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nice personality, bad taste





Nintendo
I know this girl over the internet, and....i think it could work if i asked her out. She's a really nice person, smart, funny etc and i think she likes me too. However, she's totally gothic. Not so much emo, but into all the screamy music, has those lil black makeup....things coming off her eyes etc. She even collects skulls. But, she never shows any of that stuff to me or anything, and we get on really well together. + she would look real nice without the black on her face. Im not really much like her in real life i suppose, so it would probably never work? Anyones opinion?
scorpiosemotion
I have a question for you. Would you want to change your style because someone liked you didn't like the way you dressed? Her being gothic is a part of who she is. It's like trying to ask a zebra to change their strips.. It ain't gonna happen. If she did she could end up resenting you because she isn't being herself. If you really really like her and want to ask her out try to look past her style if you can't it maybe better to just remain friends. Acceptance of a person as a whole is very important in a relationship. I wish you the best of luck. Smile

~Scorp
Wahwah Man
Listen to that guy ^
HoboPelican
Wahwah Man wrote:
Listen to that guy ^


Do you have a point? That sort of one line reply is what we call spam. Either add something to the conversation or find a topic where you can. It's not even clear which post you are referring to.


That being said, I have to agree with scorpiosemotion. Accept the person as they are. One of the biggeest mistakes I see is when one person in a relationship thinks that they can "change" the other person.
Nintendo
Smile. id never want to change who she is, thats just wrong Smile. thx Smile
girlcalledjay
Most young women spend years of their lives exploring different parts of our personalities and trying different looks.

Perhaps her goth phase is just that...a phase. Maybe next year she will be a preppy listening to classical music or a cowgirl listening to country music.

Or maybe she will always be into heavy metal and wearing too much black eyeliner!!

The important thing is that she is your friend and laughs with you and talks to you and makes you feel great when you spend time with her.

Has she asked you to get a look like hers? No? So please don't make her change. Ask her out. Take a chance...you may get a wonderful surprise!
Nintendo
=). I hope so. and yeah, we do all those things all the time Smile
raver
First off, if you only know her from the itnernet, then you shoudn't be shy about it. Like i said in another post in this forum,. the main reason for beeing shy is the fear of rejection. SO just try it, if you really like her. Besides, you you REALLY REALLY like her, you shoudn't be ashamed of her style.
P.S. Remember this and i hope you will agree with me soon. In my childhood/teenege years i listened to alot of rock, goth and a few more styles i won't list here, wore black clothes, even make-up from time to time. And from my personal experience i can assure you that goth girls.... let's just say... you can't get better then that. And i mean in all senses (usually goth kids have problems at home and they retreat in another world where they ignore their problems. If you really become good friends with her, then this just might be what would bring you too together). If not, the sex rocks. And i mean... 10 out of 10 Smile
ninjakannon
I totally agree with raver (and scorpiosemotion too). If you want to ask her out, go for it, if she seems to like you, then there's absolutely no harm in asking (in my opinion Razz). As she shouldn't stop talking to you if she says no.

PS, just a message for other people meeting over the internet: Make sure you know who they really are. Seriously, that's how paedophiles and strange people can get their hands on you.
raver
ninjakannon wrote:
Please join my forum: http://forum.ninjakannon.frih.net/phpbb - I got 33 users and over 1600 posts in 2 weeks!

Sorry for the off-topic, but i must really point out something Very Happy
DUUUUUDEEEE, that's alot of spam Very Happy
Da Rossa
Nintendo wrote:
I know this girl over the internet, and....i think it could work if i asked her out. She's a really nice person, smart, funny etc and i think she likes me too. However, she's totally gothic. Not so much emo, but into all the screamy music, has those lil black makeup....things coming off her eyes etc. She even collects skulls. But, she never shows any of that stuff to me or anything, and we get on really well together. + she would look real nice without the black on her face. Im not really much like her in real life i suppose, so it would probably never work? Anyones opinion?


How old are you two? Maybe it's a moment in her life. Don't take the 'gothicness' so seriously, you'll only lose. Yet don't let her convince you to become a gothic too, as this is about personality. People in this group tend to be more clever, kind and good company. Maybe it's worth.
ninjakannon
raver wrote:
ninjakannon wrote:
Please join my forum: http://forum.ninjakannon.frih.net/phpbb - I got 33 users and over 1600 posts in 2 weeks!

Sorry for the off-topic, but i must really point out something Very Happy
DUUUUUDEEEE, that's alot of spam Very Happy

Yes, I think my forum is the spammiest forum I've ever seen. But oh well, I don't really care - it's just a bit of fun really. Wink

PS. Sorry for continuing this off-topicness
Vandalyzed
HoboPelican wrote:
Wahwah Man wrote:
Listen to that guy ^


Do you have a point? That sort of one line reply is what we call spam. Either add something to the conversation or find a topic where you can. It's not even clear which post you are referring to.


That being said, I have to agree with scorpiosemotion. Accept the person as they are. One of the biggeest mistakes I see is when one person in a relationship thinks that they can "change" the other person.


Actually, since his was the third post and only the second response, and he said listen to that guy.............then wasn't his input to say that he agreed with the guy above him and that the first poster should listen?

I dont consider what he did to be spam........actually, there are too many posts where people just say the same thing over and over......like everyone's an expert.

I'd rather see a post where someone just feels that someone else said what needed to be said.
saiyeek
Like her for who she is. Not for the way you wanna see her.
ThornsOfSorrow
You should ask her out. Although if you look at my avatar I'm obviously still somewhat gothic, I used to fit into that group a lot more in the past; I "painted my face" with eyeliner, only wore clothes from Hot Topic, etc. But like most people, I'm quickly growing out of that, and I'm sure that she will too. It's very rare to see someone with black lines coming from there eyes if they are over the age or 20, so just give her time and for now, accept her for who she is. Besides, it's always good to expose yourself to different types of people. Good luck!
PerArne
girlcalledjay got a good point. Someone I know had a phase that last'd 4months, she was totally gothic, now she wear white clothes and uses bright make-up. Totally different.

Keep up the good work, Nintendo! Rolling Eyes
Nintendo
lol. Thx alot everyone Smile. And yes, im registered on ninjakannons forum, and it is without a doubt the boringest pile of.... Razz
Ray Gravin
Its just makeup and clothing man! I mean its no more ridiculous then any other form of style. I mean think about what message traditional make up is trying to get across. I personally find it disturbing, that just my opinion.

I was what many would have considered "goth" in high school and let me tell you, the kids I was friends with then, especially the girls, were the greatest. You won't find a group of more passionate people in that age range hands down. I think a healthy exploration of what most people find strange is a sign of intelligence. Of course this varies from person to person Im sure, and Im not really in touch with whats going on in that scene anymore.

besides if it doesn't work out, and you both behave like sensable humans, I'm sure you will both find someone later on. Life is short, you might as well try. Goodluck!
Arnie
One thing is for sure: it's not just makeup and clothes. It's a culture with its own things that I consider strange. And don't lecture me about not knowing what it is and just judging by appearence, because how can you know that I'm not informed?

If you want to start something with her you'll have to accept her being goth. I know I wouldn't, but it's your call.
ninjakannon
Arnie wrote:
And don't lecture me about not knowing what it is and just judging by appearence, because how can you know that I'm not informed?

So are you informed on this? You've told us that we don't know how informed you are, which means that you've obviously thought about how informed you actually are. But you didn't tell us. This suggests - although I'm not saying that it's true - that you aren't informed very well, as you didn't just tell us that straight off.

So, yeah, I managed to lecture you anyway. Lots of people would say sorry at this point, but I'm not going to because I don't want to lie like them. So how informed are you, Arnie?
trimbaard
OOK NEDERLANDERS HIER
Arnie
@ninjakannon
I've been near to such people in my school class and have experienced some things. Had some interesting conversations as well.

But you don't need to have done that. Just listen for one minute to gothic music and you know enough.
ninjakannon
I wasn't commenting on gothic people, Arnie. I have nothing against them and no reason to have.

I was just trying to pick holes in what you'd said. Confused
ThornsOfSorrow
Arnie wrote:
@ninjakannon
I've been near to such people in my school class and have experienced some things. Had some interesting conversations as well.

But you don't need to have done that. Just listen for one minute to gothic music and you know enough.

Just being near gothic people and talking to them a few times doesn't make you informed. I don't know what you have against gothic people, but there's no need to be so close-minded. Most people who dress gothic are intelligent and creative, which is why they choose to experiment with their appearance and lifestyle. However, it's not so much of a culture as you think it is; in fact, most gothic people aren't strange, as you say, but rather very kind and down-to-earth. Of course, there are always a few oddballs, but you get those in every group of people, so maybe you have simply been exposed to the wrong goths. I'm not trying to verbally attack you; I just wish that you would please open your eyes.
Arnie
I have nothing against gothic people, I don't hate them! It's the culture I hate. And don't come telling me the only way to know what it is, is to become one, because I don't buy that.

It's a lie that it's innocent. Darkness is not innocent, nor harmless. I'm not talking about gothic people doing harm, but being harmed themselves by the darkness they live in.
ninjakannon
Erm... Who says that gothic people live in darkness? And who says that - supposing they do - that's a bad thing?

Also remember that we're taking a stereotype here, and being very general about it all.
ThornsOfSorrow
I never said that the only way to know about gothic people is to become one; I've just noticed that you seem to know very little about them, so whatever methods you've been using to learn about them obviously aren't working. Also, I used to be very gothic, but I never lived in darkness; in fact, I loved being outside in the sun just as much as other people (and yes, that includes other goths too). And I can't think of one way I've been harmed by being gothic. Sure, I got made fun of sometimes, but most people do at some point, and it's only made me a stronger person. I can't figure out where you're getting these ideas (maybe you've seen one too many Marilyn Manson videos), but your opinion is very skewed. I don't want to start an argument (especially since this isn't my thread), but your ignorance really bothers me. And I'm honestly a little bit offended (as well as surprised) that some people can actually think like you do.
Arnie
You can be offended as much as you want to, but it's not you I'm against.

As for the darkness: every gothic I saw was not only dressed dark, but their eyes also spoke. And if you say that the way you're dressed doesn't mean anything, then there would be no point in having any particular preference since it wouldn't mean a thing anyway.

But I'm not here to have lengthy discussions about that the culture would be normal and harmless. I just hope you won't find out the hard way.
ThornsOfSorrow
I wear black clothes because I like the color, not because I "live in darkness". Anyway, I'm finished having this conversation; it's just getting too ridiculous. Besides, it's Nintendo's topic, and we should be offering advice to him, not arguing/debating/whatever you want to call this.
Nintendo
Thank you everyone for all your thoughts and advice.
@Arnie: I understand what your saying, being involved with a person who does many things you don't can be unsettling, ty for your views Smile
@Ninjakannon: You hold a strong point at Arnie, and i certainly, like you, dont beleive that the stereotypical views on goths are true for most if not all. I dont think Arnie was trying to convey this intentionally with his posts in the first place, but thx for those views.
@ThornsOfSorrow: Ty for the luck and information. You certainly make it clear that Goths don't meet the "typical" views that people otherwise think of them, and you seem very kind and considerate Smile.

I suppose i should rap this essence of realism up for the following reason. This was (likewise with most relationships) slightly more complicated than i let on. Because i was in great indecision, i took the main variable into account, and thought id ask for other views on the forum. She is actually foreign to me (im UK, she is NL) but was living nearish me in the UK. For certain reasons, there were chances that she would move back to NL. This seemed more and more too much trouble than it was worth to attempt to make something out of it. I am 15, she is 16. Your probably getting the feeling it's just too much trouble than it's worth. I didn't feel the need to explain this, because i just wanted some pure answers to the question Smile. I left it alone in the end, and she has moved back to NL. We still talk all the time though and are really good friends Smile.

i thought i should explain this, i dont want you to waste your time by you giving actual advice anymore Smile. I made my decision, but it was the results from this topic which swayed me more to doing something about it though. Had the circumstances been different... Smile.

I feel so foolish now Smile. Sorry if you think iv rambled on or wasted your time Sad. But still, what are others views about these kind of situations?
Codeman1
scorpiosemotion wrote:
I have a question for you. Would you want to change your style because someone liked you didn't like the way you dressed? Her being gothic is a part of who she is. It's like trying to ask a zebra to change their strips.. It ain't gonna happen. If she did she could end up resenting you because she isn't being herself. If you really really like her and want to ask her out try to look past her style if you can't it maybe better to just remain friends. Acceptance of a person as a whole is very important in a relationship. I wish you the best of luck. Smile

~Scorp


Everything u said is the truth its like if someone jumps off a bridge will u jump to?
ninjakannon
Nintendo wrote:
I feel so foolish now Smile. Sorry if you think iv rambled on or wasted your time Sad. But still, what are others views about these kind of situations?

Don't feel foolish. You made a good decision about that in the end and it hasn't bothered me that this topic was effectively worthless in the end. And I don't think it'll bother anyone else either.
And you haven't wasted anyone’s time. (I think.)

About 16 days ago I made a very bad decision relationship-wise with the first girl I've ever properly loved and I totally jeopardized any chance I'll have with her, at least for now. The thing is that now I'm liking her less and less, after a conversation we had on msn a few days ago. Right now I hardly like her at all, compared to what it was like; I had my first boring conversation (again on msn) with her yesterday and I'm loosing interest. I'd still choose her over anyone else, but I don't like her properly anymore, and don't know if I ever will. Right now I'm not even sure what I'd say or how I'd react if she asked me out, that would be the most confusing thing in the world for me. But it's not gonna happen; and in a way I never expected it to happen. Confused
Enough about me! I don't want to hijack.
Arnie
ThornsOfSorrow wrote:
I wear black clothes because I like the color, not because I "live in darkness". Anyway, I'm finished having this conversation; it's just getting too ridiculous. Besides, it's Nintendo's topic, and we should be offering advice to him, not arguing/debating/whatever you want to call this.
I just gave my opinion, that some people apparently felt the need to argue about. My first posting here was directed to the topic starter and in direct relation to his question, so if you complain that this topic has become worthless you should start looking at yourself. I have only been replying to constant questions and remarks made to me.

And there is a reason why one would like certain colors, especially when they're as abnormal as in this situation.
ninjakannon
Arnie wrote:
And there is a reason why one would like certain colors, especially when they're as abnormal as in this situation.

Of course there are reasons why people like certain things, in this precise case: colours. But there's nothing remotely "abnormal" about this choice at all. It's a decision based on many many factors from a person’s life. Where does abnormal come into this?
Arnie
Redefine abnormal as "notably different or uncommon".

Anyway, I know that it's a useless discussion if you keep holding on that there's nothing really different even though I know you know better than that. That's why I'm going to post just a few more replies and then let you in your own conviction that there's nothing wrong about the culture and that it's not in any way harmful for a person. I sincerely hope you'll find out the truth someday, not because I want to be right so bad but because I don't want anyone harmed by such deception. Because we may be having this discussion with words, but it's also about discernment, which is not really a matter of opinion, to be described by just words.
ninjakannon
Arnie wrote:
Redefine abnormal as "notably different or uncommon".

They are less "notably different" as you would be if you wore a bright yellow jumper and trousers ("pants" for you Americans) and walked down your local high street.

Obviously they [Goths] wear a specific style of clothing [etcetera] but so do other 'types' of people, for example chavs, or punks. And you wear a certain style of clothes because they suit your tastes. I could come along and classify everyone who has the same dress sense as you as 'Arnieoths' and say that you are "notably different or uncommon" from the rest of people. But the fact is that there's no need; people dress how they want to and certain - more predominant - styles of dressing / behaving / looking [etcetera] get classified into generalized stereotypical groups. This happens and will continue to happen. But it's no good telling these people that they're different or uncommon, because quite frankly so is the person telling them that they are so.
Arnie
And punks etc. also have reasons for wearing the clothes they do, listening to the music they do etc. Clothes, style and a whole sub-culture in general aren't just things you do because you like them. They influence you, they also carry out a message and an identity. This is especially so when a person very deliberately chooses to be very different. And in the case of gothic it has a lot to do with darkness.

And there's no way I'm going to discuss about whether there is any such thing as "very different". One experience says enough: when I'm in public transport gothics stand out from "the others". I really feel bad for them knowing what it does, even though many don't see it that way.
ninjakannon
Yes I agree, Arnie. Just keep in mind the fact that we're talking about stereotypes here.

I can think of more to say on this topic but it's gone far enough now. We've totally hijacked the topic and managed to turn it into a debate about goths (and other stereotypes). So let's end on a point on which we agree on, shall we? (That's a rhetorical question, don't reply.) Wink
Arnie
My reply is that I agree. Razz We've all had our say now let's go our way...
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