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Lighting the Love Torch and Keep it Goin

How can we keep the love light burning and believe in the ever lasting love we heard about in stories as a child? Despite what many think about "the beautiful people" and their seeming success in all areas of life, nothing is perfect or easy.

Anything worth having is worth working for and must be worked towards. "Having more money" (it makes it easier to buy things, but doesn't bring love.);

Owning "a bigger house" (unless you have the money to hire a housekeeper, it will only keep you from your love while you are cleaning.); "If I were better looking." (Beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder. I have seen "less than perfect" people with "stunning" mates." It really is about how you feel about yourself inside that will reflect outside.) All of these superfluous externals are fun, but don't bring happiness or peace in a relationship.

Some of the richest people in the world with every luxury at their finger tips and people at their beck and call still have the nastiest divorces time and time again. Isn't that a great example and lesson to all of us "not so fortunate" people who aren't blessed with their lives and the kind of money they posses; that money doesn't make a relationship happy?

Time, effort and determination are what make a relationship thrive. I'm not implying those people with wealth don't put the time and effort into their relationships, only that all the things many people say, "If only we had..." won't make your relationships last longer or be happier than theirs were.

Some of the best relationships have several things in common, one of those being laughter and a humor about life not to mention a lot of hard work. These are always a common thread for every thriving and joyful relationship I encountered.

What the people in these relationships have always told is: Work hard; don't lay your head on the pillow angry, and resolve hurtful situations right away. Fundamentally however, they laugh with each other every day and laugh often. But if your relationship is in the deep end of the pool without a life jacket, something that can help you light the love torch in your love life is Soul Gazing. Soul Gazing is the simple technique of gazing into your partner's eyes. I usually recommend 15 minutes, but in the beginning, 4-5 minutes works.

You aren't allowed to talk or look away from each other. I have witnessed Soul Gazing strengthen couples that were already on firm ground and help others on the brink of catastrophe.

To get the love you deserve, there is a very simple rule that I wrote about a while back: Love is a gift, it's not a right. It's is a decision, not a feeling. Make the choice to make your relationship strong so it will last the test of time and you too can have the long-lasting and profound love you deserve.
I have to agree that respect, effort and determination are all major elements in keeping a relationship working. I am married almost three years now (not long by comparison to some) and learned very quickly that my relationship would not just "be there" forever.

We learned that a fight does not mean the end of everything. That a day apart is actually fun, but a week is torture. That time spent talking and laughing is great, but time spent together without speaking is just as important. That being yourself is harder than being perfect! We know exactly how to make one another feel good...and what will hurt the most too and we learned not to deliberately push the buttons that hurt. We learned that we have to have our own goals as well as shared ones and that sometimes we have have to sacrifice something of our own to help the other...and that as long as that is appreciated, then it's okay.

People talk about growing together and that is so true. We were in our late 20's when we met and had relationships previously, but in this one we learned things together and grew together.

We did not rush into our relationship and we became friends long before we became lovers. I think that this is one of the biggest advantages that we had.

Certainly there was attraction and lust at the beginning!! We didn't act though and we got to know one another and like one another and we fell in love and then...after more than a year..we took the next step.

Our relationship had a much stronger foundation than others around us and that helped us to ride out the rough times.

Now that we are married, we are even more secure in our feelings and we share so much more than simply sex.

It sounds very old fashioned to say wait, but really it makes everything so much better when it does happen. No insecurity about how he/she really feels.

Wow...what a long ramble. I will cut myself off here, because I could go on and on!!

If you've read it all...then I think you already know what I am talking about. If not, then I hope one day you will...that's when love is wonderful.
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