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Distinguishing between sex and love for gay men difficult?!?





tn28usa
Gay men share the common human need for meaningful intimate contact in which the connection is genuine, open and honest. This need can be frustrated, complicated and undermined by a sexual trauma history. The child’s sense of personal boundaries, of sexual integrity and of affectional relationships is deeply impacted by a sexual trauma. The child learns that his needs become secondary to the offender’s and as a result the victim learns to barter with his sexuality to get those needs met. The offender may foster a sense of isolation in the child, creating a perspective of the world that is harsh and dangerous, so that the child becomes terrified of abandonment. Homophobia is understood to be a ‘‘sexuality abuse’’ and as a result gay men often come in contact with other survivors. As a result, distinguishing between sex and love and recognizing genuine intimacy become difficult. This creates a spiral of difficulties whereby gay men may take enormous risks to ‘‘belong’’ or to avoid abandonment, often with profound consequences in terms of health and self-esteem.

WHAT do you think?
CrimsonStrange
tn28usa, be prepared for this thread to mutate into a passionate & heated discussion about whether or not homosexuality is natural, accepted, etc. (most of them do, it seems)

Also, your post sounds like a quote from an article somewhere.
According to forum rules, you need to quote your sources. Wink
pulldownthesky
I'm gay and I was NEVER abused. I think the whole article is rediculous. I've seen many gay people develop perfectly healthy and happy relationships that last.
Subsonic Sound
What's child abuse got to do with it? Not all gay men are paedophiles, you know...

All that aside, yes, it probably is difficult to tell between love and lust for gay men. God knows it can be hard enough for the rest of us, I don't see why it should be any different for them.
adredwood
I dont understand, are you implying that sexual abuse is a formative factor in creating homosexuality, or that abuse can lead to psychoses in gay men? If the former then i dont think a response is needed as it is clearly anti-gay propaganda. If the latter, then why are gay men any different from any other abuse case? A sense of isolation and feelings of inadequacy may be fostered through abuse but this cannot be selectively applied to gay men. Do gay people as a minority feel more isolated and confused than straight people about their sexuality? Possibly. But if this is causally linked to sexual abuse then all gay men's isolation can be explained only by their past abuse... which is kind of offensive, non?

tn28usa wrote:
Homophobia is understood to be a ‘‘sexuality abuse’’ and as a result gay men often come in contact with other survivors.


What does this mean?

Anyway, have a feeling this is homophobia dressed up as intellectual discussion, so lets not descend into 'gay's arent right' rubbish - as is frequently quoted, homophobia is often a repression of gay feelings...
pulldownthesky
adredwood wrote:
I
Anyway, have a feeling this is homophobia dressed up as intellectual discussion, so lets not descend into 'gay's arent right' rubbish - as is frequently quoted, homophobia is often a repression of gay feelings...



Tis true... before I realized I was gay, I was VERY homophobic.
raver
pulldownthesky wrote:
adredwood wrote:
I
Anyway, have a feeling this is homophobia dressed up as intellectual discussion, so lets not descend into 'gay's arent right' rubbish - as is frequently quoted, homophobia is often a repression of gay feelings...

Tis true... before I realized I was gay, I was VERY homophobic.


Well, i kissed two guys in my high school years, but we were the alternative people, so that only winded up in us getting even more chicks Smile
rainmaker
I had this conversation with one of my gay friends one time, and it is definitely a complex issue.

The conclusion that we came to was that love and lust are sometimes difficult to separate. This is especially true when one falls head over heals for another person. The best conclusion we could come to was that lust is more short lived than love in some cases. In these cases, love is actually what remains after lust subsides a bit.

I guess what it really comes down to is what a person is attracted to in another. If it is the body and other physical features alone, then it is most likely lust. I am not saying that this cannot be a part of love, but in and of itself lust does not equate to love. Love, according to our definition, is a long-lasting connection between two people on the physical, spiritual, and psychological level.

This leads me to the point that in order to tell if a person is in love instead of lust, he or she must be able to evaluate the situation carefully. If the affair is likely one that will last a long time, it is probably love. If one of the partners, after having sex, looks for the nearest exit, it is probably only a case of lust. In cases where one or both of the people are "head over heals" it is difficult to tell the difference to be sure.

Does any of this rambling make any sense?

Thanks!

--rainmaker
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