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Friendship between men and women





scorpiosemotion
Can a man and a woman be friends without sex?

In my opinion yes and and no. I have a great many friends of the opposite sex where as I do not have sex with them the subject comes up as a basic fact of life. There is usually a certain degree of sexual tension between the two sexes, but being adults most of us know what is and what isn't appropriate. I believe it is up to both to deside from the beginning what would be exceptable and what wouldn't be, what each person is comfortable with and their situations, but again just mho!

What are your thoughts on this?

Scorp
Vrythramax
I do believe that a man and a woman can be friends without sex, but I also have to agree there is, or may be, some sexual tension involved. It is a fact that man (woman) are differentiacted from the animals by 3 things:

1) opposable thumbs
2) the abilty to use a knife and fork
3) the ability to control our sexual impulses

some people, men mostly, have trouble with thier "urges" and act irrationaly (i.e. rape), while others can carry on a long term friendship with a woman and never even try to steal a kiss. I have just recently met a woman who lives far from me, but even online that tension still exists. She has shown herself to be a fantastic frind, and I fear if sex were to be added to the mix, it may ruin the trust we both have now.

I ramble...but I also believe that a man and a woman can carry on a happy and healthy friendship without sex.
HoboPelican
Of course, it depends on the people involved, but I think it's pretty common. I've had many women friends without sex being an issue. Sure, there are individuals , of each sex, for whom scoring is their only motivation, but I think a lot of people aren't that bad.


Sex I can always get from my current partner (my wife AND best friend). But I'll take good friends wherever I can find them.
Vrythramax
Well spoken Hobo, sex can be had at just about any turn...no disrepect intended towards your wife, but true friends are few and far between.

It's kinda funny how many say they have loads of friends...I can count my real friends on my hands. Some of them are women, and to go out on a limb...I would trust them more than most of my male friends....and sex has nothing to do with it.
scorpiosemotion
@ hobopelican & Vrythramax

I completely agree about taking good friends where you can find them. How often is it that we are able to connect with someone and feel comfortable enough to open up. It's all about trust really.
Vrythramax
@scorpiosemotion

I agree totally and you know what i am talking about Wink
Vandalyzed
There's your answer........

It's all about Motive.

If you're intentions when going into a friendship are not of pure friendship...then no, you can't be just a friend with the opposite sex.
Vrythramax
I will agree that motivation may be the start, but there is nothing to say that it can't end in simple friendship, it may be difficult, but there are many difficulties in life that we have to overcome.
peroxide
Guys, if your girlfriend says she's not meeting you because she's going out drinking with a guy friend, would you consider that a date? Any tips on how to feel more secure? I mean, of course I know its not really a date since she told me about it, but I can't shake the feeling off, ya know?
Subsonic Sound
I have female friends without sexual tension. Yes, they are female, yes, I am male, yes, they quite good looking... (and yes, I am heterosexual) but I don't feel that way about them.

It could be at least partly because sexually, I'm pretty much satisfied at the moment. It could be because I'm in love with someone. It could be because with some of them, I know I have to live in the same house as them, and I don't want the complications. But one way or another, it just isn't a problem.#

Quote:
Guys, if your girlfriend says she's not meeting you because she's going out drinking with a guy friend, would you consider that a date? Any tips on how to feel more secure? I mean, of course I know its not really a date since she told me about it, but I can't shake the feeling off, ya know?


It's a matter of trust. My girlfriend has a fair few male friends, and I do trust her. I know she loves me, and I know she thinks of the closest few of these friends as brothers, but there are still occasionally pangs of doubt.

My solution for this was... a bit unorthodox, and probably wouldn't work with most girls, but check this out. She loves cats, and anything cute. I bought her a silver necklace, with a small silver cat's bell on it. She adores it - wears it everywhere. Every time she moves, it jingles, and every time it jingles, it reminds her of me. Smile
HoboPelican
peroxide wrote:
Guys, if your girlfriend says she's not meeting you because she's going out drinking with a guy friend, would you consider that a date? Any tips on how to feel more secure? I mean, of course I know its not really a date since she told me about it, but I can't shake the feeling off, ya know?


No argument with Subsonic's reply, but I'll add my own thoughts. My first wife had many male friends and she claimed that's all it was. It wasn't. Sometimes it was a lie, sometimes the friendship just got out of hand. Once it was even with a gay friend of ours, go figure.

I do have many female friends of my own (and that is all they are) and sometimes my present wife is uncomfortable with the situation. She trusts me, but sometimes she feels the friendship is too much. I don't like it, but she is the one I love and I can't hurt her, so I've had to break a few friendships to make her feel comfortable. Trust is very important, but so is the happiness of the one I'm with. No right or wrong in my mind, you just have to work the relationship.

So, peroxide, I've got no help for you. Just let her know how you feel and hope for the best. (pretty lousy advice, huh?)
djcaution
I love hanging out with girls where there's no pressure or tension about feelings or anything like that, but just to be friends and chill. I prefer that waaay over hanging with guy buddies. No testosterone competing, it's just much more enjoyable company. I'm guessing that's why so many chicks hoard all these gay guys as friends. Because they know there's no pressure to have sex or date or for things to get weird or anything because they're gay, so a friendship is exactly the kind of relationship they'll have with them.
lookahead
it depends on individual and the kind of friendship he has.I personally feel it not good to hav sex with friends.There r many things apart from sex.
mavahntooth
i do have many friends that i dont have sex. maybe because of the norms here and i respect them a lot.
SmartIcon
I believe that the best relation between a Man and a Woman is Friendship. The runner up is Love. Sex is not a great relation between the opposite sex. If we make freindship between opposite sex then we have less fighting. Both Men and Women will walk together which can lead "world peace" and lead th world.
I have some female friends without sexual relationship and with sexual relationship I have no friends.
indeedwrestling
There are many types of Love in the world. There is a marital love between partners but there is also the love that two people have for one another that comes from a deep caring about each other's wellfare.
chloekaris
I think personally that if you've been friends with a person of the opposite sex for a long time, sometimes the love you have for them (a caring friendship love) can be mistaken for a boyfriend/girlfriend love and can truely ruin a relationship between best/close friends. But i think a guy and girl can have a friendship relationship without sex because to me my closest guy friend is more like a brother to me and really would i go out with my brother? NO so i guess doesn't matter with me:)
abuetyfulprincess
I have a lot of guy friends that I wont ever sleep with. I do belive that guys and girls can be friends with out sleeping with each other. However this can put strain on a relationship if your patner has jealousy/inseurity issues
Vrythramax
abuetyfulprincess wrote:
I have a lot of guy friends that I wont ever sleep with. I do belive that guys and girls can be friends with out sleeping with each other. However this can put strain on a relationship if your patner has jealousy/inseurity issues



I find myself having to agree with you totally here. yes I believe (and know) that a man and woman can be strictly plutonic friends, but if your current partner is a possesive one, then eithr the relationship or the friendship is going to suffer badly.

What a shame.
Ray Gravin
being just friends with the opposite sex has been the foundation of some of the best friendships I've ever had. I agree that there is always a certain amount of sexual tension. Its just another one of those inconvenient animal instincts we have to deal with everyday. Im currently romantically attached to one of my female friends though. Thats the real trouble for me in this regard.
darrenpaul
Quote:
being just friends with the opposite sex has been the foundation of some of the best friendships I've ever had.


Thats very true.

I think having men and women can of course be friends, the pros of such a relationship is that you can gain insights and thoughts on situations through female friends more then you may from male counterpart.

I also think that the best and longest lasting relationship have roots in friendship, so I really think that friendship between men and women, can only be positive.
Maxgamer
Hello.. this would be my first post, Very Happy so let me see what I can say about this topic..

I think friendship goes with whatever gender, not matter between male and female, male and male and female and female. Based from my experience, a male and a female can be best of friend, because I'm currently experiencing it. My religion doesn't allow love before marriege because what counts is honesty and respect to each other. So, having a close relationship with a guy friend, without involving 'love' between in is possible for me. Besides, we know that by nature, men are attracted to women and vice versa, but it doesn't mean that you must like him/her. Its just, it's nice to have the other gender to be your friend, they seem to know you better/wanting to know the other gender better.

For me, what's important in friendship is sharing and teaching each other on what life is all about. I'm currently in a college for the past 1 year and I met this guy in my class. We started to be enemy but as time goes by, we suddenly became close, thus making us best of friends. We have so much in common - characteristic of being ego and too sensitive. But he's the 'crazy and noisy' person while I am the 'perfectionist and soft' person. Despite the differences, we get along so fine.

I don't know about others but my race and religion taught me on a different perspective on friendship. Whatever it is, a friend, no matter what gender he/she is, as long as he/she is the rainbow on our sunny or rainy days, that's what important.

Specially dedicated to Im, my best guy friend. May Allah bless you. Smile
jcvincent
I got dozens of female friends here but I never thought about having sex with them. I befriend women because I can adjust on the way they approach life. You see I have a sister who is very close to me. But thinking about sex with your female friends seems like inappropriate for the "friendship" thing. Making friends with the opposite sex should not have any malice or anything bad coming with it. Just befriend them. Don't let lust lurks deep inside that friendship. It's bad.
Wahwah Man
I have more friends that are girls than guys and thats fine with me. They're just like any other guy friends although whenever i say a dirty joke i get glares Crying or Very sad
turnersmusic
simple answer...Yes! Everyone should just get married!
picsite
like just said the simple answer is yes. However, nothing is simple in life and one tends to develop physical attraction for friends. For example, look at me I have been friends with this girl for more than a year and had no physical attraction to her, but recently after getting closer to her personality her body has become so much more sexy!! So this is where things can change...
Vrythramax
Granted, a physical attraction may result from a close friendship with a person of the opposite sex, and in some cases in the same sex, but what I think Scorp was trying to ask was can the friendship between a man & woman remain intact without sex.

I think most of us have had a friend that once we weren't attracted to at first, then once we got to know them better found that we liked them more than we thought...being able to keep the physical and plutonic relationships apart for whatever reasons, is a sign of not only maturity, but of a higher order of reasoning that is not found in animals.
bonestorm74
Can work in some cases I guess but usually there's too many complications. I would only say in rare cases there is no sexual tension and hence no problems in that regard, but the problem is that quite often the sexual tension there and that will lead to problems.
Citizen Kane
I for one am a person that used to have a lot of friendships with members of the opposite sex. But after a couple of experiences it was clear to me that man and woman are not made to be friends. They are made to mate, not to be friends and forget the sexual tension.

Why? because of some simple reasons. One of them is hormones. We as men can be able to resist the urge if it is there, but the urge remains. We cannot denie our preocupation with reproduction. It's there and it's part of being who we are.

Another reason is the complexity of the tensions and relationship we men have with the opposite sex. We men always have the urge to procreate. after a time of friendship always comes the urge to "conquer this new aquaintance" by wanting to have sex. The sexual tension arises. nothing wrong with that, it's just who we are. If this sexual tension is and always will be absent, there's something wrong with a male.
If we already have a woman conquered of married there's always the risk of jeloussy. being a best friend with a female person is something men shouldn't do because of the nature of their current relationship. the same the other way around, if my gf would be best mates with a man, this would cause tension in our relationship. That's because jelousy is natural. We are made to be together thrue life, in this situation another man is an emotional disturbance.

some people might disagree with me totally, but then again; try to look deep inside of yourself at your dark side, or all the things you denie without even knowing it. There are lots of men who are married, have a female best friend and find it shocking to find out they eventually fall in love with them. Gone marriage...

My suggestion: be close friends with people (cause we need that) as long as they're from the same sex. Then you've got nothing to worry about.
Vrythramax
@Citizen Kane

I agree that a certain degree of sexual tension may exist, but it how we deal with that tension that is what's important....we can't be ruled by it.
Citizen Kane
Vrythramax wrote:
@Citizen Kane

I agree that a certain degree of sexual tension may exist, but it how we deal with that tension that is what's important....we can't be ruled by it.


First of all, if there is a certain amount of tension, our recent partners would find out sooner or later. If not, there is something wrong in the current relationship. just because of this disasterscenario I would never become serious friends with a female.

The way we deal with this tension is also important, but this again shows there is always this urge for us men to conquer the women we know or are close to. however you deal with it, it will still be there. And (imho) it will have it's consequences. for instance, denieing the sexual tension between eachother (in case of m-f best friendship) or choosing not to do anything with it will sooner or later have it's consequences. emotionally or in terms of relationships.

Do something with them or avoid them is my advice.
arjay
Can a man and a woman be friends without sex?

Shocked Since when did sex become a prerequisite to friendship between a man and a woman? And, since when did it become an ingredient to such friendly relationship? When you pursue sexual line in your relationship as friends, you must prepare yourself for a different kind of relationship sooner – it can go better, it can go worse, too. Razz And when this case arises, there will be, at least, two points of view depending on the gender of the one talking. Guys may not make a big deal out of it, but girls, being more sensitive than guys, make take note of it as an offensive act that constitutes taking advantage of the friendly relationship.

I am a guy, but I will say my point this way, if ever I am sexually attracted to the girl friend, I will never use our friendship as stepping stone or as leverage in any manner of pursuing it. What do I mean by that? Our friendship has nothing to do with any sexual thoughts that may be brought about by our closeness. It is an act of mutual consent and there is no preference to being friends - but may constitue to an expression that shows intent to have a relationship of MORE than friends. It is your own look out now whether you want to stay as friends or take the risk of becoming lovers sooner. Rolling Eyes

Modesty aside, here’s a short tale. I have as much girl friends as guy friends. For me, friends are friends regardless of gender. It’s me that choose them. With all the good and nice concerns showered me by my girl friends, it has never occurred in my slightest wild thought of myself having sexual encounter with any of them. Sexual proposals and suggestions will normally come in different packages and forms but it will always be you who will decide with the kind of friendship you want to keep – whether a clean friendship that lasts or a wicked one that dies even sooner than the sexual urge. And here’s my conclusion to my experience, the girl friends that stick me with the longest are the girls that NEVER propose/suggest sex with me. Why? Because they were never had the chance to experience being turned down. :-& So, my idea about the topic thread? When you want your friendship to last, never mix sex with it, they don’t blend pretty well most of the time. d'oh!

Btw, isn’t it that your girlfriend/boyfriend your friend too? Why not do it better with your partner and, believe me, your partner will love you even more. Yes, having sex with the one you love is far better, beyond compare, than having sexual fantasies with your ‘friends’. Wink

Eiii, geeezzz why am I here in this thread? Mr. Green Just visiting. Lols, hehehe Laughing Razz
raghu.steppenwolf
Of course it is possible for a man and a woman to be intimate and affectionate friends without having a sexual relationship. This is based on experience and empirical evidence. I'd think to a large extent it depends on the ages of the man and woman. Did you know that one of the reasons of male impotence is sex with an older woman? Also, with time, a really good friendship between a man and a woman can fill a vaccuum in a way that bonding with persons of the same sex never can. In fact, often, an asexual relationship is much better than a carnal one. Sex really can put an end to a beautiful friendship at times. This is because sex is hardly a physical act, there are several psychological issues involved. Good luck to you with your friendships!
cvkien
of cause man and woman can become friend without sex. i have many friends and most of them are woman. i don't know why i have more womans friend than man. i think because of i have too many woman friends, so other guys jealous at me.... just maybe. and most of them can shared their problems with me. they'll find me when they happy or sad. and we just going like that, without sex. sex is not everything. sex cannot replace trust, believe, friendship. and friendship between i and my other's woman friends are not cause of sex but trust.
Linda_B
I've generally always gotten along better with girls than boys. It was always easier and just less "girlie" which definitely appealed to me back then and still does now. Before, it's never been a problem, but there did come a point where it became significantly more difficult.

It's when a person has been single for a while and starts thinking through options. When you then are a close friend of this person, every once in a while you get factored into some equation in this persons head and it can get quite awkward. It's happened to me a few times and some close friendships of mine have died down because of misattraction somewhere but I would definitely never give it up.

I don't think I could ever just have sex with a good friend of mine and then nothing else. I don't mind random sex, but then it has to be with a person where there is no risk of anything breaking if it doesn't work out. I would just be way to worried.

So, boy-girl friendship relationships... two thumbs up =)
shrinkwrap
Of course, men and women can be friends without sex!! I'm a woman and one of my very best friends is a guy! (but, then again...I'm a lesbian, so I'd never want to have sex with him anyway.)

Nonetheless, friendship with the opposite (or same, if you're gay) sex isn't all about sex. Friendship can happen for the sake of friendship!
m00tmuffin
I'm still sorta torn on this. It's beyond confusing, because as with any friend, there has to be some chemistry, something that makes you click with the other person (boy or girl.) But with guys...sometimes there will be little moments when it seems like something more, or perhaps something they say just has a little piece of romance in it and what not. Mind you, guy friends who I've never dated (and never will, most likely, haha) and I've known a while...but sometimes it makes you wonder. There sometimes is a temporarily sexual magnetism that you can't really ignore, even if nothing romantic/sexual is being said there can sometimes just be that underlying feeling. Even between my awesomest of guy friends, every now and then that feeling will just creep up a little for a few moments. But like previous people have said--I'm pretty sure this is a common thing, and I'm also pretty sure that the vast majority of people never ever act on these impulses.
Becky
I'm a girl, and the majority of my friends (close friends anyway) are boys.
We feel comfortable around each other, and i've never had the 'urge' to have sex with them. It'd be like having sex with family O_O
shamy
I think it is can be , but in limits .....
agustin
It doesnt exist!! sorry! Thats what I think... I cant have a woman friend!!
kidd
well i think men and women can be friends without sex if they want to.
Mordane
Men and Women can be friends without having sex, sure.

But can they have sex and still Just be Friends afterwards?
scorpiosemotion
In my humble opinion, yes they can. It takes both being adults and not so called kissing and telling. Though if the parties go about it the wrong way there could be a lot of hurt feelings and that could ruin the friendship right away. There are just so many variables to consider in the answer to this question I say the only way is to poll and base your answer on percentages with the free radicals that always seem to jump in. Like people being REAL adults, and not getting into the childish games. ect ect... Rolling Eyes
matious89
I dont believe in fiendship between man and woman, Some they something will happens and it become something more serious for one of the friends. I know it, i experienced that...
mialynavahy
I agree, a friendship between a man and a woman can work...I have more friends that are guys than girls and thats okay with me. there s no problem with hugs, confidence, jokes... sometimes, i need advice from boys so i enjoy the fact that i have a lot of friends of the opposite sex. And if I feel attracted to a one of my friends, i ll tell him and if it's not the same for him, we talk about a solution cause we dont wanna ruin our friendship
lili
mawia
Somewhere I heard a saying that if you have sex with a friend of the opposite sex you cannot continue the friendship, either you ended up hating each other or you got married. I think this is true to many people but exceptions will be there.

So if you want to continue the friendship with the opposite sex just dont have sex with them. If you intend on continueing the friendship as lovers then get married with him or her.
linangan
It is possible to be just friends with someone from the opposite sex (or the gender you prefer) even if this person would be someone you could be attracted to in terms of physicality and personality.

Sometimes, there isn't even sexual tension. Even if the subject or thought of sex does come up, doing it with each other feels too much like incest, it almost grosses you out. Laughing

I have a circle of friends that get together mostly for getting-drunk purposes. And even though we usually do get drunk with each other, the core/original group would never get in bed with each other. All of us believe in the sacred line between friend and food. Razz
Azmo
Ofc a man and a woman can be friends without having sex.. but I think that it's as long as you keep the relationship on a suitable level.. if you take your friendship realy deep, it's a big chance that you will get feelings for eachother and in a moment of thrust, it's a big chance that you get into bed just because it feels right, you feel thrust..

I have those experience's.. as long as we keep our friendship on a suitable level, not seeing eachother everyday but still talks alot, but maybe not about all the deep things we feel and think.. it works out just fine.. but friends I do have seen more or less every day, talked about everything, and how we feel about that.. you get to a level where you start to hug alot, just to say "I'm here for you my friend" and from that point, it's not faar to sex.. you feel safe, you feel that you can thrust this person no matter what.. and that wakes some lust in us.. however, after having sex, there is almost always no turning back, that release feelings.. and things get hard.. get together as a couple or leave eachother alone for a while.. this is my experience...
scorpiosemotion
Azmo wrote:
Ofc a man and a woman can be friends without having sex.. but I think that it's as long as you keep the relationship on a suitable level.. if you take your friendship realy deep, it's a big chance that you will get feelings for eachother and in a moment of thrust, it's a big chance that you get into bed just because it feels right, you feel thrust..

I have those experience's.. as long as we keep our friendship on a suitable level, not seeing eachother everyday but still talks alot, but maybe not about all the deep things we feel and think.. it works out just fine.. but friends I do have seen more or less every day, talked about everything, and how we feel about that.. you get to a level where you start to hug alot, just to say "I'm here for you my friend" and from that point, it's not faar to sex.. you feel safe, you feel that you can thrust this person no matter what.. and that wakes some lust in us.. however, after having sex, there is almost always no turning back, that release feelings.. and things get hard.. get together as a couple or leave eachother alone for a while.. this is my experience...



You're not wrong by any means, though I have several friends that I share my deeper feelings with that there are NO sexual desire. It would be an insult to them and myself for even thinking that way. Maybe, more like brothers instead of, "close friends." Safest way to put it, especially those already bonded with another. Cool
Jaan
No way.
tijn01
Of course men and women can just be friends... why would sex come into every relationship you have? Isn't that saved just for the people you are sexually attracted to...
If men and women couldn't be just friends then neither could a gay women and a straight women or a gay guy and a straight guy....
tiboo211
If you are talking about a real friendship, I don't think it's possible.
It always happens when friendship goes deeper. BUT, it's the job of each part to wake up and realise that maybe it would be a mistake and a loss...because the other person doesn't have the same intentions! And I can tell that it changes everything...

Quote:
If men and women couldn't be just friends then neither could a gay women and a straight women or a gay guy and a straight guy....

It shouldn't be generalised of course, but when a good friend of you says he's gay, unless he has a boyfriend, you hesitate of being too close to him in your friendship, in case he would be attracted to you even you are straight...it would be so uncomfortable!

For me, I have almost male friends. Of course it's about attraction! not always physical, because if those people didn't interest me, I wouldn't be with them. But I've noticed that guys are always the first to talk about that. The girls may think of it but not talk Wink Sometimes it's better!
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