in psychology that a persons expectations not going according to plan are a major cause of stress
Citizen Kane
Sure it did piss me off, whenever it happened.

This surely has to do with perception (as does everything, there is no reality, only perception). Perceiving how another person acts towards us. But this also has to do with attribution. Attributing certain feelings or intentions to another person which they in their own perception do not have is usually devastating for unstable people. They tend to feel left alone, insecure and put down.

It also works the other way around. BECAUSE of the way insecure and unstable people feel, they tend to do more attributing than other people.

examine yourself if you feel left alone of put down. These feelings tell you more about yourself than about somebody else.
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