I used to absolutley loath them........but now I love them.... I cant wait for tea-time (around 5pm ish) for the telephone to ring....
(telephone rings) ME- " Hello " ( I know its just past 5 so its more of an "Halloooooow" and I continue to talk using a stupid voice)
COLD-CALLER- " Hi I am Carol from XXXXXX......."
ME- " Halloooooow Harold......"
COLD-CALLER " No its Carol ......"
ME -" Hooow are you Harold ? "
COLD-CALLER- "No its Car..(she gives up here).... I am from XXXXX and you have won a brand new mobile phone"
ME - " I have won a brand new motor bike...Ohhhhhh I can't believe my luck........ Yahoooooooo Yipeeeeeee "
COLD-CALLER " Sir its a Phone"
ME - "Its an Afonei ???........ohhhhhh thats an Italian bike is'nt it.. I love Italian bikes..."
COLD-CALLER- "No Sir a mobile phone...."
ME - " I know motor bikes are mobile I have seen them on T.V , anyway there more mobile than cars....have I won a licence to because I dont have one ?"
COLD-CALLER- " No Sir its a phone....erm.. you dont need a licence... "
ME -" You know I never knew you did'nt need a licence to ride an Afonei "
I think this is my new hobby............or they have finally sent me over the edge
As I'm not used to the English language, by "cold-caller" you mean someone who's getting payed by a certain company to promote products?
By jove James you have hit the nail on the head there
The problem with those people is, they start talking about who they are, and what they promote and if I want to receive the catalogue, BUT after about 5 minutes of undisturbed talking I have to reply: "I'm sorry madam I can't help you, I'll pass on my father..."
One day, I picked up the phone, said "hello" and a person started speaking... as I was clearly not interested in what they said, I just walked to my mother and said to her: "here's somebody for you". She didn't understand, and in the mean time, this person kept on speaking. I gave the phone to my mother. She started listening and the person of that company stopped speaking. My mother just said: "Hello?"
I was on the floor laughing, really. That person must have thought.... JEEEZ what a stupid lady... She says hello and after 5 minutes of talking she just says hello again.
I'm probably overly mean to them but it's so fun doing it. Even with surveys when I'm busy I just say "er... no." and put the phone down. My brother got into the habbit of telling double glazing salesmen that "We already have windows".
Arrrrrgh! Maybe, just maybe, a lower life form than lawyers and insurance agents. I finally got on the US "do not call" list and that helped, but I still get some. I used to just lay the phone down and walk away, but I love your routine.
Since my dad works out of town, mine goes something like...
THEM: Hello, I'm calling from ....... Can I speak to <<dad's name>>
ME: I'm sorry, he's out of town.
THEM: OK then I'll call back after a week? Will he be back by then?
ME: No. Try next year... he's not coming back before that.
THEM: Oh *click*
ME: Hello? You there?....... How rude!
I hate them
I just put down the phone straight away
I enjoy listening to my mum when shes drunk and one of them calls, she has a right go at them lol
Cold-Callers is called a Telemarker.
Anyhow, I love Cold Callers, But your script isnt do able because it's obvious you wont know if they are a cold caller in the first place. Thank god in Canada there this law thats hopefully that will be approved that will force telemarkers to present themselve, Giving their name, company name ect. before proceeding. If they dont they will be fined.
Also if your on the dont call list, And they call, Looks like they may be looking for trouble especially for repeat offence with the same household.
Anyhow my script would go something like this.
Cold Caller: Hello, Is Mr. Alkady there?
Me: Yes, Speaking...
Cold Caller: Hi, This is Carol Sanders from KFC Marketing Corp, Wondering if you would be... (Unpolitely Interupt Them)
Me: Ya, You see this is the wrong time to call me right now, Could you please give me your home number so I can bother you at night?
Cold Caller: Uhhh....Why..(Interupt)
Me: Well anyhow...(Hang Up and dont answer the next call because they will most likely recall because you didnt say bye)
My second one would be something like:
Cold Caller: Hello, Is Mr. Alkady there?
Me: Yes, Speaking...
Cold Caller: Hi, This is Carol Sanders from KFC Marketing Corp, Telling you have won our Nigerian Scam Lottery.
Me: Did you know I post on Frihost? Maybe you can come and share a few thoughts...
//Actually its smarter to give real news instead of information because they people collect anything about you. And no I would never tell a cold caller I post on Frihost, The next thing I need is being blamed for the sudden increase in Spam Topic, The Latest Viagra Studies and where to get your pills post//
Cold Caller: Excuse me?
Me: Well your here to spread good news arent you? Well I'm spreading good news too because I want you to help me spread my joy. (Hang Up)
A few extra tricks is to put them on hold because some are paid on commission instead of by the hour.
Just tell them you are interested and say look you've called me on the wrong time because I was just about to finish fixing something, Could you wait a few minutes (A few hours to be honest, HEHEHE)
Don't know about Canada's version of the do not call law, but the US version allows charitable organizations, politicians and companies you have relationships with to call. That means any credit card you own, any store you buy something from, etc. It really is a big help, but it doesnt stop the calls completely
erm..........I did it ........and I sort of know because of the time they ring all I do is answer in a stupid voice its started , and if its a friend ,well they usually answer back in a stupid voice
Telemarketing....hmmmmm..... thats incorperated into my next welcome
"You have reached the telemarketing standards agency hotline.... our office hours are 9am to 5 pm....our offices are closed right now please leave your name and number after the tone and one of our officers will contact you during office hours... (whistle)"
What I do need is to devise myself a system of scoring each call...any ideas ?
i love to hate them if that makes any sense
yeah they do my head in but when your in a bad mood what better way to let out the anger than to a stupid moron (sometimes someone who cant speak english) over the phone.
or like many have suggested acting dumb with them and letting them hang up.
someone who lived near me ( a friend of the family) had about 3 people who used to phone him and he knew when they would phone so if it wasnt that time and the phone went he would answer "hello wimpy windows cant get em cheaper or your money back how may i help u" its hilarious coz they dont know what to say
Yeah I was called by one a few days ago, and then for a couple of days after that by the same person. Pretty annoying.
She was offering a mobile phone for a price I can't resist bla bla bla, but I wasn't member of the company she was calling from - the call was meant for my dad. But still she insisted I got one too. Because of the way she talked I nearly gave in but I quickly realised 'damn they try to sell this stuff everyday like this' and I stopped giving personal information because I was at my friends place without my wallet (not really though). So yeah, the 'special offer' for this phone is over so I won't be called anymore luckily. Next time I'm going to say 'NO!' right away and hang up.
Here's What I do:
ME: Mushi Mushi?
Tele: Hello, may I talk to the lady of the house
ME: Ogenki desuka?
ME: Hai genki desu, domo arigato!
Tele: (hangs up)
ME: Laughs. Silly Telemarketers!
At another time:
Tele: May I speak to Meghan Ha$&^i?
ME: this is her
Tele: hi! this is AOL broadband, I was wondering if I could take a few minutes of your time to tell you all about the great offers we have for internet services?
ME: Why do you have a funny accent?
ME: No I don't want an internet service that charges me without permission after I cancelled my account six times. NEVER call me again! *click*
Tele: Damn that's the 64th time today.....
Code of Ruin
I really dislike the average cold-caller. When I am not in the mood for it I just say I don't have any interest and hang up. But when I am in the mood to play around a little they usually regret calling within one minute.
I just got another good trick for these cold caller, Sell them the things. One thing I notice about cold callers is that they have to be polite to you, They cannot curse at you (Because they know youll complain to their boss)
So try and sell them embarrasing things like viagra and enlargement pills. Try selling a pump to female telemarker, A Diaphragm to a male telemarker and tell them that they are too chicken if they dont buy. Eventually they are going to get pissed.
But its rare. But one thing I'll tell you that happened to me was when this one lady tried pressuring me to get a subscription to some magazine I had no interest in. She gave me this harsh tone and I hung up and you can bet she called back and started teaching me manners LOL, I hung up and you know what happens next.
the other day i got a call saying that ive won a phone. i just said "not interested" and hung up before he could say anything else. My sister started giving me a lecture about manners and all that cr@p.
Two minutes later he called back again and he had a very sharp tone (my sister answered this time and put it on loudspeaker)
The Followin is a accurate i can remember it
Him: Do You Hear me?
my sis: yes i can hear you
him: i would like to tell you that you have won a free mobile phone
my sis: ok.
him: when would u like it delivered: in the mornin or afternoon
my sis: either. it doesnt make a difference
him: ok, is it alright if i ask you a few questions
my sis: ok
him: (starts asking questions like: do u use pay as you go or contract?
who is your network provider)
my sis: (answers his questions politely)
him: (moving on to more personal questions) how much do u spend
my sis: why do u need to kno that?
him: madam, would you please answer the question
my sis: (getting irritated) no. if u want to send me a phone then send it
but i do not want to give you personal details.
him: madam. listen to me for one moment
my sis: ur interupting my dinner at the moment. im tryin to eat and u are
him: would you listen to me! (exclaims)
my sis: No you listen to me! i have having my dinner - you are interupting me. if u want to send me a free phone then send. if u dont - i dont care but DO NOT call back again. Good Day (cuts the line)
Me: ( literally rolling on the floor laughing )
i couldnt stop laughing. 1 minute she was giving me a lecture for being rude, the next, she done the same herself
I'm not a fan of telemarketers either - I hate the way they always manage to call during a mealtime!
However, it's wrong to blame the person on the phone or to hate them for it. Most are just doing their job, and probably hate cold calling as much as you do. Telemarketers are people too remember.
^Except that they choose to do it, Plus you just reminded me of an old trick my friend has done once.
If ever they call during mealtime, Ask them to wait and then put the phone on speakers and tell them your going to put them on speakers so they can hear you much your food and eat and make noises making look like your enjoying your meal. It's really ackward for them.
Take a look Here
Nearly crapped myself watching this XD
That was hilarious. Especially the part with the "where are you calling from"?
That was funny. I love doing stuff like that to telletmarketers.
It's about time we start to take our revenge. Damn them for calling us on Sunday afternoon's when we're relaxing! So inconsiderate. The people that employ them should be harassed equally badly. I'm all for regualation of the telemarketing profession!
That is funny, and original. A friend of mine just talks normally to them, just goes on about her animals and the weather etc. I have never seen anything like this, he played his part very well.
Haha, that's quite funny
Reminds me of this: http://www.pagerealm.com/tc2k/
That is so funny!!!
But here's another good technique: If some telemarketer from your current credit card company calls you to add some more rubbish to your account, tell them that you're not interested, and that in fact, you want to cut off your credit card service.
Some telemarketer who could hardly speak English called my dad a few days ago and tried selling him some fraud protection rubbish.
My dad told him, "Well you know what? I don't like your service. In fact, I'm going to cut off my card. I don't want to do business with your company anymore! Cut off my credit card."
"Oh, no sir, I cannot do that for you, that's on a different department.."
"I don't want my credit card. I want to cut it."
"[some unintelligible gibberish].. Good bye."
Their greatest fear is to lose a customer. Use that to your advantage...
LOL. the best phone call I have heared yet...
I heared it twice it was so funny...
Really good find - very entertaining and made me smile.
Thanks for that, it has got mymorning off to a good start.
haha that was good start for my morning...
I usyally let marketers just say their businessa and after that i just say "no... i dont need any of that... i got to go now bye!"
with couple times there have been some nice sounding female and we spoke like weather and stuff after she made some magazine offer that i did refuse.
i dont think telemarketers are so annoying... its their job you know
When I lived in Italy, my friend had received several calls from telemarketeers. And in spite of the fact that he said "Non parlo Italiano" (I don't speak Italian), the woman was surprised a bit, but after a second she kept on saying what she had to say. Are they nuts?
Oh that was real funny!
I said no able engle (spelling??)
lol which in Spanish means I don't understand English
It was quiet funny, but the person kept talking, so I said aidios
and hung up
man, ytmnd.com is possibly the greatest site ever....you literally waste hours at that site...and over what? silly animations and sound clips!!! but it's ingenious
lol i soo wanna try someting like this.. the worst ive done is teach one guy how to fix his internet when he was trying to sell me some internet plan, but that doesnt count as a prank
yeah. thats really rocks! The telemarketer seems to be scared!
That was the best telemarketer prank I've ever heard. I get so many of them on my cell phone (the rudest one being some man representing some timeshare agency; he insisted I had reserved one and wouldn't shut up, so I hung up on him as he was explaining the different packages I could choose from), and it's about time I got back at them.
I just wish I had the courage to pull a prank of this extent off. Here I was, thinking I could attempt to pull off the Seinfeld one, where he tells telemarketers to leave their name and phone number with him so the telemarketer can be contacted at a time of inconvenience. This YTMND blew me away. XD
That made my day. Just in time, because I wasn't feeling very good.
i want to find a way to prank a one. Hmm maybe the next time one calls i'll record it and put it up on the internet so you all can here. That would be great. Now i just need some ideas
THAT WAS FUNNY!!! lmao, I really liked that, most of the telemarketer jokes are so lame, that one was so unexpected, it was funny, although I wasn't too crazy about the are you his gay love thing, that wasn't as original...
You realize people who are telemarketers are not evil people. They're just working to get money. If anything write a letter to the company who's trying to sell you stuff, rather than harassing these low-paid telemarketers...
or simply say your not interested. Or you can lie and say the person they are calling isn't home. That way it just seems like your just telling the truth.
WOW! Seriously, I was a telemarketer myself some time ago and I've had some funny calls, but nothing beats this! XD
I gotta try it myself in case someone tries to call me anytime soon.
It's gota be fun to be on the reciving end of these calls. Maybe not that one because by the sound of it his pants where brown by the end of the day. But some people have gota do it good that doesn't scare people. I would love to take those calls.
Hahaha!! This guy's good, knows how to play a cop. I also like loved the "were you his gay lover?" hahaha
that was funny! hehehe.. I can't imagine myself being caught in that situation. hehehe.
Nice, I should get some random person to make such a recording, and use that on telemarketers. Then record the conversations and send them in as prank calls, on the receivers side, or something, lol
HAhaha that made me smile! I usually put on my best Indian accent and offer them a mobile phone deal and then hang up. Or when a private number calls I answer "Jay's Timber Yard - How may I help you?".
Funny I applied for a telemarketer job today, they get paid really well in Australia. I don't know that I'll last long there, I give it a week!
Haha wow. I would like to apply for one, how much they get paid?
$22/hour when people who work Maccas only get $9/hour.
That was excellent, I've never heard one like that. I usually as for their home number so I can call them back and bother them when they are eating dinner.
Topic has been merged with an older topic.
I am on the US "Do Not Call" list now. Back before sometimes I would just sit the receiver down and walk away while they talked on. Sometimes when they ask to speak to me I would reply "I just need your credit card number before you can speak to him, its $3.99 per minute". Other times, I just blew a whistle into the mic.
And yes, I still get a few calls to try out pranks on. I love asking politican to contribute to my campaign.
I haven't listened to that recording, although it sounds like it's worth it.
I have a few techniques for telemarketers. One of my favourites is:
Telemarketer: "Hi, I am from MegaCorp, and I am offering you..."
Me (interrupting): "This is Wainwright's Fruit Emporium. No, Mr Wainwright can't come to the phone right now, since he is not right in the head and thinks he's a cucumber. Thank you for calling." (Hang up)
(Apologies to Douglas Adams for that one, I got it from the book Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency.)
My brother suggests getting them to repeat everything they say, acting like you're interested, then after wasting their time, telling them you're not interested after all. I don't do that, as it means you actually have to listen to them.
Another thing I like to do is to imitate their accent, especially when I get some Indian guy who sounds like Apu from the Simpsons Kwiki-mart. And also to use the phrase "Thank you, come again. I mean, don't come again."
As hilarious as this all is... I gotta say I feel bad for them. They have to deal with idiots like us all day that screw around with them. I had a friend that was a telemarketer for Police Charities. He HATED that job, but was unable to find anything else. Sometimes when you've had a wild life, it makes it hard to get a respectable job. Cold calling really sucks though! I do have to admit I have had my own fun with them...
never really knew these guyz were called "cold-callers" in english but when I'm sick and I have to stay at home in bed all day i love answering one of these calls and making some caller wasted 30 mins with me just to hear their reactions when they actually get it that I'm not interested
I personally love cold callers, they are like a hug in a world that doesn't care, they are also great sport...
A few years ago I managed to get myself on somekind of "mug list" which basically meant I was getting around 2-5 calls per day from all over the world offering me everything from a fantastic holiday to cheap car insurance, so I decieded to play them at their own game....
Firstly I would try and keep them on the phone for as long as possible, this was easier to achieve from those call-monkeys from foriegn counties as they seemed most apt to keep talking...
The best instance was from a car insurance company who shall remain nameless (it sounds like an association for alcoholics who dont want to say thier names!) who phoned me late one weekday evening...
I normally have a policy of not answering the phone after 9pm, but this was so insistant that I had to pick it up after about 20 rings.. now normally I would have just shouted a load of abuse (cold callers are a great vent if your having a REALLY bad day and need to shout at someone!) but I thought I would play...
Anyway, the guy on the other end of the phone was proud to tell me he could beat any price I had for car insurance no matter what car I had... well thats where to fun started...
I explained that my car was an experimental hybrid, a car that worked on both land AND water... he was shocked, but after a few moments said he would call me back with a quote... I told him not to bother yet, as I wanted breakdown assistance as well.. he almost kissed me down the phone...
He went into the types of cover I could have, which I told him I wanted the best, I was also interested in cover that would allow for "rescue" should the car be in aqua "mode".
Well the guy was somewhat purplexed, but offered to look into it, and asked me to hold,
When he came back I had more questions, all equally stupid, until eventually realised I had kept him on the phone for around 47 minutes....
Now what topped it off, was his refusal to give up a sale, alongside his dogged determination to finish the call, but his training had obviously beaten it into him, that no matter how stupid the request; the customer is always right and NEVER put down the phone on a potential client...
Anyway, after 47 minutes I wanted to get off the phone.. so I said I had to leave it there, you could hear the relief in my new friends voice so I told him that for me to go and for me to buy everything he had offered I had to hear three very simple words..
I LOVE YOU
The guy was at a loss, but also desperate for the sale, so after some cajoling he finally admitted "Mr XXXXX I LOVE YOU!"..... well that was it, in tears of joy and laughter I finished the call and never heard from my new lover again...
NOW, there is a reason behind this tale ; if you find yourself on a "Mug List" like I did - embrace it, and have fun with it, because the angrier you get, the more calls you get; take the pi$$ a few times and you will soon find the calls stop......
Well...Think of it from their view; no matter how much you're not listening, the more they can talk before you hang up, the more they get paid. They will say anything to keep you on the line; that's how they're paid. Whether you buy their product, or not...as far as I know
BUT...this is how I prank them: I listen to everything they say for a while, say I'm going to buy it, say, 'one moment let me get my credit card' and hang up.
thats a riot , i have a company called something like A1 Security that keeps calling my house, i have fun with them because i install security and they get mad when i tell them i can put it in cheaper than they can. and way i kept on they got so agrivated they dont even call no more. LOL
I hate it when they call at dinner time, and sometimes they can be quite persistent on the phone.
I don't really mind them calling, as someone said, they're only trying to earn some money doing a job.
It's no inconvenience, as if I'm busy with something I'll just ignore the landline (which is the only phone that seems to get these calls - mobile is friends and family mainly), and as soon as I realise it's a salesperson calling, I just politely say thanks but no thanks, and hang up. I think the caller probably appreciates this more as they can call someone else instead of wasting their time with me