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Newly Single





pulldownthesky
I just got out of a three year relationship and I am LOVING being single. The problem is that my ex keeps calling and sending me messages saying how much he misses me and all that. No matter how many times I tell him that there is no way I'm going to get back together, he just keeps on with it.

What should I do to make him get the point?
Jaiye
file for a restraining order? that would be fairly obvious.
Sappho
Jaiye wrote:
file for a restraining order? that would be fairly obvious.


As far as i know the restraining order will not restrain him from calling nor sending messages.

I suggest you to just ignore him, he will get it believe me, ignoring is much better than to say no again and again.
danito
you could always hook up with a huge ex-con biker for a while.
shaggly
3 years is a long time to be with someone. Whatever you do, remember that sometimes the other person's feeling run deeper than yours may, so use some compassion when dealing with the situation.

It's very easy to just adopt the "go away" mentality, but believe me, when the shoe's on the other foot and it's you that's hurting badly, that attitude will cause you a lot of pain.

I, unfortunately, speak from experience and I wish that I had both given more time to those ladies that I had split up with, and also been given more time by that "one that got away" (that was after 3 1/2 years of living together)...
ThornsOfSorrow
Although I've never had a three year relationship (or anything even close to that) I was in once in almost the same position that you are now. I broke up with a boyfriend after 10 months, and he was completely heart-broken. He called me crying countless times and like your ex, kept telling me how much he missed me. My suggestion to you is that you stay patient with your ex and listen to what he has to say, even if it's bothersome to you or if it makes you feel guilty. However, don't give in to him and lead him to believe that you'll ever go out with him again. I made the mistake of telling my ex that maybe one day I'll date him again, and even though I've told him many times since that I won't ever do that, he still gets jealous when I even become friends with another guy. So just make sure that you're kind, but very firm. I don't know if you're ex is someone you want to be friends with, but despite what people say, that could work out very nicely. My ex has been my best friend for over 3 years since we broke up, and besides the occasional jealousy, it's been great! So, good luck to you, and I really hope it works out.
Jaiye
Sappho wrote:
Jaiye wrote:
file for a restraining order? that would be fairly obvious.


As far as i know the restraining order will not restrain him from calling nor sending messages.

I suggest you to just ignore him, he will get it believe me, ignoring is much better than to say no again and again.


well if he didn't get the message from that, it would at least be a clear beginning for a harassment suit.
madball
I would just say that you have moved on from that chapter in your life that had him in it. And that now it looks like it might be time for him to move on as well. Say that instead of still trying to get back with you he should be spending more time getting to know himself better and finding someone else that will be able to reciprocate the same feelings towards him as he does towards that person. And right now unfortunately for him that person is not you and that you would like him to try and make it easier for the both of you and give you some space.
pulldownthesky
Thank you all for your replies. You've been helpful and given me a lot to think about. I don't want to be mean or cruel, but I don't want him to think I'll be coming back to him either. I guess I just need to be firm and let him work through it.
blue77
For the thirth time I can brake up tottaly with my boyfriend. Everytime he always calling me constantly. The last time we agreed to be together rarely and only for sex, becouse I want it to be that way.
I fill better from then, becouse the old problems dissapiered. I' m still looking for a new boyfriend. I dont know did I act right or make a mistake.
Vandalyzed
To answer the earlier question........ Yes, a restraining order includes any type of contact. For personal contact, it usually gives a certain distance they can come no closer than....but it does include no phone calls, text messages, or types of communication that could result in harrassment.

Quote:
For the thirth time I can brake up tottaly with my boyfriend. Everytime he always calling me constantly. The last time we agreed to be together rarely and only for sex, becouse I want it to be that way.
I fill better from then, becouse the old problems dissapiered. I' m still looking for a new boyfriend. I dont know did I act right or make a mistake.


Did you act right or make a mistake? Well I'll guarantee you this much......find a guy friend that will act like your boyfriend for one day. I will bet money your ex goes nuts.......

Just my personal viewpoint, but i dont care how great the sex was.....if you're going to break up with a guy, you can't tell him, let's be fukk buddies and that's it.

You already had a relationship with him........ if you're still sleeping together what's the point? You're still in a relationship.

But, like I said, wait and watch what happens when you do find another guy you like.
tar-xzv
You've been with him for 3 years and if it did work out you would still be together. Some people do get hurt and in that situation you must find nice words to explain to him that you want to be single and not with him. And slowly pull back. Dont get together with him or anything like that.

Then again some guys just dont know how to be alone and whatever you say to them then keep bothering again. If he is the one of those, then you should just keep ignoring his phone calls, messages...... My sister had a guy like that and whatever she told him, was it nice or rude or she is getting married or living with a new guy he would still call to say what's up. 2 yrs later she still has to deal with idiot's one a month calls.

Good luck!
dan751
Changing your phone number and privatizing your phone number listing should do the trick. As far as I know, it's possibly the most effective means of keeping someone from calling you. While it does cost some charges for these by your phone service provider, it's cheaper than moving hundreds of miles away where he'll probably never find your number (but you'd probably be moving away from your family and friends also). It might be harder for them to change your number, but it would definately do the trick. That's also if you don't intend on actually telling him to stop calling.
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