PLEASE NO OFFENCE TO BLONDES WITH THIS JOKE 
A brunette walks into the doctors, complaining that whenever she touches anywhere on her body, she feels great pain. The doctor asks to see an example, to which she prods her neck, chest, shoulder and leg, totally screaming in agony each time. She becomes very frantic and asks the doctor for help. The doctor thinks for a moment and says "That hair's dyed isnt it?". The brunette stares in shock and says "Yes, im blonde. How did you know?" "Just to clarify my diagnosis, i took a wild guess at your hair colour. You have a broken finger"
THIS ONE IS RUDE
3 skiers are in the mountains, but finally after ages of skiing, find a small hotel. They desperatly need rest, and go in to see if there are any rooms. The clerke says that they only have one room free, of which consists of a kingsize bed only. seeing as its now dark, and they have nowhere else to go, the skiers accept the room. In the morning when they wake up, the 3 of them, all in the kingsize bed, wake up. All their skiing equipment, poles, ski's everything safely in the room. The guy on the right of them says "Woah... i dreamt i had the best sex of my life last night". They guy on the left says "Heh, i had a similar dream" The guy in middle then says "Omg, you pervs. I simply dreamt that i went skiing"!
TAKES A WHILE TO GET THE PUN
Last one i randomly made up when i was about 10
- what du call a greedy fisherman? - shellfish . Lame huh? xD
A brunette walks into the doctors, complaining that whenever she touches anywhere on her body, she feels great pain. The doctor asks to see an example, to which she prods her neck, chest, shoulder and leg, totally screaming in agony each time. She becomes very frantic and asks the doctor for help. The doctor thinks for a moment and says "That hair's dyed isnt it?". The brunette stares in shock and says "Yes, im blonde. How did you know?" "Just to clarify my diagnosis, i took a wild guess at your hair colour. You have a broken finger"
THIS ONE IS RUDE
3 skiers are in the mountains, but finally after ages of skiing, find a small hotel. They desperatly need rest, and go in to see if there are any rooms. The clerke says that they only have one room free, of which consists of a kingsize bed only. seeing as its now dark, and they have nowhere else to go, the skiers accept the room. In the morning when they wake up, the 3 of them, all in the kingsize bed, wake up. All their skiing equipment, poles, ski's everything safely in the room. The guy on the right of them says "Woah... i dreamt i had the best sex of my life last night". They guy on the left says "Heh, i had a similar dream" The guy in middle then says "Omg, you pervs. I simply dreamt that i went skiing"!
TAKES A WHILE TO GET THE PUN
Last one i randomly made up when i was about 10
- what du call a greedy fisherman? - shellfish . Lame huh? xD