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Long distance and keeping the fire.





Jumpy
I was never a great talker over the phone and now since i'm in a long distance relationship all i can really do to keep in touch is by phone.

I like to call her everyday but sometimes i dunno what to talk about and i'm afraid of being to boring. Just any tips talking over the phone and making sure it doesn't turn dead.

Thx
loryl
You could try messaging programs in addition to phone calls. Snail mail is also good; you could deliver her flowers (or chocolate, or whatever she likes) to show her how much you care for her.

As for phone calls, talk about your day, talk about funny things that happened, ask for advice.
Insanity
I have your same problem. Being on the phone is so awkward sometimes because you don't know what to say... And we are both splitting up when our school starts (we're going to different colleges), so I don't know how that's going to work out.

Maybe you can visit her from time to time, if its not too expensive.
talinart
Jumpy wrote:
I was never a great talker over the phone and now since i'm in a long distance relationship all i can really do to keep in touch is by phone.

I like to call her everyday but sometimes i dunno what to talk about and i'm afraid of being to boring. Just any tips talking over the phone and making sure it doesn't turn dead.

Thx


all men aren't great talkers.
we get bored so fast.
in long distance relationships, things can get ugly. you dont know what your girl is doing most of the time.
and you are not always by her side as she wants.
the best thing is to fill her time. do more talking and chatting. you have to. even if you dont like it.
i know, you wont find things to say.
try to find your way to keep her entertained..
talk about things that happened during your day. also ask her how was her day. booty calls also works Twisted Evil
Flowers and chocolate also work.. at least once per month. make it a surprise .. everybody loves surprises ..
and .
good luck!
TrueFact
i never been there but my love started with it and thanks god we don't need to phone as we meet every day.

If you jus starting the relation (pen pal, messeging software or phone) you need to know her likings habbits and what cheer her up. For the begging that will full the time and you'll find many things to say and ask about. And remember she'll ask you in return. You can spend hours talking about it and getting to know each other. If this already done or you made it move to the next step talk about your day and call things from your memory, funny things, bad memories may be can make her think about you all night and trying to find a way to make your life better and she'll phone you back to tell you what she found and what she thinks can be good for you. You do the same but don't drag her to tell you bad memories as some can be hurting. Try not to remind her but if she wanna talk about it she will with out asking giving you a score and getting you closer to her and giving you more and more hours of chat. Get into her life when you talk about her day, and get her into yours when talking about you. In other words don't give her the feeling that you are far from her. Make her feel like if you are there just besides her. That's will do it besides gifts and presents. Ask any girl and she will tell "yeah, i like gifts, presents". send it with or without a reason. Don't wait for a valentaine day. Your relation makes everyday a valentine day. Send flowers and roses. Give her something to put in her bedroom reminds her of you everytime she looks at it and make her die waiting for your next call even you don't know what to say. And finally... NEVER EVER interrupt her talk, let her talk and say all what she wants... this way she's giving you more to talk about and that's how you get into her life although the long distance between you two. If you interrupt her talk she'll get bored as girls need a guy who's far to talk freely to (as they think or feel that they are safe and you can never tell any one close to her here secrets) and if she can't tell you her secret then she'll be bored of you as this is one of the main reasons she's talking to you in the first place.

And remember some people made very successful relationships from long distance relationships and they met and they love each other and they get married soon... as i did.

Good luck.
vahsi000
hmm, I don't think there is a simple sollution to my problem.

Imagine this senario: You've went overseas and fell in love with a girl, got married to her after going out with her for a full month then you had to return to your country to continue studying/working and the next time you can see her is next year.

Facts: I know so little about her and her life, we both feel uncomfortable chatting over the phone, both our lives are pretty boring and there aren't many possibilities when it comes to other forms of communication.
I'm calling her every weekend and end up saying "ummm.." quiet a few times during the chat.
tar-xzv
You cant think of the whole phone conversation and then make a phone call. If you wanna talk to your girl, then just call her even if its for a minute to hear her voice, she will appreciate that.

Just give her a call. Ask her about her day and the conversation will reveal itself. If you are in the stage of still getting to know each other, then per example if you watch sports talk about that, or some movie you've seen on tv today or something.

If a person cares about you, person will be interested in everything you have to say and will not think of you as boring. And then again if that person do think that you are boring then dont change yourself for them, be who you are and let people love you for your personality.

All the best!
Tvis
As mentioned before...guys aren't great talkers...but girls ARE Wink USE that! Most probably she loves to talk, and feels great if you listen most of the time and not even speak at all. I agree that you cannot plan your phone talk up front. But there are always the famous openers: how was your day? Are you better today...just make sure you LISTEN, girls hate it when they have to repeat themselves. If you listen they will know and it will make them happy. Ask about what you previously talked about. Did she go out yesterday, ask her how it was. She wasn't feeling well, ask her how she is now...give tips, "did you try tea with honey?"

Most probably with a few questions you'll get stuck up a phonecall for an hour. Just let HER do what she can do best, talk, and you listen...

Hey, it works for me!
Laughing Wink
twisthigh
Try watching a television show with them, while they're on the phone with you. Make sure you're both watching the same thing, it's actually not that bad, and it makes the time go by faster. You comment, and laugh together, and share different opinions.
windrei
try to use the webcam, haha~~

just kidding` if you think it's quite hard now to think of anything to talk about, then just stop. Maybe for a week or more. It's just like playing RPG game. Sometimes, you need to save your energy and points. Do you understand what i mean ? For you, you can easily think of something to say next time when you two talk on phone again, becasue you have 'spearated' from her for some time. For her, it's a time to give her some time and space to do her own stuffs. Sometimes, there is no need to be together all the time. Everyone wants some space. If you two really love each other, then you must have the effort to phone to her next time. There is a worry by most of the people that they cannot have the energy and pulse to phoen to his/her lover after a period of time.. don't worry, believe yourself and her~~
vahsi000
windrei wrote:
try to use the webcam, haha~~

just kidding` if you think it's quite hard now to think of anything to talk about, then just stop. Maybe for a week or more. It's just like playing RPG game. Sometimes, you need to save your energy and points. Do you understand what i mean ? For you, you can easily think of something to say next time when you two talk on phone again, becasue you have 'spearated' from her for some time. For her, it's a time to give her some time and space to do her own stuffs. Sometimes, there is no need to be together all the time. Everyone wants some space. If you two really love each other, then you must have the effort to phone to her next time. There is a worry by most of the people that they cannot have the energy and pulse to phoen to his/her lover after a period of time.. don't worry, believe yourself and her~~


How could you even attempt to relate RPG games to long distance relationships. Yes there is a fear that i don't call her on a regular basis we will fall apart so much that we might not care about each other at all after a while.
DarkJad
That's tough.


But men can be great talkers. I'm the 'talker' in my relationship. I endlessly babble.

All you have to do is tell stories. You didn't go out to get milk today. It was an excursion, into sleet, hail, and a blizzard to keep your family from dying of thirst! Spice things up.
And NO, I'm not saying lie.
Both me and my audience (usually my girlfriend Very Happy ) know that I'm being facetious.
But if you put that little extra OOMPH into talking about yourself and your day, your conversation will be a little better. PLUS, it lengthens your conversation, etc.

Even if you only being with a facetious statement about "I've done a horrible thing. I raped something. I installed Windows XP on my MacBook."

Granted, your sense of humour is different than mine, and that of my girlfriend. But I talk a lot. Men can be GREAT talkers.


And Windrei, it's NOTHING like an RPG game. That's about the only point of your post that I really understood (I completely lost you on the part about taking the effort to make a phone call . . .).
It's not like saving up your stories and interesting moments (Limit Breaks? Wink ) for the boss.
I call my girlfriend because I genuinely am put in a better mood by her voice, and because I genuinely want to talk to her. If I have nothing to talk to her about specifically, I let her talk, or joke about how I'm doing nothing in my life, or talk about times we've spent together. I don't plan it out.

If you view the phone call as a fight or encounter to be overcome, it's time to reconsider whether or not you should be in that relationship.
Vlien
What's a long distance to you? I mean, I'm in a long-distance relationship myself, although you might not think so (let's say there's about 50 miles between me and my boyfriend).

I'll tell you something. I'd only be too happy if my bf called me every day! He usually doesn't care about calling me, or even texting - so when he finally does, it's like WOW! You know? I would never see it as boring, even if he didn't have much to tell me... I just like to hear his voice now and then Smile we see each other about once a week, if I'm lucky two or three times.

And about "keeping the flame" or whatever you said :p don't you automatically keep the flame longer when you don't see each other often??
andy26
Insanity wrote:
I have your same problem. Being on the phone is so awkward sometimes because you don't know what to say... And we are both splitting up when our school starts (we're going to different colleges), so I don't know how that's going to work out.

Maybe you can visit her from time to time, if its not too expensive.



yo dude iv started college and my girlfriend goes to a different colege but we are still managing we see each other every saturday and i phone her and i use msn mesanger to talk to her during the week. so when you leave school to go to college you can still have a healthy relationship you will just need trust in each other
DarkJad
"And about "keeping the flame" or whatever you said :p don't you automatically keep the flame longer when you don't see each other often??"

Not necessarily. The more removed you are from his/her life, the harder it gets.

Traditionally, however, a long-distance relationship is characterized by long-distance. Fifty miles is not that far.
Imagine if you didn't see your partner at all for three months . . .
vahsi000
DarkJad wrote:
"And about "keeping the flame" or whatever you said :p don't you automatically keep the flame longer when you don't see each other often??"

Not necessarily. The more removed you are from his/her life, the harder it gets.

Traditionally, however, a long-distance relationship is characterized by long-distance. Fifty miles is not that far.
Imagine if you didn't see your partner at all for three months . . .


Quite true, like 50 miles is nothing, only 1-2 hours drive. I like to call a 20+ hour flight (multiple flights adding upto 20+ hours in the air) to get to your partner as a long distance. Since it's so distant it's actually harder for either of us to relate to one another, for gods sakes even the weather is different, like i live in the southern hemispere and she like northern hemisphere. Surely it must be hard to not see your partner for a week but imagine how difficult it would be if you couldn't see your partner for whole year (like me) also the only way you could communicate would be either phone or sms (the post takes too long).

I'm not saying it's not as hard it is for you guys to keep these relationships working, just stating what i'm going through and giving all of you something to think about.
GProject
vahsi000 wrote:
Imagine this senario: You've went overseas and fell in love with a girl, got married to her after going out with her for a full month then you had to return to your country to continue studying/working and the next time you can see her is next year.


I did this. Well, we didn't get married but it was exactly the same besides that. And it sucks, believe me. I did end up feeling like I knew nothing about her once we were apart, although I personally never had anything to say.

When you're together you can talk all the time, because you're in a common situation together so there are always opportunites for conversation. Once you're 4,500 miles apart you lose that commonality. In a normal relationship you don't have to ask "what did you do this week", because you already know.

For me, in the end our relationship just died out, which is a shame really. I can't help feel that I was responsible for us not keeping it going, but it was her who made the decision to stop contacting me (she moved out of home and used that as an opportunity to start anew). I've respected her decision though, and even though I miss her I'd like to think we could still be friends if we met up in later life.
Srs2388
I hate to say this... but long distance relationships hardly ever work out especially if one of you aren't dedicated enough to not take the relationship seriously... I had a long distance relationship before... she didn't take it serious enough and cheated on me... needless to say that ended it... I am not trying to say that she is going to cheat on you, all im saying is be very careful with whom you trust online
Vlien
And I hate to say THIS: why the **** (that starts off with "h", not with "f") do you start having a relationship with someone you can't see for a year?? Sure that's a stranger to you! But I guess this is typically American, no? I meeeeean, before someone slaps me, that America is biiiiig, much bigger than my tiny country. How can you even afford all the flights? That's c r a z y! Still, no one should tell me that my fifty miles isn't a big distance, it's just a different state of mind, a different set of norms. I go "nuts" when I can't see him for a week. No one should tell me this isn't difficult either, cause it freakin' is! See him for what, four hours and then having to leave at the break of dawn because he has to be at work at 6:30? Nu-uh! Especially if you're the one of the two who fusses about it the most, who organises most. Hmf. I'm sorry, it just escaped me! Smile
the1991
windrei wrote:
try to use the webcam, haha~~




My roomate used to do that with his girlfriend hahaha. Honestly, I've never known anybody to make a long term relationship work for longer than a year. So if it's certain that you'll be away for a while, if I were you I'd start to consider my alternatives. Either you have to move where she is or try dating other people. The hard fact is: if you date other people and want to come back to each other, you know you had something special.
Subsonic Sound
Quote:
Honestly, I've never known anybody to make a long term relationship work for longer than a year


Hi! My name is Alex. I've been in a committed, serious relationship with a girl on another continent for... 19 months. I love her, and I've never been happier.
dude_xyx
Subsonic Sound wrote:
Quote:
Honestly, I've never known anybody to make a long term relationship work for longer than a year

Hi! My name is Alex. I've been in a committed, serious relationship with a girl on another continent for... 19 months. I love her, and I've never been happier.


Good to hear that and all the best , i used to believe in and im not sure about it now. most of the time its hard for girls to stay without a hug or kiss alway to see their friends hang around with boy friends while they cant.
Subsonic Sound
I accept that in a lot of cases - probably the majority of cases in fact, this much time apart is too much. I think I've been particularly lucky, and that with the personalities of both myself and my girlfriend, seperation is a trial, but not an insurmountable one.

Yes, it does hurt that I can't spend as much time with her physically as many couples. There's no question of that. But we love each other - and I would rather talk on webcam to her then spend in-the-flesh time with anyone else.

It's also not a state of affairs you can keep up indefinitely. At the moment, we're planning it one step at a time, but we accept that ultimately, one of us is going to have to move, to be closer than the other. And I think it speaks volumes about the depth of commitment we've made to each other that that isn't out of the question.

When I try to explain our relationship to someone else, then it seems slightly strange. But the second I hear her voice, all doubt is long gone, and the world seems a brighter place. Smile
freakinlame
how do you keep a long distance relationship? I mean, both the boy and girl will be far away from each other and it really require a lot of trust. I myself am in a long distance relationship. I don't know how long we will be together, being far with each other and all. I'll be going off to oversea to further study and she herself too will be doing the same at another country. So, basically, it will be tough for us two to be together, but I think constant communication is really important so that we won't feel lonely and stuff. And also, we need to be true to each other and be faithful and loyal and patient for the time of meeting again will surely be worth it to be waited for. Smile
JayBee
I'am not good talker. I like girls talk more then me Laughing just kidding
But I have an expirience with this and it was quit interesting to talk about insane topics or construct unreal stories together.
Everithing is say like it is truth. After few minutes you will not know what is truth and what not. Very Happy
Everithing you need is phantasy. Good inspirations are dreams.
This conversation is bottomless source of words. It opens your minds mor then sentence "What did you do today?"

(After hard brainwork I like this conversation with my best friends. It gives me power back.)
mmitch
well try to just let the talk flow..........once u get on a good tapic ur phone call will go good
JOHN L. FLORES
well, my wife is in other country today... my life is empty... very cold and the way i live is not the same when she is near. I cant able to sustain my daily needs because of some difficulties especialy when it comes to gfo sleep. pls help me om how to give color to my life now that she is so far away with me? thanks for reading. GOD BLESS YOU! Embarassed
vahsi000
Vlien wrote:
And I hate to say THIS: why the **** (that starts off with "h", not with "f") do you start having a relationship with someone you can't see for a year?? Sure that's a stranger to you! But I guess this is typically American, no? I meeeeean, before someone slaps me, that America is biiiiig, much bigger than my tiny country. How can you even afford all the flights? That's c r a z y! Still, no one should tell me that my fifty miles isn't a big distance, it's just a different state of mind, a different set of norms. I go "nuts" when I can't see him for a week. No one should tell me this isn't difficult either, cause it freakin' is! See him for what, four hours and then having to leave at the break of dawn because he has to be at work at 6:30? Nu-uh! Especially if you're the one of the two who fusses about it the most, who organises most. Hmf. I'm sorry, it just escaped me! Smile


Firstly, having a "long-distance" relationship with your partner is probably one of the most challenging tests any couple can go through and i also believe the end resul/reward will be well worth it since there are valuable lessons that are learnt during the time apart like trust and the knowledge of the fact that the couple is not only attracted to each other because of their physical attributes but more their personal characteristics.

In simple terms, i believe being able to keep a relationship from such a great distance for such a long time is proof of love.

In your case Vlien (i have no intensions to offend you) yes, it might be difficult for you to travel that distance but the thing is you are actually seeing him every week, not everyone see's the partner every week, most of my friends who are studying are happy to see their partners once a week because it's just this stage of our lives that we're so busy. When it comes to the distance, I actually travel 50+ miles eveyday just by going to work and back home, so yeh, 50 miles isn't a big deal for me personally (and no i don't live in america) but it might be for you (depending on your country and the public transport system, that is if you don't have access to a car). Here's a challenge for you if you're up for it, try to only talk to you partner/boyfriend only once a week and a few messages throughout that week for a whole month, will you only then have an understanding of the difficulty of having a long distance rellationship (btw, you don't get to see him in person with this challenge).
jumpbox
When talking to your girl if you shouldn't feel any worry that is may go bad just because you have a hard time bringing up topics. IF she really loves you she will understand your difficulty and give you mercy if you just tell her your fustration with talking on the phone.

Tell about whats on your mind. Tell what your thoughts are about a issue. But don't be the only one talking ask her for insite and ask her what her opinion is on something. THis will make the conversation a lot more interesting and also you will get to now each other a lot better.
bluefossil
girls like to talk. just ask her questions. How was your day? What did you do today? What you doing this weekend? Then ocassionally say "really?". "wow, I didn't know that". "come to think of it, you are right!". I think southpark did an episode on this -- how to carry a conversation with girls.
masqued_dreams
Jumpy wrote:
I was never a great talker over the phone and now since i'm in a long distance relationship all i can really do to keep in touch is by phone.

I like to call her everyday but sometimes i dunno what to talk about and i'm afraid of being to boring. Just any tips talking over the phone and making sure it doesn't turn dead.

Thx


Im in a long distance relationship as well. In my experience, you can't keep a relationship alive based just on phone calls. My boyfriend and I write each other once a week, we also used messaging programs w/ webcams to communicate. Nothing will ever replace face to face communication so if you can schedule a visit with her, by all means do so. I strongly believe that the only reason my relationship has lasted so long is becasue we have regular face to face visits. I wish you all the luck in the world in your relationship. long disctance relationships can work, it just depends on how much work you put into it.
androjuni
long distance relationships are definitly hard to handle. i wonder why they say that distance makes the heart fall in love more, distance freezes it dead. i am currently in a relationship of that sort right now, ive gone to college in a university that is miles away from my highschool sweetheart's college. heres what i do:

text messaging - its great, i could send a message every hour! i can tell here i miss her and i long to be with her and stuff like that and not pay costly long distance phone call fees.

calling(regularly) - i usually call at the end of the day and ask of how her day went, what she plans to do the next day and stuff like that.

meet - when the oppurtiunity is there i visit her. it feels great when you could meet up with a loved one that you miss so much.

Distance is only a trial, trials makes a relationship grow stronger. i'm looking forward to marrying that lady so my moto is patience, wait and wait.

hope this helps you all who are in the same situation.
cloudship
listen to her and show your concern from time to time
as1417-FP
Well I am currently in a long distance relationship and all is well. I've known her for almost a year and a half, but we've been together almost 6 months.


The "boring" should never be a concern, because you had to click with eachother somehow. Keep that going, just like in any relationship. Also, try and visit eachother. Keep everything interesting, and don't forget honesty is the policy. Good luck

Random quote I found, but very good to keep in mind "True love like true faith knows how to wait for the period of waiting is a period of growing"

Jumpy wrote:
I was never a great talker over the phone and now since i'm in a long distance relationship all i can really do to keep in touch is by phone.

I like to call her everyday but sometimes i dunno what to talk about and i'm afraid of being to boring. Just any tips talking over the phone and making sure it doesn't turn dead.

Thx
manohar225
Long distance relationships arent easy but the one thing that should keep you going is the love for the other person......Being in a long distance relationship myself I have to say that the phone is a major way to stay in touch.....Snail mail/email are also limitless options which it is very important to use.....The most important thing of all is to keep trying to get to know the person more. Things to talk about will come automatically if you set your goal to that. Its not going to be easy it isnt meant to be really......But all it takes is a little effort Very Happy
tingkagol
it's the hardest kind of relationship. it's like transforming your whole self into mere soundwaves that come out of your mouth.
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