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girlfriend won't let me join the navy...





viceless
OK. i've got this huge problem.

since i was a kid i knew i wanted to be a lawyer, i just did. after more thought, i decided it was be a good idea to join the navy and be a JAG officer.

over the last 4 years of my relationship with my girlfriend, who is the mother of my amazingly beautiful 22 month old daughter, i mentioned here and there my interest in joining the navy, but mostly my interest in becoming a lawyer. she has been supportive of the lawyer part, but she seemed to have overlooked the navy part.

recently, i have begun speaking of joining the navy more and more, and every time i get into a conversation, she begins to cry. it cannot be helped, i just mention what i want to do and how it would work out so perfectly, and she begins to cry.

she speaks of death and long periods away from our family, but i honestly do not see that as a problem. if anything it would speed up our marriage, because i want to wait until we can have a big church wedding, but if i enlisted i would have to marry her in civil court so she can get all the benefits of being in a military family.

any way i can make things easier when i talk to her?
Devang
She is right with her feelings and you are right with your decision. How long you gonna stay away from family if you join navy? If that is quite a long time, then I think you should not leave your family. If it's less time, say a year or something, you should join it, as ultimately it would help your gf, i.e. your family.

Just try to explain all these things, but being very polite and understanding. It would help.
Subsonic Sound
Quote:
if anything it would speed up our marriage, because i want to wait until we can have a big church wedding, but if i enlisted i would have to marry her in civil court


I doubt she'll see that as an advantage. Marriage isn't something you try to speed up and rush - could be she's been really looking forward to the church ceremony.

Military life can be hard to reconcile with family life. My dad was a commando. Everyone said he had khaki blood, that the army was his life, but he left when my mum got pregnant.
jipmerite
I cannot comment on how your life will be in the Navy because I have no idea how long your stints abroad will be. But my father was an officer on a cargo ship and I really missed him when I was growing up. When I was very young I always waited for him to come home. Children don't percieve time as adults do. All I have are memories of the few times he was home. But when I got older it was like I did not have a father. All I had was my mother.

My Mom did not leave anything unlooked after but still the relationship between me and my father did not develop. Once I reached my teens, when Dad was home it was like he was a stranger. Because he was not home enough for our father-son relationship to develop.

If the same thing is going to happen between you and your daughter, then no salary or benefits is worth it. Because there are things that any child will learn from the father. There are things for which the child will want support from the father. There are times when the child will wish her Dad was with her. I know because I have experienced it.

I know my Dad loves me more than he has been able to show. I know the reason he was working his fingers to the bone on that ship is in order to provide the comforts of life for his family. But that does not make the relationship better.

When I finished school I got this idea of doing Engineering. A 1st Engineer on a ship gets US$ 2500 plus allowances. That's a LOT of money. But I changed my mind when I thought of a time I would have my own children growing up without their father. To miss seeing them grow up and to not have that close relationship is a loss bigger than words can explain. No job or career is worth that.
JoeFriday
considering you already have a child with her, and are planning to make a permanent commitment to your girlfriend, you should start thinking in terms of "us".. not just you and she, but the three of you

your girlfriend has an equal say in major decisions... and this is one of the biggest decisions you'll be making for a long time.. I'd say buying a house will be minor compared to this

I'm a strong supporter of the military, and I think it's a great opportunity for you if you can get into the JAG program.. but if your girlfriend doesn't agree, the choice is pretty obvious

if you know other people in the Navy, it might help to have them (and especially their wives) talk to your girlfriend.. but above all else, be honest.. it's not going to be easy, and she should know what it involves

and if she still doesn't want you to do it, remember that she and your daughter are more important.. I hope it works out well for you all
Panthrowzay
Explain to her that the Naval Jag would not take you away you would not be going to foreign countrys and fighting!!

Tell her that they would pay for you to go to college if you do the reserve and that you would have a good paying steady job that would help you support your family!

Only reason i know all of this is cause i plan on going into the navy as well!!!
molif
she is just worried about u... but explain to her and convince that if she is trying to stop u, tt means she is trying to stop u to accomplish ur dreams..

cmon.. she will understand, but of coz, convince her that u will be fine no matter what.. and of coz, don try to be hero unless u need to..

she just dowan to lose u..
tingkagol
priorities. it's that annoying, nagging thing in a relationship.
tiel_99
Look at it this way:

She's at least supportive of you being a lawyer. That's meeting you halfway already.

You can't get your cake and eat it.

I had a cousin who's now an airline pilot. Before he joined the airline, he was a teacher and had a girlfriend.

But when he gave up teaching to go to flight school, he gave up a decent salary for a training allowance for two years.

The girlfriend couldn't take it and dumped him the moment he entered flight school because she didn't want to marry a pilot who would only be home less than two weeks a month.

But my cousin had always wanted to be pilot since he was a kid, and he believed that nothing should stand in the way of his dream, so he went on to flight school and lost the only girl he ever loved.

He's now a first officer in an airline, but he's hardly at home and has trouble maintaining a relationship with any girl he meets.

I know he's regretting it because he keeps complaining of how boring flying is and compares himself to a bus driver. Plus, he's already looking out for alternative businesses to go into.

In your case, your girlfriend is at least supportive of you being a lawyer. And you can do that without joining the Navy.

But if you must bring up the topic with her, find a right time to do so and tell her about your childhood dream.

I guess what she's looking for right now is some assurance that her worst fears won't come true once you put on the uniform.

What you need to do is to reassure her. And she needs a lot of reassurance about the Navy.

If you can, take her to the recruitment talks (if there are any) so that she can see for herself what Navy life is like.

Get her acquainted with the Navy culture. It may dispel her misconceptions or it may reinforce them. But give it a shot.

If she's at least familiar with the Navy and has gone for the recruitment talks, she may be more understanding.

Good Luck.
vw_bugg
When i was groing up my dad took a better paying job so they could have my brother. The downsiade was it required constant traviling something my mother still has trouble dealing with and my brother too. He dosent really like my dad because he is never home. He is only home from late Thursday night till sunday morning. He is always tired. Time with family is important. It is unclear in your description weather or noth she knew about your desire to join the navy 2 and a half years ago before you decided to have a child. This is a mutual desicion that you both have to make to gether. It may come down to choosing between having a Wife and daughter and being a Jag lawyer.

Just be sure you are sure before you legally tie the knot because then you will be stuck in a real mess if you split up. Child and spousal support are hell.
AmzLangers
I am going to have to take your wifes side. a baby thats not even 2 year old??? what would you think who else will be the father while your gone for as little as 6 months ata a time? I would relly feel sorry for the kid. as the naton is at war i wouldn't let my hunnii go at all wouldn't even let him sail on a sea cruise for that matter is that i just don't believe that life is long enough to have alittle child, younger then one year with out a dad... sure the young one won't remember who you are when you come and go while young and will when older... but if you do pass the light at the other end of the tunnel. the poor kid will not remember you not even know you as a father at all. pictures can say a thousand words but young life and a very young family i wouldn't like to take that risk.... her tears are the truth.... do you relly need to go out of the familys way just to earn more money or to do what you like.....?

I in particular would cry and cry myself to sleep. even that i would know it's what you wantedto do. i can say to you is that i wouldn't say you could if i was your girl.... what would she do if she fell ill how much will she take till she misses you deeply. I ads a boyfriend that was 18 and he talked to me about navy and army and how he served for awhile and then got his mate shot. he was a s stubborn to an ox .... i couldn't bare it in the end i cursed him and told him to leave and go and do what he wanted... and when i gave up on him i gave up the family i could have had with him.... i miss my men to much to even think of this.... so i am sticking with the hime land and nothing out side the shore line of where i live... no one will make me cross the open water even if it was life or death.

to much war, and terror is in the world yes we need people to go and look over whats happening and be able to defend our country, but i do not like to see a young one have the unknowing of a death of a farther.... i do not like the knowing fact as the child will not understand.

i think i have said enough, on my behalf... it's up to you tpo decide wether you go nor stay.
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