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| 1. Tell them they must have the wrong number, only God lives here.
2. When they call back, tell them this is the devil’s residence. 
3. Tell them he/she can’t come to the phone right now as they are in deep meditation and may stay that way for days. 4. Start telling them about the wonderful encyclopedias you have in stock. 5. Start telling them your life story. 
6. Tell them about your intense hatred for salespeople, then ask where they live. 7. Reply to all their questions in song. 8. Ask for someone who can translate Pig Latin, as you speak no other language. 9. Hand the phone to the youngest member of the house - preferably under five. If no such person is available, give the phone to a pet.
10. As soon as they name the corporation they represent begin barking relentlessly. 11. Start trying to give them a psychological analysis. 12. Demand that they refer to you as Dr. Chopstick. 
13. Proudly describe what you found in your ear this morning. 14. Ask them what color underwear they are wearing today. 15. Describe your socks in detail. 16. Interrupt them repeatedly to describe the beauty of your new toaster. 17. Whiningly tell them that it is past your bedtime. 
18. Midway through the conversation say, “Oh no Phil! You’ve done it again! I told you that knife was too sharp! Where are we going to get the money for another funeral?” 19. Ask them repeatedly if they believe in antelopes.
20. Refuse to answer any of their questions, as they may be one of THEM! 21. Ask them what they think would happen if you put a frog in a blender later tell them they were wrong. 
22. Ask them for their phone number so that you can call them back and chat some more. 23. Burst into tears when they try to hang up and scream, “Don’t leave me!” 24. Tell them about the time you got stuck in the doggy door.
25. When they ask to speak to you spend a long time trying to decide if that really is your name and after you realize it is ask them to remind you of it occasionally. 26. Proudly explain that they are the first person that you have spoken to since you returned to Earth. 27. In the middle of the conversation start humming the Sesame Street theme song, when they try to speak sound surprised and say, “Is someone there?” 28. Begin snoring.
29. Gleefully explain that “they” have come for you and that you are going to a better place. 30. Start screaming whenever they say the word “that.” 31. Say, “I am so glad you called, I have been waiting and waiting to hear from you!” 32. Answer every question with the phase, “I like eggs.”  33. Say “Don’t you hate it when you get your tongue stuck in a door?”
34. Tearfully explain “It’s you, my long last sister/brother!” as soon as they identify themselves. 35. Complain to them about how outrageous it is that you have to take time out of your busy day to breathe.
36. Start reading them some of your poetry. 37. Occasionally start singing commercial jingles.
38. Suggest that the two of you get together sometime and go bowling. 39. Go into detail about the government’s plot to overthrow the universe. 40. Ask them what they would do if there was a dead body on the floor of their living room. 
41. Discuss what a wonderful world it would be if we were all born with tails.
42. Whenever they try to get a word in babble on about how young people these days talk way too much, and don’t respect their elders. (Works best if they are clearly older than you.) 43. During complete silence ask them if they hear that pounding noise. 44. Make loud pounding noises and when they ask about them say “What pounding noises?” 45. Tell them to hold on a second, set down the phone and sing loudly. 46. Insist on calling them Mr. Spock. 
47. Ask them if they will get you a birthday present. 48. Tell them you can’t talk now, as you are trapped in an invisible box. 49. Beg them to dispose of your dentist, who is involved in a secret plot that shall result in your demise. 50. Pretend to be an answering machine. |
50 Things to do when one gets a call from TeleMarketting Rep
Rofl...
Idea- pretend you're a salesman trying to sell them something. Or just be like a stupid online ad... "YOU HAVE A FREE ZWINKY WAITING FOR YOU! WTF IS A ZWINKY I DONT KNOW BUT YOU GOTS ONE1111!!11"
Idea- pretend you're a salesman trying to sell them something. Or just be like a stupid online ad... "YOU HAVE A FREE ZWINKY WAITING FOR YOU! WTF IS A ZWINKY I DONT KNOW BUT YOU GOTS ONE1111!!11"
if you know a second language,(even if not all that well) only speak to them in it, if they switch you to someone else, then go back to english and if they say something, then complane.
I personally like #50 but I normaly end up laughing...
but really.. sometimes I wonder how much they have to deal with. I cant even think of someone who want to grow up to be a telemarketer or even just to have that job.
So even tho me make fun and such, I somewhat feel bad for them,
I personally like #50 but I normaly end up laughing...
but really.. sometimes I wonder how much they have to deal with. I cant even think of someone who want to grow up to be a telemarketer or even just to have that job.
So even tho me make fun and such, I somewhat feel bad for them,
| Saber wrote: |
| if you know a second language,(even if not all that well) only speak to them in it, if they switch you to someone else, then go back to english and if they say something, then complane. |
hehe yea i do that or i take a russian accent...that works! looks like russians don't buy anything lol!!!
Definatly made me laugh. I'm pretty good at freaking people out in my natural high-caffine state but some of those come-backs are genius.lmao.
I tried #50 once lol.. Sorta went :
Me: Hello?
Them: Hi, I'm calling from budget win...
me: Sorry no-one can come to the phone right now, We have much better things to do, please leave a mesage after the slam of the phone.
but they kept ringing bak!! :/ .. stupid people.
I tried #50 once lol.. Sorta went :
Me: Hello?
Them: Hi, I'm calling from budget win...
me: Sorry no-one can come to the phone right now, We have much better things to do, please leave a mesage after the slam of the phone.
but they kept ringing bak!! :/ .. stupid people.
I actually worked with telemarketing a while. Some strange calls there, but my
favourite one is a conversation with an older lady. Perheps she was mentally ill,
or perhaps she was pulling my leg. Anyhow, she kept speaking about the most
strange things, that 'they' had been there, and that she had seen them in the stairs
when she had been out shopping. Now she was afraid to go outside, and she wanted
me to call 911 (or here, 112). A bit hard to do when a computer does the dialing
and I don't even get to see the number I'm calling...
Anyhow, this propablly went on for about five minutes, while I tried to calm her
down and get her to do the call herself. Eventually we hung up, and by that time
I was quite certain that she understoud how to do what she needed.
Spooky, if it was real, and if not she could have been one hell of a telemarketer!
favourite one is a conversation with an older lady. Perheps she was mentally ill,
or perhaps she was pulling my leg. Anyhow, she kept speaking about the most
strange things, that 'they' had been there, and that she had seen them in the stairs
when she had been out shopping. Now she was afraid to go outside, and she wanted
me to call 911 (or here, 112). A bit hard to do when a computer does the dialing
and I don't even get to see the number I'm calling...
Anyhow, this propablly went on for about five minutes, while I tried to calm her
down and get her to do the call herself. Eventually we hung up, and by that time
I was quite certain that she understoud how to do what she needed.
Spooky, if it was real, and if not she could have been one hell of a telemarketer!
I've always wanted to write up a highly detailed list of reasons why unsolicited telephone marketing is a dispicable, invasive practice which I could keep by the phone and force them to listen to. The thing is I probably couldn't bring myself to use it. I normally wait for the first break in their diatribe to tell them "not interested" and then hang up.
Surely the companies using these kinds of sales techniques must be making money but I'd really like to know who it is that actually listens to the full spiel let alone actually buys stuff this way.
Surely the companies using these kinds of sales techniques must be making money but I'd really like to know who it is that actually listens to the full spiel let alone actually buys stuff this way.
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| 5. Start telling them your life story. |
Yikes, Thats the worst thing to do. There are two types of Telemarkerters. Those who want to sell you something *Cough...Viagra...Cough...Cough I mean impotency drugs.
...And there are those who call regarding surveys (And collecting information)
By telling them your life, Your pratically inviting them to mine you to the roots and use this info for other surveys without your consent. (And the calls are probably monitored) Better off telling a big lie, Like I was once the CEO of X Corporations. That way their surveys will be ruined due to that 0.0000000001% inaccuracy.
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| 9. Hand the phone to the youngest member of the house - preferably under five. If no such person is available, give the phone to a pet. |
I dont know where you got this, But they did the very same thing on one episode of "My Wife and Kids"
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| 12. Demand that they refer to you as Dr. Chopstick. |
I like this one, But I don't know about the legality of calling oneself a Dr. without a PHD.
..But because they will call you Dr. and most likely correct this "Error", The next telemarker to call you Dr., You'll easily know who sold them the info.
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| 14. Ask them what color underwear they are wearing today. |
This can easily be considered as sexual harassment since its a bit vulgar. And we all know how these telemarkers are thieves, hustlers and crooks.
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| 22. Ask them for their phone number so that you can call them back and chat some more. |
Another variant is, Ask them for their number so you can bother them later on. They will probably ask why or no. All you would have to say is, Then if you dont like it, Then why should I...Vulgar Word. Keep it legit since even telemarkers are protected by law.
Ive found the best way to avoid being called back is to say you are on the dont call list/telephone preferance service if its not a company you have heard of before. If this doesnt work and you get another call, then ask to speak to the supervisor who can usually deal with removing you from any other call lists.
If its a company you have dealt with before then just being calm and saying that you arnt really intrested in the product is the most effictive way of not being called again. If you get another call, then as before ask for a supervisor.
Being very rude/sarcastic or slamming the phone down doesnt work and will just encorage the telemarketer to call you back.
I have worked in a call centre before and even know i always use the dont phone button when someone asks, i know a lot of people ive worked with call back the rude people.
If its a company you have dealt with before then just being calm and saying that you arnt really intrested in the product is the most effictive way of not being called again. If you get another call, then as before ask for a supervisor.
Being very rude/sarcastic or slamming the phone down doesnt work and will just encorage the telemarketer to call you back.
I have worked in a call centre before and even know i always use the dont phone button when someone asks, i know a lot of people ive worked with call back the rude people.
Moved to Jokes.
ohh nice
I can't do 50 without laughing either. It's really funny when you start saying the message and they keep talking.
I did number 9 I always do that when they call. They ask me for the person I say hold on and then I give it to my little brother.
I also did 9., it's the best.
btw. where did you get those ideas?
btw. where did you get those ideas?
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