I recently asked out this girl and she told me she wasn't ready for another relationship yet because the day I started hanging out with her was the first day she had broken up with her boyfriend. We still hang out pretty much everyday but I've been trying to keep some distance from her because it's too hard to be around her and control my feelings for her. The only issue is everytime I try to not hang out with her she initiates us hanging out or talking. Should I continue to hang out with her in hopes that she will be ready for another relationship soon or just stop it now and so she can't string me along anymore?
I think that if you really like her you should wait it out. There is a chance that her initiating the time together could be her using you to not have to be alone. I think that in most cases this behavior on her part is a good sign. If you want a lasting relationship with her then your doing the right thing by being there for her in a platonic manner now. Its your best chance to develop a strong connection with her. Besides, the fact that she didn't just shrug you off is probably a good omen : )
Yeah that is what I figured as much to when she rejected me but she said she would still like to be friends. The only issue is when I asked her when does she expect to be ready for anothe relationship she replied back with maybe in about a year since that is how long it usually takes her to get over her previous relationships. I mean she is definately worth waiting a year for but everyday I'm starting to find it more difficult for me to be friends with her knowing that all this effort may be for nothing.
Also recently I've been hanging out with a lot of her friends and we have fun. The only issue is now when we hang out as a big group I can feel tension between us. Like she will sit as far away from me as possible and pretty much avoid any eye contact or conversation towards me. The thing that I notice is it is only when her and I are with a bunch of our friends. Otherwise when we are alone we have great conversations and have a lot of fun with each other.
I'm not sure how much women gossip between each other but one of her friends has been hanging out with me a lot recently and I believe that she likes me. I really don't see her friend in that way at all and I'm not trying to make her jealous by hanging out with her friends. Not sure if I should still hang out with her friend or just branch out and stop hanging out with her friends in general and just go back to my old group of friends.
Hope is both the biggest gift and the greatest curse of mankind...
I have a long time been more or less interested in a girl which I also is a close friend to. I have known for a long time that she not is interested in me in that way but yet... it is hard to get the hope to fade.
And now over to your problem
I think that it depends on how much you loves her if you should try to break down your hope or not. If you loves it very much and/or your love don`t affect your friendship very much it isn`t a very good idea because it is hard and painful to success even if you stops talking her. Instead try to count her as a friend and treat her as one and... hope for something more until your feelings have faded a bit.
If your feelings affects your friendship then I think that you should try to accept that she don`t likes you and let your hope fade.
It is the hope which keeps unwanted feelings alive...
And I must say that all of this depends on the situation, it is up to you to decide what the best thing you could do is.
I know it's difficult to hang out with her as friends because you feel something much more than that. But if I'm in your case, I'd definitely won't leave her even if it's hurting me. I mean, if you love her and she needs you to be there for her even if it's only just as a friend, then be there. Friendship bonds people together. Take the risk. It's normal to worry about amounting to nothing. Still, love can overcome that worry. In the end, even if the love you have for her can't be returned, the friendship you developed between the two of you will remain. And it's something to treasure. Loving is not always giving and taking. Sometimes, it's just giving. The 'taking' comes from accepting things as they are and moving on. ^__^
Well, as Jakob said, it still depends on you. It's you who can decide what to do. I wish you luck. Decide wisely. ^^
Maybe you have to wait for a certain period of time. A month or two and than take some hiden and masked actions to be with this girl.
If you say it directly maybe the answer wil be the same, but if you try to do something indirectly your chances will increase dramaticly.
The girl accept you as a friend, becouse of the long time you hanging out together. And can agree to do with you many things. You should use that and to make a plan. Success
what does this say about you? That girls aren't worth being friends with if you can't eventually date them? Look at it this way, even if your never end up going out with her, is she still worth having as a friend? If not, then why would you want to date her in the first place?
I have noticed then when a girl is unsure about a relationship, when with friends she will act completely cold as to not let anybody find out that something might be going on, because she doesn't even know for sure yet.
This could be subject to a much larger debate, but as far as any guy needs to know, yes girls gossip a lot. If this girl says she wants to be your friend, then talk to her like she's a friend. Somehow mention in conversation that you think her friend like you, if kinda an arrogant playful way, then say that you're not really interested in her though. Think about how you would tell one of your guy friends about it, like no big deal. and that doesn't mean you have to stop hanging out with her friends, that shouldn't be a problem.
point is you know for a fact, she just broke up, whatever attention she gives your or seeks from you at this point ,is probably her need of a distraction. I'm not saying shes using you,but its normal for a person to subsitue a loved 1 or former partner in order to move on and deal with the pain.
I suggest, though i understand would be difficult, is to maintain your friendship with her at this level and nothing more. give her 2-3 months observer her behaviour, (eg: still talks about her ex, looks depressed etc)
Play it slow, and you'd get her, at the same time it'll give you the chance to develop the relationship and identify for yourself if its what you want. (given that your serious about her)
Give no damn care abt her. Just try to ignore her. Girls are like this. They kind of want guys after them. When you care less. She would be the one who will be caring you the most. And finally she will feel for you. Don't make yourself cheap in relationship.
Wow I didn't expect this many replies from this post but I truly appreciate all the advice you all have given me. I think I will still be friends with her but try to keep a little bit more distance as to not get myself hurt in the process. Maybe I will hang out with her 3 days a week instead of all 7 days. Since you all should know the saying "Distance makes the heart grow fonder". Wish me luck all
Sounds like a good idea. Good luck!
Hope it works out for you! All the best
Most girls want to have their cake and bloody well eat it and you shouldn't allow this girl to take you for a ride.
She needs you because she KNOWS how you feel about her and it makes her feel good about herself that you're pining after her. You don't need someone like that.
And i think girls are just like guys sometimes in wanting what they can't have... When you're steering clear she wants you...
I say get rid of her and invest in someone who wants to be with you and respects you enough to tell exactly where you're at...
Stop wasting your time mate!
She wants to hang out with you, because she likes you. Not neceserelly as a boyfriend, but as a friend.
She just got out from a relationship. Don't expect her to fall in love with you in a second. A girl can recognize a potential relationship. But if she's wise, she will wait untill her friendship-feelings and curiousity for you, start developing to love, before she will tell you or give you any hope. She might be scared that you will be a rebound-boy, and hurt your feelings, and ruin a nice friendship with a nice boy like you.
Give her time. Maybe she will fall in love with you, maybe she already has, maybe she never will. Meanwhile; appreciate your friendship. She was honest from the beginning. She was not ready. Don't push her, or you might push her away.
Good luck! I hope that you will find each other!
You are in tricky situation. Does she like you but is not ready for another relationship or she wants to get to know you some more, get over her ex and then maybe start seeing you?
You can try asking her is there a chance at all and if there is then are you willing to wait. You can still be around and be her friend but do you wanna end up being "just a friend".
You can also be around but not much in which case you wont be hurting and she will still be getting to know. Then again she might be a girl who likes to be friends first and in that case you should ask her on FRIEND DATE and just get to know each other much better.
Anyway, good luck and if you really like her dont just give you.
Why would it be for nothing? If you care about her enough to want to go out with her, then would it really be so bad to just be her friend? Maybe that's what she wants from you, if she still keeps in touch when you're trying to keep your distance. Just because she wants to spend time with you, it doesn't mean that she's "stringing you along", because she did say that she wasn't ready. Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't understand why you're treating this situation as if a friendship is so horrible. Please explain, because I'm genuinely curious. However, if you really don't want to be friends with her, for whatever reason, then you should probably give up because with girls, "maybe" (as in her saying "maybe in a year") usually means "no"; she may be just trying not to hurt your feelings by saying "no".