meet in rio
Do you lose respect for a woman if she's known to 'sleep around' so to speak?
What do you think of the double standards for men/women regarding sexual 'purity'? Do you acknowledge their existence?
Double standards, biasness etc is ever present. Just don't expect a decent girl if your a person who's promiscuos
i lose as much respect for a girl as i do for a guy. while i don't believe the religious belief in "waiting until marriage" (i do respect the idea tho), i still think that sex is supposed to be special and limited to someone you love, whether that person is your spouse or your boy/girlfriend. one night stands i understand to a degree if they just "happen", but as for those who just run out and look for somebody to sleep with every night, those, whether male or female, fit in my "******" category. sex is not recreation, people.
I most definitely lose respect for females like that. In my opinion, if a person is not going out with someone, then he or she should not have sex with them or even make-out with them. Girls who go around flashing people and hitting on everyone are the reason that so many guys are tempted to cheat on their girlfriends. I think that you should really care about the person you are having sex with, whether you are male or female. Having sex just to have sex is unacceptable in my eyes.
Why not? I'm not the type of person you described, but this sentence interests me. If two consenting people want to have safe sex for fun, what's wrong with that?
Hypothetical situation for proof of concept:
A guy approaches you and says, "You have two choices. I will give money to a charity to save 5 people's lives or I will give money to a charity to save 10 people's lives. The choices are that simple. The amount of money I give is no object to me and will not affect me or anyone else poorly."
You would likely answer that he should save 10 people's lives. Why pick the former when the latter is better?
The point is this ... among each of the decisions we make each day, very few are pure "good vs. evil" decisions. There is a whole spectrum along which we place our options before choosing the best. The way you engage in sexual activity is subject to that just as much as any other decision. Those people that eschew promiscuity would argue (as I do) that partnering physical intimacy exclusively with emotional intimacy enhances the experience of both in an unparalleled way. To freely engage in sex at other times makes the experience of sharing it with someone you love deeply less special than if you were someone who reserved sex exclusively for a person you love deeply. In other words, it's not that sex is just plain bad - if it is safe sex then it is tremendously pleasurable and good for your health. But you still can make a choice beyond that - and some of this think that reserving sex for those with whom we share a deep love is the better choice.
Going back to that hypothetical situation. Electing to save 5 lives is in and of itself a good choice. However, when you consider that in this situation electing to save 5 lives also means electing to specifically not save 5 others, it would be hard to not say that that choice is "wrong."
So at least for me, when I say promiscuous sex is wrong, it is because there is a *better* choice.
As for the original question:
You should judge a person by past actions only as you are confident that those past actions will determine future actions in a way you need to know about.
Remember that everyone changes and each situation - each decision - can be very unique. Therefore each choice is unique and you should offer each person the opportunity to form your opinion of them with the actions they are choosing now.
Do you leave your son alone in his room with the girl who has slept with the entire high school? Maybe not b/c she could get pregnant, he could get sexually transmitted infections, or he could get deeply hurt by the relationship. But do you form your entire opinion of this girl based on her promiscuity? No, because for most interactions with her, you don't have to make any choices that force you to consider those past actions. You should still treat everyone with civility and a sense of humanity and offer them reasonably chances to make decisions that do not detract from your opinion of them.
Interesting reading. For me, like most topics here, it depends on definition. What does promiscuous mean? Is it dependent on numbers? Is someone promiscuous if they have 2 partners in a year? 4? 20? or is it more about having multiple partners at the same time?
If a lady has long sexual history, it means nothing to me unless we are looking into a relationship. And then it is only important in a medical sense, (both disease and mental stablity). I tend to think sex is best with in relationship based on love, but that is just me. I dont expect others to feel the same way.
BTW - I see a big difference between a person with a long history of partners and someone who poaches people in a relationship. Enjoying casual sex in an honest manner is not a big deal, but cheating and sleeping with someone already in relationship is pretty scummy.
Hell yes I think less of promiscuous women. They are trashy for the most part and arn't worth anything in the long run.
Yea they look good and every time I see a great looking one I think about what an awesome one-nighter we could have, but thats just it. Its one night. There's no substance in a slutty girl. I'd much rather get hooked up with a girl who will wear cute, but appropriat clothes. There's plenty of stuff out there to wear that doesn't have your boobs poping out or are so short you can almost see the girls ass.
A girl should also watch her mouth and not chase after boys. They shouldnt play a whole lot of hard to get, but they definatly shouldn't just hop on some guy and ask to be sexed. Sure they can hint at things, but hinting at maybe liking someone and being dirty are two different things.
LOL. So, you'd do one, but wouldn't date one. I think you just said more about YOUR morals than you intended to. Of course, this is the same guy who said:
Gays are sick. Girls should not ask a guy out. Girls should be lady-like and not cuss. I imagine this guy thinks housewives should wear dresses and pearls while vacuuming
I thank God that most people in the US do not feel this way.
Wow. Shold I really dive into this churning sespool of accusitory and off-base questioning and statementism? I think so. Lol.
Okay, for the original question, I dont exactly think less of them, moreover I feel sorry for them that they've made this choice in their lives. This goes fir BOTH sexes. I mean, it's your own personal choice, but there are reasons that God set the standard that he did. Sex was meant to be a sacred bond between a man and his wife, meant to be ONLY for married couples, and a NORMAL couple, not a man and a man. "Do not lay with a man as you lay with a woman, for this is detestable to Me. I shall cast you from the gates as if you were a filthy rag and I will proclaim I never knew you. Women do not lay with a woman; this is also the same." That is a verse in the bible. I believe it's in Ephesians, Phillipians, or 2 Chronicles. Lol. On top of that, there's a strict guideline for marriage and sex; it was meant to be one man, one woman, and thier upcoming childeren. The purpose of marriage was not for sex; but for companionship and procreation. Sex was a gift from God, not a right or a personal goal. It was a gift. Modern Earth today has skewed this, and sex is now a commodity to be had. That's why there are so many rapists, molesters, and other people of the like. And on the one side of it, I feel that the sexual deviants, all of them, be they gay or rapists, are all caused by deep scarring as young childeren or adolesents. I havent met one gay man in my life who has had a normal childhood. No one. The most common story is "A woman broke my heart, and I realized I was gay." Yeah, I dont think gay is the solution. It's kind of like a defence mechanism; its not reality. 100% of the gay community are suffering inside and have turned away from everything socially and biologically normal to rescue themselves. I myself once thought I was bisexual. My attraction to the female sex was caused by a massive argument I had with my ex boyfriend, and my responce was to push away everything to find my true self and my HEALED self. That's when I thought I was bisexual. Since then, I've resolved the matter, and my attraction to females has vanished; and it's also beginning to disgust me. Homosexuality is a major cry for help, and sometimes, the homosexual begins to enjoy the mental sickness that seems to protect them. That's where you get gay rights activists. The same goes for sexual promiscuity and all sexual deviants. Now that I've answered what I see fit, I'll go now.
Very interesting question.
Hobopelican's right in that it's pretty vague term to begin with, I suppose it's pretty much a relative thing.
Now... I have to say I would look down on excessive promiscuity. Not to the point where I'd refuse to associate with them, but I certainly couldn't see myself dating someone known for their promiscuity.
I've never really thought about why before, but I suppose it's because I'd want to feel that what we had was special - not that I was just the latest in a long line of empty sexual gratifications. Being entirely honest, I think there's also a self esteem thing in being compared to so many others. Don't like those odds.
Of course, many guys will read 'promiscuity' as 'will put out', and so that's a great big green flag right there. I guess I'm less motivated by sex than some guys - but it could also be tempered by the fact that I've had a steady girlfriend for the last year and a half, and I'm slowly forgetting what it's like to be single. :p
You'd need to look at just why that person acts that way too. Self-destruction, addictive personalities, a habit of regularly getting extremely drunk and losing judgement? They're none of them desirable characteristics.
Promiscuity is also indicative of a few other things about the girl, for instance, usually a pretty extroverted personality, and I do tend to go for introverts, like myself. So not all the reasons I'd shy away from a promiscuous girl are entirely negative. Loud, extroverted girls tend to annoy me. Personal thing.
If you hear from your friends or other people that a girl 'sleeps around,' don't necessarily believe it.
A girl I went to school with had a terrible reputation for this, but actually was a virgin until her early 20's. The rumour that she was 'easy' started when she was at a party and rejected some guy. He was so offended by her refusal to sleep with him that he started to tell people that she not only slept with him at the party, but a couple of his buddies as well.
The more she denied it, the more people believed it to be true.
I guess the most important thing my parents taught me was not to judge other people...especially if I don't know them.
A very good lesson, Jay. Too bad it seems to be so hard to learn.
Like gircalledjay said, I was brought up to not judge other people that I don't know. If they're being unsafe, that's another thing...but just general promiscuity or whatnot won't lessen my judgment about her as an overall person.
So absolutely true. I, for one, also look down on promisques girls because of my experience with one in particular. She was abused in her childhood, knew what had happened and never got any treatment for it. She ****ed around big time (I once caught a venerial desease from her) and eventually got pregnant by accident.
I dare to say that promisques people are a social disturbance.
Depends on whether she or he still does it.
I agree. People should not be judged on their pasts, but pasts do have an undeniable effect on our presents and futures. Quick story: I fell in love with a woman about a year ago, and we enjoyed a monogomous relationship, and we both had a sense we might have a future together - until life threw a little distance into the equation. As someone described a post or two ago about someone else, this girl had some sexual abuse in her past. I'd never thought much about it, but now I feel foolish for having never asked her about how she'd delt with it (or not delt with it) and hindsight now helps me remember a time she mentioned that she didn't really understood what some people got out of counseling. Apparently a failed attempt in her history.
Here's the thing: I don't have a problem with promiscuous people. I'm a church boy compared to many, but giving in to carnal desires is something of human nature, an enjoyable activity that can be shared by consenting adults in a variety of forums. But sex is a powerful experience that releases chemicals in your body and can be used to cover up pain or to manage emotions. In my situation, I didn't really understand what was going on for a long time. We kept in touch, but she pushed me away, and then pushed a little more, eventually cutting me out completely, not because she didn't love me (and I'm sure of that) but I'm pretty sure because of the guilt she was experienceing at her own promiscuity. "I'm too frisky right now to think about us," she finally said in our last person-to-person conversation. "Let me go - at least for a while." I was like, "Huh?" I really hadn't seen it coming.
And so I talked with a few of her friends and discovered that she did indeed have a rather promiscuous past, and then I went to a domestic violence counselor who helped me piece together a potential puzzle. But at this point I'd been asked not to contact her, "at least for a while." What an agonizing conundrum. Someone you're in love with is on a full-bear sex binge, and the question you attempt to pose as politely as possible can only be interpreted as sexual jealousy. And it most certainly was. I kind of view it as a real-life tragedy. I may have been wrong, but my gut says I wasn't, and i know my heart was in the right place, even though the whole ordeal made me rather dysfunctional at times.
Promiscuity is fine. But self-awareness is key. I've spent some time trying to figure out why different people are promiscuous, and the reasons are myriad. Male domination (sexism), childhood abuse, low self-esteem, narcissim, rape recovery, anoreixia. And I'm sure there are promiscuous people who are relatively baggage-free, too. The hard part is, sex is a basic human desire. Having sex feels good, and so promiscuity is perhaps one of the easiest things for people to justify. And we live in a culture that not only accepts it, but encourages it. For me it's not a matter of judgement. It's a question of why. Why is someone promiscuous when he or she could enjoy more fulfilling forms of intimacy?
I don't mean to stand on a soap box here. I've had a few promiscusous phases; I'd probably call them exploration with hindsight. And I probably wouldn't have ever started trying to figure promiscuity out if I hadn't watched a woman who was undoubtedly quite in love run off and start sleeping with random men.
Remember Wilt Chamberlain's story? Or Charlie Sheen's story? I mean, sex is great, but those are just a superhuman appetites for sex.
if guys can sleep around, why not girls? still prefer if she was clean though... but if she isn't, i don't think i would love her less(if i did love her...)
I lose respect for both promiscuous men and women. =P Think about all the STDs they might have. YUCK.
I neither think less of them nor more. I just dont bother to think. What matters in the end is your interaction with them . Thats it. Who cares if that person sleeps around or is a virgin. Thats his/her problem. Why make it mine by thinkin about it.
I have to admit I do think less of a promiscuous woman especially if she was a possible long-term partner.
That said, I am showing myself to be a total hypocrite due to my own very promiscuous past and even though I thought less of them they were my ‘bread and butter’ when I was younger (and single) god bless ‘em!
I thought less of them in those days but so much so I wouldn’t sleep with a promiscuous woman.
My outlook has always been, a partners past is not so important – its how they behave from the time you get together that is important. After all, if you have a GREAT sexual partner from the get-go you should always remember to ask yourself, “How did she/he get so good?”
But don’t beat yourself up about your partner’s past, its today that counts.
When it comes to the sexual act, YES but considering other aspects, NO. It is highly unfair if you judge a person from being promiscuous as something that reflects the totality of his/her personality. But to answer your question, in general NO. there should be more to her than just sex.
I never loose respect for women who are promiscuous, but I would advise them to not be promiscuous.
Well, the question's subjective.
If she's slept with the entire school football team, then yes I would. But if she's gone out to a few clubs and enjoyed a few one night stands... as much as every few weeks or so, then no.
There's a difference between slutty behaviour and "responsible" promiscuity.
Wow... there are some really well thought out and articulated posts here. Kudos to many people for sharing some seriously deep and profound thoughts including benjmd, camerakitten, subsonic sound, and wakefield.
As for the original question, I'm afraid I do tend to think less of promiscuous women. But this is not due to their actions, but to their history. Like other people have stated in their posts, promiscuous people tend to have childhood issues including histories of sexual abuse, neglect, father issues, lack of loving and nurturing environment, low self-esteem and a whole myriad of other problems. But ultimately each of these people have deep issues that is manifesting in promiscuity. I'm sure there are plenty of people that are quite normal with happy histories, but I would guess that the majority are not. And unless these people are able to resolve historical issues they have, they will always have a certain level of mental instability that will continue to lead them to poor decision making.
Maybe it's a difference in culture or country, but I'd have to say there are lots of very normal promiscuous women. I mean, promiscuous does not always mean sleeping with every man available, just that one has sexual relations with other individuals casually relatively regularly.
I.e. a woman who goes out to a club every friday, and goes home with a man every second week, would be considered promiscuous. How-ever for single women that's relatively common (at least in many areas/pockets), and has nothing to do with a need for attention, etcetera, just a want to enjoy. (As with promiscuous men).
Promiscuity could just be a phase in life that people go thru. A lot of people may like to just live on the wild side, while they can.
yea i think less of them, i think of them as hoes & sluts. but we need those from time to time, i mean i dont mind them at all. as far as being commited to them, im coo.....
As a woman who seems to be developing promiscuous tendencies...Ive kind of been on a bender just recently...I feel I need to interject here. Many of you have mentioned some potential cause and effect things that might contribute to a woman's (or man's for that matter) sexual practices.
1. I will never deny that I had a less than ideal childhood...yes yes, I have daddy issues that can
probably never be resolved.
2. Yes, my self esteem probably isn't what it should be, but honestly, whose is?
3. These things, while for many are damaging and cause them to seek the attention of blah blah blah, I feel that they hold minimal bearing on the choices I make.
I am a 27 year old woman who has had 2 serious relationships (one for five and a half years, one for nearly 2 years) peppered in between by 2-3 month monogamous relationships.
I was never unfaithful, nor did I ever consider the possibility of being unfaithful. It is irresponsible to do such things putting other peoples emotions and physical well-being at risk. That said I feel i must address those posters who voiced passionate disgust with women who sleep around.
Recently I have been quite the rockstar. But I do not feel that my actions have made me a less valuable person. I made conscious choices to do the things I have done. And as far as cheapening the value of sex, I totally disagree. Each person I slept with I shared an intimate connection with, however brief. I learned something about them, and I learned something about myself, and in the moment I felt a deep sense of caring for each and every one. In mid coitus human beings are vulnerable creatures, men and women alike. I cannot see how being intimate with another human being and exposing yourself in that way could possibly be a bad thing.
Of course, I agree that it depends on the person and their motives behind it. But you cannot judge someone, male or female based on the tally of their partners. Sex doesn't cheapen anybody, its the way a person handles themselves and the way they handle others that is crucial. If we are all respectful of each other, as all people would be in an ideal world, no one would ever consider to "look down" on someone for participating in something as powerful as human closeness.
The world needs more of that intimacy, be it physical, emotional, or whatever.
I don't know if loosing respect, exactly. But a woman who is promiscuous is very insecure of herself, and does not love herself very much- according to psychological evaluations. Besides, it's a clear sign that the woman cannot establish relationships that last.
Promiscuous people spread diseases.
I'm not saying non-slutty people can't get STDs by sheer virtue of being virtuous, but sluts (both male and female) are more likely to contract and spread crotch rot for which there is no cure.
I was once friends with a gay man who contracted HIV from somebody who was, er, promiscuous. After that, he made a point of deliberately infecting young gay men by having unprotected anal sex with them.
and that's why we're not friends anymore.
Just because one horrible, bad person didn't tell him what he was getting into, he set out to spread an invariably fatal disease as far as he could, revenging his own sorry fate by inflicting it on other people. That was the single most selfish, hateful thing I've ever seen anybody do.
Promiscuity is BAD.
By promiscuity I assume you mean those who cheat or have sexual relations without the other partner knowing.
I do not think less of women (or men for that matter). I think people have the right to decide how they wanna live their own lives, as I have the choice in my own.
For women who go about bedding any and every guy that comes by and cannot demonstrate restraint and/or control, I feel sad for them, cause I know they have mental/emotional issues (I did NOT say they were crazy).
The women who have open relationships and can chose and exercise control with their long term partner and their 'other' partners, I applaud them.
and everyone does. i've grown very tired of all the liars out there acting like it's ok. the only people who see nothing wrong wit it are people with serious mental problems and people who have been very effectively poisoned by the world that's come to be, through all the bullshit people have puleld to get their way and trick/guilt people in "respecting" (i.e - agreeing or just leving them the hell alone) their ideas/wants/opinion/etc.
you KNOW promicous women are though 'less' of.... it's this simple:
"would it be ok for you're daughter to be promisous, a slut, and/or a ****** or prostitute?"
any honest person knows their answer to this is a big fat "HELL NO!!"
then phrase the question asking if it's ok for their mother, or sister, or grandmother, or grand daughter...
these things are not ok.
it's not "right" or "ok" for men either, but it's more excepted... and to a certain point it's more understandable AND it's somewhat forced by women.
MANY, if not most, women prefer a man who's sexually experienced... often more so than her... assumingly so he can lead her as she might be self-conscious or nervous etc.
the average man isn't capable of completing such a task without having experienced multiple sexual partners. many women don't care to "waste the time" waiting for their sexual partners to become sexual gods in the bedroom.
this puts pressure on men to experiment and to try to have as much sex as possible.
again, i'm not saying it's right but it's a contributing factor.
it's also, not as easy for men to have sex as it is for women, so they TRY to have it much more often than women tend to. for a guy, achieving sex is very much like geting a job...
when trying to get one, a person shreads the resume all over the place... and hopes and waits for a callback for an interview and hopefully for getting the job.
it's similar with women... men talk to MANy women... trying to "holla at them" as much as they... failing i nmost encounters and hoping for someone to give them a chance... when one does he jumps at the opportunity. when multiple give him a chance through the anolgoy gets complicated, so i'm ending the anaogly there... but he often doesn't know how to control hismelf and before he knows it he's being a "player"... even if that wasn't his initial intention.
in the end... to re-adress the main question... YES... women are looked down on when they become promiscous. they KNOW it themselves, which is why they often hide behind the "that's personal!" defense so they don't have to tell... it's because of shame and fear of embarassment and being branded what they already know they're being/been like. they look down on each other too.
it's very unnatural for a woman to be today's promiscous woman... and as these fools continually march towards this... our population will become more and more poluted and we'll get closer to the real chaos that's on the horizon due to our human bullshit and foolishness.
I once was infatuated with a promiscuous girl. She is an amazing girl all-around, but it turns out her promiscuity was the one thing I kept discouraging myself with. It worked, and I now have a healthy abhorrence about the whole "me getting infatuated with her" thing.
Sometimes infatuation/love blinds you from all the obvious crap around you. I can't help but be critical to straighten myself out.
I want to know everyone's opinion about this. Imagine you're with a girl, someone who you really enjoy being around, having sex with, and really believe you love. Now imagine seeing a video of her at a party in college, getting rammed by a RANDOM GUY, then putting her clothes on and saying goodbye. Would that bother you? On the other hand, imagine you're with a girl, someone who you really enjoy being around, having sex with, and really believe you love. Now imagine seeing a video of her getting rammed by her boyfriend of two years. Would that bother you? It'd still bother me.
Your question is revolving around the assumption that you actually CARE that this girl was promiscuous. Would it turn you off? Would it bother you? Make you jealous of her past? Why do you care? If it was your current girl, wife, daughter, you would care. But most guys wouldn't turn down a random girl throwing themselves on him at a party, right? I believe having sex with random people waters it down when it really counts, like when she does it with me. Me. There are countless girls swarming the downtown San Diego nightclubs on Friday, kissing strangers, dancing trashy, having fun. Good for them, but what do I want with them?
I'm at a crossroads with my girl, and it brought me to this website. The idea of promiscuity never bothered me before. Here comes a double standard. I lost my virginity at 13, and since that age, 7 different girls have asked me to take their virginities. 7. Not including my current girl or the other girls I've been with. And this is not a made up number to impress anyone. I took them all. The girl I'm with was a virgin and has only had sex with me. However, since I really fell hard for her, I asked her to tell me every single little thing she's done in her past with a guy (biggest mistake of my life). A couple things like her being at a concert, some rave techno stuff, and a random guy dancing with her deciding to make out with her (and her letting him instead of pushing him off, like most girls could/should/and would do if they weren't insecure about themselves and giving their lips/body to any guy who pays them any interest) really bothered me. Also, a guy I used to be in a band with, who never met her, somehow got her phone number and called her over to watch a movie. Within 5 minutes they were making out on the couch. A stranger. Stra-n-ger. That image pops into my head at the most unexpected moments, then I really doubt how much I care for her. Just because of that. It's insane, but I view promiscuity so differently now.
I really think that girls are raised to believe that guys just wanna have sex. Guys just wanna get in your pants. So it's almost a girls duty (in a good way) to keep a guard up and push off any guy that doesn't DESERVE TO SLEEP WITH HER/ KISS HER/ FEEL HER UP. Deserve. There's a difference. In my opinion, a guy should earn having sex with a girl. I don't think I'm old fashioned, and I don't think I'm a hypocrite. I just think that a girl should have a guard up. Take her out, ask her questions about herself, know her as much as she will let you. Then you really deserve it. But for a girl to just give it up to any guy obviously shows some kind of insecurity. The need to be needed. The want to be wanted. Liking.. being liked, no matter by who.
The wisest answer to this question would be "Nah, the past is the past. She's not like that anymore. She's changed. Think of the future. She's different now and the past is gone." Right?
So if you have a couple of kids, wanna go out with your lady one night, and have a choice of 2 babysitters, who would you choose? The freshmen girl next door who adores your kids? Or the pedophile down the street who was locked away, but then somehow miraculously found God and was set free into the world to do good. He promised he's changed. He's good now and he probably will never touch a kid in that way again. So why not hire him? Why call the freshmen girl? Why not him? Because he had it IN HIM to do this. He did it. The past is behind us, yeah, but that doesn't make it gone.
Being with a girl who's been with 1 guy before you would probably be much more satisfying than a girl who you're watching the video of getting rammed by a stranger. Nothing wrong with her, it just wont feel real when you have sex with her. Cos she's had guys on top of her in the exact same position that you are now. What do you prefer?
Different people have their differing definitions of the term. But lets be reasonable.
Its like pornography, "I know it when I see it."
I think virtually any time a person tries to stand up for promiscuous behavior its because they’ve made those bad choices themselves. Anyone with any semblance of intelligence knows that people who engage in promiscuity have issues (including at least the potential for the physical as well as the emotional). This behavior can actually stem from emotional problems in the first place. Either way, those issues probably won't be conducive to positivity in a relationship.
I think its wise to avoid anyone – male or female – who engages in risky behavior, if for nothing else than to avoid the diseases that come along with them. This isn’t brain surgery. Stay away from whorish behavior and save yourself a whole lot of pain. Its simple.
Sorry but I think that is one of the most ridiculous things I've read in a long time.
Yes, there will always be some people who have emotional issues where they might consider fleeting one night stands as a substitute for a lack of love in their life etc, but I certainly wouldn't say anyone with intelligence would agree your statement applies to the majority of people.
Sex is fun which is why we do it! Monogamy is something mostly unique to, and invented by humans. I will however concede that sex in a loving long-term relationship is usually a much more beautiful and fulfilling experience, but equally, random encounters after a party or whatever are often amazingly exciting and enjoyable as long as safe sex is practiced.
Maybe the world has changed for the worse in some folks minds with a perceived 'lack of moral values' these days, but I for one am pretty glad that in the society I live I don't have to spend weeks dating someone, spending a fortune on meals/going out, only to find much later on that she is boring sexually.
I've actually had some long term relationships which initially developed from a single exciting one night stand, but I've also had long build ups to relationships which I've walked away from afterwards because I've realised the sexual chemistry wasn't there.
If monogamy and long term love only is your thing, thats great and I'm happy for you, but it is a bit silly to say that those of us who love no-strings safe sex (with people who we aren't seeking a relationship with) all have some kind of emotional issues.
*Edit* And in answer to the OP, I don't think any less of anyone who is promiscuous, as long as they take sensible precautions for sexual health and there is mutual attraction/consent/enjoyment between all parties involved.
I am very much honest to my wife. So if I found anything wrong about her I will disrespect her. In case of others I wouldn't mind.
As @meet in rio underlines, there is a risk of double standards if the question is understood as being different for men and women. Of course it shouldn't.
Another question is what you mean by "respect". If a person (man or woman) sleeps around and all of his/her partners are fine with it, and that person does a tremendous amount of good in the world, then how can you not respect that person?
I'm sure there are men who don't sleep around and still beat their wives and kids, can you respect them?
So I guess the proper way to ask the question would be: "how does knowing that someone sleeps around affect the way you respect that person?"
Also, and that could be a great exercise in discovering the (potentially hidden) biases we have, we could ask the question for the two sexes separately. Some of us (probably all of us, eventually) might discover that we're not as egalitarian as we'd like to think...
It really depends on who she was being "promiscuous" with, if they're all reasonable choices I really wouldn't mind, it's experience after-all .
Well i didnt have such strong views on promiscuity..till i got involved with a girl who had a history..although other guys told me abt her past..but i still treated her as good as i could..everything was fine..till we slept together..apparently my performance wasnt good for her..but she still told me it wouldnt effect our relationship..but after that she started complaining that i wasnt givin her space..yes i was little possesive about her i agree..but i liked her with all my heart..and she told me that she wouldnt be sleeping with me as she has decided that she wants to change..i was little dissappointed but still i still liked her a lot and still was with her..and then guess what happens..the moment i was away 4 a while she was sleepin with other guys.....is it fair..and i got pretty mad at her..and behaved in not a very pleasent manner..i accept my faults....and u know what she told me that i had 0 social skills and 0 maturity..and that she didnt do anything wrong with me..man u know how much heart broken i was...and now u tell me u still expect me respect such women.....???
Hey, so sorry to hear about this, and thanks for sharing.
I think there may be two different cases: some women and men decide to get involved in a serious relationship after having a nice time for years with a lot of partners. I've seen it happen, and there is no reason to doubt that they cannot become a serious, life-time partners if they are good people and know what they want from life and what they want it (as I mentioned before I think, people who have a lot of partners are not necessarily "bad" or "unreliable" people, they may be great people who happen not to want to commit or not to have found the person with whom to commit, it does not mean they are unable to commit).
On the other hand, if you meet someone who makes it clear (or gives signs) that he or she is not really interested in changing their way of life to live something different with you, then I believe putting a stop to the relationship as soon as possible (easier said than done) may be the best way to avoid suffering in the long run. Also, if the other person really cares about you, it may prompt him or her into thinking what he or she wants out of this relationship. In any case, the first rule of a relationship is that it takes two people to build it, so if you feel that the two of you have to think separately about what you want out of it, it's not a good sign.
As much as I am sorry that you had to go through this difficult parting, it sounds like it was better than getting into something more and more serious that might have been shattered later on. Am I right?
I often think that promiscuous women are looking for a special bond in the wrong way, and as a result, they are never able to really connect with the right kind of person because the right kind of person is not likely to be sexually promiscuous.
So, I wouldn't say that I don't have respect for a woman who is promiscuous, but rather I'd say she's a little lost and needs to find other tactics to find a suitable mate.
Yes. If I was considering a woman to date or be serious with, and found out she, say, slept with the football team I would definitely have less respect for her. This seems to be more of a male ideology than female. Women are much more forgiving of men's history than men are of women's. Many times to disastrous results.
This "forgiving attitude" as it relates to past behavior extends to all other areas of romance. A woman will get with and marry a man who's left his wife for her many, many times more likely than a man will marry a woman under those circumstances. In that case, the guy is fine with getting some on the side with her, but is far less likely to marry that woman if she leaves her husband -- or, for that matter, if he leaves his wife -- than a woman in that scenario.
Either way, I think people -- male or female -- who indulge in serial bed-hopping have a problem. There's obviously something going on upstairs, whether it be insecurity or some other pathology. Whatever it is, it probably does not bode well for a future with that person.
That women are more forgiving is not a good thing. Women are always complaining about men being dogs, yet they don't seem to see the connection between having chosen a dog and the current problems they're having with him sleeping around on them.
To the original issue about respect, I think that's a valid question. But the question of whether or not a promiscuous person can be trusted in a relationship, I think it's pretty obvious no brainer: no.
I would not respect a woman (or man, but seeing I'm a heterosexual guy I will stick with women) less per se if I learned that she was promiscuous. If all of the times that she had sex were reasonable and well thought over choices then I don't see why I should lose respect. Because it's immoral? By who's standards? Mine? Hers? Gods? Obviously not by hers, seeing she did it. I am an atheist so any religious standpoint does not hold for me personally and like I said, if it was well thought through then I don't necessarily have a problem with it.
Someone in this thread says that it matters what she does not, and I agree with that. Her past is, to be frank, none of my concern. I can agree or disagree with what she has done, and obviously someone's past forms that person, but if I was considering a relationship and if I liked the woman then her past sexual life would not be that relevant for as far as respect is concerned.
Not as a person necessarily, because it can be a very deliberate decision and if it is I respect her freedom to do so. However, it often originates from a desire for self-confirmation, in which case I do loathe it. In any case, I do find promiscuity to be a tremendous turn-off personally, so to answer your question: yes.
I don't think anyone has the right to judge anyone else on their past. Some people become ptomiscuos through reasons of loneliness, low self esteem and wanting to ne loved. Many women don't set out with a view of sleepinng with as many men as they can for the sheer hell of it but are misguided in their judgements. Others choose to do it for pleasure. It makes me so mad when people judge others. Who knows how you would behave in a given situation if you were in different circumstances? Also people often realise they have a problem and set about to change it so shouldn't be judged for their pasta. Now if someone is being irresponsible and promiscuous so that it could impact others wellbeing that's a different story. On the whole though I believe that women who are trying to fill a void thru engaging in promiscuous behaviour need understanding not condemnaton!
No. Why should I?
Perhaps if I found out they were engaging in unprotected sex.
Casual sex is just casual sex. Relationships are different.
Of course, if you add in things like cheating or trying to pinch married men or the like, it is a whole different ball game.
But a single woman who chooses to have one night stands or flings... I can't see why I would judge someone for that, man or woman.
It isn't an appropriate strategy to find a relationship, and it should be honest. The person shouldn't try to indicate to the other the potential of a relationship if it is just casual sex.
Any man who thought he could judge my sex life is not someone who would be a suitable match for me in any case.
Can a promiscuious person be trusted in a relationship? It is the wrong question. The question should be, has the person cheated on another before?
Yes, there are double standards for men and women in society's perception, although not in mine. I don't think that is really okay, but I acknowledge that it exists.
Promiscuous with a single person or many?
as simple as that, if it's many than yes.
I truly respect anybody and his or her lifestyle, as long as I don't get negatively affected by it. Negative as that may sound, I consider myself quite possessive. Positively put: I enjoy the presence of a woman nearby, I want her to care about me just as I like to care about her. So the answer is: while I can perfectly accept promiscuous women as friends I would not want my own wife or girlfriend to be promiscuous, the relationship just would not work.
I disagree with some comments made here that a woman must have mental problems if she is promiscuous. She may just enjoy herself or may even follow a lifestyle. For example a friend of mine is polyamorous, and she is perfectly fine with it. Remember that in the 1960s and 1970s a whole generation valued promiscuity as desirable, not despicable.
I fully agree that today in general there are double standards for men and woman regarding sex, and that is true in most societies. I'm just thinking that in many countries it is a must for a woman to be a virgin before she marries while it is perfectly accepted for a men to have had his experience already.
I ask for mery for the hitten women.