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Unfaithful - Why Men Cheat





Soulfire
So, I found an interesting article on MSN and thought I would post it here. It's entitled Unfaithful: Why do men cheat? And it's not fair all the way, looking at it from a guy's point of view, because as we've been drilled - women are our equals, so they are just as likely to cheat. But alas, I found it interesting and wanted to share it.

Quote:
These days, we can't seem to escape the notion that men in Hollywood just can't stay faithful to one woman. Jude Law's recent infidelity and the speculation that Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer Aniston are the focus of the media's fascination. Whether these actors live in such a different reality that this kind of thing might be part of the job description, we can't say. But when Jude and Brad can't keep from straying from seemingly ideal women like Sienna Miller and Aniston, we're left to wonder what that means for the rest of us.

A poll done by the New York Times in 2000 found that 44 percent of the male respondents admitted to having had an extramarital affair (and that percentage doesn't include those unfaithful guys who weren't willing to own up to their transgressions).

Are men inherently unfaithful? What really makes guys cheat? We asked the Love Council to weigh in.

Dan Cronin
There's a saying that goes, "Show me the most beautiful girl in the world, and I'll show you a guy who's tired of sleeping with her."

Rather crass, I think, but true. Not just for men, but for women too. And it's not just that we tire of each other, we keep getting interested in the other items on the menu.

Because let's face it, marriage is an unnatural state. No offense to my amazing wife, who I will never, ever cheat on, but the notion of staying intimate with one person for the rest of your life is akin to, say, being able to eat one kind of sandwich for the rest of your life. Imagine that? Tell me you wouldn't be leaning over the counter, looking at the day's special, wondering, "Wouldn't it be great if I could try that smoked turkey on rye?"

Marriage is a sacrifice. It's a commitment people make to each other that says, "I got your back for all time. It's you and no one else forever. Oh, and please pay the cable bill."

But I think most men -- including most of the guys in Hollywood -- stick to this commitment. And the ones who don't? They're just too hungry, and the sandwich they've got at home isn't hitting the spot the way it should. If you add to this equation being rich, impossibly good looking and the owner of an ego inflated by the likes of Jennifer Aniston and Sienna Miller, then, well, the odds that you'll cheat are probably a little higher. Either that, or Jude Law and Brad Pitt are a couple of depraved sex addicts.

In addition to being a husband and father to twin girls, Dan Cronin is an NYC-area comedian, writer and ad copywriter. He has been a featured stand-up comic as well as a sketch performer on NBC's Late Night with Conan O'Brien, and has also appeared on Comedy Central's Premium Blend. His video clips, performance schedule and other "unfiltered detritus" can be found at DanCronin.com.

Cathi Hanauer and Daniel Jones
Cathi: As that New York Times poll reveals, long-term monogamy is difficult for all of us -- even those of us who aren't halfway across the world from our spouse shooting hot scenes with gorgeous movie stars of the opposite sex. But let's not confuse Hollywood with real life, or assume that the average man is Brad Pitt. Not all men have cheating on their minds. And plenty of women are at fault for infidelity. Remember Meg Ryan leaving her longtime husband, Dennis Quaid, for Russell Crowe just a few years ago?

Dan: Both in and outside of Hollywood, I'm guessing most husbands and wives have the urge to cheat at one time or another. Those who actually do cheat either can't, or don't want to, stop themselves. Maybe they think they can get away with it. Or maybe it's an unconsciously destructive act to a marriage that already has other problems.

If men cheat more than women, I'd say it's more a crime of opportunity than of chromosomes. Men are still out of the house more than women, and maybe they're also more inclined to think it's something society still largely condones for them in a way that we don't yet condone it for their counterparts. And even so, plenty of men sign up for the monogamy plan and stick to it. But to be fair to Hollywood types, most of us who stick to that pledge don't get to deal with the temptation that constitutes normal life for the likes of Brad Pitt and Jude Law.

Cathi Hanauer is the author of "My Sister's Bones" and the editor of the New York Times best-selling essay collection "The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth about Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage". Currently, Cathi contributes to Elle, O, Parenting and more and, along with her husband, Daniel Jones, writes "The Double Edge," a relationship column in the newly launched Tango magazine. Her second novel, "Sweet Ruin" (Atria/Simon and Schuster), will be released in early 2006. Daniel Jones is the author of the novel "After Lucy", a Barnes and Nobel Discover Award finalist, and the editor of "The Bastard on the Couch: 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelings about Love, Loss, Fatherhood, and Freedom". He is a contributing editor at the New York Times, where he edits the weekly "Modern Love" column in Sunday Styles. With his wife, Cathi Hanauer, he writes "The Double Edge," a relationship column in Tango magazine.

Michele Weiner-Davis
Having worked with many Hollywood couples, there is no question that the lifestyles of the rich and famous make commitment and fidelity a daunting task. But for those of us who live outside of Tinseltown, life is filled with its own share of monumental relationship challenges. And although there are no truly reliable statistics on the percentage of married people who philander, one thing is for sure: They're doing it in droves. Contrary to popular belief, men have no corner on the market of infidelity. Women give their husbands a serious run for their money. And it may surprise you to learn that the reasons men and women stray are changing over time. Based on her extensive study, the late Shirley Glass wrote in her book, Not "Just Friends," that the stereotype of men having affairs for sex and women for emotional connection just doesn't cut it anymore. More and more women are seeking sexual satisfaction from their illicit liaisons while men are increasingly looking for that close emotional bond. So much for stereotypes.

So, before we go perpetuating the myth that those testosterone-laden men just can't contain themselves even when they're married to the sexiest of divas, let's get real. When marriage becomes boring, stressful, lonely or sexless, rather than work it out with their spouses, people cheat. Sometimes, even happily married spouses cheat.

Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, is an internationally renowned relationship expert, psychotherapist, marriage educator and sought-after speaker. She is the author of six books, including "Divorce Busting", "The Sex-Starved Marriage: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido" (Simon and Schuster). Her popular Website, DivorceBusting.com, offers valuable information for people in troubled marriages.

Dr. Ruth Westheimer
Looking at celebrities tells us very little about the average couple because their lives are so different. A famous actor has women throwing themselves at him on a regular basis. Even if he restrains himself 99 times out of 100, there is likely to be that one time when he gives in. And while the average man may face temptation once in a while, it's not likely to be in such a concentrated fashion.

Instead of getting caught up in celebrities' love lives, I'd like to discover how many men -- and women, for that matter -- cheat when the relationship is a good one. My suspicion is that in the vast majority of cases where cheating takes place, there is something inherently amiss in the relationship. So I am quick to dismiss the idea that it's simply that men are inherently unfaithful.

Consider that there are many famous couples who have never cheated on each other. I think the reason for that is that their relationship is soundly rooted. The same goes for couples who live outside of Tinseltown. If two people really love each other and want to be with each other, they'll have the strength to withstand temptation.

The original sexpert, Dr. Ruth has given advice for over 20 years and counting. She's hosted many television shows -- including Sexually Speaking with Dr. Ruth Westheimer and What's Up, Dr. Ruth? among others. She's written 30 books, such as "Dr. Ruth's Encyclopedia of Sex", "The Art of Arousal" (Abbeville Press) and her newest, "Dr. Ruth's Sex After 50: Revving Up Your Romance, Passion and Excitement!" (A Best Half of Life), taught classes at Yale and been named one of People's "Most Intriguing People of the Century."


Source: MSN Lifestyles
HoboPelican
One person in that article says it all for me. Dr. Ruth said.
Quote:
Looking at celebrities tells us very little about the average couple because their lives are so different. A famous actor has women throwing themselves at him on a regular basis. Even if he restrains himself 99 times out of 100, there is likely to be that one time when he gives in. And while the average man may face temptation once in a while, it's not likely to be in such a concentrated fashion.

Instead of getting caught up in celebrities' love lives, I'd like to discover how many men -- and women, for that matter -- cheat when the relationship is a good one. My suspicion is that in the vast majority of cases where cheating takes place, there is something inherently amiss in the relationship. So I am quick to dismiss the idea that it's simply that men are inherently unfaithful.


Celebrities left the real world behind when they became celebs. As Dr. Ruth was suggesting, I'd like to see the stats on normal couples broken out by happy and unhappy. I wouldnt be surprised if women cheated about the same as men.
JoeFriday
I've read other articles on the subject, and yes women cheat at the same rate of incidence as men

it only makes sense.. if a man is cheating, who is he going to be cheating with? a woman, of course.. it takes two to tango, as they say
HoboPelican
JoeFriday wrote:
I've read other articles on the subject, and yes women cheat at the same rate of incidence as men

it only makes sense.. if a man is cheating, who is he going to be cheating with? a woman, of course.. it takes two to tango, as they say


I more or less agree with the similar rates, but I gotta point out that there are plenty of single men and women out there to cheat with, so those individuals would't be cheating themselves...

.
S3nd K3ys
Soulfire wrote:
as we've been drilled - women are our equals


Do you believe otherwise? Phisically, they're different. Not subhuman like some would have you beleive, but simply different.
JoeFriday
HoboPelican wrote:
JoeFriday wrote:
I've read other articles on the subject, and yes women cheat at the same rate of incidence as men

it only makes sense.. if a man is cheating, who is he going to be cheating with? a woman, of course.. it takes two to tango, as they say


I more or less agree with the similar rates, but I gotta point out that there are plenty of single men and women out there to cheat with, so those individuals would't be cheating themselves...

.


good point.. I thought of that as I was hitting "submit".. but then I figured that the married vs. single percentages were roughly equal between the sexes, so by virtue of probabilities, it works out the same.. I'd like to think that statistics would bear that out, but I'm really just pulling this out of my rear Smile
Subsonic Sound
For everything I say in this post, please mentally add "If I were single-". It'll make things faster. Smile

If I were to be propositioned by someone I thought was attractive, I'd likely go for it. Don't see any reason why not.

But if I were to be propositioned by someone I thought was attractive, but knew was married, or in a relationship or something like that... I wouldn't be comfortable with it at all.

I have been cheated on before. And it's NOT something I'd want to inflict on someone else.

However, I'm not single, and though there has been temptation - there'll always be temptation - I pride myself on having always been faithful. It's a wrench sometimes. The German girl in the sauna was particularly hard to pass up. But I just have to imagine the look on my girlfriend's face if she knew, and I know I could never do that to her.
HoboPelican
JoeFriday wrote:

good point.. I thought of that as I was hitting "submit".. but then I figured that the married vs. single percentages were roughly equal between the sexes, so by virtue of probabilities, it works out the same.. I'd like to think that statistics would bear that out, but I'm really just pulling this out of my rear Smile


No argument, unfortunately.

@SubSonic - There you go, writing my post for me. Yeah, it sucks being cheated on. I tell myself that I would never do that to someone else because I know how it feels, but I think, really, I just am more interested in a relationship as opposed to just sex. Now, if Sarah Chalke showed up at my door, I might have an ethical crisis... Wink
nondormo
1. The article is about unfaithful men in Hollywood. Why would anyone make those actors the standard of masculinity?
2. The article assumes that marriage is unnatural. That would be true if it is natural to be alone and lonely. When the author of the article declares that marriage is unnatural, he is saying that it is "natural" to live alone and free from any commitments. But that kind of attitude is not different from the baby's when it thinks that it is the center of the world.
3. Both men and women would cheat on a relationship, given the motivation; and some will do it more readily than others. It is about a question of character you see. What motivates you? What principles do you live by?


To be faithful, now that de-centers one. It makes one learn to go out of oneself and recognize that one is not the center of the universe. To be faithful is to grow in maturity.
HoboPelican
nondormo wrote:
2. The article assumes that marriage is unnatural. That would be true if it is natural to be alone and lonely. When the author of the article declares that marriage is unnatural, he is saying that it is "natural" to live alone and free from any commitments.


I don't disagree with your feelings, but I gotta point out that he wasn't saying being with someone is unnatural, just that being with someone for the rest of your life is. And I am NOT agreeing with him, just pointing out that what he said is not an implication that being alone is natural.
nondormo
HoboPelican wrote:
nondormo wrote:
2. The article assumes that marriage is unnatural. That would be true if it is natural to be alone and lonely. When the author of the article declares that marriage is unnatural, he is saying that it is "natural" to live alone and free from any commitments.


I don't disagree with your feelings, but I gotta point out that he wasn't saying being with someone is unnatural, just that being with someone for the rest of your life is. And I am NOT agreeing with him, just pointing out that what he said is not an implication that being alone is natural.


Your correction is well taken. I was thinking of Adam in the garden of Eden. Wink
siddharthlele
Men are not unfailthful in anyway! They might drift for a moment or two. Ok they might even drift for a few weeks, but thats just it. Its simple drifting!!
They will and they do come back to the person they were being unfaithful to!!
ParkourJP
Although men have been given a alfull image by those who cheat, woman cheat just as much. But it is true that more men cheat than woman. But there is an evolutionary theory behind it. A long time ago, when the world was a lot smaller, the man had to repopulate and so back then, there was no real thing called marriage. Instead men would have to impregnate as many woman as possible. And because older woman become infertile, they would have to impregnate younger woman. That is why some men have a preference for younger woman and decide to cheat. But not everybody is like this. I most certainly have never cheated on someone and do not plan on it. And there are plenty of other men out there who are not cheaters.
Tasa
I can not tell you why men cheat but I can tell you way I cheated.

Now understand what I am about to tell you is not an excuse. I did what I did and I lost the only person besides my kids that loved me with no conditions.

I cheated because I was depressed. I t was nothing my wife could have have changed. No I take that back she tried to tell me how to fix it. She begged me at times to get the helped I need. I didn't nothing to do with her. I just always had her to keep me from going so deep I had no choice it was death or help. I felt I did not deserve her. And then the past came knocking a person who I knew would treat me like crap and sooner or later cheat on me and leave. And I went after what I felt I deserved. And then I fell so hard that I had no choice death or help I was not ready to die. So I cheated cause I did not deserve the uncondition love my wife and kids gave me, and although I have not lost them completely I have lost a lot.
HoboPelican
Tasa wrote:
I can not tell you why men cheat but I can tell you way I cheated.
...


Admitting all of that to yourself (and us) takes some inner strength, man. I wish you luck in putting things back together.
Tasa
HoboPelican wrote:
Admitting all of that to yourself (and us) takes some inner strength, man. I wish you luck in putting things back together.


Thank you HoboPelican. It is something I am actively working on. Facing my depression and trying to manage it. My next step of course is to figure out who I am. I know it is a long process but I am ready for it.
rshanthakumar
To understand the question of cheating we should first understand that the entire process of love making is an act of reproduction and an instinct. It is a natural process. Number one, the act is not a very important one. It is not something that only a few do. Every body does it (including animals) there is nothing big about it. Man is attaching so much importance because it breaks the social law.

Second, it is abnormal if you are not attracted by an attractive person of the opposite sex. There is something wrong or you are over the board!

Third, by virtue of our lineage (recollect Darwin), man is a polyandrous polygamous animal. You and I have a made a rule congenial for social living - the one man one woman rule. It is a social law and let us live by it. It is not the nature's dictum which you can't and won't break.
lookahead
i admit thAT many men cheat ...but not all are like that.
bluefish
not all men cheat..
talinart
oh!! this will be one of my longest posts.
ok since i am a man, i'll talk from a masculan point of view. and excuse my english. it's not my native language.
So i have a longterm relationship that lasted 7 years till now. and it's still going.
after the first year that firey love kinda faded away. i tried to replace it with more sex. it worked for a while but still that feeling kept fading away.
i tried to hold on to be a faithful BF for the other 6 years.
but every guy have weakness. i weakened, and fell in the net of another girl.
i've been unfaithfull for two whole years.
both of my girls are happy now. so am i.
i went to consult a chrink.. since i belived that i love them both.
he said that a man doesnt betray only because he's in love.
we just love being loved..
in my point of view. if a guy is being unfaithful . it's not his fault only.
if a girl stops feeding that ego we have.. we WILL look for it somewhere else.
Yes, we are that ugly inside
supjapscrapper
I really believe that women can cheat as much as men since they are more sensitive and can be carried away and forget the feelings they had for their man, or in the case the basis for there feelings was not very strong, it was not gonna last anyway. A man on the other hand, often, involves a feeling of responsibility and rationality in the decision of cheating or keeping away from it. That doesn't put away the fact that cheating is a disgusting act for onesself and the partner or wife, and that a man should choose his woman as carefully as the woman should choose her man, fidelity is the basis and should not just be ideally put down words .... like it's often the fact when the next hot ass comes walking around ..... sorry to speak like that ladies Very Happy luckily, and at the opposite of what we see in video clips, most women are not bitches, and are at least as responsible as men, when they meet their real guy.
benjmd
Cheating really isn't all that hard to figure out. It's a combination of the type of person and the type of relationship.

Some people tend to always want something else, or to not love very completely, or to view sex in different ways. If you don't think that love is important for sex, then you're gonna be more likely to have sex with someone met more casually. You're also a little more likely to feel that the impact of you doing so on the love aspect of the relationship you are in will be lesser. Some people tie sex to love very intricately and so when they choose to cheat they much more often are cheating by having a whole emotional relationship with another person. Some people are indecisive and remain in relationships longer than they should.

Speaking to the type of relationship, the commitment-phobic may be in a relationship that has poorly defined boundaries. With a divorce rate of like 49%, there's no doubt that a lot of people don't get married to the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. However, as that realization is unfolding, it can be very scary to just stop that relationship and break all the physical, financial, and function ties that are involved. People cheat when they feel that something is missing from their own relationship because they are scared to fix it or simply don't know how and are intimidated by the prospect of figuring it out (precisely because it may end in divorce, which is a heck of a lot more complicated than just a "let's date other people").

That being said. Marry someone you can love and love them fully. Live your life by being honest with yourself and any person you can claim to love and you shouldn't ever have to cheat.
Rico
Quote:
These days, we can't seem to escape the notion that men in Hollywood just can't stay faithful to one woman. Jude Law's recent infidelity and the speculation that Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer Aniston are the focus of the media's fascination. Whether these actors live in such a different reality that this kind of thing might be part of the job description, we can't say. But when Jude and Brad can't keep from straying from seemingly ideal women like Sienna Miller and Aniston, we're left to wonder what that means for the rest of us.


What does the writer mean ‘these days’. As far I can remember Hollywood has always had a lot of relationship problems.
hagar
HoboPelican wrote:
One person in that article says it all for me. Dr. Ruth said.
Quote:
Looking at celebrities tells us very little about the average couple because their lives are so different. A famous actor has women throwing themselves at him on a regular basis. Even if he restrains himself 99 times out of 100, there is likely to be that one time when he gives in. And while the average man may face temptation once in a while, it's not likely to be in such a concentrated fashion.

Instead of getting caught up in celebrities' love lives, I'd like to discover how many men -- and women, for that matter -- cheat when the relationship is a good one. My suspicion is that in the vast majority of cases where cheating takes place, there is something inherently amiss in the relationship. So I am quick to dismiss the idea that it's simply that men are inherently unfaithful.


Celebrities left the real world behind when they became celebs. As Dr. Ruth was suggesting, I'd like to see the stats on normal couples broken out by happy and unhappy. I wouldnt be surprised if women cheated about the same as men.
hagar
HoboPelican wrote:
One person in that article says it all for me. Dr. Ruth said.
Quote:
Looking at celebrities tells us very little about the average couple because their lives are so different. A famous actor has women throwing themselves at him on a regular basis. Even if he restrains himself 99 times out of 100, there is likely to be that one time when he gives in. And while the average man may face temptation once in a while, it's not likely to be in such a concentrated fashion.

Instead of getting caught up in celebrities' love lives, I'd like to discover how many men -- and women, for that matter -- cheat when the relationship is a good one. My suspicion is that in the vast majority of cases where cheating takes place, there is something inherently amiss in the relationship. So I am quick to dismiss the idea that it's simply that men are inherently unfaithful.


Celebrities left the real world behind when they became celebs. As Dr. Ruth was suggesting, I'd like to see the stats on normal couples broken out by happy and unhappy. I wouldnt be surprised if women cheated about the same as men.
twisthigh
You can't really say that men cheat more than women, because men cheat WITH other women, so in the end it comes up to the same amount. If you wanted to say who would cheat first, the guy or the girl... well then I would say the guy, they just have wandering eyes.
arjay
Notwithstanding the posted articles about unfaithfulness in celebrities, I guess the topic is biased or preemptive in nature. Nowadays, women cheat as much as men. So a better and general version of the topic would be: ’why do partners cheat?’ Smile

i agree in some ways the view of supjapscrapper when he opined ...
supjapscrapper wrote:
I really believe that women can cheat as much as men since they are more sensitive and can be carried away and forget the feelings they had for their man, or in the case the basis for there feelings was not very strong, it was not gonna last anyway...


But if the topic poster only wants to generate opinion that is limited to cheating men then here’s a share of my humble view which has, in one way or another, blended well with a young man like me... Smile

Men cheat because they don’t (or lack of it) love their partner. Cheating can be of different level and degree depending on the degree and level of a man's love to his partner. Another reason, maybe, is a man’s ego and his self-centered thoughts that the more girls he can have simultaneously, the merrier and more exciting. Of course that is detrimental, not only to his partner, but to the relationship as a whole. But a man who does not know how to love will care less about the feeling of his partner anyway. Razz

There is also cheating brought about by a cheating partner, too. Now this kind of cheating is a form of revenge - a retribution which, unfortunately, makes a man a victim of his own err-thinking and doing. A mistake can never be corrected by another mistake. Exclamation

In the lighter side, there is also cheating that is committed unintentionally. This can be called circumstantial (?) cheating. Cheating wherein there was NO conscious intent by the man to do it at the very start or where he has no 100% capability to use his sound mind while committing it. Smile

More kinds of cheating and more reasons for cheating may be enumerated by posters either in justifying cheating or condemning it. But no matter how cheating is packaged, cheating is definitely a symptom of trouble(whether you accept it or not) in a relationship. So, instead of justifying cheating, one must refocus his attention to the real trouble spot in his relationship. Try to use these questions as the basic parameters; ”Do I love my partner? Will I still love her if she does the same thing as what I am doing - cheating?’ If you don’t love your partner and you care less about her feelings, and her doing it herself too, then go ahead, destroy a part of your life – cheat. But if you still love your partner and you don’t like her to be doing the same; and you still value your relationship, hoping to keep it strong emotionally and morally, then … don’t cheat. Why? Because you will be cheating yourself MORE than anyone else. You will be cheating yourself of a worthy and compleat relationship and, worth mentioning, your self-respect. Smile

Here’s a little tip if you find it hard to resist cheating. (One) – Talk your worries, troubles, doubts, and other negative feelings with your partner. She is the best person to talk with during times of personal and emotional crisis. (Two) - Spend more quality time with your partner. Experiment different settings, environment and activities. Exert genuine efforts to discover and rediscover your inner personality including your (as a human being) inherent quality to sustain a respectable relationship. (Three) - If you still can’t resist cheating, then be man enough to prepare yourself for a great loss of someone so dear and important in your life. It may happen sooner than later. Smile
valkyrie-heavens
I don't think men should be attacked directly. It's all in the persons personality and morals. There are people who have self-control, and those that don't care.

Women can be just as bad, but the only difference is that women are a hell of a lot more stubborn (and that includes our morals)
Droop
The fact of the matter is that ppl cheat, both sides do and it all depends on the person. I tend to be faithful when in a relationship. but I've gone threw my player/more than one partner and to be honest, I went from one to the other just to satisfy a need - I was honest with each person I was with but I never tied down with someone or said I was wish this person. Do u guys consider that cheating or is that just another area. Now after going threw that stage that I went threw, I found that I rather be in a committed relationship than just messing around, it's the whole emotional tie to it which makes a relationship better than casually dating... but back to the point. it's 50/50 cuz its all in the matter of who u ask and if they lie or not(as far as the survey is concerned) . . .
Guyon
I don't think it is fare to just ask why men cheat. Unless that is a study on that particular sex. I think that many woman cheat too. But the reasoning behind them might be far different.

Men are much more visual and can be attracted by meer sight. It can happen very quickly and very strongly. The key is self control and recognizing it before it go too far.

I think (and I can be very wrong on this) woman are more in to feeling and things happen at a much slower pace. Thought not any less powerfully. I think a woman might feel more secure, loved, or safe with an other man and she also finds herself in a cheating relationship that developed more than one might just happen with a man.

Of course this is over simplified.
watchai
I've been with my GF for 8 years and I never cheat her... Not all guys cheat... think on the bright side... Laughing
Droop
watchai wrote:
I've been with my GF for 8 years and I never cheat her... Not all guys cheat... think on the bright side... Laughing


I totaly agree with u Smile
rshanthakumar
watchai wrote:
I've been with my GF for 8 years and I never cheat her... Not all guys cheat... think on the bright side... Laughing


It is true. Not everybody cheats.

But everybody will cheat if given a fair chance. This includes all males and all females. That is nature. There is no need to worry too much about sex. Sex is not love. Just because you have sex with your wife do you think your love for your mother or children would change The same way, sex with another girl need not necessarily affect your love for your wife, too. Unless you think sex is all that you have for your wife and there is no love between you two.

Talking about the who cheats more question. Both cheat equally. One cannot cheat if the other is not present. How can a man cheat if there is no 'another' woman involved. And remember with the women population less than that of men, there should be a larger percentage of women cheating.
sumangurung
I think when guys cheat, they dont actually think that they are cheating. For guys i think it is more of having fun and doing something that they like. They dont think that 'oh i am cheating'. If they see a nice hot chick, then i think the adrenalin just oozes.

Well, i am not for guys cheating, but i think almost every one of them have one night stands if they get a chance. And i think this is going to be the trend now. I dont see a point in brooding over it. And more over like some one pointed, it takes two to tango. The girls are equally responsible.
songsalways
why do u insist on men.. women cheat too, and i think pretty often..

Lets rather talk about the general human nature that happens to guide him/her in this modern world. lets talk about how the relationships betn people are changing and where it is moving towards.


I remembered a joke, related to girls... its when God appeared to a devotee and asked for something return. Then he asked: "I want a straight bridge from here, New York, to Sydney", God said : "thats pretty materialistic, why dont you ask something else, something about knowledge ...", the man replied : "I want to know girls, tell me what are they actually?".
God said : "Ok fine, how many lanes do you want?"
Muffi
Quote:

Dan Cronin
There's a saying that goes, "Show me the most beautiful girl in the world, and I'll show you a guy who's tired of sleeping with her."

Rather crass, I think, but true. Not just for men, but for women too. And it's not just that we tire of each other, we keep getting interested in the other items on the menu.



Exactly!!

i think most of us here know that not every kiss tastes like the first kiss & nothing last for long.. time comes when we all feel that we want something more.. isnt that HUMAN?
tingkagol
silly presumption. everyone knows i'm the only guy who doesn't cheat. i'm the savior for the male sex.

Rolling Eyes
Droop
tingkagol wrote:
silly presumption. everyone knows i'm the only guy who doesn't cheat. i'm the savior for the male sex.

Rolling Eyes


Hey now bro, don't forget about me, been in the this club a lot longer than u think Smile happy posting!!!
TheDarkLord
I would never cheat on a girl...

...Not because I don't want to hurt her feelings; I'd break up with her because hiding the other girl's existence is just... too much work and... Im just too lazy Razz
afriot
I think certain men get bored with relationships that are the same day in and day out. I don't agree with that, but I know a few friends that cheat and that seems to be the common link.
googliz
The fact of the matter is that ppl cheat, both sides do and it all depends on the person. I tend to be faithful when in a relationship. but I've gone threw my player/more than one partner and to be honest, I went from one to the other just to satisfy a need - I was honest with each person I was with but I never tied down with someone or said I was wish this person. Do u guys consider that cheating or is that just another area. Now after going threw that stage that I went threw, I found that I rather be in a committed relationship than just messing around, it's the whole emotional tie to it which makes a relationship better than casually dating... but back to the point. it's 50/50 cuz its all in the matter of who u ask and if they lie or not(as far as the survey is concerned) . . .
johnflores
man is polygamous in nature. other reasons may be because they find their spouses or mates physically unattractive as time passes by or they don't get satisfaction in bed, or simply because they wanted to experiment on sex with different partners.
QrafTee
Not all guys cheat.
And girls cheat as well.
Men get that bad reputation because they were the only ones who were "able to" in the past because society would've crushed any woman who dared (but I can assume there were some rebels back then, take that horribly long boring book, The Scarlet Letter, for example... she's not cheating, but what she did is like today's equivalence of mass murdering a whole town full of people just to make an outfit out of human skin... kinda... maybe... not really).
The truth is this, this is world with "equal opportunity" now. This doesn't limit itself to same wages, same positions, but it also means women cheat.

Why? Well it could be underlying problems in the relationship. Perhaps the kids are just taking too much time from the wife so she has no energy to please his man. Or could it be that the guy has an underlying resentment of his spouse? Maybe being dependent on his girlfriend makes him feel low and needs someone else to "cheer" him up.

Interesting thing, sub-consciously the cheater will set him/herself up to get caught because deep inside s/he wants to get caught so the underlying problems can emerge and be dealt with... too bad most of the time it doesn't get dealt with well and kaboom.
Panthrowzay
Men cheat for many reasons

1. is they are either bored in the relationship
2. They are affraid of the commitment and have to find a way to break it off.
3. They just cant keep their pants on

it depends on the guy the situation and many other factors.

Most guys are just to affraid to be in a relationship for a long time and just panic!

They dont know how to end it and then when they get caught the realize what they did they feel like crap and try so hard to get the girl back but it doesnt work because the girl feels like she cant trust him although who could trust some one who cheated on them with their heart for a second time. "you dont know what youve got till its gone" thats the truth and guys just dont learn!!!
molif
yeah.. not all guys cheat... maybe because most of the good guys are already attached while the cheaters still hanging around to cheat again..
tingkagol
i think this stereotype will be reduced if all girls made the first move just as frequently as guys do. that way, girls have more control to choose who they'll hit on. no girl can control what kind of guy hits on them, and women, as mushy as they are, are easily swept off their feet.

so hit em.
varon
i've been cheated on, once, and i hope it never happens again. sometimes you push people too far and in their anger they do something they never thought they would be able to do. no one can really know the motivation behind cheating, some men are uncharacteristically loyal yet somehow once in their lives they will try to be unfaithful. i have no explanation for it -- circumstances? the person himself? -- except that it's the work of the devil. even the best of men can experience downfall.

on another note being cheated on is hurtful, but forgiving is a lot harder. once you've done it though, nothing feels freer. Smile but building back what you've lost? that's tough. it takes a lot of faith and trust in the partner who failed you -- and where do you begin to do just that?
Usborne_Books
MEN CHEAT. It is in their blood or something. I have never met a ONE that could be faithful to me. I have NEVER cheated on one of them but they ALL seem to be able to cheat on me.

It is just a part of who they are. I do not think they can ever change either.

I knew one that PROMISED me he could be faithful to me and I wanted to believe him with all my heart but LO AND BEHOLD he slept with someone else. I understand he had a "right" to or so he told me but it did not ake it hurt any less.

he has once said that he came to me because I would treat him badly and then cheat on him - - THAT IS A LOAD IF I EVER HEARD OF ONE.

I did not cheat on him. I have NEVER felt like I treated him badly in any way. AFTER ALL - he was the one that could never keep it in his pants. In the recent past or back when we were in high school. My BEST friend?!?!?!

I wish I could tell him I am sorry if he feels truly that is why he was with me again, I .....( Crying or Very sad )

I do not think a tiger can change it's stripes and a cheater is always going to cheat.

And if you find a man that has not cheated on you or in his past - I would call you a liar.
bartdou
men cheat ,normal phenomenon.
molif
men cheat.. its normal.. but some men have different tendecy to cheat..

some loves to cheat...
some hate to cheat..
some considering to cheat..

yet, the cheating attitude is basically rooted in men's genes..

what men can do..??

for me, i prefer to be a better man, and try not to cheat..
bluefossil
why so sexist? People cheat. period. regardless of sex. Survey shows women cheat or often than men
rheanna
Cause their just dogs in heat.

Men are reminded on daily basis-soon as soon as they wake up and walk around. haha
women we don't have that problem.

Like Golf for example- Men chasing their balls and what do dogs do when you play fetch? Chase their balls!


Laughing Twisted Evil Wink
dude_xyx
Well so women never cheat ? also well even for a man if he is gonna cheat he cant do it alone. another woman is there too. so u can clap with one hand. women do the same just like men.
Aiz
Although cheating is not exclusively licensed to the males, there does seem to be more of them than females who cheat. Now, the "other woman" would not be cheating if she was not committed to a relationship when carrying on that relationship with the man.

What puzzles me is not why men get interested in other females, since humans always liked new things and the greener grass on the other side. What gets to me is why so many of them (and of course females too) can't make a clean break before heading onto their next target.

Families? Children? But if they were so important, why do something that might hurt them anyway.

Biologically speaking, males, as the ones to make sure there will be future generations of the specie, need to mate and get as many pregnant as they can. But if anyone uses that as an excuse to cheat I'd slap him. Since, humans have a brain for a reason, and biological makeup doesn't justify dishonesty.
Guyon
JoeFriday wrote:
I've read other articles on the subject, and yes women cheat at the same rate of incidence as men

it only makes sense.. if a man is cheating, who is he going to be cheating with? a woman, of course.. it takes two to tango, as they say



While your fact "may" be true you logic is not. Take into account that if a person is in a relationship says they are single to another single. In that case only one person is cheating. Wink
Mr_CEO
I didn't read every post preceding my own, so forgive me if I write something that's in agency with someone else. Hopefully that's not the case.

I've been in many serious relationships. Some lasting as long as three years or longer. I've discovered the thing that motivated me to cheat on a girl friend the most was the desire to engage in a pursuit.
For some men, the most emotionally stimulating part of a relationship is the pursuit of the woman.

It's always fun to pursue that which appears unobtainable.
Playing the mind-games, using the word-play, and sometimes just being a flirt. I believe the desire to win a woman over, mixed with the fear of possible rejection makes a very addicting drug.

And once you're seriously involved with someone, the pursuit is over. You've obtained your goal and need another fix.
For me at least, It's not about sleeping with many women or being a player. I just love the game.
mk12327
Firstly, i would say that although the article generally came out with several good points, it based most of it's arguments on opinions. There is a lack of statistical evidence. One good example is the question raised by most of the people here - the ratio of women who cheat to the number of men who cheat. If a couple both cheat, who cheated first matter as well. Secondly, the article mention a lot on Hollywood stars, which the article itself admits is bias since Hollywood stars are exposed to more temptations than an average couple. Lastly, i would like to+share+my+personal+opinion+on+this+topic.+I+agree+that+women+are+equally+likely+to+cheat+on+men.+It+is+a+matter+of+person+rather+than+gender.+There+are+even+men+who+cheat+on+their+wives+for+another+man+or+women+cheating+her+husband+for+another+woman.
D5DXAX
It is a matter of person not gender

women cheat all the time since ever , It doesnt have to be in bed , women cheat with an eye blink , a smile to a stranger male , a body move in a club

Let me say something when men cheat they do it with women right ?!
BigGeek
Why men cheat? Humm I thought the article was kind of stupid, being a man, and having been married twice, I have a little insight.

Men cheat because they are afraid that they may never have the chance to be with a certian womenbefore they die....back in the 80's there was a movie called "Moonstruck" with Cher and Nicholas Cage, in the movie when asked why men cheat they were told it was because they were afraid of dying. I can testify to the fact that when I was married, there were 2 opportunities that I had to cheat on my wife. I declined to take advantage of it and stayed faithful, but believe me that was hard to do with one of the 2 offers, she was so good looking, the thought rean through my head then, that I would never ever get the chance to be with a woman that looked like that.

I can also tell you that at 50 years old, I was right. Never ever again did I get the opportunity to be with a woman that was that attractive. Double bummer is 3 years later my wife divorced me, she did so because she was interested in men other than me, and wanted to be free. I remember when she asked for a divorce, and told me why, I thought "damn it, I should have gone for it when I had the chance......LOL

I can also tell you that 5 years into my second marriage I started looking at and wanting to be with other women, reason being was that my second wife was so mean and abusive, that I didn't want to be with her any more.

I think the reasons that men want to cheat, or do cheat is varied, and unique to ever situation, but in general I can say that the only times I wanted to cheat was when I didn't feel loved by my partner and wished for a relationship with someone that did love me.

Now I'm single and really don't have the interest to be with anyone....isn't that wierd Shocked
mk12327
I guess at this current moment, the reason why you wanted to be alone could be that you had enough of all the trouble you had to go through when in a relationship. The lack of freedom to pursue the things you wanted, the obligations and responsibility, or it may even be because the previous relationships scarred you and made you lost confidence in relationships.
ponda
"But I think most men -- including most of the guys in Hollywood -- stick to this commitment. And the ones who don't? They're just too hungry, and the sandwich they've got at home isn't hitting the spot the way it should. If you add to this equation being rich, impossibly good looking and the owner of an ego inflated by the likes of Jennifer Aniston and Sienna Miller, then, well, the odds that you'll cheat are probably a little higher. Either that, or Jude Law and Brad Pitt are a couple of depraved sex addicts."

That sandwich anecdote is priceless.

I read another article about infidelity being related to the size of the waistline. And another one about how the line between cheating and not cheating is "blurred".

My opinion?
People have always cheated on each other. There's no scientific way to calculate it. It depends on the two people plus their will to make it work/their respect for each other.
Greatking
i know there is a spiritual and physical reason why most men cheat on thier partners. but i will dwell on the physical side, since the spiritual is my belief and would not want to impose that on anyone. most men have not come to the understanding of the concept of "self-control". when a man is able to instill that mentally he is disciplined. it helps also when he has a good woman by his side who helps sexually, spiritually and in all aspects. this helps alot. the only person who can have this done is yourself. work it out. anything is possible. stay focused, and if the man is a christian, then pray as well. cause there are temptations and there will always be temptations. as long as u endure u will realise that life is beautiful.
mk12327
I do agree that in life there are lots of temptations. This is regardless of marriage, business, work, even food. Temptations are everywhere whenever a commitment is required. In business, you are committed to making as much profits as possible for your company but there will be the temptation to evade taxes in order to keep more money in your pockets. In work, you are committed to your job scope being an employee, but you'll be tempted to slack off and procrastinate work assigned to you. In food, you are committed to maintain a healthy body through moderation of the kind of food eaten but will be tempted to "give yourself a treat" and go for a unhealthy meal or snack.

It all boils down to self-discipline. In every situation, there can always be an enforcement in place, but no matter what, if the person does not have self-discipline, things will still happen. In marriage, they are legally bonded to stay faithful. In business, there are taxation laws. In work, there can be clauses in employment contract that allows a boss to fire you based on performance. In food, the government can enforce that all manufacturers display the ingredients and nutritional labels.
deanhills
Greatking wrote:
i know there is a spiritual and physical reason why most men cheat on thier partners. but i will dwell on the physical side, since the spiritual is my belief and would not want to impose that on anyone. most men have not come to the understanding of the concept of "self-control". when a man is able to instill that mentally he is disciplined. it helps also when he has a good woman by his side who helps sexually, spiritually and in all aspects. this helps alot. the only person who can have this done is yourself. work it out. anything is possible. stay focused, and if the man is a christian, then pray as well. cause there are temptations and there will always be temptations. as long as u endure u will realise that life is beautiful.
In my view this is something that can happen to the most self-disciplined and loving of men, in fact the loving variety with a loving woman at his side is probably more at risk as he would be more envied and attractive to other women's attentions, and before he knows it, it happened. Then to make it worse, this kind of good and self-disciplined man would feel a need to repent, or may be conflicted as he may feel a certain responsibility to both women, and it just gets worse from then onwards. I don't think there is any one solution, one can only hope you do not land in a situation like that as it can pretty much destroy relationships.
PartyPros
I agree, although many men do their fair share of unfaithful acts, I have never been unfaithful to anyone, and I know many other men who haven't either. Men shouldn't be targeted directly, there are many females who are unfaithful as well.

Just depends on that persons morals, mentality, and personality, I suppose.
deanhills
PartyPros wrote:
I agree, although many men do their fair share of unfaithful acts, I have never been unfaithful to anyone, and I know many other men who haven't either. Men shouldn't be targeted directly, there are many females who are unfaithful as well.

Just depends on that persons morals, mentality, and personality, I suppose.
Good point, there should not be a gender bias in this. This is something that could happen to any person, regardless of gender.
airh3ad
I understand the impulse, but not how you can maintain two relationships for long. And though I understand that cheating can happen to those who have children, because the stress can make people stray, I can’t really understand how someone free of any commitment could possible choose to have four women at the same time. It must be like hell for a man but There is the idea of the saving love, I believe it. I’m not mushy but I have a romantic soul. Having grown up with two older sisters I have a deep respect for women. Sex and feeling for me go hand in hand.
macky
aahhhh... my personal opnion would be fair. I believe that this is the most common thing happens and most of the guys nowaways has the same cases like this to each relationship we had. I think it is been published to the public and notified everyone since most the time, we guys do not hide it when they found out the secret.

But believe me, also women also do this kind of cheating and in fact, there are also numerous cases found out did by women. But what they do is tried to keep still a secret even it was been found out by there husband.

If most of the guys always cheat, why there are tons of people what this Hollywood film entitled: UNFAITHFUL http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0250797/ where the woman here cheating.
godbandos
They just get really horny I guess... :p
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