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How should a girl confess her love?





lara
How should a girl confess her love?

I post it not to give the answer to this question rather I want to seek your opinion with regards this matter. "How should a girl confess her love?" Is there really a proper way to do it without looking desperate? Should one be looking for signs to know what is the right timing for this?

SINGLE women to SINGLE men:
Should a girl even confess in the first place? What if the guy would not return your feelings?

SINGLE women to TAKEN men:
Is it still right to say so? Wouldn't you be ruining your friendship and maybe their's too if you do?

TO MEN: Feel free to reply to this post. It will also be great to hear your side of the story. Also, How will you feel if a girl would confess to you?
pennymellow
People put so much weight on the subject of love. When to do it, how to do it, how the other person will react...there is no doubt that love is a complicated issue.

So how should a girl profess her love? Well, bar coming right out and saying it (there are few people, men or women, who are brave enough to lay it all out on the line), a smitten woman might consider using body language. When it comes to the nuances of physical communication men aren't the sharpest tools in the shed, but humans are basically programmed to pick up on certain suggestions; romantic interest is certainly one of them. If he reacts in a positive manner you might make the next step, then the next; things may very well just fall in to place.

But it's important to remember that there is no proper way to tell someone that you love them. One should do what feels natural to her when it feels natural to do so. Of course, there is the risk of rejection--that risk exists in almost everything we do!--and if the emotional pain of being rejected by your loved one seems more unbearable than keeping your love a secret, you probably shouldn't say anything at all.

I realise that I've rambled a lot and haven't given a real opinion on the subject. A girl should profess her love in the way that makes her feel the most comfortable, remembering all the while that being turned down will only hurt for a small while.

Single women to taken men? That's a little hairier. One should always be mindful of the relationship that the man is already in. There are a lot of questions to be asked, too, such as the all important 'If he were single, would I still love this man?' Sometimes we can become jealous, especially if the man stands between us and a close friend, or if, in the case of a close relationship with the man instead of the girl, we feel that the woman is stealing our male friend away from us. A girl must make the distinction between romantic and jealous, platonic love before telling an attached man that she loves him.

Perhaps the girl in question should keep the following in mind: chances are great that he will break up with this girl. If he does, he's all yours. If he doesn't he obviously loves his partner very dearly and you never had a chance in the first place. My opinion in the case of a single woman to a taken man? Wait until he's single.

Ultimately, love can be a very complicated issue that requires a lot of thought, especially if it as not as black and white as "he's single, I'm single". But if no one is going to get hurt from professing your love, why not just go for it? If he makes fun of you he wasn't worth it anyway.
HoboPelican
Well, I am a guy, married 13 years.

I think I'm a bit dense this morning. I assume you mean to a guy you've known well enough and have interacted with considerably. I mean, not just some guy you see only at the office.

For me, its usually been just a natural slip of the tongue type of thing. In a really happpy moment, one or the other, just let's it slip. Not even intended, I dont think. Just felt natural.

I think if a relationship is NOT in place, telling some guy (or girl) you love them might come across as ...creepy? Better to say you like, are interested , would like to go out.

As far as a "taken" guy, I guess it depends on your intention. To express close friendship, I think that is cool, but you have to consider all three people involved. Jealousy, how strong the relationships are, etc. To start an affair, I cant address because my feelings on this are to strong.


Did this make sense? or did I completely miss the point?
Citizen Kane
Single girls to single men: Don't you think this also depends on the man being involved? A girl could confess her love very openly to a very shy man, actually scaring him away. Or a girl could show her love by giving him a present, which in his eyes could merely be an act of friendship.

It's all about chemistry. Love is not science and awnsers to the questions you've raised are never the same. Just because people are all different and situations differ all the time.

You depict looking desperate like it's a bad thing. Actually it's a bad thing in the eye of the beholder. If a girl would confess me her love she would NEVER look desperate. Desparate is what you make of certain behavior of other people.

And sure you should look for signs. if there are any. otherwise, just talk to eachother and try to explain what you think or feel. Nothing wrong with having a chat and openly telling somebody you like 'em really that much. Just don't be afraid of being put down. Because in the long run THAT is what could be most annoying. I respect girls who openly tell me they feel something for me a lot more than girls who have no guts and / or are too shy to do anything.
ankur.vatsa
--------------------------------------------
ibay
I would also not like a girl to propose to me, as it would make her cheap in my eyes. Even if I like her, her proposal would spoil my feelings for her. Rather, I would like her to show her interest in me just by being friendly to me and showing to me that she really cares about me. thats my opinion, I know other guys think differently.
Citizen Kane
ibay wrote:
I would also not like a girl to propose to me, as it would make her cheap in my eyes. Even if I like her, her proposal would spoil my feelings for her. .


Dude, how is it that if you like her your feelings for her could be spoiled?? I seriously doubt that you truly like her in that situation

But (BIG one) this could also be a matter of culture. In my culture it's not uncommon for girls to propose or to explain feelings to a guy. Men and women are equal in that situation here.

I don't know where you're from so I'm really curious...
lara
Pennymellow

Thanks so much for the lengthy and very informtive reply about my question. It was very helpful and I learned a lot from what you've said. It seems you know so much about the topic and I could only say that a very few persons thinks the way you do. Just curious, How do you know so much about it?

For others:

I encourage you to please continue to add more replies to this forum. Thanks in advance! Smile
lara
HoboPelican:

Thanks, Your reply was splendid. However I'd just like to make a comment on this part:

HoboPelican wrote:
"I assume you mean to a guy you've known well enough and have interacted with considerably. I mean, not just some guy you see only at the office. "


Well, I couldn't say that I'm in that situation right at present but I would be lying if I would say that I haven't 'been' in that situation. You're right, it was a person that I have befriended before but oh well, I never had the chance to say something. Just like what Pennymellow said:

PennyMellow wrote:
"if the emotional pain of being rejected by your loved one seems more unbearable than keeping your love a secret, you probably shouldn't say anything at all."


Still, It's a quite intruiging question I just couldn't find an answer to.


Citizen Kane:

Thanks. I hope every men would think the way that you do.
Citizen Kane wrote:
I respect girls who openly tell me they feel something for me a lot more than girls who have no guts and / or are too shy to do anything.


But then you are also right, it would depend on the culture. In my place, saying what you feel could be a sure ticket to being labelled as 'liberated' and/or 'desperate'. Sad


ankur.vatsa:

Thanks. That's a kind of a step by step procedure of how a girl would be confessing her love to you. But what happens if she does it all but you don't reciprocate her feelings? Or if you do like her too, would you still wait until she does all of it or reach half way and do your part as well?


ibay:

Thanks. Everyone's still entitled to their own opinion and I still thank you for sharing your thoughts. I couldn't blame you if it happens since the situation doesn't happen all the time. However, how do you know that the "just by being friendly to me and showing to me that she really cares about me." would already be an act of love and not just mere friendship?


Everyone:

Thanks a lot everyone, I learned a lot from your inputs. Maybe all that's left is building up the courage and the will to put up to the 'challenge' huh?


For others:


I still encourage you to please continue to add more replies to this forum. Thanks in advance!
elcyron
there will never be a universal answer to question involving to individuals, you know that. so i'll just give some situation i can think of.

lara wrote:

SINGLE women to SINGLE men:
Should a girl even confess in the first place? What if the guy would not return your feelings?


1) situation clear
when both love each other, and have known it for some time there's no reason for the woman not to confess first

2) almost certain
you might want to mention that you like him, wait for his reaction and then decide to take the risk. make sure though he understand like as in "going out with my best friend, i'd like you to come along" rather then "i'd like to lick cream from your nose"...
you definitly shouldn't just wait for him to confess first and do nothing - it might never happen. even more iimportant, don't make him confess first.

lara wrote:

SINGLE women to TAKEN men:
Is it still right to say so? Wouldn't you be ruining your friendship and maybe their's too if you do?


the risk of ruining something here is extremely high. only if your friendship to both of them ist realy strong and you explain that you'll never ever interfere with their relationship you might want to confess ( to her first).
being honest is very important. sooner or later one of them might find out anyway and this would realy damage your friendship, not to mention their realtionship.

i like the notting hill (british movie) kind of way

"the great love of my life, who realy should have known beter, goes and marries my best friend"

but that's movies, so it most likely won't work in real life.
sebascorre
Girl,
look at his eyes all the time when you are talking.
altikris
treat him like you would want to be treated. love him, care about him, show him that you are the only woman in the world for him. know what he is thinking before he says it, and don't fight or bicker about stupid things. that is the true way to confess your love for someone. be real.
cocobirdi
To Single Men:
it is our job as the female to leave ourselves open to the desired male, to indicate interest through body language, flirting, friendship, w/e, but at the same time, do not get emotionally attatched to that male until a relationship is obviously starting. the guy needs to show enough motivation in starting the relationship himself, or you as the female will find yourself striving to keep his interest through the entire relationship. if he desires you, and wishes to have you in his life, then he will make the move.

To Taken Men:
i believe it inapproropriate to try to express to a taken man your attraction to him. if he wanted to be with you, then he would. but he's with somebody else, whether you think it's a good relationship or not. tender romantic moments should be reserved for males who are either unattatched or attatched to you. otherwise, you're putting ideas in an otherwise happy head that could ruin a relationship and end up hurting folks.
pennymellow
lara wrote:
Just curious, How do you know so much about it?


I honestly don't know. I suppose I've done a lot of reading on the subject. I have a bit of a knack for solving problems, which really helps me with issues such as love. I wish I had something more interesting to add!
arjay
Quote:
How should a girl confess her love?

SINGLE women to SINGLE men:
Should a girl even confess in the first place? What if the guy would not return your feelings?

Ans: Notwithstanding individual (cross) culture, tradition, mores, and medium (online or real life), my answer will be a definite ‘yes’, sure, of course by all means. There is no discrimination in expressing one’s love to the opposite sex. The only big difference the situation of confessing/professing love is notable, is in the manner women handle rejection compared to men. Crying or Very sad There is a bigger chance of rejection to women because, by nature, men still prefer to be the hunter than the hunted. I have been into various situations of professing girls and I don’t think it is exciting beyond the first. Razz In my experiences to such cases, I always find myself in a difficult situation of saying ‘No!’ to nice women. Not that I have feelings for them, too, but I just find it insensible and insensitive for a man to hurt a woman’s feeling without reason. Embarassed So I always consider the situation delicate and always think of a more nicer and acceptable way of rejecting them. Sad to say, Crying or Very sad until now, I haven’t found the fool-proof way of turning down nice women. When a nice (in and out) girl infront of you started to shed tears, it can break even the hardest heart of a guy. But anyway, since I am not into multi-affair type of guy I must always have that genuine courage to say “no!” - and an assurance that I can best serve as a friend than a lover - and I go all the way to prove it. Smile
So, women, my advice? Just do it! If you can’t make him your lover, make sure to make him your good friend; because, with his honesty, he deserves your true friendship. This is a win-win situation. Goodluck! Applause


Quote:
SINGLE women to TAKEN men:
Is it still right to say so? Wouldn't you be ruining your friendship and maybe their's too if you do?

Ans: Shame on you I would say you turn down the idea at the very first conception. It is not only conceitedness but an immature act of a self-centered selfish single woman. Assuming the guy has some feelings for you, how about his relationship with his current partner? You will be unkind if you won’t consider the possible troubles you will be bringing to the heart of his partner (and to the man later). If you will be happy if somebody does the same thing to you and your partner, then you have to be prepared for a lot of troubles and heartaches along the way. For this kind of game to succeed, you have to press the ‘game over’ key. Brick wall
freakinlame
its okay if your love is not returned..maybe its just not meant to be..I mean, we don't always get all things to go our way so there's no harm trying...you may be hurt if your love is not accepted but at least then you will know where you stand in the heart of the person you love. And you get to clear the confusions that are going on in your head just trying to figure out what will happen when you open up to him. 89% of guys would love it if girls make the first move but of course, 99% of girls would love it if the guys make the first move..but there's nothing to lose..be daring
mimsxmassacre
I don't know how other Americans confess love, but I do it strait forward. "I love you, your my pretty little angel." Exact words... now let me regurgitate. gaahhhh. ok I'm good now, gahhhhh. I'm sure there are Americans who do it by email but it's not considered as romantic. In any culture I would think? To proclaim your love in person is more profound. Ask a French person how spill it. They are the epithet of love. With that said don't give you heart and soul to a female until your at least 25 years old. Unless you want to bring suffering to yourself.
windrei
single woman to single man :
just tell him... if you don't try, you never know. Sometimes man are quite silly in this field, when they are not sure your feelings or not. They won't take any actions. If you think it's so shy to speak first, give him more and more hints that you love him. If he loves you too, he will have some actions. Don't worry.

single woman to taken man :
you'd better give up, unless you can tolerate sharing your beloved with somebody else. It's most probably that he accpets your love too. But he will not give up his present one.
mike_phi
nice scenarious I


SINGLE women to SINGLE men:
Should a girl even confess in the first place? What if the guy would not return your feelings?

I would say its great to express your feelings as this is the only way a relationship can truely progress

SINGLE women to TAKEN men:
Is it still right to say so? Wouldn't you be ruining your friendship and maybe their's too if you do?

Here I would not express my feelings unless you are prepared to risk ending the freindship or destroying the other relatinship in your favour here you must be realy sure of what you want before you go further.

TO MEN: Feel free to reply to this post. It will also be great to hear your side of the story. Also, How will you feel if a girl would confess to you?

cheers
csoftdev
just say it, that's the simplest. what's the point of hinting or make a big round before telling him
as for married man, don't get involve with them, don't be the person responsible for breaking up a family, happy or unhappy family is not the issue.
yashika
i am in love with someone since 5 yrs...we got separated by circumstances...the feelings were driving me crazy.
we reconnected on FB lately and i have confessed my love to him...he hasn't replied anything till now...and it's hurting me like hell...it was hurting before the confession too...in both ways its hurtful... but it's better to confess as it is quite liberating...and u won't spend ur life wondering wat if...
macky
lara wrote:
How should a girl confess her love?

I post it not to give the answer to this question rather I want to seek your opinion with regards this matter. "How should a girl confess her love?" Is there really a proper way to do it without looking desperate? Should one be looking for signs to know what is the right timing for this?

SINGLE women to SINGLE men:
Should a girl even confess in the first place? What if the guy would not return your feelings?

SINGLE women to TAKEN men:
Is it still right to say so? Wouldn't you be ruining your friendship and maybe their's too if you do?

TO MEN: Feel free to reply to this post. It will also be great to hear your side of the story. Also, How will you feel if a girl would confess to you?



your post reminds me a past of me that i cannot forget. Well there are certain way to show on your feelings.

You can attach your self to that person. What i mean is if you think you like this person, then just be kind, approachable

and always be gentle but never ever go beyond the board. Give your self a limit you cannot be abuse by this person by t

time this person notice that you have this feelings.

Helping and caring is one way of showing of something. But like i said, do not ever go beyond the board. Now maybe you

ask, what if, this person doesn't even like after all, that this person just treat you like others that he/she met on daily basis

of his/her life. Well just be patient, wait for a moment that you could talk, then slowly say what you want to say, then if still

explain to you that this person doesn't like you then this is the time to raise your white flag. There are no reason to insist

your feelings, coz at this time, you will be called desperate.
deanhills
yashika wrote:
i am in love with someone since 5 yrs...we got separated by circumstances...the feelings were driving me crazy.
we reconnected on FB lately and i have confessed my love to him...he hasn't replied anything till now...and it's hurting me like hell...it was hurting before the confession too...in both ways its hurtful... but it's better to confess as it is quite liberating...and u won't spend ur life wondering wat if...
Hmmm .... do you think you may be a little too intensely focussed on him? Men can get very easily claustrophobic in relationships. Perhaps a better idea to take it slow, until he is ready to reply. At this time it may be a good idea to find a hobby or other interest that can distract you. Just to give him and yourself some breathing space.
syj824
ankur.vatsa wrote:
On the first go I'd suggest . . . . I'd want the girl not to do it . . . . be patient . . . . show me that she cares for me . . . . and that she's intelligent . . . . to understand my thoughts . . . . & to make me understand what she thinks and I'm sure I can fall in love with her slowly and I have the guts to say so.

Now if that seems too much of time . . . . and of its surely love . . . . go the same way . . . . show me that you care . . . . show me that ur intelligent . . . . show me that you are bold to face the world for any thing that you think is right and . . . . finally tell me that WHAT YOU WANT TO?
Very detailed, very exciting, good people
Nintendo
Hey,

I'm a guy, and a very closed one at that. It's pretty much impossible for me to ever confess these kind of things, mainly because I have zero self-confidence.

From my perspective, I really dislike the general expectations that society has in the guy always having to make the moves. Guys are often seen as sex-driven and without real care for girls they ask out, and I think this is mainly due to these expectations...

For me, a girl who can tell me they like / love me is amazing... I don't expect people to ofcourse, but it relieves a massive strain off me and gives me a little confidence in myself... I guess it depends on the type of person that the girl would like to confess to perhaps : )

As for people that are taken... I don't think it's necessarily wrong to confess feelings. However, it's really wrong to press those feelings afterwards and try and drive a current relationship apart. It should be up to the other to decide what happens then... I did actually have a girl do this to me once, and it stressed me out beyond belief and also made my GF at the time even doubt me :f

I think, with disregard to genders, that: Less shy > confess to > More shy | would probably work the best and most often... but from my position, I guess that's a very easy thing to say =x
justme
heya!

I did confess feelings or love twice in a row now..did the first one 6 yrs ago to my childhood friend..then to a guy i just recently met..same process, i wrote a lengthy letter..telling exactly how I feel..for me it's sort of making myself free from my own emotions..coz prior to the confessions I knew for sure that they'r not into me..i might sounds desperate, but it justme being brave to take the risk..although i manage well the rejections..but somehow i still feel bad,,both of them,never bothered to reply. Embarassed or just say thank you..i need to know what's in their mind..but it would be selfish in my part if i'd still insist...so those who wants to do the same, make sure ur ready for whatever consequences...in the end it's ur own judgement that matters...don't think of what people may say, just do what you think is right and what makes you feel good...one more, never regret!own it!..rejection is just a step towards the real love! <3
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