i recently told a girl i work with that i liked her and if we didn't work together i would've asked her out a long time ago.
i got the 'we're better off as friends' reply.
now it is awkward around her but i am glad it is out rather than in.
unlike a lot of other posts here, i am not asking opinions, more just sharing a story.
hmm..you are not completely written off i would say..just stay close to her and let her know that you are there for her if it matters. Maybe it would work out well. All the best.
but make sure u don freak her out... although you already expressed your feelings, doesnt mean u will start doin all those stupid freaky stuffs till she will tell you off, "stay the hell away from me"..
slowly, let her know you.. don be forceful.. be yourself.. maybe now, she will say, let's be frens.. who knows, now she already know you likes her, she may appreciate you and your interest towards her.. so, affections may grow from there..
just be yourself..
working with some one who you like really must suck...i got my girlfriend though school though...but i guess that is kinda diferent. It would be hard to know what everyone feels and thinks in a work environment
to fill in a few more details - we have sort of been flirting around for quite some time and me being the open 'cards-on-the-table' guy i am, i figured i would just come out with it and see what happens.
today was sort of awkward, but i am much happier that she knows what i feel. either she buys it over time (as it settles in) or she flat out doesn't want a bar of it - either way i can rest easy knowing i let her know. no more what if's in my life...
and no, i am not going to freak out and act weird around her, we are both humans and i respect her decision whatever it is.
first of all, I'd have to say that it's a bad idea to date a coworker.. if you think it's awkward right now, imagine how it would be if you two hooked up and things didn't work out the way you wanted.. your work environment could become intolerable, and you might need to look for a new job.. the same rule applies to dating people in the same apartment building.. I recommend not going there
but if you must... I can certainly respect you for not being the game-playing type.. but now that it's out in the open, chances are it won't go anywhere.. women (and men, too) are attracted to mystery, and not knowing if there is really something there makes the intrigue very compelling.. now that she knows, she has the 'control' in the situation.. which more often than not takes away the fun
you would have been infinitely better off if you had continued the flirting and said something like "you're pretty fun.. I could almost imagine dating you, if only...." and then dropping the subject and refusing to tell her why you couldn't date her.. the suspense would kill her (in a good way).. she'd end up thinking about it, and you, much more than she otherwise would
the key to attracting someone is being playful and flirty, but not laying all your cards on the table.. there will be a time for that later, but not right away.. you should be the one setting the terms in the relationship.. but that doesn't mean you should be playing mind games and doing manipulative things.. it just means you should be a little secretive, but in a nice way
do you want to keep your job? If yes, let it go. Most places have policy against dating within the company. unless you work for Google, which they highly encourage it. Google is a cult man; they want you to breed within the google family
joe friday, you make some worthy points! i totally agree with you on the 'control' issue. just today vyv (the girl in question) executed her new found control in a subtle way - not a bad way, but i still noticed it.
i think overall i am happy she knows how i feel and i am also content on her answer. you cannot force someone to feel something, however i am confused as to why all the flirting between us over the passed 6 months has taken place if we were never going to hook up?
just for the record here is the email she sent me after lunch when i hit her with my thoughts:
"Sorry Bennon I didn’t mean to laugh or make you feel as though I was walking away, I didn’t expect you to say those things to me, im very surprised. I think we are suited to be friends, I hope that answers your question."
then my reply:
"That’s cool, I guess it was a pretty out-there question! But it is how I have felt for a while and you know me – I would rather have it out in the open and find the answer to be “no” as opposed to never ever knowing."
-to which there has not been a email reply, but we have spoke to each other, but i would really like to see a reply to my last email, because i reckon she would be thinking a lot more now it has been a few days...
hey bluefossil, the company i work for actually encourages relationships within the ranks (and no, it ain't google). every time a job is on offer it is presented to staff first to find people within families before the general masses get a shot at it.
I wouldn't worry about not getting an email reply to your last message to her.. I know that I wouldn't discuss personal matters like that over company email systems, and she might not want to take a stance on the issue at this point.. in fact, not getting a definitive answer is probably a good sign
so what was the 'control' sign? inquiring minds want to know
it's nothing major, but in the lunch room she pretty well avoided making any eye contact. i thought it was her way of saying that she has the controls and is watching whatever channel she wants!
interesting to note that we are still flirting with each other and the way i can tell is that when it fell quiet (and slightly awkward) at lunch we BOTH told stories that we had previously told to fill the silence (someone else commented that we were re-telling stories)
also interesting to note that since this has come out i am finding her more and more attractive than ever! is this the fact that i can't have her playing with my attraction? interesting!