You are invited to Log in or Register a free Frihost Account!

Relationship with your father.

Relationship with your father.

What happens to you if you are a boy and you never develop a relationship with your father?

What happens to children that does not have a father. Do they miss a part of themselves for the rest of their lives or are they just like you and me. This can be the other way around also.

What happens if you do not have a mother? What happens if you do not have any parents?
My brother, who is 5, has never met his father and his father has no interest whatsoever in ever meeting him. That is fine with my mother and I. Before my grandparents and uncles moved here from New Orleans, he had no male role models. He was a completely normal child, not girly at all. I did notice he's gotten a lot bolder in his play since they moved here.

I have never had a great relationship with my father until very recently, and my damage is wanting to be with older, more mature men than with someone I would have to "babysit". I hear that's text book, though.

I know lots of kids that have been or are waiting to be adopted, and the younger ones are fine, but once they hit the age of two or so, you can tell there is something different about them. The ones I know tend to be either very submisive or very rebelious.

As for the "no mother question", I don't have anything to share.

Just my two cents.
Its just sick, sick people in this world....BAH!
My mother divorced my biological father when I was a quite young, I don’t think that I had a great relationship with him when I was younger, I preferred my mom because she cared for me more than him.
I'm but she remarried and my step father became my dad. He has treated me like his own daughter since I was about six years.

I have wondered many times how my biological father was, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to meet him or not. I have never gotten anything from him in over ten years, not even a birthday card. He was almost like dead for me, I just new that he was alive. Last summer I went to visit my grand mother (mothers side of course). Then one day his new wife came with their two year old daughter and his mother to ask me if I and my little sister would want to visit them. We agreed because we were curious. He acted like it was just a week since we last saw him. I asked him why he never sent anything to us, he answered with that they had lost our address. But if he did want to contact us then he could just walk over to my grandmother and ask for the address, she lives just five minutes away.

Next time I meet him I will tell him that I don’t want any contact with him or his family, they are strangers to me.

<<I'm a girl>>
You should talk with your father. You should have a good relationship with him all of your life , cause he is the guy who learn you all the things , to perfom , to be best (etc...) . I know a dude who he never knew his father and her mom her gay . So , he never know how to repair a bike , how to build a treehouse or something like that ... something u do with your father when your a child... You must benefit from all your time spent with your father. That you would be a 2 year old child or a 30 year old adult. The life is short, and this is the person whom you must take care. You will have someone like that just one time in your life. Then does not forget it and life the present with him.
You don't need to have a relationship with your father if you don't want to. I think it all depends on your father. If the guy makes any sort of attempt, then he's trying. It should at least be recognized. If there is no attempt, screw him. I hardly had a relationship with mine, and I think I turned out normal, except for the fact that I'm not really handy around the house or anything, but I really don't care about that.
My nephew has never met his father and has turned out to be one of the most successful and well behaved young men I know. He had the good fortune of being surrounded by loving family. His grandpa was a father figure to him and his uncles (me included) spent a lot of time coaching him in sports and life, etc.

He tried to extend a meeting with his biological father after he was out of high-school, but he never got a response and never tried again. His mother did a great job of raising him and his brother (both were out of wedlock--and she has turned her life around too).

However, that being said, I know of other young men that were not so lucky, to have other father figures around or a good church family to fall back on. Several of them have ended up Gay. Is this why? I'm sure it has played a part, but who knows for sure? Only God.

I'll say this in closing. It's better to have close family father figures than a deadbeat Dad who could give you far worse feelings about life and what you are to do with your life.
One of my best friends, he seldom gets to see his father nowadays. His father left him and his brothers and went back to china to make a new family and my friend only gets to see him once ever few years or so.

I think he fared pretty well for his situation. He's one of the sweetest guys you'd ever meet. so sweet in fact, that he seems girly XD

I guess that could be considered a side effect of not having a father role model, but hey, he could have done worse.
My Dads a fob and a temperamental guy. But hes a good man.
Mum's always take the role of taking care of the family, while the dad goes out to work and earn money. That's any typical family in the world. So finding a relationship with your dad will always be tough.
im here to seek for help...

my relationship with my father is just like , a stranger and a boy(me),,,and his responsible only supply me money...i and my father hardly talk because i got nothing to tell him and he also nothing to tell me...we see eachother every saturday inthe morning,its my off day,im student,just say a good morning and off...and i dono y my father will become like anyone give some advice to me plz?

i never get a bday present since i 8 year old and im 17 now...he CANT EVEN rememebr my bday.. how sad ...
My husband was raised by his great grandmother since he was ten days old. She raised alot of the kids in the family actually.

We know his mother, and see her on occasion (once a year or so?) but I have noticed that his family ties past me aren't that strong. Family is family, and it doesn't seem that important to him.

I am fixing to have our first child though, and I'm anxious, excited and worried on how he will react. He doesn't seem to be scared or distant about it, which is good. I just wonder if he's going to want to be a really good dad because he never really had a mom or dad, or if it'll work out some other way.
I sometimes wish that I never had met my father but then when I really think about it seems so wrong and I miss him. Its really confusing but I think if the mother is always there for the child I father is not necessary. As long as there is a caregiver, whether its a nanna, uncle, papa whoever, as long as something is there to love the child.
When i was younger my parents got divorced, so i ended up with mi mom, she took care of me, even if there was not a male im not gay, my mother taught me evertything, to be responsible, to be a great man, to be honest, im the guy that im bc of her, when i grew up and went to college i tried to have a relationship with my father, but i dont really know what happened but seemed that he pushed me away, so i ended up not trying it, so what i learned from that is to value my family and in the future to value my future family when i get married, i mean i dont have a girlfriend right know but when it happens i will value all that...
When I was young my parents got divorced. I got to stay with my mother but at the same time, I lost my dad. He had cheated on my mom and had been taking drugs. My sister went off to college and my grandfather died of lung cancer. My family had fallen apart. Besides all this sorrow, my life continued on normally. I continued to be the smartes kid in my grade, I was actively joining all school sports, and I still had somewhat of a relationship with my dad. I am musically gifted, and play 3 different instruments. I get to meet my father every once in a while but all we do is watch a movie. He has often lost track of my birthdate and how old I am. But still, I continue to be a normal human being. Every once in a while though, I have stress outbreaks. I am often stressed by my mom who is busy working. She never has time to help me and if I ask her for help, she has an outbreak. The only person I can really ask help for, is my sister and the school councelor. At school I often have outbreaks because I am somewhat of a rebel. I always stand up for what is right. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I am hated by teachers, they love me. It's just every once in a while, there is a teacher that drives me crazy. I even suggest that one of them get fired and guess what, the teacher got fired. So I guess you could say that, kids without normal relationships with their parents can result in some stress but end up quite normal.
having a relationship with your father is very important, he is the role model of your life, even if you are a girl, fathers are not just for guys.

if you are a girl, you know what i mean. all the play- marraige, weddings with you are a kid. playing house, who will be daddy, who will be mommy. lol. oh the good ole days.

noticed how you will grow up to marry the guy is is just like your dad?

as for the guys, remember how you wanted to be your dad? or to beat him in a westling match? lol to pin him down and be strnger and better at sports or whatever you play . than your dad? lol i remember too.
S3nd K3ys
S3nd K3ys wrote:
Fathers and Sons

If you've been here before you've likely figured out I'm a father. Such as it is, it's a good bet that I'm a son as well. Only my parents passed away over the last couple of years. They were seperated before I was concieved, so I never knew them as a 'couple'. Perhaps that will become increasingly important as this post develops. Perhaps not.

I was tossed back and forth between my mother and father every few years as I was growing up, and (as the youngest of 5) given to siblings from time to time for short stints when neither parent could handle me. Memories of my life with my father are extremely mixed emotionally. Mixed with anger, happiness, love, hate, sadness and lots and lots of confusion. The order of these feelings changes periodically. Today sadness and confusion are the prominant feelings.

Sadness because I didn't really get closure with my father before he died. Not because I didn't try. In fact, several years ago I flew from Ca. to see a brother in Pa. We then drove together to NY to see my Dad for Father's day. We planned on staying the night in a hotel, but when we arived, the first words from my Dad's mouth were pretty much the same old snide comments as the last time I saw him several years before, having to do with long hair, squatting to pee, and the likes.

I'm sure he meant it in a nice way, didnt' he? I mean, he kept telling me he loved me and missed me and that I was always in his thoughts. But he has always had this manner about him when I was growing up. (I've got the scars mentally and physically to prove it.) At any rate, we stayed and had lunch with him and my Aunt Marge. After being there for no more than four hours, my brother and I (along with our wives) decided we'd had enough and headed back to Pa. What a sad day it turned out to be and a long trip back to Pa.

Confusion is almost always there, and takes many shapes. We won't talk too much about that here, as I don't want to bore you. Suffice it to say that I know in my heart that my father loved me. He had to. How could a father not love his son? Besides, he's told me he loved me so many times. I think I may have even heard it in his voice one time when he was lying in his bed shortly before he died. All that and everything else aside, I do love my father. I'm not always sure why, but I do.

I never told him the one thing I should have told him, so I'll tell him now;

Dad... With tears in my eyes, and deepest love for you in my heart, I forgive you. You did the best you could with what you had. I know you loved me. I hope you know I love you too. Oddly enough, I really do miss you.

So it comes down to this. This is how I get closure with my father. For what it's worth, it's better than nothing.


Read the rest of this article (about sons) here
I think a father is always important for a son. A boy who grew up without a father missed something in his life... those who missed their father for a moment know what i'm talking about.
<newlife~T>Totally new to FriHost, found it via as I was looking to learn more about how to make a webpage etc. Seems like a great way to foster an online community (offering a great service in exchange for (ideally) quality communication).

I appreciate your introduction of the topic, Wynand. I've been putting off thinking about my relationship with my (deceased) father for a long time.

He died in 1987, when I was 17 (I'm now 35 and a father of a 20 month old daughter). Since my kid is waking up ... I have to go, but in short, he was a man who worked all his life, and we barely had a relationship. I believe that kind of a void, especially when he was alive (and being that I'm a first-generation born American Chinese) has had rippling effects which I am still working on. It hasn't derailed my life, but it is certainly something I deal with on a daily basis ... more to follow (glad to be here).

<Since we're only allowed one account per household, I'm identifying myself by "newlife~T" in case my wife wants to join the conversations.>
Parents are essential for the growing up of the kids. They are the building blocks of the child's growth. My father and I are in good terms, though we sometimes fight (verbally), we're still fine. He's the father of three daughters, me being the last. My father is very strict concerning family matters. If it's a family occasion, it's a family occasion. You're not allowed to go anywhere else and skip it. I always hated that attitude of his back when I was in high school, but right now, I finally understood why he's like that. My father is very thoughtful. I know he cares for us more than he shows.
I had a father growing up, but he was never there. If he was per chance actually home, he was horribly caustic in how he addressed me. Bascially, I just never got the feeling he cared one way or another. He came across as a very selfish man who only cared about himself, and what others thought about him... everyone around him except for his own family.

I had my rows with him now and then growing up. I don't think it was really put into perspective of his impact on my life until after I was grown. Right around the time I turned 27, my father divorced my mother after over 40 years of marriage.

I was completely stunned.

Looking back on it now, I can see how it happened. What I also see is that as soon as he left my mother, he also left me. In the past five years, I've seen him twice (and both times were within two months of his leaving). He sends me a card at Christmas and my Birthday with money in it.

He doesn't know me or anything about my life. He never really has had any impact on my life. My mother raised me. I spent my summers with my grandparents (on my mother's side). I've never even seen my father's relatives except for a few times when I was just a toddler.

He's just not a factor in my life.

I love him. I'll miss him when he's gone. But he has no impact on my life.
Wynand wrote:
Relationship with your father.

What happens to you if you are a boy and you never develop a relationship with your father?

<newlife~T>I'm envisioning 3 options:

1) Deny that there's anything wrong with your life (make yourself believe that an absent/unhealthy relationship has had no negative impact on your life).

2) You consciously or subconsciously identify with father figures in your life and open yourself up to what they have to offer you.

3) You learn by the negative example you've been given and use your inner wisdom to envision and actualize a different reality.

In my case, I believe I've functioned within all 3 realms, but in this post, I'm just focusing on the 3rd.

I learned not to repeat what my father modeled for me: working in a way that seemed to lack ambition and meaning; spending the majority of one's free time watching television.

By witnessing the way in which he managed his work and family life, I am in the process of not repeating what he did. Though I've had many jobs/career aspirations, I am still in pursuit of meaningful work.

I'm actually trying to figure out what meaningful to me, means. Out of college, I spent my 20's pursuing/abandoning a teaching career (thinking it was a meaningful occupation), but I later uncovered that there was more to learn about myself than settling on what, on the surface, appeared to satisfy my desires. So from teaching, to workers' compensation case management, to pet-sitting, to tutoring, to baby-sitting, to managing casino industry data ... I am still working on it.


No matter what my worklife turns out to be, I will show my daughter that she is a significant part of my life. If I can't be there for her physically, I will do my best to communicate my love in writing, electronically, or over the telephone--this is another lesson I learned from my father.
I think it depends on Father to make strong relationship with his son b'se 'Truth & Universal Truth Always right". Father is a senior of family so he take all decisions as well care of childrens But son always junior member of family and not take decisions.Means it depends on father to make relation with his son.
My case is little different. I love my father. We do not live together. I am in Canada and he is at back home. He is suffering from paralysis. He is bit better than before. I went for four months and served him.
But the question, should I go back home permanently for his entire life. I have three children (and of course a wife too). My children are almost always sick because there is a lot of pollution and germs as compared to Canada.
I split in two pieces . My heart tells me to serve parents. They are in their 90s. My brain says children have rights too.
Although my two brothers are there and my three sisters also live in the same city. My mother remembers me a lot. She loves me more than anybody else. I am the youngest one.
What would you do if you were in my shoes.
Keep in mind that living over there is almost equal to scarifying the career too in addition to jeopardizing the health of my children. I am engineer and might be nothing if I live over there ie in that small city. As you know they are in 90s, they will never move to another country even to another city.
Wynand wrote:
Relationship with your father.

What happens to you if you are a boy and you never develop a relationship with your father?

What happens to children that does not have a father. Do they miss a part of themselves for the rest of their lives or are they just like you and me. This can be the other way around also.

What happens if you do not have a mother? What happens if you do not have any parents?

Sometimes, those who doesn't have a parent or a father doesn't lead to the right path...

As a long as someone can give a good advice they can still handle their situation....
Relation with father depends on the continent you live. I guess in US and Europe people meet their father only in festivals or some special occasions. And from discussion and movies I have drawn a conclusion that most people don't have good relation with their parents.

Here in my country we mostly live in a joint family and we live with our parents. So, the relationship is generally great. But if there is some dispute then you can always move on and live with your wife and child. Does this things happen on US and Europe?
relationships depends on what culture you are in. but for me, a relationship with a father is important.
Related topics
The Unofficial Jokes Thread
Whose Father Was the Stronger
Woman Ordered to Marry Rapist
Send the Bill to My&#12288;Father
Authors that don't suck.
Whose Father Was the Stronger
Defending China, sharing weal and woe
Justification for War in Iraq
Want to know if LOVE is real?
Student Learns Valuable lessons from Father
questions for Christians
Is 18 to young for someone 25?
Gandhi, My Father
Intersting relationship reunion story in the news
Reply to topic    Frihost Forum Index -> Lifestyle and News -> Relationships

© 2005-2011 Frihost, forums powered by phpBB.