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Would you marry a HIV Positive Partner?






Would You Marry A HIV Positive Partner?
Yes
42%
 42%  [ 37 ]
No
36%
 36%  [ 32 ]
Undecided
21%
 21%  [ 19 ]
Total Votes : 88

douzy
A friend who is HIV negative is dating his HIV positive girlfriend. What are the odds if he should want to marry her? Can this really be a test of real love?
HoboPelican
Man, that is a bad decision to have to make. Love, disease, blame, guilt. Man, I don't even know how to think about it all. Those two just need to be really sure about what they do.
Citizen Kane
pffff.... difficult. on the one hand, IF they decide to marry, they can never have children, because she is positive. Or they should adopt. And then there is the sex-thing. This can never be fully safe and so it should be better to not have sex at all. also pretty much an issue.

If they decide not to marry, they might feel guilty for not doing so. later on in life realising that you should've married your girlfriend although she was HIV positive can leave guilt, even if the partner is already gone. (although there are a lot of medicin which stop the hiv from progressing).

Undecided. Very much, and agreeing with hobo, I hope they know what they do... whatever that may be.
picsite
but doesn't HIV kill you, like really slowly so wouldn't their marriage end sooner than they would want?
Bockman
HIV positive is not AIDS picsite. HIV positive may be a dormant state for AIDS (putting it simple).

She may not have any problems for a long while with the correct medication. IF (or when Sad ) it becomes active, the state we call AIDS, then problems will rise.

As for the question, I don't think anyone can answer it unless they have been through that process. It's a very complicated issue and has a lot of precautions that may cause problems between them.
I just hope SHE can lead her life as normal as possible and without complications for a long period of time and that HE is able to stay by her side and enjoy the great things a life in common has (with the setbacks already spoken about, but there's more to life than that).

Good luck to both of them

Be Well Cool
crimson_aria
I think it's all right, if they really love each other. Though it would impose great danger for the other and for the child, I do not think it should be a hindrance for their love. They can live together, marry, and have a happy life by accepting the situation as it is and accept death as it comes. It would hurt, but turning away from the love because of the virus would hurt too anyway. About having a child, they should think carefully about it.


Have you guys heard about the japanese drama "Kamisama Mou Sukoshi Dake" (God give me more time)? It's about a young woman who's been transmitted with HIV virus after sleeping with a man. She met and fell in love with a famous songwriter who have experienced losing a loved one before and is afraid to lose another again. It's really touching.

I just thought about sharing it to you guys. If you want, you can watch it. It's available on youtube, log in first to access the video.
douzy
It's now possible for a HIV positive mother to give birth without transmitting the virus to the child, though the procedure is not yet a 100% success. However, they can adopt children to be on a safe side. What I'm more worried about is the sex issue. We all know that condoms do not give 100% protection.

It's really a difficult situation which points out more reasons we need to pray that God helps us find a vaccine for this deadly virus.
Tycoone
If you love him/her too much and that you could overcome the courage of transmitted the HIV virus, go ahead.

But in my opinion, this risk is too much, too much as it will potentially, or rather surely, take away your life. Would you do that far to secure your love?

To me, I'd rather be in close friends with her. Though this might be a discrimination, but your life is at stake. Value your life! Otherwise, you have to resist the urge of having sex with him/her, something that completes the marriage I believe.
douzy
It's really a difficult situation and decision.
saiyeek
C'mon marrying leads to making love and HIV is STD's so you should always be very careful with using contraceptives if you marry an HIV positive partner. So why take risk??? Better not to marry. I think HIV positive people should find their partners with the same disease.
Jaiye
I would so not hit that.
carolinehjkim
I know that some people get HIV disease through non-sexual relationship.
but I think having relationship with someone with HIV is too much of a risk.... I might think differently if I truly loved him but since I've never expericned that kind of love yet.... I would say no.
douzy
I recently heard that there is a study going on about the notion of being immune to HIV due to some degree of constant exposure to the virus. Mention was made of the much-studied Tanzanian prostitutes who hardly get infected despite being severally exposed to the threat of infection. Well, if this hypothesis happens to be valid, then that might lead to some significant breakthrough.
ezekiel_rage
saiyeek wrote:
C'mon marrying leads to making love and HIV is STD's so you should always be very careful with using contraceptives if you marry an HIV positive partner. So why take risk??? Better not to marry. I think HIV positive people should find their partners with the same disease.


Thats just COLD, very very COLD.

Who are we to judge them? It maybe their own actions that led them to their current situation, but their current situation is not of their own choosing.

I'd say that if you can take her for what she is, go ahead and marry. And give her the best on her last days.

Kidding aside, if you get infected, at least you are guaranteed to spend eternity with each other.
Ghost Rider103
That is a VERY difficult decision, I voted Undecided.
bulek
Probably not, I don't like to get a HIV.
Lennon
Marriage is out of the question. Would you respond with love for this person, even to intimacy. Marriage is a life-long commitment and could continue without sex for everafter afterwards if they decided. If that was me I'd get married for the rest of her life without having sex. Maybe consider IVF or other.
frih
love doent means sex. if we love someone then we can spend whole life with that person
Ucbet
I voted no. Put it simple. If you marry her you will get hurt twice. First you could contract the plague. Secondly, you know that her time is limited. Now if you decided not to marry her, you will get hurt once, which is regretting not pursuing the love of your life. So the choice is kinda obvious if we put it in simple way. However I do know its not that simple, but for me I would forget it in pain. Seriously, there is no future in that relationship, the fate is already well written all over the place. People might get blind by love at the start, but once they ride through hell when they get married, I think there would be more heartache than sweet moments.

Anyway, if your friends decided to still marry her, just make sure he is a really strong guy inside, otherwise he will crumble like there is no tomorrow. Best of luck and wishes them all the best.
cdpmaa
You are so lucky to have found someone to love and be with. No one truly knows what it is to love until they are face with the question of would you still love me if...? Just as tragic as HIV is, it is not a death sentence. Your friends should be concerned, but they should also be supportive and educate themselves, as I hope you are doing as well. Many people marry others that suffer from diabetes, MS, high blood pressure, etc. and will die a lot sooner than a person with HIV will. However, those diseases don't carry the same fear and stigmas although they should. However, there is something very freeing about recognizing that the person you are with has a time limit. It becomes very difficult not to get up every day thinking how lucky you are to have an opportunity to appreciate THAT day, THAT hour, and THAT moment. Most people get too caught up in sex, money, small every day stresses that makes love difficult. How do I know? I am one of the few people that will be able to tell my children, I married my best friend and he is HIV positive. I don't talk about him in the past tense. I only see our present and our future. There are some precautions that you should and have to take to protect both of you, but after a while those things become second nature. We are about to have twins (thanks, to sperm washing) and so far everything has been great. He is extremely healthy and we hope in a year or two to adopt another child. We fully recognize that he could get sick in a year, 6, 15, 25... whatever. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow or die of a heart attack. We have our living wills in place, try to make sure we are not accumulating debt, take advantage of whatever public programs are available, we both live as healthy as possible, and we surround ourselves with people in our same type of situation. Lots of people would marry abusers, drug dealers/ addicts, criminals, and jerks, before marrying a person with HIV. That is so dumb to me. HIV is a disease like any other disease. Love your girl fully and completely. She is not dead and neither of you deserve to live a half life. By the way, my husband and I are only 26 years old, and I can honestly say that nothing is ever as it appears in the land of "ever after" but at least we have chosen to live happily. If I die tomorrow I can say what most people will never be able to say and that is I my life, my man, and our family is my dream come true. Good luck and lots of love to you!!!!


"Do not pity the dead, pity the living- and above all us, those who live without love...." Very Happy
cdpmaa
Look up Dr. Sebi!!! We hope to see him soon!
asim
douzy wrote:
A friend who is HIV negative is dating his HIV positive girlfriend. What are the odds if he should want to marry her? Can this really be a test of real love?


well strange, but i dont know, how far this can go well.... not ware of wat exactly love is.... but well wats the diffrence.... thier relation is like.... watermelon falling on a knife or knife falling on watermelon.... not safe on either side's....... May Allah Bless Them....
apple
Hi everyone. I have a friend who's HIV positive and she's been with her HIV negative boyfriend for 3 years now. She speaks at a lot of HIV awareness seminars and stuff and does a lot of work with other infected.

She's told us that she's getting married soon and well...we wish her all the best.

She says that they do have sex but they always use protection and never takes the chance of not using it!


As for me I cannot say that I would or would not marry an HIV positive person I think I can only make that decision if and when I am in the situation.
vinx_18
Absolutely no for me, I don't have to marry a HIV positive which of course will eventually die. I will only help her in any other means.
koxinhell
frih wrote:
love doent means sex. if we love someone then we can spend whole life with that person


that's exactely what i think about love, they are both different things and i think that youy could be married to HIV positive person if you really like her, and if she is not to ill!!
It will be horible to lost a person just after the wedding!
koxinhell
[quote="douzy"]It's now possible for a HIV positive mother to give birth without transmitting the virus to the child, though the procedure is not yet a 100% success. However, they can adopt children to be on a safe side. What I'm more worried about is the sex issue. We all know that condoms do not give 100% protection.
[quote]


and that's a great information!!!!!!!!!
ssthanapati
well they can have children. It can b done by artificial insemination ( i hope i got the term correct) without having intercourse.

Other than that marriage is completely dependent on how they value each other. I i was in place of her i wud distance myself from him for his own good no matter how tough the decision was. But sometimes love is more than just having sex. So it really depends on how strong their love is and and how huch they can sacrifice to just to be together Exclamation
Hammy
I voted Yes.. I would marry them.

Because i feel that if my gf was to have it, i would still love her soo much. The things we do together and the way we are is great. I'm sure you would feel the same.

I know my gf has something, and im not worried about it at all. I trust her and she trusts me, we are responsible. I would marry her tommorow if i could =]
bluffmango
yeh it ll b a real test
Da Rossa
douzy wrote:
A friend who is HIV negative is dating his HIV positive girlfriend. What are the odds if he should want to marry her? Can this really be a test of real love?

The love may actually exist, but I voted undecided because any precise answer would be speculation; I've never been in that actual situation. Sad
RubySlasher
True love doesn't come only once, so there's no reason to hop in the death boat with someone you could replace with a little time and healing.




.
Bradford
Re: Would you marry a HIV Positive Partner?


People living with HIV can and do marry!

HIV+ individuals can and do have sexual relations and can have children without infecting them.

I am HIV+ but my partner is NOT HIV+. My being HIV+ positive was not an issue for my partner and we were married in 2001.



Bradford ( HIV+ since 1984 )
www.PositivelyPositive.ca
Da Rossa
Just curious: were you invoked in this forum just to post in this topic? Is it part of an agenda?
cdpmaa
All those people thinking that it would be sad to lose a partner after you get married, my question is do you think just because you get married your spouse won't die? There are heart attacks, cancer, hit and runs, guns, hurricanes, etc. that can and will take out your loved ones more quickly and tragically than HIV will. Limitations on love simply mean that you never truly learned to love. I know people that get married and their spouse is doing life in prison. It seems much more cruel to love someone and not be able to touch them or hug them or create memories with them for the next 40 or 50 years, then to live a full and gratifying life with someone for the next 20-30 years.
arwinva
I did marry a HIV+ partner. He was honest with me from the start. We fell in love and got married. We have 4 beautiful kids and i'm still negative. There is a large amount of evidence that Hiv positive individuals who are undetectible are not even sexually contagious. HIV is not as easy to catch as everyone thinks as long as the person takes care of them self. Bottom line is not everyone would do it but, I did and i'm glad.
deanhills
arwinva wrote:
I did marry a HIV+ partner. He was honest with me from the start. We fell in love and got married. We have 4 beautiful kids and i'm still negative. There is a large amount of evidence that Hiv positive individuals who are undetectible are not even sexually contagious. HIV is not as easy to catch as everyone thinks as long as the person takes care of them self. Bottom line is not everyone would do it but, I did and i'm glad.
This is interesting news and a wonderful positive message. I did not think this could be possible. I would have thought there could have been a chance for the children to be positive?
arwinva
The only way a baby can be HIV+ is if the mother is. Even then the medicine that you take reduces the risk of the baby being infected to about 1%. The most common cause of newborn infection is actually breastfeeding which is why I chose, despite my continual negative status, to exclusively bottle feed. There are alot of things people don't know about this virus. I made it my business to be informed for obvious reasons but, many people don't. I stay on top of any new treatments and findings. Right now they are looking at stem cell transplantation as a possible cure. You can Google anything I have said and you will find my statements to be true. HIV education is seriously lacking and perhaps if people were more educated it would reduce the stigma and persecution that HIV positive people have to endure.
rodrigokg
Is dangerous, but love is very most importantaly...

But is so sad...
bakedfish
It is frustrating to see HIV stigma. I see and hear it all the time, I've had HIV for 19 years. In the past 19 years I have dated a fair amount of woman. Many of these relationships ended when I told them I had HIV. On more than one occasion I was told that they couldn't be with someone that is going to die. Well, here is a news flash- we are ALL dying! LOL Live, Love, and Enjoy Life! For the closed minded people on this earth- they get what they deserve anyway! LOL I got HIV @ 25 - I'm now 44, and I'm healthier, and better looking than most 44 year old and I've had a hell of a lot of fun!! And, I'm quite sure I'll be on this earth for at least another 44 years! Drink, smoke and have fun Smile
keskinler
getting married with someone who carries HIV?
You must be crazy Smile
natilovesmike
What is "real love" anyway....

I think if they love each other, if the feel fulfilled when they are together and have plans...then why not?
zacky
douzy wrote:
A friend who is HIV negative is dating his HIV positive girlfriend. What are the odds if he should want to marry her? Can this really be a test of real love?


yeah definitely i will marry someone no matter what kind of virus from her. Coz i been in love to her and not to her sick-sick. For me, it really measures how much you love the person.

It's very easy to decide as of now coz your not married to your love ones but by the time you get married and have kids.

What if at the middle of your love story as husband and wife, one of you get sick, or got an cancer, HIV or even AIDS, what will you do, you will leave him/her? i bet you don't right?

I've heard this case too many times and i answered it too many times. It's just so happen that at the middle of your getting to know each other or let me say beginning of your love story, he/she got sick.
peaceonearth
I went for an HIV test just for kicks, 16 years ago, only months after my wife and I had our first child and I found out I was positive. I was devastated. But great news: both my wife and son were negative and my viral load was undetectable even without medication. My wife was a rock. She went for routine HIV tests and 5 years later, still negative, and my viral load still undetectable, she said to me that she wanted another child. Some people may think this was irresponsible, but with close monitoring by our doctor, we were able to get another child naturally. My wife and beautiful daughter were negative and my load was still undetectable. My son, now 17, and daughter, now 11, are amazing, high-achieving kids. Six years ago my marriage failed for reasons other than HIV, my ex is still negative, my viral load is still undetectable with medication, and I am as healthy as the next person. I would love to be in love again. All is possible with the right knowledge and precautions.
Greatking
i don't think a person should marry an HIV infected person. its really dangerous and you end up loosing the person you love. its either you die first and leave them with a broken heart or the person dies first and leaves you lost and sad.
Prime
Well,that's a critical question that requires critical attention and a tough decision but believe me,you are not the only one in that situation. lots of us find ourselves in that situation of which i am one.

I met a girl and fell in love with her only for her to walk up to me and tell me she is HIV positive,ever since then,my life has never been the same as i still think that what they need is care and not discrimination.it is a very difficult situation but LOVE goes beyond the ordinary things we see or feel.
Yes i can and will definitely do as long as we love each other.

MEANWHILE,WHO IS HEALTHY?
blog_inforama
THis could sound very immoral but i seriously will not. For those who say they will i am not sure that their argument will hold good in all circumstances.
nigam
HIV is scary...i don't like to marry a partner who has like that...i am scared for my children to get that virus...
macky
i would say YES! i doesn't matter at all if you really love that person... ACCEPTANCE would always be the reason why many people keep on loving... God accept us sinners... why not accept people who are willing to change for good and not for worst?...
Cheeldash
For my personal philosophy i'd say no, but if the reason was only HIV then i'd accept because thirs things doesn't matters when you're in love.
Moreover we could have AIDS vaccine in a bunch of years.
Source
mukesh
Currently i am single but 8 or 10 years after i must post my Positive Partner or negative Partner. Very Happy
Insanity
I think I would be very cautious and of course, like all questions in life, the answer is that it depends. ON how much you like the other person, and how that might affect your relationship. If there's going to be a perpetual kind of condesecsion or something like that that might be trouble further down, then you may not want to go down that road.
macky
yes i would exactly because i should accept and love that person despite and inspite of...
mshafiq
First of I doubt if this case is real. If it is the person who loves that girl is really great.
I am not how could they enjoy. Answers to these kind of question could be gotten better if we could know the level of disease. Or if there is any guess by doctors about when she will die (ie life span).

On the other hand it is really a NOT A GOOD ACT but it is THE BEST ACT/DEED from boy. If I can imagine, no body loves the people with HIV positive. So he is a great person. May God bless him with long lasting and true happiness.
May God bless him with the way he can enjoy even more than normal human beings.

I would love to have updates on their lives in future.

Thanks!
Good Luck
watersoul
Wow, this is an old 'bumped' topic.

My answer would depend on how long I'd been in a relationship with the person and how much I loved them. My gut instinct is probably no, I wouldn't marry them, for purely selfish reasons not wanting to risk becoming HIV positive myself.

I understand that others might feel different and indeed I could possibly feel different myself in certain circumstances. In my own experience though I ended a relationship many years ago with a girl who I loved but discovered had Genital Herpes when it 'flared up' unexpectedly. In fairness to her she told me as soon as she was diagnosed and it was from a previous partner, but that ended the relationship for me. Choosing to be with someone forever involves me looking at the whole package of the person concerned, but unfortunately, a contagious virus does not fit into my plans of a long term partner.
Fortunately I didn't catch it myself as we had practised 'safe' sex, but I wouldn't want to marry someone who I always had to use condoms with.
mukesh
Depend of condition and situation if you like too much her then should to keep relationship but according to me donot like to born child. Because if you born child by this relationship then possible to effect HIV on child too.
mshafiq
watersoul wrote:
Wow, this is an old 'bumped' topic.

My answer would depend on how long I'd been in a relationship with the person ...
....


Yes this could be an important factor too. If they have loved and spend a quality time (not necessarily mean being in the bed). Then they should keep it up. Sometimes just being near some loving and caring person is peaceful. Sometimes just placing hands on hands is very pleasant. Sometimes just hugging is extra gleeful. I do enjoy just standing and having my partner’s head on my shoulder.
Anyway …
However I strongly suggested to keep the friendship at least as through my experiences – even though they were not about any terminal disease – a patient feels a heel of loneliness, so please give her a company and God will bless you.

Take Care – Good Luck
gandalfthegrey
There is no way I could jeopardize my own health to be with someone, even if I love them.
D'Artagnan
depends, if my girlfried found out she had HIV i would marry her anyway, since she is my girlfriend and i already love her... a friend's spouse works in public healthcare as a surgeon, once she had a nic from an used scalpel and had to get tested, i don't think he would divorce her if she had contracted the disease...

now i would be afraid to date a person who had HIV... would depend on how much i knew and trusted the person though. the answer then is Probably not, i wouldn't merry a HIV positive girl
sudipbanerjee
maariage is a whole life decision. with a HIV positive partner sexlife, childbirth all will become complex. at the starting point of life this will not hamper anything but I think after somedays it can disturb our life. So I will be able to marry a HIV positive partner. (NB. I am already married and she has nothing relating HIV. Thanks God
iyepes
I have to say, I wouldn't marry someone HIV positive, unless I'm already positive too.

A relative of mine died from HIV, her boyfriend never told her he was infected, she found out when she realized she was HIV positive. So, I'm not likely to add another casualty to my family.
Elizabeth89
I know I should be shocked but some people are writing very harsh comments without knowing the facts about HIV. It is a very hard decision and shouldn't be taken lightly but I voted YES because I did marry a HIV positive man. And I stand behind my decision 100%. Nobody knows how they would react until put in the situation if you would have ask me this a few years ago I would have said are you crazzy marry a man with HIV...I don't want to die. But when I met my husband and he told me thats how I knew true love does exist. Knowing that my husband has an undetectable viral load and I am negative we decided to have our son and he is perfectly healthy. Yes I do worry about getting sick but I would rather live 10 more years being so happy with my family than living 80 years never have had the chance to love someone enough to but my life on the line to be with them.
Nintendo
Elizabeth89, I am so happy that you posted this, and for you =)
Mechallama
It's difficult to tell unless you're actually in that position. But I guess that I would if it was true love.
gphoenix
noooooooooooooooooo...a big no..this is because they cant have children , they wont be able to be in a healthy relationship and theres a possibility that the community will be rude to them..its just better to not even think of such things mate..what is going through your mind...?
emanuel2
yes it really takes a lot of love to live such a life...
nepalstar
Ah..! I never thought that and I think I don't have think this again because I've just got married. but this is good question. in my case if somebody asked with me this question before my marriage that may be very difficult to make decision for me. my answer may be affect by the person I mean that girl and the cause of getting HIV to her! anyway this is really heart touching topic for me.!
dayleth
I am HIV + because of my Husband, he hided from me for 6 years and here I am living with this disease , Anyone should judge anyone because u never know what can u be facing in the future! I am a victim , I loved my Husband and I trusted him and That`s why I am in this situation . He died 2 weeks ago because he refused to get treated , I thing the guilt killed him.

I am dating someone who is HIV- and we are happy.

HIV is not a death sentence , is a very serious virus that can cause AIDS if you don`t take care of your self. TAKE YOUR MEDS ,EXERCISE,EAT HEALTHY AND 0 STRESS !!!! U CAN BE HAPPY AND ENJOY LIFE !
shivaghimire
No, I would not get married with HIV positive partner. But if someone wants to get married with such partner then I won't complain because it is possible to be safe from this health problem. It is not easily transmitted. It needs body fluid like, blood, saliva, sperm and so on. If safe way is carried out then no transmission. We have got condoms to be safe.
I won't get married with HIV infected person in the sense that I am not married yet and I need a baby, I need a wife who can care of her child for long time. Using condom to be safe is always not sure, its not 100%. Anyway, I solute the one who get married with HIV infected person.
softwarefreak
Marriage will result to their own child & he/she will also be/may be HIV+ So i guess no!
softwarefreak
If that woman really loves the guy,so she wouldn't like to see him HIV+ cuz of her! Crying or Very sad
Yamkelo
hey guys

I read your comments and I thought I should join this group.I am HIV+,was diagnosed 3 years ago.I just want to say its not a death sentence we know that but it's really difficult when it comes to relationships (new relationships).I am single at the moment because m +.When I disclose my status to a man.they leave and I understand why + people do not disclose .It's wrong ,I know ,but then we need to be loved as well like normal human beings.
maxxypane
Well, this is very bad thing that anyone suffering from HIV. Any cure for this disease yet not founded. So no one must not be want to believe in marry anyone who suffering from HIV. Even I also with this thought.
mazito
i voted No

becuase i belive in know details of my posible partners, so is some that i dont want to experiment, if the women i met actually have it i dont want to have a relationship with her, if she get it while have a relationship with me, and i dont have it, that mean that was cheating me, so i cut it out.

is the way a think
Ryox
It would be a tough decision between the guy and the girl to be in the same relationship. But if they agree with the situation and circumstances that they share and they truly love each other than they should stay together..

Not saying its a bad thing but if they truly want a decent relationship, they should go for it. Even though they might take consequences in the long run and have death in the short life, they both made that choice to live together forever in pure despite of knowing each other that close they would both take their own life, to be with one another..

As for my opinion, If I met a girl with HIV and we really cared about each other truly and wanted to live together forever and knew the consequences that will happen, we would still take that risk and continue on living our life to how WE want it to be. Yes we might have sex but if we are true about our relationship and our love, we will continue how we want it to happen..
Blondie
Ok, so a few days ago i get a call from my partner who is in hospital in another country... he say's 'babe i am so sorry and i don't know how but the doctors have told me i have HIV'... Now every few weeks his blood was tested and in the 5months of being in that hospital his blood results never came back he is HIV+ but his last ones did... Now 5weeks before being told he was visiting me for a week from the hospital and as many couples do, made up for loss time and with being together for so long we was not worried when the condom broke, i only went for the morning after pill...Obviously i got tested to be safe and mine came back i don't have it... The day after he got back to the hospital he had blood tests, this came back fine.... 3/4weeks later he had his blood taken again as this was routine and this is where he was told he is HIV+ He has had another test done but it takes 2 weeks for the results where he is so he is also going to another clinic where he can get the results in 3 working days... We hope his results was a mix up or a mistake as there is no explanation as to how he got it... The only way we can think is if he got it through the hospital (same needles used or something) Time will tell but we was planning to get married in June, a nice big home together for some kids but now we don't know what to do cause i already have a son who is 4years old, i think to myself, taking the risk myself is OK but to put my son at risk? I can't do it but then i read here that people have their own kids and they are OK. I love my partner so much i want to be with him but worry too much about my son? We will find out in a few days what the clinic test says and then i guess we will have to deal with it then. If he is HIV+ i will get us to talk to someone to know exactly the risks ect for me and my son before i make a decision but it is something i will think about seriously, i can't imagen life without him but would feel so guilty is somehow my son got it? I sound crazy i know cause the chances are low but i am a V paranoid person as it is... Seriously, i get the flu and i am convinced i am dying of some sort of other illness i have googled lol... BUT i do agree with many above me... You can live a long happy life with HIV i know this cause i know other people who my mom told me have HIV and have had it for 15years plus! I never knew! They have kids too! And they have seen their family members/friends or whatever die before them from a car accident/cancer/heart attack and those people were the same age, younger or just a little older so when you time has come it has come, no avoiding it really Wink my death does not scare me at all, the death of my son does! <3
EK76
I am in the same position. My partner HIV+ and I am negative. I love my partner very much. He was infected as a child along with his brother and cousin in 84-85 in the factor 8 the Arkansas prison blood scandal. Both his brother and cousin died in the mid 1990s. My boyfriend is symptom free and takes daily medication.

I want to have children and have been told that we can do IVF so there would be no risk to me or the child.

If you love someone with your whole heart you will find a way
dheuis
I've been married with my husband for 2 years. last august 2011 he got admitted to the hospital. and over there we found out he had AIDS and it's pretty bad because he has toxoplasmosis in his brain which is affecting his coordination, balance, speech. i still love him and I'm willing to be there for him forever. people told me to start my own life without him but i cant. now its almost 4mos since we 1st found out he got HIV/AIDS, now we r still struggling to get him back to be normal again (physically).
now he's at the condition where i have to be with him 24/7, but i dont mind, all i need is support and love from family and friends. i got tested and mine came back negative, and his viral load is already undetectable after 2mos of treatment, and we are thinking about IVF somewhere in the next year or 2..
if u love ur GF really much. HIV wont be a problem. u dont know what will come in the future. u might die in the next hour if GOD wants u to. just live ur life daily, cherish every moments
dheuis
Elizabeth89 wrote:
I know I should be shocked but some people are writing very harsh comments without knowing the facts about HIV. It is a very hard decision and shouldn't be taken lightly but I voted YES because I did marry a HIV positive man. And I stand behind my decision 100%. Nobody knows how they would react until put in the situation if you would have ask me this a few years ago I would have said are you crazzy marry a man with HIV...I don't want to die. But when I met my husband and he told me thats how I knew true love does exist. Knowing that my husband has an undetectable viral load and I am negative we decided to have our son and he is perfectly healthy. Yes I do worry about getting sick but I would rather live 10 more years being so happy with my family than living 80 years never have had the chance to love someone enough to but my life on the line to be with them.


u r right. some people told me to leave my husband. but i just cant. I'm glad to read ur post.
FastDebrid
I'm not a medical student but I think if you marry a HIV positive person, you'll be infected as well along with your kids.

Since AIDS is still something incurable today, AIDS-inflected persons lose the hope of being loved and married to someone who is not AIDS-inflected as well.

I guess it is just a safe measure that people do when they decide not to marry AIDS-inflected persons. They are just thinking of the future of their children. They don't want them to live with the diseases which is not their fault.

However, other than marriage and sex, these people should still be treated in the same way other people are treated. With concern and respect.
FastDebrid
Elizabeth89 wrote:
I know I should be shocked but some people are writing very harsh comments without knowing the facts about HIV. It is a very hard decision and shouldn't be taken lightly but I voted YES because I did marry a HIV positive man. And I stand behind my decision 100%. Nobody knows how they would react until put in the situation if you would have ask me this a few years ago I would have said are you crazzy marry a man with HIV...I don't want to die. But when I met my husband and he told me thats how I knew true love does exist. Knowing that my husband has an undetectable viral load and I am negative we decided to have our son and he is perfectly healthy. Yes I do worry about getting sick but I would rather live 10 more years being so happy with my family than living 80 years never have had the chance to love someone enough to but my life on the line to be with them.


I'm not a medical student so I don't know the thing about this. From I'm understanding, it is all right to marry a HIV positive person provided you are HIV negative? Is that it? Pls. correct me if I'm wrong. Thanks!
LegendVPN
HIV positive and HIV negative people can marry and have children without the worry of the disease? Just confused.
codersfriend
Well if you do love each other, you can use protection instead and adopt a child
supercrew2005
so many people think HIV and automatically think terminal, or deadly, or think about getting it from their partner. todays medicine and breakthroughs has led alot of HIV patients in a very good direction and it's no longer viewed as a death sentence, but as a cronic condition with medication is taken exactly as intended, and all precautions are made. i am marrying the love of my live who is HIV positive. He's the healthiest person i know, takes his medicine like clockwork. uses protection. and is constantly around me and my family. i get more sinus infections, head colds, and strep..and he doesn't get a thing. i have family member suffering from heart disease, cancer, and diabetes who are far worse off and are completely accepted in society. my fiance has been with less than 4 women in his life, and got the disease from a woman who failed to tell him. he loves me enough to try everything in his power to never affect me, and i love him for that. his viral load has been undetectable for over 8 years, and i hope the medication continues to keep him healthy. but i plan on marrying him, for better or for worse, and i know that if something should happen to me (illness, injury, or whatever), this man would be at my side til the end. he's the best person i ever met, and i don't plan on getting HIV, just like i don't plan on getting any other disease. i was married to the meanest, most abusive man for years and would gladly take a healthy HIV positive person anyday over a toxic relationship.
codersfriend
If HIV positive is not yet AIDS, can it still be cured?
andro_king
have they got married are they both alive..? since this was posted long back... does anyone knew them..?
Ankhanu
codersfriend wrote:
If HIV positive is not yet AIDS, can it still be cured?

No.
mideboy
supercrew2005----------what you wrote really touch me and i dont mind to marry if i can get anyone that will be honest and treat me right
alimddine
I don't know its a hard choice if you love that person very much.
Insanity
Yeah I don't think I could do that, since I would like to have kids and I'm not sure if that risk would be worth it.
educateyourself0420
Hi everyone,

I'm hiv+ positive and have been for 10years. Wow, where can I start? I've always been a woman prior to hiv who thought I'd never get this disease because it was a gay disease. I dated men only and thought they was straight (who knew). Before I was diagnosis, I wasn't promiscious just a woman who didn't like condoms like most people. Don't get me wrong there were times I had a man use condoms. But I was in my late 20s and just dating but not a lot of men. Anyway, still got tested a few times just to be sure (it was around the Rock Hudson scandal) came back clean all times and said wow this got to be a gay thing. How ignorant was I! VERY!!!! It wasn't a gay thing it was a human thing, meaning first off, I didn't ask for this! I never used drugs (needles anything no coke). I never so, I thought, dated gay men (but, know we know a lot men are on the down low!!!!). I guess the man who gave this disease to me did not know he was carrying this virus (giving hime the benefit of doubt) or did know? However, though much reflections, I must say you or anyone else can get this disease, even if you took your new gf or bf to tested and your both came back negative. The hiv antibodies hids in your system for months, so when you test negative sometimes you can actually be positive. Also, whose to say one of you won't stray and bring it back to the other (food for thought)!!!! So all you people on this site that don't know what you're talking about please be a lot more COMPASSIONATE because this could happen to you or your child (God forbid)!!! As for me, I've been living with this for 10 years and my viral load is undetectable (that means have very little virus in my blood) and my tcells are over 800 (normal healthy people tcells are 500-1500 range). I've been taking my meds and been very healthy (when first got diagnosed I was so scare and ignorant like a lot of people on here and thought I was going to die, but the doctor told me I have a better chance of dying from getting hit by a car and I was soooo relieved but still scared). Well, I educated myself via websites and magazines and found out I can have a happy and healthly long life. I'm educated, working (very nice paying job) and I'm searching for love with an hiv+ person because when I tell hiv negative men off the bat. They freak out and tell me I'm trying to kill them and their family, etc. SO SO HURTFUL. Side Note: I was in a relationship with a man who was hiv negative for 5 years and when I told him I had the disease he cried, but in the beginning he really loved me and really tried to accept this but this was hard on him as well as me. We are no longer together not because of hiv but because of his infidelities. People with hiv can have sex with hiv negative people and not get infected (I did and we had lots of it and he never got infected). Also, hiv+ women can have hiv negative babies. Also, you can't say that you will never get it because I thought so too (those people should stay with their own kind) until I got it and never thought in a million years this could happen to me. On that note, I pray that this stigma (disease) becomes normal as saying a person have high blood pressure. It's unfortunate, but people like yourself not knowing much and don't care to know much in the 21st century, causes people like us to hid our status from fear of losing our livelihoods, etc. ON THAT NOTE, THIS (EPIDEMIC) COULD HAPPEN TO YOU AND YOUR LOVE ONES AND I HOPE YOU HAVE SOME THE DECENCY TO EDUCATE YOURSELF. Goodbye for know.
BlueEyesFr
I have no intention to marry anyone. I know far too well what the world is like.

This said, I once truly loved someone ... and if that guy was HIV positive, i would marry him but on my terms. Sad Rolling Eyes Idea Wink


Just holding him and not do anything that would put me at risk but having fun just living, eating, walking, going to museum, cooking, playing scrabbles, playing ping pong ... doing all the other activities that life has to offer ..

That's the only time i would marry and that the only person i would marry ...

But that's never going to happen and i have therefore decided to marry an angel in the afterlife who has already given me a halo ring.

And that said, i hope that all those people out there who have hiv, i sincerely hope you have a friend on this very lonely planet who truly love you and give you all the support and friendship you need to make it through so that you are not left alone ... as i have been left alone to deal with so many things in my life...

That's my answer.

Plus pray to God because this one will never let you down .... and be careful and minful of others

All the best
BlueEyesFr
Elizabeth89 wrote:
I know I should be shocked but some people are writing very harsh comments without knowing the facts about HIV. It is a very hard decision and shouldn't be taken lightly but I voted YES because I did marry a HIV positive man. And I stand behind my decision 100%. Nobody knows how they would react until put in the situation if you would have ask me this a few years ago I would have said are you crazzy marry a man with HIV...I don't want to die. But when I met my husband and he told me thats how I knew true love does exist. Knowing that my husband has an undetectable viral load and I am negative we decided to have our son and he is perfectly healthy. Yes I do worry about getting sick but I would rather live 10 more years being so happy with my family than living 80 years never have had the chance to love someone enough to but my life on the line to be with them.



I am so glad that people with HIV can still find love and be with that person and share their live while being cautious about possible infection.

People let you down for less "grievances" or "abuse" you otherwise so a story like yours is something we should talk more about
BlueEyesFr
cdpmaa wrote:
You are so lucky to have found someone to love and be with. No one truly knows what it is to love until they are face with the question of would you still love me if...? Just as tragic as HIV is, it is not a death sentence. Your friends should be concerned, but they should also be supportive and educate themselves, as I hope you are doing as well. Many people marry others that suffer from diabetes, MS, high blood pressure, etc. and will die a lot sooner than a person with HIV will. However, those diseases don't carry the same fear and stigmas although they should. However, there is something very freeing about recognizing that the person you are with has a time limit. It becomes very difficult not to get up every day thinking how lucky you are to have an opportunity to appreciate THAT day, THAT hour, and THAT moment. Most people get too caught up in sex, money, small every day stresses that makes love difficult. How do I know? I am one of the few people that will be able to tell my children, I married my best friend and he is HIV positive. I don't talk about him in the past tense. I only see our present and our future. There are some precautions that you should and have to take to protect both of you, but after a while those things become second nature. We are about to have twins (thanks, to sperm washing) and so far everything has been great. He is extremely healthy and we hope in a year or two to adopt another child. We fully recognize that he could get sick in a year, 6, 15, 25... whatever. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow or die of a heart attack. We have our living wills in place, try to make sure we are not accumulating debt, take advantage of whatever public programs are available, we both live as healthy as possible, and we surround ourselves with people in our same type of situation. Lots of people would marry abusers, drug dealers/ addicts, criminals, and jerks, before marrying a person with HIV. That is so dumb to me. HIV is a disease like any other disease. Love your girl fully and completely. She is not dead and neither of you deserve to live a half life. By the way, my husband and I are only 26 years old, and I can honestly say that nothing is ever as it appears in the land of "ever after" but at least we have chosen to live happily. If I die tomorrow I can say what most people will never be able to say and that is I my life, my man, and our family is my dream come true. Good luck and lots of love to you!!!!


"Do not pity the dead, pity the living- and above all us, those who live without love...." Very Happy




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