passive-agressive writing is such an art form. i mean the subtle phrases, double meanings, it's complex poetry. So i was going out with this girl for about two weeks or so. here's a recap of our last emails. At the time of the first one i hadn't seen her for about a week. I couldn't talk to her because her cell broke and it was the only number i had. she had my number though because she called me once from her house. So she had the only method of making a verbal connection.
It's beautiful. I wanted to share it.
FIRST (me):
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Hey -----, i'm just going to come right out and say it because I don't like 'games' and bullshit and know you don't either. If your phone was working i'd do this that way just because an email is lame, but it's all I have. First off, I do like you and I've had a good bit of fun during the times we hung out. But really what I've been looking for is someone who I can hang out with a few nights a week, and it seems that there's too many people out there trying to get a slice of the ----- pie. It's just that we're not anywhere near being on the same page in that regard.You say you're not trying to avoid me, and I believe you, but a lack of attempting to get togther is just indirect avoidance. I'm not trying to use this as am ultimatum, it's just how i see things going.
I would like to know what you've been thinking along the way, how you've seen things as going, and what your plans are in regards to us.
<3, J |
SECOND (her): next day
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This steams me 
I've been in a shitty mood for a week for various reasons and really
just want to sit in my room by myself, but apparently that's not
viable. I should be wanting to hang out with you even if I feel that
way. Super!
Glad to know. Thanks for clearing that up |
THIRD (me): hours later
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i really couldn't tell if that last part was totally sarcastic or not. |
FINAL (me): after giving her 3 days to respond.
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Well, it seems that it ends in silence. I'm sorry for putting forth so much effort to hang out, i mean we kinda agreed we were dating so i thought that meant you didn't hate me but i suppose i misread that night. I really don't understand what all those smiley faces were doing in that last email though, so i guess you win this game while leaving me wondering about that. It's just that i haven't had the chance to get to know you well enough to care about this getting past this. Too much drama too soon isn't worth it. But one thing i do remember clearly is that you said that you're never friends with guys you've gone out with, so take it easy, have fun at (her favorite bar) and try not to kill yourself on the way home.
(oh yeah) *smilely face* *smiley face* *wink* |
umm... i can't tell if there was a previous inquiry into her whereabouts, health, situation, whatever, but just going by this, i would say that you overkilled majorly.
the first email seemed fairly hostile... i don't know if you just talk like that way about everything, whether in good nature or not, but i would not have liked to get that from a fairly new boyfriend after having what seems to be a rough week.
after that email alone, i would have dumped you
maybe you should have tried
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hey, what's up? i haven't heard from you lately. are things going ok? i'm concerned bc i was looking forward to spending time with my new girlfriend. anyways, write back and let me know.
looking forward to hearing from you
-xxxxxxx |
a pleasant inquiry into her situation would have had brightened her day and made her want to spend time with you. or at least have given her the option to say "i'm not interested in you after all. sorry." oh yes, what was missing was the phone calls and text messages of me trying to talk/hang out with her for the whole week before. I did try. She would say something like "oh i'm not feeling great tonight, i'll talk to you later, bye."
then the next morning she's posted up pictures and long blog posts about how much fun the party was that she went to that night.
that type of situation happened about 3 times in the last week alone, and it's not like she let me know what was going on.
It was a bit hostile, but i needed something other then silence and avoidance.
i'd still say you overkilled.
i don't know the exact situation, but that's still too much.
You should have sent a burn mail as soon as you had the opportunity rather than rely on her replying...
End of the day, pebbles on the beach, fish in the sea and all that man.....
Sounds like she was playing the games, so play them back.. only way to beat a player is to be one... my guess is she didn't call that week becuase she had her mouthfull... of what I will leave for you to guess
I had to read those a few times to figure out the interaction.. but I agree that she seems fairly passive-aggressive (and I've had serious relationships with several women who were BIGTIME P/A)
looks like she was just looking for a reason to end it and was playing the "I was in a pissy mood and you didn't help, so forget it" game.. I've seen that one a few times, myself
you're a whole lot better off without that garbage.. just shake it off and don't dwell on it.. it's her problem, not yours.. the best revenge is to forget her (entirely) and find a really fun girl to spend your time with.. there are tons of them out there
You dont know where she lives or anything you couldnt go to her house and talk to her?
I agree with joeFriday on the "looking for excuse" part. It really seems like she was just trying to let it dryout by itself without having to be the bad guy and break it off (from what you said about the blog and party thing).
However, I also agree you were a bit hostile in your first message, @_@ If it were me, I would have ditched part of the message and just got down to the point and asked "how are you now? you aren't by any chance avoiding me are you, because thats the feeling I get. Now if you don't like where we are going thats fine, just say it instead of avoiding me. and If i'm reading into this too much, I apologize"
o.o I think that would have worked better. then again I bet that doesn't convey the anger you felt at her actions o.o;; well all's well that ends well.
I disagree with your use of email; it really is hard to convey feelings correctly in writing versus vocally or vocally with body language. I believe it would lead to misunderstandings when emotions are involved.
If she was blowing you off in favor of parties without telling you so what she was actually doing, then the build up from before the emails may have already pushed it to that point, and the emails would have done nothing but reaffirm this.
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umm... i can't tell if there was a previous inquiry into her whereabouts, health, situation, whatever, but just going by this, i would say that you overkilled majorly.
the first email seemed fairly hostile... i don't know if you just talk like that way about everything, whether in good nature or not, but i would not have liked to get that from a fairly new boyfriend after having what seems to be a rough week.
after that email alone, i would have dumped you Smile |
i agree. overkill. remember in email communication, the person cant hear how you say it so anything even the SLIGHTEST bit harsh will be overexaggerated and misunderstood. you ****ed up man....i feel bad for u | angry_hindu wrote: |
| Quote: | umm... i can't tell if there was a previous inquiry into her whereabouts, health, situation, whatever, but just going by this, i would say that you overkilled majorly.
the first email seemed fairly hostile... i don't know if you just talk like that way about everything, whether in good nature or not, but i would not have liked to get that from a fairly new boyfriend after having what seems to be a rough week.
after that email alone, i would have dumped you Smile |
i agree. overkill. remember in email communication, the person cant hear how you say it so anything even the SLIGHTEST bit harsh will be overexaggerated and misunderstood. you ****ed up man....i feel bad for u |
no no, you're missing the point. i certainly didn't ****** up. if you had read my reply to that message you could see why.
getting away from that bitch's drama was a GOOD thing.so you wanted to break up? reading your reply looks like you dont care (or you are trying to say you dont care when you do)
edit: also you missed my point. it was mainly about the email communication thing. i have made people mad when i clearly didnt mean something that they inferred form my email.
it didn't start up with wanting to break up, just with wanting her to get her shit straight and to be able to tell me what she wanted. After i realized she was a liar just playing petty games, i decided i didn't care and i'd break it off.
Bah! this is emotional junk. I don't think it's artistic at all. It only shows two people trying to weasel out of an intimate relationship.
| cbf-cma wrote: |
| Bah! this is emotional junk. I don't think it's artistic at all. It only shows two people trying to weasel out of an intimate relationship. |
then your not looking at it right. the art was in the final email. it's soo passive aggressive and has so much subtle anger wrapped up in it. Hell, I wrote 3 drafts before i came up with the final copy of that one, and had two of my friends proof-read it.sorry to say it, but if she was going to parties and didn't want you to know about it, then she lost interest in you. it's pretty lame that she was so passive aggressive that she couldn't say anything to you about it, but that's the way some people are. my advice, look for the girl who gives you as much attention as you give her. different people like different levels of attention. some people are very clingy while others like their personal space. figure out what you want, and find the girl that wants the same.
