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True Innocents: The Setup

S3nd K3ys
On his blog, S3nd K3ys wrote:
How many kids and parents love water-guns and water-baloons?

My wife is an expert when it comes to them. She's also an instigator. She's highly tactful, well armed, sneaky, and very persuasive. All the kids (and most adults) want to be on her team. She's taught other people's kids (and in many cases their parents) very well over the years.

What I'm about to tell you is something so devious can't be taught at an early age, it has to be inherited. It's bred in. It's instinct. It's profound.

My neighbor, my eldest son and myself were on the back deck enjoying the day, playing with water-guns, and drinking our sippy cups. I had gone in the house briefly for something, and when I returned, Cz was standing by the table with his water-gun in hand and another one on the edge of table next to him where I was about to sit down.

As I approached the table, he looked me square in the eye and said very calmly and matter-of-factly, "I'm going to shoot you, Daddy."

Just the way he said it was creepy and gave me a chill, but I couldn't quite figure out why. I mean, there's another gun on the table within easy reach if I really needed to defend myself. But he wouldn't dare shoot me. He knows what will happen if he does, and I KNOW he knew that other gun was on the table. He saw me looking at it and I saw him looking at it.

I slowly picked up the gun, put it to my side, and asked "Are you sure you want to shoot me?"

"Yes, Daddy. I'm going to shoot you."

"Are you POSITIVE?" I said, now waving the gun in front of him and glaring hard at him with one eyebrow raised. At this time I realized my gun was empty, but figured I could bluff my way out of it. He couldn't know it was empty.. he's probably shaking in his boots right now.

"Yep." he said with an evil, yet familiar grin.

So as you can imagine I'm starting to get more nervous; "He shouldn't be so calm", I thought. "He knows I'd soak him from head to tow if he shot me, and he STILL doesn't know my gun's empty, so why is he smiling at me like that?" I start shaking the gun slightly in the hopes of getting just a small splash or two into the tube so I can try to discourage him from shooting me.

"Are you ready, Daddy?"

"Bring it on!" I said flatly as I pointed the gun right at his face. He hates being squirted in the face, so I figured this would turn him back and convince him that shooting me was a big mistake.


He moved his face about 3 inches closer to the gun, as if to challenge me to shoot him, then after a moment of silence he raised his gun slowly and without another word started shooting me in the stomach and the groin.

In a frenzy I started trying to shoot back with my empty gun, shaking it violently hoping to get something to come out. I have no idea why but I'm still under the impression that I can scare him off, so I'm not backing down. It's not working, and I started feeling the water thru my clothes. I finally gave up and tossed the gun back on the table and sat down in the chair.

Wet. Confused. Defeated.

I didn't realize at first what had just happened. But my neighbor did, he was laughing uncontrollably at my demise.

Then it dawned on me; Cz set me up! He put that empty gun on the table knowing full well I'd try to use it against him but couldn't. He made sure his gun was full and mine was empty, then he called me out and I foolishly took the bait. Hook, line and sinker. He planned this thing from the start knowing exactally how I'd react, and that there'd be nothing I could do.

He pulled it off brilliantly from start to finish. I would have never thought a three year old would be able to plan something so devious and so completely and actually have everything go according to plan. I won't under-estimate him again.

I put the blame squarly on my wife.
Shocked Never underestimate a 3 year old they will get you everytime.... I know from experience... I swear she (my daughter) is the devils child!!!!! Laughing Not really but those deviously angelic looks, they could melt anyone!
I'd just like to say thank you for that story.. I was in what you could call a peculiar mood, my 2 yr old is into his little phase now to do any and everything .. and that story had me laughing so hard i was crying and it really cheered me up.. i mean you always know theres others out there going through the same thing.. but just to physical hear it read it and see it makes you not feel so alone or upset.. lol..

thanks again..

and never forget to never underestimate the mind of a child
Well, S3nd, he is your little boy, after all!
Chantz Smile
I take it you survived.


Very Happy

Well betcha now that you've told you're story he'll catch you off gaurd somewhere else again. Watch out for him, watch out. Consider it a friendly war.
Citizen Kane
your kid is just a child of this time.

his cold bloodedness could come in handy in the 3rd world war (soon to come with all the unrest in the mid-west)...
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