Gay men share the common human need for meaningful intimate contact in which the connection is genuine, open and honest. This need can be frustrated, complicated and undermined by a sexual trauma history. The child’s sense of personal boundaries, of sexual integrity and of affectional relationships is deeply impacted by a sexual trauma. The child learns that his needs become secondary to the offender’s and as a result the victim learns to barter with his sexuality to get those needs met. The offender may foster a sense of isolation in the child, creating a perspective of the world that is harsh and dangerous, so that the child becomes terrified of abandonment. Homophobia is understood to be a ‘‘sexuality abuse’’ and as a result gay men often come in contact with other survivors. As a result, distinguishing between sex and love and recognizing genuine intimacy become difficult. This creates a spiral of difficulties whereby gay men may take enormous risks to ‘‘belong’’ or to avoid abandonment, often with profound consequences in terms of health and self-esteem.
WHAT do you think?
I'm gay and I was NEVER abused. I think the whole article is rediculous. I've seen many gay people develop perfectly healthy and happy relationships that last.
What's child abuse got to do with it? Not all gay men are paedophiles, you know...
All that aside, yes, it probably is difficult to tell between love and lust for gay men. God knows it can be hard enough for the rest of us, I don't see why it should be any different for them.
I had this conversation with one of my gay friends one time, and it is definitely a complex issue.
The conclusion that we came to was that love and lust are sometimes difficult to separate. This is especially true when one falls head over heals for another person. The best conclusion we could come to was that lust is more short lived than love in some cases. In these cases, love is actually what remains after lust subsides a bit.
I guess what it really comes down to is what a person is attracted to in another. If it is the body and other physical features alone, then it is most likely lust. I am not saying that this cannot be a part of love, but in and of itself lust does not equate to love. Love, according to our definition, is a long-lasting connection between two people on the physical, spiritual, and psychological level.
This leads me to the point that in order to tell if a person is in love instead of lust, he or she must be able to evaluate the situation carefully. If the affair is likely one that will last a long time, it is probably love. If one of the partners, after having sex, looks for the nearest exit, it is probably only a case of lust. In cases where one or both of the people are "head over heals" it is difficult to tell the difference to be sure.
Does any of this rambling make any sense?
Thanks!
--rainmaker
