long story but i will explain.
one year and 2 mos ago, i found out my ex girlfriend was pregnant. practiced unprotected sex religiously. a month after that i found out that she had been sleeping with another guy. funny part now, doctor's estimated date of conception was 1 1/2 weeks before i know the other guy and my ex met. i worked with the other guy. so now my problem is, she claimed it wasnt mine, yet i see pictures of the baby all the time, every new pic she looks more and more like me. what do i do, should i wait till i am financially stable to take on the task, or do i do something about it now. do i even dare to get a dna test to make sure, if so, how would i do that, are there free ways. i dunno what exactly to do and could use some guidance or a lil helping hand.
I dont know what are the ralationships between your ex and the outher gay, but in mine opinion you must do something about the situation. The children are responsibilities and you maybe are right that you have to choose the exact moment in witch you should be able to handle whit situation. Try to make the dna test. Maybe this can be the key to the problem.
I'd put this down to the dangers of UNPROTECTED sex, not the dangers of premarital sex. Don't confuse the two. Marital status has no effect on the likelihood of impregnation. Now obviously pregnancy during marriage MIGHT lead to very different circumstances than premarital, but not always, and not always for the better.
It does sound rather like the kid is yours. If you want to be involved, get that DNA test.
Do the DNA test, then you and the other guy need to get together and take that kid away from that wacked out mom who doesn't know WHO the father is and take care of it yourselves, with out her.
You and the guy she is now with need to get together and sort things out for the childs sake. There would be nothing worse for the child than not having a dad or living in a situation where his parents didn't get on. Try and get on as best you can with the mother and her boyfriend.
Hi there first of all I think you should do the DNA test, whether you are ready financially or not its only fair on you and your futur life and the life of the child if you happen to be the father.
You first off all would have to be open and establish a good relationship with the mom and if the new guy is a good man he would understand and repect your request and be willing to clear out any doubts he might have, if he really thinks about it and that child happens to be yours, then your geans showing in the chalid as it grows up will torment him and lead to a very unappy live for the child and the childs mom if anybody in this cirle has any sense then the DNA test and set the records straight approach is the best way to go in the benefit of all and clear out any doubts in everybodies head.
Instead of giving advice (which is not wrong, but a little too easy imho) I'm gonna give you the options. Because this is a VERY decisive moment in your live. I'm sure youve noticed that already.
In my opinion it all comes down to two choices. Recognising the child might be yours and doing everything about it to find out if this is correct and also taking care of this legally, OR taking your distance and legally taking care of this (if this is possible where you live)
1: The first choice, recognising the child is yours and doing everything about it to make sure you are the the legal father depends not on your financial state, but rather on che factors of you wanting to be the childs father and being ready for that. Make no mistake, IF you recognise the child as yours there are a whole lot of consequenses, from nice to less nice. For instance, you're gonna have to take care of the raising of your child. Not only financially supporting it but also being part of your childs life is a HUGE commitment. One you don't usually make overnight. Try to sort this out first , because IF you choose to be a father, this will affect your life from now on in EVERY moment. Whether you want it or not, you have to be there for your kid. THis can be nice, but sometimes this can also be a burden.
Furthermore, IF you recognise this child as yours, you might want to consider you not only have to deal with raising your child, but also dealing with your ex girlfriend and her new partner, for the rest of your life. This also an be a task which can be a huge burden. Your ex and her new partner are going to have to work together for the rest of your lives to raise your kid. Also VERY important thing to worry about! Especially if you yourself get a new partner. I can only imagine the impact this will have on your new relationships. Your new partner will not only have to deal with you, but also with your ex and her partner... imagine how complex this can get.
If you think you can get around all of this and are strong enough to deal with it all for the rest of your life and be happy, then go for it. Only then can you really decide wheter or not to take a dna test. Because if you're not aware enough of the consequenses the results of the DNA test can be a big disaster in the end.
2: taking your distance and legally taking care of this: if you find yourself not ready for the task of raising a kid and are not sure you are willing to cooperate with your ex and her partner on raising it, than you can opt to take your distance and go on with your life without these cercomstances. There are a few drawbacks. can you live with the thought that you will never know for sure if the child is yours? is it an option to just forget the whole situation and pretend it never happened? (this can sometimes be very convenient and it just might work). Try to think this over.
But there are also a few merits. You can cary on with your life without the extra care of a child and its parents, you can arrange your life the way you want it to be. you are in complete control of your own life and there are not going to be any nasty surprises. ease and peace of mind are in your own hands.
In my opinion it comes down to these two choices and their pro's and con's. But somebody can alsways correct me. Good luck wihth whatever you may choose.
my advice is :
take the DNA test.
if the child is yours, pick the responsibilty up to become a good father.
if its not yours, let the guy take the responsibilty.
however, if u love your girlfriend so deeply, forgive her, marry her and together build a happy family!
Just think of what the child is gonna be thinking of you if you're really his father, you would have virtually lost your child. Take the DNA TEST!!!!! And you'll be a lot happier since you're gonna know that the child is yours or not:
if the child is yours: then you can think you had it with her even before she let the guy sho she betrayed you with, so if you'r enot in love with her anymore, it's the easiest way to think about stopping there. If you're still in love and you want to stay, then the second question has no justification.
If the child is not yours, my god how you're gonna feel free from this whole crazy situation, and if you want to leave the girl you won't even feel bad, if you're still in love though, waw there is a child which is not yours there, so take your decision.
In both cases you'll feel free man, so Take the test!!!!