Any tips on gathering the courage to ask someome out?
Any tips on gathering the courage to ask someome out?
just as her/him
nothing to be worried about.
there is only several decades of living for everyone of us.
what the hell is such kind of timid thing happening? we live only once for god's sake.
if you do not do it, there will surely be others to do it. why not you be the one who does it? hehe
come on, nothing to be worried about.
as i always tell myself, everyday is a new day.
it's best if you just get up a 'what the hell, got nothing to lose' attitude and just go for it. Don't even think about what her answer might be, just say the words.
Hmm... wait! Who do you want to ask out? A friend, a colleague...?
If you are nervous, try asking a friend, or just practicing in front of a mirror what you are going to say. Get comfortable with it and by the time you go around to asking, it will be a breeze.
The hardest thing about asking someone out is thinking 'I have no right to ask her/him out, it will make me stand out in a bad way'. So make yourself an excuse to ask her out.
Arrange a date with a few friends, say to go see a film. Arrange it for a time you know she will be free, and for a film you know she wants to see, then ask her to tag along.
Once you've had a few casual dates with other people, you have your 'excuse'.
Say you really enjoyed your time with her, and you were wondering if she'd like to go out with you.
He's right, who are you wanting to ask?
u should seriously try and ask girls u meet at the coffee shop, streeet, disco, bar ... to get some cool and get used to it.
avoid work colleagues, believe me.
with a friend of yours it might be more complicated since it is not clearly a date, u could just be friends, so nostress and be cool about it, nothing bad is gonna happen
avoid roommates also, as they tend to just laugh in your face.
The voice of experience eh?
It's someone from my school.
Me: "Hey ___, we've been roommates for like 2 months now and there have been no spontanious makeout sessions. I'm just throwing this out there, but I think that should change."
Her: laughs and closes the door in my face.
it was pretty awkward though, and I'd totally do it again if I could.
have you ever jumped off a bridge before? Don't think about it, just do it and keep doing it till you get better. Otherwise, you'll have to wait till your older and go to some 3rd world country to pick up a hot wife with very little effort, but it requires some money. The choice is yours.
Oh, and another thing that helps is to make friends with her friends first, then ask her out when you get the opprotunity. By the way, don't practice in front of the mirror or plan out what the date will like be before you've even asked her out because that's pointless and lame. I can't believe some people have even tried that. You're supposed to make that stuff up sometime after you asked. A lot of my friends just get a little buzzed before they ask. Good luck!
if all else fails, do it online. but that's lame.
just go up, take a deep breath, make sure they're alone.. and if not, go:
hey. can i talk to you privately for a second?
and then just ask.
Since obviously you're not dating this person right now, the worst thing that can happen is that he/she says no. I'm not trying to sound cold or heartless about this, but I've learned over the years that being told no is not the end of the world.
I hope you finally ask this person. They might say yes.
Well, I won't make my advice long. To make it short, just be yourself when askin' someone out. Believe me, it always works.
just ask her/him...
if she/he says no then they were never worth worring about....
if he/she/he-she happy days.. fill your boots/high heel shoes/trainers......
At the end of the day very few relationships from school last longer than that, so get what you can while you can.... dont worry about the girls that seem to go for the older guys with cars, those are the ones that will be pregnant by 18, and working on the supermarket check out counter till they are 60.......
Go for the quiet ones, they are the ones that you will see 10 or more years later with great jobs and even greater T&A...... and no dribbling, snotty nosed offspring kicking up a fuss in the middle of town.....
Failing that move to Thailand, it's so easy to get women out here....
Its very easy to do. The key is, as one of the posters previously said, is not to go on a date first. If you already know him/her, that makes it a lot better. All you have to do is ask her to hang out with you. Alone. What you're trying to do here is progress into a state where he/she appreciates more of you. In order for him/her to do that, they have to spend more time with you and apart from other people. That way, he/she will only concentrate on what you have to offer.
Now if you DON'T know him/her, you shouldn't ask them upfront out of the blue, unless they have heard a lot of good things about you and you can make a solid first impression. The only other way it could work is if you guys met in a bar; thats why people come there. Try working yourself casually into their life. Don't stalk them, but simply try to be where they are more. Don't try too hard to grab his/her attention unless you stand out that way naturally. Do this until you guys feel comfortable alone together. Then ask him/her to hang out.
Once he/she starts appreciating you more, thats when you should ask to take it a step further. If done right, they will probably feel the same way. But don't feel too bad if they don't; not everybody will like your personality or your manner of talking/socializing, etc. If you really want them bad (but don't do this if you think its more love than anything else), you can change yourself temporarily. I'm not sure what sex you are, so if you're a guy, act funny and hard to get, and if you're a girl, be rambunctious and uncaring (this should have a little hard-to-get mixed in with it). Be warned, however, changing your character, even temporarily, takes time and practice.
Also, if you think at this point that you love him/her, either forget them, or wait a little bit and come out with how you truly feel. If they don't give it another chance then, then it isn't worth the time and pain. There's more than one person for everybody and you'll find one that wants you back.
Coffee. That's right, caffine is the drug of choice. It works for me anyway. That way you have the chance to relax and be yourself.
I'm almost ALWAYS on caffeine.
Slightly off-topic, uhmmm, I'm a GIRL
Lol. Just think that when you ask a girl out you have a chance and when you don't you will end up being alone at home for sure. Just start talking to girls you don't know more and soon that fear will go away. A friend of mine had the same thing. He ended up going to the beach and talking to ever single girl he saw.
dear.... u just don't need to ask anything or say something to her. the eyes and the attitude speaks by itself. be sure......
Just be like confident in yourself i guess
I live for stuff like this. Even though you have probably either given up or already built up the strengh to do the job, i'm still gonna post.
I can't really tell you what to do, because I personally don't know the girl, but I can tell you what not to do.
1. Don't ask her/his friends for her number. You should be able to asker her/him yourself.
2. Don't take drastic measures to ask her/him out.
3. Its all in our all out. If you want to asker her out don't do it all pathetic like. Do something nice to show that you care.
4. First dates should never be alone, invite her to the movies with some friends, or to a party of yours.
5. Don't change yourself, it may be corny, but you should try to be yourself.
6. Don't do this by yourself, find courage in friends. You should find friends (good close friends) to give you support.
7. If you already know her/him personally, disregard #2. Go crazy, song on the school intercom, trail of flowers, the works.
8. Don't always be typical, try cheesy love stories, example: A set of 12 roses -11 real and 1 plastic- were sent to a girl house, and the message said "I will stop loving you when the last rose dies".
9. Don't pre-think you "will you go out with me" speech (it shouldn't be a speech at all, really). You should be O'Natural as possible.
10. Don't put yourself down. Confidence is key.
This is better than what I had in mind. Good job crash. The Hitch of our time I would say.
Thanks. Just trying to help out.
Actually, idrather_not, I think you have better suggestions. I don't agree with the "gradual" approach and I think if you like a girl you should show her that you like her, don't be misterious, let the women be misterious, but what they like in us men is a sense of "I know what I want". If she feels that you're confident you have great chances.
But swithching from 'coward' to 'confident' means you really have to reconsider your life and the way you interact with people, in general, I guess. There's nothing to be afraid because there's nothing more fun than life So what if you get hurt or let down or offended? You have to get over it, and the easier you can, the better. If you don't risk you don't experience. It all depends on yourself. There are people who are born energetic and explosive... and there are those living in fear and prefer not to talk too much, not to interact with the others. Explosive people get to learn more through experimenting, introverts get to learn more through analysis. But ideally, there should be a balance, living your life hidden and not communicating is not ideal, as well as being too blunt and trying to influence people in doing what you want, and violate their intimacy, that's not ideal either. I for one I'm looking for this elusive balance, it's the hardest thing actually. But anyway, if you're on one side of the ballance, the best thing for you to do, I think, is to try to push yourself more or less.... on the other side of the ballance, beyond what you've done to this moment, and try to see life from another person's point of view. It's extreme, it's hard, but it's soooo rewarding.
Well, anyway, back to women - be yourself, and find things in you that are interesting, things that you like discussing, and make them entertaining. It takes time and practice. But don't try to pretend to be something you're not. In your spare time, think about cool people, why are they cool? What's their attitude towards things in general? Attitude creates character and language, so don't try to use words that don't fit you... it's like this: "when Mary sais it it sounds so cool" so you try to use that... but in fact, it's Mary's attitude and the way she reacts to things and interacts with people that's cool, the words are nothing more but proof of what she is and what she feels.
Because body language and expression are incontrollable, like there is a difference from a forced laugh to a natural one, and I could explain it anatomically, but I won't. The ideea is that you have to realize that it's a great day, you're having a good time, the girl you're with is awesome and deserves all your attention, etc. Of course, if you have problems on your mind it will probably be impossible to be happy and so on, but she will understand. Women read these things so well, that's what they do all the time, it's their thing. Like sharks Superspecialized. So better tell her what's on your mind than pretend you're happy when you're not. I think the one major thing that puts a woman off and makes her lose interest in you is lie. If you lie to her, you're fulling yourself actually, because she knows perfectly well you're lieing.
Anyway, to wrap things up, communication, in my oppinion, is the name of the game. Communicate openly, talk to her normally, just like you'd be talking to another man, to any friend, make her your friend, be confident about yourself and if you like her, by God, show her you like her. But not in an exagerate, theatrical way.
Did you notice what women do when they like a man? They pay attention to him. Period. That's all. You pay attention to what she sais and you make her understand you care, that if you really care. And you do the first step, of course, that would be the difference. If she spends time with you that means she's accepting you. If you only want her for a one night or something like that... then scratch all of the above; ok, maybe not all that would be another post anyway
Oh, if she's your classmate or colleague things are somewhat easier, somewhat harder. Hard because you've known her for an age, yet you didn't seem interested. That's a barrier. Not sure myself what to do in such a situation, except for having lots of guts and simply accepting "well I didn't care about her up until now but now I think she's hot so I'm going for it"... yeah, maybe the 'gradual' approach could work in this case. Maybe. Althugh the 'gradual' approach is naturaly, in my oppinion, ment to fail. You create an artificial situation, that's the problem, and there is the risk that instead of showing her you want her, you'll try to see how things unfold, and whether she likes you too... and you just can't tell in such a situation, or it's very hard, not like if you ask her out for a date and if she agrees that means she is definitely giving you a chance. With women though it's actually simpler than it looks like - most of them, if you look interested in them and they don't want you, they'll keep their distance, even offensively so. So you know easily. If she does that, she doesn't accept you
Quite frankly, its best if u come up gradually. Many girls (at least the ones i know anyway) find it off putting when the guy just comes and is like, "i think ur hot, lets go out."
Approach her on a friendly basis, ask regular questions, and for goodnes sake man, back away if it appears you're bothering her!!! Perseverancce is all good but she might jsut clasify you as a stalker. Maybe after you guys have spojken about 2 or 3 times you can then pop the big question.
If u coem up subtly, lets face it, she might still know what you want, but at least she'll appreciate the offort, and feel like you actually went through the task of finding out more about her personality and be less likely to go "shove off".
Thats my opinion anyway.
I say just ask her/him out. There is no secret nor strategy in asking a girl/boy out. Call her over the phone or do it in person. Choose whatever works best for you, but dont do it over the web (email, e-cards, etc...) If she/he says no. Don't let it shoot you down. It is not the end of the world, and if that was the person of your "dreams" trust me you'll be glad of the past. You'll eventually find your true love. Anyway, if the person says no you'll at least be releaved to know. Good luck!
Approaching women gradually and being confident in your approach have nothing to do with each other. They can be used intermittingly or seperately. In fact, I encourage confidence. The only reason I recommend graduality is because it provides a smoother approach. I simply offered a fail-proof way of getting a girl. Graduality is ideal for this method.
The only time i was direct and went to meet a girl, was this year. I was absolutely mindless and i couldn't feel anything. It was like going berserk and trying to hit someone: you DON'T think. That's my advice. Don't think, just do it! It's a mindless action you take.
<newlife~T>Okay, kazikame ... so where is the story now? Did you ask? And if so, what was the reply? If not ... how have you moved on? Or is the issue still being decided upon?
Be natural. Make a full-dress rehearsal with yourself if you are those nervous-type ...
... and go all the way. Don't be saddened if you fail. Just never make the person feel pissed off with you by pushing too hard to date the person out. He/she might never like it. Worse if even your friendship would fail.
Remember, there are billions of others to choose from. Make your correct choice!
Ah, I have so much trouble with this, too!
My advice: Just reassure yourself and practice what you're going to say before you say it (but not too much). ^^
Well this point has been made countless times in this threat and i'll say it again since it's worth repeating: Just go for it.
I say this out of a personal experience that happened to me not too long ago. There was this girl that I was interested in, somehow I let it slip to one person and then another person until all of my close friends knew about it (yes this story may sound childish for someone who's supposedly a senior in college, but there is a point here) anyways the whole time my friends kept telling me the same thing as is being said in this forum to just go for it.
Me being the somewhat shy indivdual that I am continued not to say anything, so finally one day I just said to myself what have I got to loose by trying? See if you go for it and it doesn't work out then at least you'll know, whereas if you don't go for it then well you don't find out and it will haunt you for a good while. Anyways finally I got the nerve to go for it, and by this time word had apparently gotten through the grapevine to her so she was flattered by the whole situation but in the end it didn't work out.
But I did learn something from the whole situation, and what I learned was this: If you're interested in someone don't be affraid of showing it, nobody is holding a gun to your head so don't see it as some kind of life and death situation that you'll find yourself nerviously rushing through the whole affair. Just take your time with it but at the same time don't wait too long before taking action. Most importantly don't be affraid to get shot down, since if you do then you can now move on with someone else you may be interested in, and if it does work out then great.
and again just go for it !
If we are going for the biggest "coward" at times I am right here. I have always been the biggest chicken at 7ft 500 pounds. Thing is of all my dating history I have only asked one gal out.
I was at the college last year and she was and still is in my opinion WAY out of my league. I am not sure where my lion strength came from, though I walked up and asked her is she would like to go do coffie or some pancakes at the local I-Hop.
Funny all I could hear was my heart beating and I was waiting for the frown of a let down. All she did was smirk and smile and nod, I got all weak in the knees. I must have stood there a long time. One of my class mates tapped me and as I turned my head my entire class was starring at me, I had not realized the class had all come in while I was in my daze. My professor gave me the thumbs up and everyone roared. I was 55 shades of pink , it was so cool.
Another good thing about gaining courage to do this kind of stuff is how you feel afterwards, even if she says NO you still have had the courage to do it and that makes it easier the next time.
I can definitely agree with that statement, If anything go for it because it scares you, there is just an incredible rush to it.
aren't we all?