Depression

Tasa

I just want to start off by saying that I suffer with depression. Really bad depression. In fact a week or two ago I was voluntarily forced into a hospital. Now one thing I want to make everyone aware of is the fact that psych wards are not what you see in movies like "One Flew over the CooCoos Nest" nothing at all like that. They are a great place to get the help you need to understand your illness. If you find yourself thinking about killing yourself a lot I highly suggest a visit. Although I was in there only five days I learned a lifetime worth of stuff. One of the things that affected me the most is a common thing for depressed people to do and that is push away from the things you enjoy the most when you are depressed. To the point that you ruin your life. I never got the degree I wanted I have started and stopped multiple "projects" and worse of all I threw away a loving woman because I felt I didn't deserve her. Don't get me wrong I am using my depression as an excuse for what I did to her. But I doubt I would have made the choices I did if I had not though I didn't deserve her. I cheated on her anyone who reads the relationship forum may remember the thread that was created there I knew what kind of woman this other person was. I knew she was a heartless person that cared only for herself and that would only be around as long as I was useful for her. I knew she would not care about me. And of course now she is gone which is fine I am better off for it. But the hospital also made me realize why I did and more importantly how to see the signs so I don't pull away when I am depressed. Right now I am living alone and that is good. I need to live alone it is something I never have done before and something I feel I need to in order to get better. But at the same time I look at my wife (soon to be ex wife) and wish I could turn back time. I wish I could undo what I did to her. I wish she knew how much I love her. Right now we are being friends. She still cares but understandable she can not trust. I know the divorce will go through I know that nothing will stop that, but I do hope some day I am good enough to get remarried to her. And be the husband she deserves even though I know I don't deserve her.

Sadow

I'm very sorry to hear this, Tasa. Being depressed is a very bad thing. It happened to my mother last year and now she still needs medication. I hope things will be better for you in the future and I do hope your relationship with your wife will be restored sooner or later. I wish you all the best.

ParkourJP

I think you have a wonderful heart. The fact that you could come online and talk about your problems was also very amazing. It shows that you are not afraid. I think that you would be fine with any woman, but if you truly want to persue the woman you don't deserve, then go for it. Life is about taking risks. Another word of advise, if things don't go well with the woman you love, experiment. Don't sit and mope about it, go out and try to see if you can find someone just like her or better. Life is full of surprises. I give you the best of luck and I hope that someday you can be truley happy.

Tasa

Thanks for the support, my soon to be ex wife does not trust me and I can not blame her. The thing she wants so bad to, she goes out of her way to find things to trust me on. Just this weekend she brough the kids over and the three of them stayed the night. NOthing happened between my wife and I of course but we did share the same bed and it was nice to sleep nex to her again. I love her so much and we talk a lot. I am getting better I have a long ways to go and stuff buy I think in that some day I will be healthy enough to be the man she deserves. She keeps saying only time will tell. I just ask her if time will tell and watches tell time can't we save time and ask the watch? She laughed. She laughed again when I picked up my watch and started talking to it. Someday should come sooner or later

Sadow

Sounds good to me. But if I were you I wouldn't rush things. Give her the space she needs. Accept your former relationship is completely finished, but also keep in mind it will be possible to start a brandnew one. Just enjoy her company and take it easy. Leave most of the initiative to her. You just don't want to push things now, because feelings are very fragile at this moment, so don't break them. Ah yes, and you can tell her you love her and that you're sorry the way things turned out, but don't tell it to her every time, cus that might backfire. It's better to show her your love and ask her if she needs any help with the kids or whatever. Wink

Sorcier

BE STRONG!
but I know that it is so hard

I'm a depresses and anxious person, I study psychology in a practical way to not destruct my own life by these psychological problems. I'm also under medication since 4-5 years now. I learn so many things that make me better know myself, so I know that my depression is in fact the consequences of my anxious attack. I try to not wait that I will have 40 to face my own personality.

It's hard, so hard and sometimes I still want really die. I m no more trying to die but I m waiting for it! My depression push me to destruct every single chance that life give me but since I'm understanding how I work, I can sometimes just accept positive thimgs. But Im still so afraid of my life, of LIFE.

So I work on myself since I was 20 years old, I understand myself much better, but I still cannot live without medication otherwise my psychics problems become more strong that myself.

So I know it's a life work to not be overwhelmed by psychic troubles! Crying or Very sad