FRIHOST FORUMS SEARCH FAQ TOS BLOGS COMPETITIONS
You are invited to Log in or Register a free Frihost Account!


Love and Lies!!





cvkien
When you love someone, will you lie to her or him about something that will make he or she hurt? or anything you did wrong and you lie to him or her? My question is should we lie to our beloved for any reason or anything?
jenus
We lie for a reason, I mean as human being we tend to lie even if we don want, so if we do lie i rather lie for a reason than for just being a lie, thats the way i see it and the way that i have lay before...
thpn
jenus wrote:
...I mean as human being we tend to lie even if we don want...


Not necisarily, we teach ourselves to lie. If you lie as a habit, then it's your own fault.

I think that it is best to tell the truth when it comes to relationships, ecspecially if you have a deeper feeling towards him/her other than attraction. Some perople think that lying will get you out of trouble, but it won't. When you tell a lie, you must kepp up with new ones to back the first. A lot of relationships end because neither of the two trust each other.
HoboPelican
I gotta say that I would never lie to my wife about anything important. Never to protect my butt. But, in my experience, making absolute statements about life is a sure way to be found wrong.

I have lied to my loves at times, and most likely will continue. When she comes home with a new hair style that she is all excited about, should I tell her the truth, that I think it's silly, and destroy her good mood? That is just being mean and using "the Truth" as an excuse. Am I hurting her more not telling her I don't like it? I don't think so. It might be a great look for her, but I'm just stuck on the old look.

Small lies are ok, I think. But you have to be really careful what you think is a small lie. You better be sure that your partner is going to think it's little when they find out. Which they will. Wink
Aiz
I think sometimes it's ineviatible that we need to lie to protect those whom we hold dear. It depends though, on what you think would hurt them more; the truth or the lie about the truth.

I also feel that sometimes people choose to tell the truth even if it hurts those who hear it badly more so to calm their own conscience than anything else. I really think if you really care about someone, and the truth would hurt them terribly, it's better to at least soften the blow by not directly stating it as much as insinuating at it, prepare them for the truth, or stall telling it til they can handle it better @_@ but then again, it really depends on whether they'd be hurt more by the truth or your lie @_@ decisions ><
Tasa
Never lie. Sooner or later you will get caught trust me. It is best to tell the truth don't get me wrong if it is going to hurt padded it. Don't sugar coat but pad it well. But don't lie if you lie when the truth comes out and it will you will hurt the person so much more. And it is never worth that pain.
Aiz
That isn't true.

For instance there was this story on the news in China about a friend of a soldier who died in battle. He sent letters to the dead friend's mother in the dead person's name periodically until the mother died years later. The mother was spared the pain of knowing her son had died. And how would it hurt less for her to know the truth than not? Thats a case where I would think the truth hurts more than the lie.
ahamed
Well, sometimes situation come when u need to tell lie to keep the relationshiop well. And, personally, I don't oppose to this. but, if the matter is serious, I think we should tell the truth. As becasue, honesty is the best policy ... a good word to listen but very taugh to keep it ....
Tycoone
I my opinion, I believe that try not to tell lies at any point of your time. Just admit it, show to your loved ones that you're a man and you've integrity. Razz
angry_hindu
i believe never to lie, but with trivial cases as described before like this
Quote:
When she comes home with a new hair style that she is all excited about, should I tell her the truth, that I think it's silly, and destroy her good mood? That is just being mean and using "the Truth" as an excuse. Am I hurting her more not telling her I don't like it? I don't think so. It might be a great look for her, but I'm just stuck on the old look.

i am at a loss
heavensent6
I believe that no one should lie. My theory is that those who lie will eventually get caught in it and then you are labeled as a liar. If your wife comes home with a new do and you really don't like it, I feel that there are certain ways to tell her. You can sugest the way that you like her hair or simply find something about the style that you do like. Nine times out of ten a woman wants to please her man and she maybe wearing a new do to make you happy. In a nutshell instead of lying i think there are ways that you can tell someone without hurting their feelings. When it comes down to wheather you should lie or not don't. The person that is being lied to can feel it and then this leads to mistrust. If you don't think that person can handle the truth, try them. It may be a lesson or a process that they need to endure and learn to get over.
HoboPelican
heavensent6 wrote:
I believe that no one should lie. My theory is that those who lie will eventually get caught ... If your wife comes home with a new do and you really don't like it, I feel that there are certain ways to tell her. ...


Oh, I agree with most of what you say. I know I will always get caught in a major lie. And yes, there are ways to be polite about your feelings.
I just can't help feeling that if it is inconsequential and telling the truth would turn a happy moment into a sad one, why do it? To hurt someone's feelings just so you can be honest seems self-serving.
mike_phi
Well this is a sticky topic with a simple answer, basically never tell lies, especially if you think you are telling the lies solely to protect the other person as this is a lie to yourself, normall y one tells lies to protect themselves especially when it comes to lies within a relationship.

Lies generally is a defensive mechanism, therefore I believe we tell them as a protection of ourselves hence a lie has nothing to do with the love you have for the other person its the love you have for yourself and hence is normally (stress on normally) a very selfish act
HoboPelican
mike_phi wrote:
Well this is a sticky topic with a simple answer, basically never tell lies, ....


So in the situation I was describing, concerning a haircut she loved and you thought was terrible, you'd tell her the truth and ruin her mood? That is the right thing to do?
carlospro7
truth hurts sometimes. I dont think we should lie to make someone feel better. Them knowing whats going is better than not. Another thing, if they find out you could be screwed
seanooi
When my girlfriend and I started to go out, we promised each other not to lie to each other no matter what. And I'm glad that I'm sticking to that promise and I'm sure she does too. Lying is just bad for relationships. Once your partner find out that you lied to him/her, it would be hard to have trust again and that's not something anyone would want in a relationship.
imera
My currently boyfriend knows that I hate lies, I have told him why. My first boyfriend was lying to me, that hurted me alot.

I told my boyfriend that whatever he did he should tell me, even if I got hurted. I can forgive him for what he tells me, but not for the things he keeps for himself.
Aiz
HoboPelican wrote:

So in the situation I was describing, concerning a haircut she loved and you thought was terrible, you'd tell her the truth and ruin her mood? That is the right thing to do?


I agree with you on that. Straight truths aren't always the right thing. I don't promote lying, but sometimes truths are told to ease one's own conscience and not for the wellfare of the other person, and that, in my opinion, defeats the whole purpose (since truths should be told to not cause, or at least lessen the hurt inflicted on another)

I mean in cases like the hairdo, it wouldn't hurt to say "I like it but you looked great with your old style too." Or, "It's pretty but it feels strange because you look so different." Something more tactiful than those since those are just examples off the top of my head.

It would be nice to say something that praises her effort and yet nudges her in thinking about changing it because it isn't THE perfect do. Why hurt someone's feelings over matters like that? I mean alot of things are personal opinion after all (taste in clothes, hair styles, etc).
HoboPelican
Aiz wrote:

It would be nice to say something that praises her effort and yet nudges her in thinking about changing it because it isn't THE perfect do. Why hurt someone's feelings over matters like that? I mean alot of things are personal opinion after all (taste in clothes, hair styles, etc).


Exactly! Said it better than I could. thank you!
just-in
I don't know about others but I lie every day, every hour and every second when i get a phone call from my girl.... saying that I am doing that this and this that just to make her feel that inspite of my busy schedule I am in love with her and always want to meet her and **** her...

She is quiet happy....

I don't think if I tell her that I am not that busy ... she'll love me so much...

Who knows.... even she may call me twice a day for the bed thing...

hahhahh
Rolling Eyes
molif
be honest if you need to.....

but sometimes, you need to lie about certain things that you shudnt come clean with.. or it will ruin ur life.. haha..
essentialmedia
cvkien wrote:
When you love someone, will you lie to her or him about something that will make he or she hurt? or anything you did wrong and you lie to him or her? My question is should we lie to our beloved for any reason or anything?


There is absolutely no reason to lie to someone you supposedly love, if you do, then you don't love them to begin with. Your loved one should be able to deal with whatever comes before them/you unconditionally and together you can move on and get through it.

If you ever feel the need to lie to someone you love, well then you aren't truly in love with that person and you might as well end it now. Once you lie you will continue to lie. Sooner or later it will also come back to bite you in the ass and then you will really be in trouble.

As for all the excuses about "protecting loved ones", that is also absolute BS. If you love someone you have faith in them and their abilities, don't baby them and think that you have to "protect" them by lying to them. Be an adult and tell it like it is, even if it is upsetting at least you are doing the right thing and together you can work through it. If you can't bring yourself to tell the truth, then once again you need a new relationship with someone you do truly love.

Shane
essentialmedia
molif wrote:
be honest if you need to.....

but sometimes, you need to lie about certain things that you shudnt come clean with.. or it will ruin ur life.. haha..


You always need to be honest and if you were honest from the beginning and didn't put up a BS facade then you wouldn't have to worry about anything ruining your life. Relationships built on facades and stupid dating games will fail, PERIOD. Just be yourself and be open and honest about who you are and your life and you will finally find a real relationship that will last.

Until, you my friend are doomed.

Shane
molif
Quote:
Until, you my friend are doomed.


haha..
u got it wrong..
when comes to honesty, abour urself, about letting someone to know u, obviously, strictly no LIES.. i get it.. i know it..

what i meant about lies is about simple white lie..
a lie about someting ur partner shouldnt know coz apparently, ur partner got nothing to do with it..

like an example..
ur partner open the fridge and said, "honey, did u ate the ice cream..?"
and u lied, "no.. i didnt eat it.."

a lie to avoid trouble, minor trouble..
kcthomas44
No you should not lie to your beloved for any reason. Lying is a bad habit and when you start lying about little things you eventualy will feel that it is ok to lie about bigger things. When you start lying about big things people get hurt and its no good. Recently I had a girl who told me she liked me and wanted to be with me and wanted to talk to her X one day just for the heck of it for like an hour. So that morning we messed around, then she went and had sex with that dude that night. It was a bad deal and it all started from lying and so lying is bad. period.
molif
kcthomas44 wrote:
No you should not lie to your beloved for any reason.


True.. like i said, dangerous lies leads to a dangerous game..

But, what does a simple white lie can do..? not only to loved ones, but even to friends.. we lie everyday.. but with no bad intentions..

obviously, i WONT LIE on certain things which i know its bad to lie coz in the end, i have to tell them the truth or worst still, they find out before i could them the truth..

Don tell me u never cast a white lie before..
newlife~
HoboPelican wrote:
mike_phi wrote:
Well this is a sticky topic with a simple answer, basically never tell lies, ....


So in the situation I was describing, concerning a haircut she loved and you thought was terrible, you'd tell her the truth and ruin her mood? That is the right thing to do?


<newlife~t>That situation just happened to me!

I don't prefer short hair. I'm not disgusted by it, and I can still be "turned on" by someone with short hair--so when my wife came home with a new cut, I was less than enthusiastic about it and basically told her, "Looks good."

She was looking for me to be like, "I love it!" But I couldn't. I wasn't trying to hurt her, and I wasn't trying to be truthful for the sake and principle of telling the truth, I just couldn't hide how I really felt. This led to a discussion about how much she had depended on my opinion to validate her decision to change her hair style.
newlife~
essentialmedia wrote:
cvkien wrote:
When you love someone, will you lie to her or him about something that will make he or she hurt? or anything you did wrong and you lie to him or her? My question is should we lie to our beloved for any reason or anything?


There is absolutely no reason to lie to someone you supposedly love, if you do, then you don't love them to begin with. Your loved one should be able to deal with whatever comes before them/you unconditionally and together you can move on and get through it.

If you ever feel the need to lie to someone you love, well then you aren't truly in love with that person and you might as well end it now. Once you lie you will continue to lie. Sooner or later it will also come back to bite you in the *** and then you will really be in trouble.

As for all the excuses about "protecting loved ones", that is also absolute BS. If you love someone you have faith in them and their abilities, don't baby them and think that you have to "protect" them by lying to them. Be an adult and tell it like it is, even if it is upsetting at least you are doing the right thing and together you can work through it. If you can't bring yourself to tell the truth, then once again you need a new relationship with someone you do truly love.

Shane


<newlife~t>I totally agree, Shane!

Lying feels good in the moment because you may be avoiding a problem or you may be making your loved one happy (because they're looking for approval)--but what feels even better is when you experience the freedom of being able to be yourself, and still be loved no matter what.
newlife~
molif wrote:
kcthomas44 wrote:
No you should not lie to your beloved for any reason.


True.. like i said, dangerous lies leads to a dangerous game..

But, what does a simple white lie can do..? not only to loved ones, but even to friends.. we lie everyday.. but with no bad intentions..

obviously, i WONT LIE on certain things which i know its bad to lie coz in the end, i have to tell them the truth or worst still, they find out before i could them the truth..

Don tell me u never cast a white lie before..

<newlife~t>I've definitely cast white lies before, like telling my mother I'm going to do something when I really don't want to.

My mother used to want me to call her on a weekly basis. The white lie was telling her I would when I really didn't want to, then making up an excuse for when I didn't call her. Finally, along with a lot of other things, I was tired of not being myself and basically said, "I'm going to call you when I want to call you, and if you keep giving me a hard time about it, I'm not going to call you at all." Like I said, other things were also involved, but we ended up not speaking for a year--but now when I talk to her, it's because I really want to. And she trusts that when I'm not calling her, it's not because I don't love or care about her.

As for my friends ... it's better to be alone than to hide who you really are in order to keep the peace. Any friends (or portential friends) who I feel I can't be my total self with, I'd rather not hang out with them. This goes for a job too. Although, in a job it's a bit more tricky. I would be willing to hide my true feelings if I didn't like the work or work environment in order to keep the income and the peace--but I would never hide the feelings from myself.

I'd totally be lying to myself if I hated a place and wasn't doing anything about getting out of it.
cvkien
sometimes love just need lies. without lies, someone will hurt and also with lies, someone also will hurts. so what should we do. according to consequentialism, the behaviours that bring more goodness than bad can be done. so meaning if the lies will brings happiness to you and also your beloved, then you should lies to him or her. but if your lies will hurt him or her more than giving happiness to them, then you should not lie. sometimes i'll lie cause sometimes, small case will become a very big arguement if we really tell the thruth, then it is better for me to lie and then she will happy, then if she is happy, then i will also happy.
justingme
cvkien wrote:
When you love someone, will you lie to her or him about something that will make he or she hurt? or anything you did wrong and you lie to him or her? My question is should we lie to our beloved for any reason or anything?



Sometime, we need lied to your lover, wife, husband, girlfriendm,boyfriend.
Since the truth maybe do harm to them, so you need do it...
cvkien
How about if he or she found out that you lies to them?? lies cannot stand for long... it will break out someday. and if you lies once, you will need to continue lying to make the lie look true. if you don't, they will know you are lying.. and you need to become a good lier, in action and speaking skills. so what i think is if can, i think we should say the truth and explain clearly. and the beloved also should be calm when listen to people. so that mean love need coorperation between 2 person. cause one person cannot stand alone for a better relationship. 2 person's job is easier if being done by 2 person... and love need understanding. meaning if your beloved lies to you, then you should understand them why are they doing this. at the same time, if your beloved tell the truth, you also should have to understand them why and how are they make mistake. Anyway, mistake make people grows. Who doesn't make mistake?? everyone makes mistake. so do not blame anyone if you make mistake or your beloved makes mistake but try to understand them and try to guide or help them.
socialoutcast
I would have to say that lying is not that best habbit to get into. Have you heard if said:
"oh, what a tangled web we weive when we practice to decieve."

The truth may hurt, but it is better in the long run for you relationship with others. If you don't think it's such a big deal to lie, just think of how you'd feel if you were lied to.
____________________
www.socialoutcast.co.nr
loveandormoney
cvkien wrote:
When you love someone, will you lie to her or him about something that will make he or she hurt? or anything you did wrong and you lie to him or her? My question is should we lie to our beloved for any reason or anything?


Liars dont have sex. Why being a liar in a relationship for hurting a darling.

People, who like to hurt andor win, they should play rugby and become honest in bed with darling.
Kissing is much better.
BigGeek
Should you lie to your lover or to anyone else - My response is that it depends on the situation!

Now when it comes to lying - are you lying for personal gain, or to cover some gross misdeed like stealing or embezzling money - the answer is no - if you are lying for personal gain or to cover some horrible deed you have done - you might as well own up to it because people that lie for these reasons are usually found out and when they are found out the consequences are usually harsh.

How about this scenario - Nazi Germany - You are hiding Jewish people in your basement and a Nazi knocks on the door and asks "Do you have any Jews in the household?" - in order to keep from lying you say yes???? Then the people you are helping as well as yourself are probably going to end up dead - In that sort of a situation I would lie and I think most good people would do the same!

Next scenario is something I have done before - You are at work and you fix a problem that is impacting a lot of your customers but you fix the problem without following procedure - which could get you fired - A manager asks - did you fix that problem - my answer is NO, I have no idea how it got fixed!!

These sorts of lies most people accept and would tell the same lie if they were in the same situation!

Now comes the part about lying to your wife or lover. If you are lying to cover up the fact that you are having sex with another partner outside of your relationship then I say no - you should own up to it, tell them what you are doing and if it ends the relationship so be it - obviously you weren't happy with the relationship if you were our cheating on your partner and if that is the case you owe it to them to tell them the truth and either fix your present relationship or move on to one where you do not feel the need to have sex with other people!

Now with that said - should you tell your partner white lies when they ask you things like - Do you like my pants?, do you like my new hair cut?, do you like my makeup?

My response is yes - you may ask why - and here is my explanation - who are you to force your likes on your loved one. If they like it and you don't that is your problem - saying you hate your wife's new hair cut just because you don't want to lie to her is selfish - you would rather hurt her feelings and make her self conscious rather than let her be happy with her new look? Your opinion is exactly that yours - and if she likes it and you love her then tell her - Sure I like it - You might ad in - it is different and I'm going to have to get used to it - but it looks good. Also think about this - what if at first it is such a shock that you don't like it - but after a week or so it grows on you and you like it - how much of an idiot would you be if under the guise of telling the truth you said I hate it, only to later decide you like it?????

When it comes to opinions about cloths, hair, make up, and other style related things - if you love your wife - check your opinion - opinions change - what you liked at first you may not like later so rather than hurt your loved ones feelings keep your opinions to yourself!!!

Here is something else to think about - Say your loved one wants to change jobs, and you don't want them to - although they really want to because they think the new job will make them happy! Do you tell her no? Or do you hold your opinion to yourself and listen to what she has to say and then let her make her own decision?

Here is another thing to think about - say you and your loved one are arguing over something and she says something you don't like or hurts your feelings - do you tell her? - I don't like what you said it hurt my feelings - and escalate the argument - getting mad at them for hurting your feelings and not seeing things your way? Or do you hold your feelings in check, put your hurt aside and listen to what they are saying in an effort to resolve the conflict and bring peace back to the relationship? Are you lying if you don't tell her how you feel?

These are just a few of the examples where I think that saying you shouldn't lie is using it as an excuse to force your opinions on your loved one!!

Remember opinions are like ass holes - everyone has one - and most are full of crap Very Happy
loveandormoney
Liars do good things?
Real?


So its nor problem
Your darling is a liar.

In our commnuity liars have big problems like divorce.

Are there advantages for liars?
Related topics
Reply to topic    Frihost Forum Index -> Lifestyle and News -> Relationships

FRIHOST HOME | FAQ | TOS | ABOUT US | CONTACT US | SITE MAP
© 2005-2011 Frihost, forums powered by phpBB.